Cry For Help
It was the first day after Christmas break and everyone was starting to get back into the swing of things at John Adams High. Shawn Hunter had just gotten back with Jonathan from Connecticut, where he had family. It was an interesting Christmas for them both. Their first as father and son.
He sees Cory, as usual with Topanga, exchanging kisses like they had been apart for ages. "Hey Cory, how was the vacation?" he asks, brushing snow off his new leather jacket. "It was great seeing the grandparents again, they gave me this sweater." He opens up his coat to show a green knitted sweater. "So what was it like meeting Mr. Turner's family?" Cory responds, still holding Topanga, who had rosy red cheeks from the cold.
"They were at least...interesting. Good people though." Shawn tells them, "What do you think of my jacket?" He turns around like a model to show it off. "Jon got it for me. Almost exactly like the one he has." Grasping his schedule for the new semester, he had managed to pass his classes considering all the hell he had been through the first half of the year.
Looking at the piece of paper with, he groaned as he sees the two new elective semester courses, Dance and Creative Writing. That's right, Jon and Andrew worked with the school to get me into classes where I can express myself in better ways. Maybe I can use the Dance class to find a girlfriend, but the Creative Writing course would most definitely help.
"Dance? Seriously Shawn?" Cory had read the schedule over his friend's shoulder, and begins to laugh. "But then, you may be the only guy in the class. Think about it..." he then gives a wink, Shawn felt like his best friend could read his mind sometimes. "Also, the sight of you in tights would be amusing. There are girls who like a guy that can move on the dance floor."
In the principal's office, a girl holds her new schedule. She had just transferred from North Carolina and was nervous as can be. A new city and a new school, along with the sudden move, was nerve wracking for both her and her mom. The last time she felt like this was seventh grade when she began to be around 'normal' kids full time.
The principal wishes her well her first day and lets her go. Luckily, the first bell hadn't rung yet and looking at her schedule, she finds the first class was English. The map was confusing. Wish we didn't have to move, she thinks, the frustration starting to build. At least I knew my old school like the back of my hand.
Her eye catches two guys and a girl, standing by the lockers, talking away. One was sporting a nice leather jacket, dark hair with floppy locks and gave off a bad boy vibe. The other boy with curly hair had his arm around the girl. They seem to be a friendly bunch, maybe they can help me. Nervously, she approaches them. "Excuse me, I'm looking for this English class," pointing to the schedule, "taught by a Mr. Turner?"
Cory and Shawn turn and see the new girl standing there. "Sure, we're heading that way right now. You must be new here. I'm Cory Matthews, this is my right hand man Shawn Hunter and my main squeeze Topanga Lawrence." Cory says, shaking her hand.
"Thank you so much. My name's Amanda Carr. My mom and I just moved up from North Carolina." She smiles, taking a glance at Shawn. "Nice jacket. And here I am all bundled up like it's the North Pole outside. I'm not too fond of the cold weather."
She wore a dark blue and white knitted cap with matching scarf wrapped around her neck. A long grey coat and ankle high boots. All over blue jeans and a David Meece concert shirt. The girl wasn't taking any chances with getting sick.
The four of them got into Mr. Turner's English class early to see him hard at work preparing for a unit on "Romeo and Juliet". They introduce Amanda to him and promptly gets her a textbook after seeing her schedule. My favorite kind, she thinks, nice and thick. Has to be at least 500 pages.
Her first class went pretty good, the hardest part was standing at the front and introducing herself. Every eye was on her, so she made it very brief. Sitting back down afterwards was the best part. Her heart was pounding so hard, she thought everyone else heard it.
Mr. Turner seems to be a hit with the other kids. He is so cool, she thinks watching the class paying some attention to his instruction. He's got a way of making education somewhat relevant and even fun. Him and my mom would make a cute couple.
Shawn once again had his eyes on Amanda. Never had he seen anyone with purple framed glasses, or dark brown hair with blood red locks up front. She's a rebel, I'm sure of that. I don't buy the "I'm from North Carolina" line though. She sure doesn't sound like it. Jonathan had to snap him out of his thoughts, asking him to read a passage from "Romeo and Juliet".
Amanda made it through the other classes, then after lunch with Cory, Shawn and Topanga, typing and it was Dance class for the last period of the day. Winding her way down to the small studio, by the main auditorium, she manages to get there, just before the bell. There were about eight others there, six other girls and a boy.
She noticed the full length mirrors up front with barres for balance. Off to one side was the teacher's office. By what could be seen from the door, there was a couch along with the usual filing cabinets and desk. A voice calls out to her. "Hey Amanda, take off your shoes and sit with us."
She recognized Topanga's voice and after taking off her shoes, sits down next to her and Shawn. This was a new studio and the floor couldn't be marred by rubber soles. The teacher looked fresh out of college and could easily pass for a high schooler.
The girls were excited, but Shawn was not. In fact, he moaned after hearing this was more like gym class. And he had to perform on stage for a grade, possibly wearing tights. But he did sign up for this for Jonathan and Andrew as a form of 'creative therapy' as they called it.
After the bell rang, Shawn had to go home by himself, as Jonathan had his support group meeting to attend. Then he sees Amanda, picking up her bag about to walk home. He gets up the courage to talk to her.
"So, where do you live?" He asks with a nervous voice and finds out they lived in the same apartment building. "You must be in 519. I'm right across the hall, 518. How about I walk you home? It isn't far from here." He was nervous, he hadn't really talked to a girl since last September.
"Sure," she says, a smile on her face. "I wouldn't mind. Thank you so much." Amanda's first day at her new school and already she's made a friend. Three of them in fact. Maybe this move wasn't such a bad idea after all.
While trudging through the slush on the way to the apartment building, they were talking about everything under the sun. He brought up her accent and she assured him she was Carolina born and bred, at least four generations. "I just never could pull it off. People have actually mistaken me for a Northerner."
They get to the apartment building and Amanda offers to let Shawn in her place. Her mom wouldn't be home until later. She finds a note on the counter. Honey, leftovers in the fridge for dinner. Hope you had a great first day at school. I can't wait to hear about it. Love, Mom. She had been there earlier to write it before going off to some meeting.
Sarah Carr was kind of nervous in the church basement where the group was meeting. Since before adopting Amanda, she had been a part of a something like this. Foster/adoptive parents getting together for advice and support. A friend of theirs who lived in the area suggested she still attend this kind of thing.
First my new job, now this. I had it easier giving a speech graduating from nursing school. Her nervousness showed as she introduced herself. After a good hour and a half, it was over. While enjoying some hot chocolate, a man comes up. He had dark hair, almost black and handsome as can be. Nervously, she pushes back her blonde hair behind her ears and tries to compose herself.
"Excuse me, I'm Jonathan Turner and I think your daughter is in my class. I teach English at John Adams High." He extends his hand and she shakes it. "I'm starting at Mercy Hospital as a registered nurse." Jonathan remembers seeing her briefly when him and Shawn were coming back to their place just before New Year's.
The two had moved into the apartment across from them, the one that Mrs. Scott occupied before she passed away. It was good to see life back in there again. But with school starting back up, he had been too busy to go over there to introduce himself and Shawn.
They talked for a few mInutes, he even offers to see her back to her apartment after he picks up a pizza for him and Shawn. "I really do need to get back to daughter. It's her first time alone in the apartment and she must be nervous." But she takes up his offer anyway.
"You hungry?" Amanda asks Shawn. "We have some chicken soup, homemade." She looks in the fridge to find a big container from the night before last. He had already taken off his jacket, putting it on the coat rack by the door and was looking around. About the same size as our place, he thinks, noticing all the framed vinyl albums on the wall, some look liked they were signed. I think I recognize some of these.
"Please don't touch the albums. They're very valuable and expensive. Especially the signed ones." Amanda warns him as he was about to touch one of them. "That one you're looking at was a limited pressing but was pulled was the company decided to go another direction with the cover. A true collectible, only about 150 are known to exist."
"Sure," he responds, flopping down on the couch, "I am starving. Sometimes I help my dad cook. What is that, it smells so good." Shawn's mouth waters at the scent of the soup being warmed up in the microwave and Amanda making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They were soon digging into them. He loved the taste of it, the way all the ingredients were blended together. "I have to know the recipe, my dad would want some of this."
"Thanks Jonathan," Sarah tells him as they approached the door to her place. "I really appreciate what you've done for me." She fishes out her key and begins to unlock it. "Sounds like she's got company, hopefully it's someone from here in the building."
Shawn had a second helping and the two were telling stories and laughing. Amanda was in the middle of a funny story when the door opens and her mom was standing there, with Mr. Turner right behind her. "You've made a new friend I see." She says, noticing the bowls on the glass table.
"Mom, I'm sorry. This is Shawn Hunter, a boy from school. He lives right across the hall." Amanda explains, "He offered to walk me home and I invited him in for dinner." She then sees Jonathan behind her mom, "Mr. Turner, I didn't know you lived here in the building too. Good to see you again."
"Mom, I swear nothing happened." She was hoping the truth would keep her out of trouble. "See you tomorrow Shawn." She tells him as he leaves with Jonathan. After cleaning up, it was one on one time for them. Sarah had already ate on her way back, so she didn't really need anything.
Sarah seemed to believe her story and was let off with a warning. Amanda recounted the day's events. "It was kind of fun. But I still miss home." She frowns at that last part. "At least I'm not overwhelmed being around the regular kids like before. How was the group?"
"It was fine and that Mr. Turner was there too." She says, and explains that her new friend was living with him. "Shawn seems to be a good kid. Any other new friends?" Amanda tells her about Cory and Topanga. "That is one of the strangest names I've ever heard. Sounds more like a dance or dessert."
Jonathan had started to enjoy seeing Shawn happy again. Especially after the difficult last two months. First, the kid loses his parents, then finally had begun to deal with the shame of being molested and raped while at the trailer park a few years earlier. Before that, there was his father was an abusive drunk who physically and psychologically abused him. In such a short time, Andrew has done wonders for Shawn. It could only get better from here. At least I hope so. He thinks, watching the kid scarf down a slice of pizza, despite having already eaten.
Over the next few weeks, Amanda and Shawn got closer. She couldn't keep her mind off of him. It wasn't enough to affect her schoolwork or anything, just typical girl likes boy stuff. But the catch was, she never felt like this. Amanda never had a crush, nor had she ever been kissed. She's had male friends, but never really had any real romantic notions until now.
Cory is kind of cute, but he has Topanga and Shawn is more my speed anyway. He's got that rebel look about him. But seems to have a steady head on his shoulders. She thinks, sitting on the fire escape/balcony one cold evening while home alone. I really have a hard time talking to Mom about things like this. Maybe my new therapist could help.
Amanda had begun seeing a counselor at the same place Shawn was going to almost immediately after moving to town. She remembers seeing him at the therapist's office that first time. Him and Mr. Turner had come in on a Wednesday.
It had only been a week since starting at the new school and Sarah had thought it best to get her back into therapy as soon as possible. When they saw Shawn, a flush of embarrassment crossed her face. She wondered if this would leak out at school, how would the other kids see her in a place like this.
It had been a cold February evening. They had dinner at Cory's house with his family and came back to her place. Sarah was at work and Jonathan had to make a run to the grocery store. Often now, the two would come over there and study or just enjoy each other's company.
For some reason, Amanda could be open with him, and just began to tell her story. "My real mom died when I was ten. Dad never was in the picture and there was no other family to take me in. So, into the system I go. After about six months in a group home, Sarah came into the picture. Eventually she adopted me on my twelfth birthday." Her and Shawn shared a common birthdate, July 27.
"I did have a stepfather, but he was a no good, abusive, cheating drunk. After his fourth DWI, and for our sakes, she had finally divorced him when I was nine. Less than a year later, she was gone." She went quiet then.
"I'm so sorry, I lost my parents too not long ago." Shawn tells her. "Car wreck. That was when Jonathan adopted me. One of the few people I can trust." He strokes her hair, then leans in and kisses her, a chaste one on her lips.
He couldn't help it. She didn't resist, but what he could tell, this must have been her first time. Because she showed a look that indicated that she was not quite sure of how to make of it. Then she smiles, her eyes cast down.
Amanda had only heard about how exciting it was from other girls, but she felt different. Not exciting exactly, just different, like she didn't know how to react. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. She thinks, the anticipation, unexpected. Maybe it's different for each person.
She blushes, hoping in the dim light he didn't see it. Shawn was nervous, the last time it was like this it ended with disaster. He felt at that point, he could open his heart again. A flurry of memories came spilling into his mind.
The last few months had been difficult, him losing his parents. Then the revelation of being sexually assaulted, ending with a suicide attempt. It had been very hard, but he was comforted in the fact there was somebody his age who knew what it was like to lose a parent.
His new cell phone chirps. It was another Christmas present from Jon. "Listen, I gotta go," Shawn mentions, looking at it, "Jon's on his way back and he needs me to help bring the groceries in." He shows her the text message. "You'll be okay?" He was a little concerned about leaving her alone. She nods her head and assures him.
"I'll be fine. Mom will be home soon anyway. I enjoyed being with you and the Matthews. They seem to be a great family." She give him a quick kiss on the cheek before he goes, leaving him a little surprised.
Later that evening, Jonathan recognized that look. Shawn was in love again, the goofy look with the glazed over eyes. Over homework he couldn't concentrate very well for the history quiz the next day. "What is it? Amanda again? She's a real character."
Shawn nods, "Yeah, I finally kissed her. It was different this time though. She's someone who's like me. Dad, I've never felt like this with her. I don't even think she's ever been kissed before."
Shawn was still having some difficulty with seeing the teacher/guardian as his legally adopted father. Sometimes he would go between calling him Dad and Jon. It didn't matter, he had someone to love him.
"I know, Sarah told me about her. Some of where she came from and her background. I saw some of you in Amanda. She came from a background like yours, you could learn a few things from her." Jonathan rustles his son's dark brown hair. It is still strange to be a single man and called "Dad". He knew the kid has the same feeling too.
Topanga and Amanda had gone out for a girl's day out that weekend. They had become close friends and it was about time Amanda needed some pampering. A little spa treatment having facials and nails done, then shopping, it was fun. She got to know her better too.
"You and Shawn are really good together. Not just in dance class, but as a couple." Topanga mentions, examining a flowered top for her size. While hoping to get her to open up more she asks out of the blue, "Have you two kissed yet?" Amanda's expression said it all with that question. "You have, I knew it!"
"Absolutely! As a matter of fact, I had never been kissed before." Amanda blushes with a guilty grin in a whisper, "It was the other day after school." They both then giggled right in the middle of the store. The clerk looks over with a look of admonishment.
She never felt so happy, finally able to experience life. Maybe even escape the shadows of her past. It wasn't easy for a high functioning autistic individual like her, always having trouble socially around people.
Finally having friends who accepted her for who she was did wonders for Amanda. Before, it was classes with other Special Needs students who could go into meltdowns and tantrums at the drop of a hat. Very little to no interaction with the "normal" kids. Even at lunch they sat at their own table, eventually allowed to take their trays to the classroom and eat there.
Then seventh grade came around. It had been decided that Amanda was ready to be mainstreamed. That basically means taking a Special Needs student and placing them in regular classes (part or full day). It was the hardest year of her life, ill equipped for the experience. But somehow she managed to make it and go on.
Only a few of her new friends knew this and she was enjoying her new life. But there were things that still tortured her. Things she would rather forget, nobody ever knew. There was more to the story than anyone could have imagined.
It was before her mother had died, before she divorced her husband (Amanda's stepfather). It was shortly after her sixth birthday and Mom was at work. Her stepfather had a day off from his job as a mechanic at a garage in town. He volunteered to babysit her since school was out.
They were watching television and eating snacks when he began to touch her inappropriately. His hands going where they shouldn't be. Soon it escalated to her having to strip down and dance for him. Then, one day, he takes her out to the country with their bicycles. Afterwards, while in his light blue van, he forced himself on her, only to explain the injuries to a biking accident.
Amanda had been so scarred she didn't want to be around him, but the attacks continued. Ending with "I'm sorry" from his mouth every time. Finally, he was caught drinking and driving with a woman and her mother had thrown him out, divorcing him soon after. Along with physical abuse from him, it was a relief when he left their lives.
She had thought it was over when he left. But the memories and hurt remained. Then Amanda's mother unexpectedly died from a undiagnosed medical condition. Almost six months after the divorce. That was almost too much for her.
The next thing she knew was being taken to a new place with other kids who didn't have or couldn't be with a family. That scared her to death. The others teased and made fun of her to where she would lash out and have to be isolated for everyone's sake. There was talk among the doctors about having her put on a psych ward.
Then all that changed when Amanda met Sarah Carr. She left the group home and went to live with her. Sarah helped tame her, gave her a sense of comfort and safety. They had their moments, but together they always made it through.
On her 12th birthday, Sarah made it official by signing the papers making Amanda legally her daughter. It was the best birthday present she ever had. Never had she been happier. But for what darkness she held deep inside. The social workers and all must have suspected she was raped, but all along she denied it when asked. They bought the bicycle accident story.
What would Mom think of me if she were to find out? Would she have me put up on some psych ward, doped up on medications? Or worse, have the adoption undone and I'm back in a group home. I never could tell her this. Amanda had these thoughts running through her mind almost on a constant loop. But as always, she manages to push them back and focus on other things.
It was mid February when the teacher began to discuss the final exam for the dance class. It would be a concert sometime in late April/early May. That meant they had just over two months to develop a theme, get the routines choreographed and perfected, costumes made and the show set up.
Shawn balked at this news. I'm now having to go on stage and basically show the world what we've been learning in class? This will not end well. I'm a pretty good performer when it comes to cutting up but this is a whole different ball game.
Amanda was kind of excited for it. Maybe her and Topanga can help Shawn ease his nerves with some tutoring. She kind of hoped they could do a piece together. They did suit each other very well in class when paired up.
"I can't wait to see you up on stage in some silly costume, maybe wearing tights even." Cory laughs when his best friend breaks the news him being on stage. "You do have the look and the legs for it I have to admit." Shawn shakes his head, blushing redder than a radish with a sunburn.
"Cory, please. I already have enough on my plate as it is. Now you picturing me in tights, that's scary." Shawn jokes, trying to ease off the tension. Topanga then comes and joins in the fun. "I think you will look good in tights. And on stage, the teacher says you have a natural grace."
She flips back her long hair and then asks where Amanda was. "I think she may be in the library. That was where I last saw her, doing some top secret research, by what she told me." Shawn mentions while pulling books out of his locker.
Amanda had pulled out some books about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She had to do some research, the stack beside her on the table. Lately, it had been harder for her to keep her focus on studying because of the memories of...him.
She had begun to have what her previous therapist called "flashbacks", thinking they were from the physical abuse of her former stepfather. They have no idea of the whole story. What really happened. There has to be a way to work this out without anyone else knowing.
She recalls the first time being told about her lashing out while she was asleep. It had been a week since moving in with her and the nightmares began. Amanda of course, had no real memory of it happening. But later would find out she almost gave Sarah a black eye with all the thrashing about.
Amanda was now starting to consider letting someone know what she has held in for so long. She had seen Shawn's scars from dance class when he wore shorts and a tank top. Wondering where they came from, could he have come from a similar situation like where she came out of?
Maybe talking to Topanga or Shawn can help me bring this up to Mom. Just a little courage is all I need. If I can do that, maybe she won't send me away to the loony bin. And if I can't do it, death would be better than holding it in. She was writing one day in a private journal.
Saturday came, and since it was too cold to really do anything, Amanda invited Shawn and Topanga to her apartment while her mom was out with some of her co-workers from the clinic on a "spa day". She really needs it. All those hours working and often Mom forgets to take some time to relax.
They were spending the day working on some routine for class. Shawn would partner with both of them to improve. Topanga was the type to correct everything, almost like a perfectionist. Her criticism, how well meaning it was, started to get on Amanda's nerves. "I'm doing the best I can!" she snaps, "I just have a lot of things on my mind right now. So back off."
She sits down on the couch and tries to compose herself. Topanga had been worried about her lately and wanted to help. "What's wrong? You hadn't been yourself the last few days." She asks Amanda, Shawn right beside her.
"I need to tell you guys something. Shawn, please get me a glass of water, I'm going to need it." Amanda asks him, pointing to the cabinet where the cups were and he gladly does so. Afterwards, she begins her story. "I guess I can trust you with something."
"Before I met Sarah, as you know, my real mother married a guy who wasn't exactly the pillar of the community. He had beat us and was a drunk and cheater. But there was more to it than that..." She couldn't go on for a few moments and when she could, told them what no other soul knew. All about the bike trip and what happened there.
"He explained this was his idea of sex education, better to break me in himself than some boy in the back seat of a car." Amanda then stopped, realizing what she just did. I just committed the worst sin imaginable. She thinks, knowing by the shocked looks on their faces, It's over for me, my friends won't look at me the same way.
Topanga was not prepared for this. Just like with Shawn a few months earlier, she had to try and do something to help. "Does your mom know about this?" she asks, almost certain of the answer. Amanda shakes her head, eyes cast down towards the table.
"No. I think the social workers and doctors suspected it though, but I never said anything. That's why I had to say something to you. It was starting to get too much and it had to come out. Maybe you could help me bring this to my mom." Amanda almost drops the glass of water she was trembling so much.
Shawn was left surprised. Not long ago, he was in the same position. Having to do the same thing with his best friend. But he couldn't bring himself to say anything about his own experience outside of his close circle. All he could do was reassure her that they would be right there at her side when the time came.
"I just want to be left alone for now. At least I have two friends I can trust." Amanda felt like a burden was lifted, but now there was an empty place inside of her. At least they haven't dumped me, yet. It's only a matter of time before everyone starts looking at me funny. Like I'm some kind of a freak.
"Listen, we are here for you. Look at me." Shawn had to force his girlfriend to look him straight in the eye, "We can be right here when your mom comes in and you tell her what you just said to us. Adults need to be involved here." Amanda just told them she regretted what she had just said and asked them to go away. "I need to clear my head that's all."
They leave, extremely worried for their new friend. Shawn knew sometimes she had little mood swings. She would go from happy to a rage that scared him. He recalled her seeing some old man just the other week and Amanda would start becoming scared. But she wouldn't explain why.
Now he knew. Shawn saw some of the same signs he exhibited. Anger, anxiety, panicking sometimes unexpectedly. How could he had missed it? But then she didn't know his whole story and wasn't comfortable telling more people yet.
Amanda was unusually tense at dinner after her mom came home. "I'm just tired from practice that's all. I just have that big history test Monday that's all." But Sarah had her doubts about that. History and English were her strongest subjects, there was something else wrong.
They talked every night to keep communication open. Amanda insisted nothing was wrong, just the stress of schoolwork. When Sarah tries to get more, she only got a slam of the bedroom door. Music playing on the other side, that was her way of saying "leave me alone."
Shawn had a restless night, his girlfriend was like him. Violated, and unable to say anything until now. What made her decide to tell me and Topanga? How can I help her, she's great as a girlfriend, but what can I do? He falls asleep eventually, but rest was somewhat elusive.
Amanda sat in church the next morning, not able to enjoy anything. What happened the day before weighed heavily on her mind. Maybe I should just shout it from the window for the whole world to hear and get it over with. But then he would get wind and track me down. Harm those I love before hurting me again. The paranoia was creeping up and she heard his voice even. In the silence, it ravaged her mind. This had been going on for the last year or so. Still, she held her tongue.
Sarah kept a closer eye on her daughter, expressing concerns shared by Evelyn. "She's showing signs of hostility. Towards what or who, she hasn't said, but it's there. And that was in the last week." The therapist shared the same concerns.
Shawn tried the next day to talk to Amanda before class. Instead, he finds some boy bullying her by the lockers, grabbing her by the arm. "No, I don't want to do that! I don't know where you heard that, but it's not true." She tries to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong.
"Lay off her," Shawn tells him, "you know this is harassment. Now go away." The boy lets go of her arm. "I'm telling the world what a dirty little whore you are for refusing me. You're a lesbian, I know that trailer trash you hang with is a cover. Watch your back, I may be standing on a table during lunch, with a bullhorn. I get what I want and destroy those who deny me." He whispers in her ear, then winks and smiles at her walking off.
"What was he trying to do? Did he hurt you?" Shawn was concerned, worry in his voice. "This needs to be reported. He had no right to say that at all." He helps her pick up her bag, then she walks away. "I'm okay, this ain't my first time putting up with someone like him. Still, I have my ways of getting even. All I need is a baseball bat, spray paint, and his address. Got any mob ties? Those could come in handy."
Amanda starts on to class, with Shawn following close behind. "We need to talk about what happened Saturday. What you said to me and Topanga. We want to help you." He tries to get her arm and turn her around. She slips out and looks at him with a glare that could kill.
"I don't want anyone else to know. Just forget what I said, okay?" She goes on, tears forming in her eyes. He's right, Topanga is right. Why can't I do this? Now with that punk boy threatening me, I can't do anything. I was always too stubborn to see that. But it would be too much for me.
Amanda stops in the girl's room during lunch and it became unberable. She begins to cry inside a stall, the whole incident overwhelming her. From the start, that boy, all she knew was that he was a football player and his name was Robbie. He had given her a look that reminded her of the stepfather who violated her. And had the same attitude too.
She lived in fear because of him. Every time she was on school grounds, it seemed he was around every corner. The image of him standing on a cafeteria table with a bullhorn shouting how easy she was the stuff of nightmares. The rest of the day was almost impossible to get through.
Topanga even tried to reason with Amanda, confronting her after school. "Shawn told me about that boy messing with you. This is wrong and something needs to be done about him." Please let us help. Keeping silent is allowing him to do this. If you don't, say anything, we will."
Amanda gives her friend a look, her eyes having a look of anger and sadness, mingled with defeat. "I can't take it. Just leave me alone please." She turns and walks away, a broken girl.
On the fire escape later on, she had to make a choice. Holding a scribbled note in her hand, it was a reminder of what was to come. I will make you pay, you little slut. Give me what I want or everyone will know your dirty little secret. Something I will make up and everyone will believe me over a filthy redneck like you. Wednesday, everyone will know what I've found out. Every little detail. He signed his name to it. It had been slipped into her locker sometime during the day.
Amanda made a decision right then, a drastic one, but in her mind, better than living with a stain she never could remove. What man would want me? I'm nothing but used goods. Even Shawn sees me differently. Better to be dead than to be living like this. Better than being locked behind a thick door, having to listen to the screams of kids who can't control themselves. This is the only option to spare everyone pain.
The next morning she was cheery and her mom was not really concerned. "I have to pull a shift at the hospital tonight and be in this afternoon, so I asked Mr. Turner to take you to the therapist after class along with Shawn. Would that be okay? He really is a good guy." Sarah tells her at breakfast. Amanda nods, digging into the omelet and sausage meal. She had a plan laid out for the last day of her life.
Shawn, and Amanda arrive at school with Mr. Turner in his newly bought used car. An older model Ford with a nice blue paint job. She was nervous about the threat made against her. At least for now she felt safe around her boyfriend and his dad. I really like Mr. Turner, he's got a heart of gold. Like me, Shawn is blessed.
At school, she felt better since hearing her bully was out because of an arm injury he got while trying to impress some girl. He was arm wrestling or something and broke it. Good, at least he isn't here tormenting me. Demanding I do something with him I have no business doing. At least until I'm married. Maybe it will be a good day after all.
Shawn had talked to Andrew that afternoon in their session about Amanda, though he didn't mention her name. "I don't know what to do. I worry for her, can't get her to talk to an adult. Me and a female friend of ours. We're the only ones who know."
Andrew takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. "What will happen if you can't convince her to say anything? Does she know about you?" He looks the teen straight in the eye. "You clearly care deeply for her and want to do the right thing. Even if it costs you your friendship."
Shawn takes a moment and then explains that he would tell someone if she didn't. "No, she doesn't. I don't want to do this. Cory threatened to do the same thing to me. I want to at least give her a chance. She's scared of being locked up in some psych ward. Now I know how he felt."
"Evelyn, ever had a moment where it seemed everything was falling apart and you can't take it anymore? To where it would be better just to curl up and die?" Amanda had a depressed tone to her voice. "I'm in one of those moods, moving and adjusting to a new life." She looks out the window, a big oak tree just outside it, focusing on a squirrel running down a branch.
"We all have those moments. But we have to go on, listening to that little voice inside saying there's hope. What is it, tell me." The counselor gently presses her, but Amanda wouldn't have any of it.
After she leaves, Evelyn takes a look at her file from her old therapist in North Carolina. Possible sexual abuse, shows all the signs. There was evidence physically, but subject claims it was from a bicycle accident. Best placed with a single woman for a foster parent.
Making a note, Evelyn had to contact Sarah the next day with her concerns. Little did she know how correct the report was. She always said a prayer for those who came to her and this girl needed it big time.
Amanda waited as Shawn came out of his session with Andrew while Mr. Turner sat across from her, reading an outdated car magazine. "Here, I always try to bring my own reading material coming to places like this. " She reaches into her bag and pulls out a copy of Stephen King's Carrie. He declines, wondering what is a fifteen year old reading that kind of material.
"Hey, I was reading at a tenth grade level in elementary school. This kind of thing is a cake walk." She returns the paperback to her bag and resumes reading her copy of This Present Darkness. A few minutes later, Shawn comes out and the three of them leave for home. They would go pick up a pizza and since Amanda would be alone for a while, they invited her for dinner.
It wasn't bad, the banter was cheerful and the food wasn't bad. A sausage and olive pizza, go figure. Amanda was enjoying this, almost to where she considered scrapping her plans and going on with life.
Jonathan liked this girl. Smart, funny, the kind of daughter he wanted to have in the future. But he had his concerns about her, almost like she was up to something.
"I got to go, already have most of my homework done and ready to relax afterwards." She says, "See you tomorrow." Giving Shawn a light kiss, Amanda walks out and to her place across the hall. Sarah wouldn't be back until early in the morning, it would be more than enough time for her to do what she felt was needed.
All her loose ends were tied up. Topanga got that necklace she wanted, Shawn would get the letter, saying it wasn't his fault for what happened and that this was entirely her choice and her mom would get a letter too. Thanking her for what she did to love and help her. But it wasn't enough.
Amanda slips an envelope under Shawn's apartment door at around ten o'clock. She was certain he would be asleep by now. Then going back to her place, Amanda went straight to the bathroom. Pulling out a razor blade stolen from her mom, she mentally prepares herself.
The pain in her soul was too much, this was the only way to end it according to her. Steeling herself, blocking out everything, she sliced her left wrist. It wasn't too deep, only a trickle of blood dribbled down. Disappointed, she did it again, this time with better success. Then to ensure no chance of survival, did it a third time.
Shawn had come out of the bathroom, in a tank top and sweatpants, freshly showered. He runs a towel through his wet hair. Jonathan was finishing up grading papers when they happen to see the envelope on the floor by the door.
Shawn picks it up and opens it (his name was written on the front) and after a few seconds of reading, finds the spare key hanging on the rack beside the door and is gone across the hall before Jonathan could say anything. He follows close behind.
Amanda looks down at her wrist sitting in the bathtub, in a bathing suit, watching the blood flow. How long would it take before death comes to claim me? I would finally be free of this life. No more secrets, or humiliation from anyone. Now all she had do was wait for the end to come.
But just as she starts to pass out, Amanda hears someone come in to the apartment. Two voices she could hear, one of them being Shawn's. She was too weak to resist as her cut arm was raised up to stem the flow. Then it all goes black.
"Shawn," Jonathan says, "take my phone and call 911. And Sarah too." he tosses his phone to him. "I forgot, she can't have it on her while on duty. Just call the hospital and let them know we're coming."
The teen barely manages to keep himself composed during all this, while still holding the letter in his hand. "It may be faster if we took her in the car. Just make sure her arm is kept up so she doesn't bleed out so badly." Jonathan tells him as Shawn hangs up.
He takes off his belt and makes a tourniquet out of it. She was faintly moaning, "Just let me die." was the only thing they could understand. Everything else was jumbled nonsense. Jonathan picks her up and carries her to the car. Shawn sits in the back holding up her cut arm like he was told.
"Don't worry, you're going to be okay. We've already called ahead." Shawn kept assuring her. "I got you and the letter. Stay with me." He pleads with her, despite having blood on his shirt.
Sarah was working when they got the call of a suicide attempt was coming in. "A girl, fifteen, cut her wrist and it looks serious." The head nurse tells her, "I really hate these cases." She had a bad feeling about this. All day it had been one thing after another.
Sarah then sees Jonathan and Shawn sitting in the emergency room. "What's wrong? I heard about a suicide attempt coming in, but didn't expect to see you here. Where's Amanda? Why is there blood on your shirt Shawn?" She asks, pointing to his shirt.
Shawn was too distraught to say anything, so Jonathan spoke for him. "We found her in the bathtub. A letter was slipped under our door from her and after reading it, Shawn immediately used the spare key to get in your place to find her, bleeding out." He was still shook up.
"Thankfully, I managed to get a belt and stopped the blood flow. We got her here in my car, believed it was faster." Jonathan says, then looks over at Shawn, who looked like he was trying to say something, but couldn't quite do so. All he did was look down at the letter in his hands.
Finally, he spoke. "I know why she did this. Here's what she wrote." He hands the letter to Sarah. "There's also something else you need to know." Shawn told them what Amanda said to him and Topanga earlier. Also about the harassment from the football player.
"I tried to encourage her to speak to you, even offering being there when she did. I know that feeling of hopelessness..." Shawn couldn't say anymore, so Jonathan picked up from there. "Not long ago, he opened up about being sexually abused himself. It's still hard for him to say it aloud. Only a few people still know it."
Sarah was in shock, her daughter had tried to take her own life. What did I do for this to happen? I hadn't noticed anything serious since the move, though she was having nightmares recently. But that is expected the therapists always said. But it had been a while since she's had them.
"Why couldn't she have told me? Shawn, what made her decide to say something to you?" She tries to reach out to him, make some kind of contact. "Amanda was scared of being locked on some psych ward. Like her stepfather had always told her. Most of all, losing you. You may undo the adoption and she's all alone again. Here, read what she wrote to you. This was on the sink beside the bathtub." He hands her something with her name on it.
Sarah opens the folded paper and began to read it. Mom, It began, I wanted to say this for so long, but never could bring myself to do so. We were always open and that's why this was so hard to do.
I've known that you, the therapists and social workers somehow knew all along the truth about my stepfather and what he did to me. At least suspected it. Now with the star football player hassling me for sex, it brought up memories. There was more, but Sarah couldn't read anymore of it. That would be for later, her emotions were too high to go on at the moment.
"I tried to help her. Now it may be too late." Getting up, he leaves the waiting room, needing to be alone, feeling guilty of what happened. How could he allow this to happen?
Walking to the always open cafeteria, he sits at a corner table, watching late night visitors and staff buying coffee and little snack foods. The clock said ten fifty-five, but to him, it seemed like an eternity.
What could I have done to prevent this? It wasn't long ago I was sitting in a empty shell of a trailer with a knife to my throat. That could have been me on that stretcher. Only I would be most likely on my way to a slab in the morgue with the other dead bodies. Having no money, Shawn sat there in his own thoughts.
How long Shawn sat there, he didn't know, he wasn't focused on anything but what was going on with his girlfriend. She was the only thing on his mind. Plus, wearing a blood stained shirt kept people away. He kept reading the letter she had left him.
Shawn, it began, You're the first boy I ever had any romantic feelings for. My first friend in a new city and I will always be grateful for that. I can't take it anymore though. The pressure by that boy and my secrets that you and Topanga know. What is it about her name? I can't decide if it's a dance or dessert...
I'm tired of the fight and going to end it all. Despite you encourgaging me, It's not enough. It's not your fault. Besides, I've seen your scars and often wonder where you got them. I have a sneaking suspicion. Anyway, I love you. Always, Amanda.
"Hey, knew I would find you here." The deep thinking Shawn had while reading the letter was interrupted by Jonathan offering him something to eat and drink. Shawn refuses, but he insists. "The doctor says she is lucky to be alive."
"Here, it won't do you any good to eat. What's on your mind?" he asks, sliding a sandwich and soda across the table. "Wondering if you did the right thing? Why couldn't you come to me? Or Andrew? We could have helped." Jonathan had that worried look in his eyes.
"I did with him in our session today, but didn't mention her name or details. Now with Robbie from the football team pressuring her.." Shawn stopped there. "Robbie Simmons? The school's star player? What's he doing to her?" Jonathan says, surprised.
"Yesterday, I found him grabbing her arm, demanding something from her. I stop him and he threatens to tell everyone she was gay or something like that. Standing on a table in the cafeteria with a bullhorn. He plans to do it Wednesday. She showed me a note from him. It was with the letter she left me." Shawn hands it to him and slams his fist on the table, angry at the thought.
Jonathan calms him down. "You did the right thing in telling us this. Now we can help her. And don't worry, our soon to be former star player will be dealt with. He won't hurt anyone else after this. But you have to keep it together. Now eat something." He points to the food and drink in front of them. Shawn reluctantly does so, feeling a little better afterwards.
It was closer to midnight when the attending doctor came in. "Sarah, she's stable now. We've moved her to a double room upstairs to free up space down here. There were three slashes on her left wrist, all pretty deep. But thanks to the belt that was used as a tourniquet, the blood loss was minimal as can be. You can see her now, but be warned, Amanda will be groggy on medication when she wakes up."
"Let me go in first," Sarah tells Jonathan and Shawn, "just for a few minutes." She follows the doctor to the back, leaving them alone. "I called and left a message for Topanga, letting her know what happened. I'm sorry for not...I'm sorry." Shawn became quiet again, eyes cast down onto the floor.
"Don't be, we got to her just in time." Jonathan tries to reassure him, "I know she will be okay. Reminds me of someone else who I loved and almost lost not long ago." He looks at his son and gives a little smile. "You did the right thing. Amanda can get the help she needs now. We have to be there to support her."
Sarah enters the room where Amanda lay on a bed. There was another, but it was empty at the moment. The sight almost made her want to cry . She was pale, her dark hair laid out on the pillow, soft restraints secured at her ankles and one wrist, the other arm being secured at the elbow. Her breathing was shallow but steady.
An IV drip had been inserted, giving a steady flow of painkiller medication. Another one was connected to a bag of donated blood to restore what had been lost. She had seen a lot of suicide attempts in her days as a nurse, but this was hard because it hit so close to home.
Coming up to the bedside, she takes Amanda's right hand and starts to cry. "Why couldn't you told me earlier? I wouldn't have given up on you anyway, I love you too much to do that."
She whispers just enough for her to hear, "I would lay down my life to protect you from that man, wherever he is." Sarah then had to leave, it was becoming too hard for her. Amanda still wouldn't look at her, but it was clear she had been listening.
Topanga had just arrived, despite it being almost twelve thirty in the morning. She had gotten up for a glass of water when the message came onto the machine. Her mother brought her, Shawn was waiting, still wearing the blood stained shirt from earlier.
"She's stable. Her mom is with her now. Don't worry, they know, I told them." Shawn tells her after trying to calm her down. When Sarah came out, her eyes were red and swollen from crying. "Shawn, you can see her now. Remember, she's on medicine, so she may be out of it. Maybe she'll listen to you."
He gets up and is led to her room. There he sits at her bedside, waiting for her to wake up. It wasn't long until he decided to tell her his story. How he was a victim like herself. Shawn went into how he had the same thoughts of death and the humiliation he feared so much.
"There were times I actually thought of killing myself. Lots of them actually, but each time, I had people who cared enough to bring me back from the brink. We walk the same path, belong to the same club." He takes a look at the monitor, somehow finding calm in the beeps and buzzing of the machines while also pausing to find the next words to say.
"I want you to live Amanda. You and I are so much alike. I had to tell Jonathan and your mom what you told me. So please forgive me for that. As for the football player bully, he's going to be dealt with. Don't you worry." That was all he could say for the moment.
Shawn then sees her stir. Amanda's eyes slowly open, clearly doped up from the IV drip. "Shawn, where am I? Am I dead, in Heaven?" She asks, her speech slightly slurred. "Last thing I recall was someone coming in the bathroom. Lifting my arms up."
"I know. Jonathan and I used the spare key to get in and found you. We managed to slow the bleeding and get you here. The letter scared me, I couldn't bear losing you." He tells her, "You did a real number there. The doctor said that a few more minutes and you would have been dead."
Amanda then turned to another matter. "You told them didn't you? About, you know?" Her voice was low and hoarse. Shawn nods. "Yes, but there was no other choice. That scared them too." he wasn't able to keep her glazed eyes on him.
"Then get out, I don't want to see or talk to you again beyond what's necessary! I gain your trust and this is what I get!" She struggles in her restraints despite the medications in her. He leaves, head down in defeat.
Topanga had her mother bring her to the hospital. She had been caught up by Jonathan and sees Shawn come out. "She doesn't want anything to do with me. I feel so guilty for speaking up." He mentions to her, "Maybe I was never meant to be in love. It seems like I always attract the crazy girls."
She looks at him angrily. "This is not your fault Shawn, you did the right thing. She's not in her right mind at the moment. As for you, you're being selfish right now. You, of all people, know what it's like, having secrets and trying to end it all. She needs you as much as you need her." It was that typical Topanga "knock some sense into you" attitude.
Shawn regretted what he had said, apologizing. "I'm sorry, you know how hard it's been for me. Now I'm on the other side, risking it all for love maybe. Thanks for the swift 'kick in the pants' as she would say." Topanga accepts his apology.
Sarah comes in to the waiting room. "Go home and get some sleep. I'll keep you up to date with Amanda. Jonathan, I trust the bully will be dealt with? I want to be there to confront him."
She had seen the letter with the threat from him. It infuriated her even more. He bullied Amanda and drove her to do this. I want to just take a scalpel and...Sarah had to stop herself at that point. It was the stress that was doing this to her. All her energy needed to be focused on her daughter now. And what she was thinking about doing to that boy wasn't helping things.
The next day, people wondered where Amanda was, but the only thing was said was that she was in the hospital and nothing more. Mr. Feeny and the principal had been informed of the situation with her. But for now, they had to deal with their star player being a sexual harrasser.
At lunch, Mr. Feeny and Mr. Turner, along with the principal and Sarah, found Robbie in the cafeteria, arm in sling. Holding a bull horn in the other standing on a table. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. The redneck who is too cowardly to show up today is..."
Mr. Feeny cuts him off before anything else was said. "Mr. Simmons, get down right now and hand over that bull horn. Or do I have to ask your parents to do it?" Two people standing behind him stepped forward, both showing a very disappointed look on their faces.
Robbie drops it and is yanked off the table by his father. They walk off while Mr. Turner disperses the small crowd that had gathered. "Nothing to see here. Say goodbye to our chances of a championship next year."
In the principal's office, Robbie was confronted with the note he wrote to Amanda. At first denying it, he eventually admitted to writing it. "I was only joking about getting some action, never was planning to go through with it." His parents were in shock at what he had said.
Nobody bought it. Sarah looks him straight in the eye and tells him where she was. Her hands placed on each arm of the chair beside him, she was less than an inch from his face as she spoke. "It was all because of you. She has had a troubled life and you drove her to attempt suicide."
"Now she's in the hospital because 'you were joking'. Well, is anyone laughing? I don't hear any, not even a chuckle. I will do everything in my power to see you never play sports for any school in this city again. Do you understand?" Her voice was full of a barely contained fury.
"And if you ever come near me or my daughter again, so help me God I will have you arrested." Those words were her last to the boy before walking out of the room, head held high. She saw his fear and maybe her message got through to him.
Amanda was transferred to a psych ward for teenagers later that day. Her mother was right at her side. For a week, she would do her school work and just sit by the window blankly staring out. The snow was pretty much gone, showing a little garden below.
Evelyn comes to the ward and tries to get her to open up about what happened. But she was too angry about Shawn betraying her to really say anything. "I wanted to tell all this on my own terms. But him doing so took that right away from me."
Mr. Turner and Topanga came by with her assignments. Amanda could talk to them, but they thought it best that Shawn not come, at least at this time. "I don't want to hear what he has to say, he hurt me. Breaking his promise and all."
The day before getting released, her stitches were removed. In time the scars would fade. She would wear a watch or bracelet to cover them of course. But what about the other scars she inflicted upon herself, over areas that were covered? Amanda had been a cutter the last few months, before moving to Philly.
Sarah was bringing Amanda home, it would be just the two of them that night. She took a day off for that. It was then she learned how her daughter had been cutting herself for a while. "It was only a few times, but with the move, I did it more to deal with the stress."
"Listen, I don't know if you heard me when I was at your bedside that night," Sarah says, "I said that I wouldn't send you back, even risking my life to protect you from him. On that note, I had to report him to the authorities. He hurt you in more ways than physically." She brings her close, hoping what she said got through.
Shawn was kept in the loop about Amanda. He was worried about her day and night. Jonathan had to keep telling him she wasn't herself, with her emotional state it would take time for her to see clearly.
"You did the right thing. Even if she never talks to you again, at least she's alive. Reminds me of you not long ago. It may be best to cool it down for now, just be a friend." That was the best advice he could offer his son.
The next day Amanda returns to school and is promptly called into the principal's office. There she learns she wasn't the only victim of Robbie's. Other girls had come forward saying the same thing, some so much as giving in to his demands.
"He won't come around here anymore. In fact, he's being home schooled and is barred from all sports, now and even into college. I guarantee you he's paying a big price for what he's done. Also, he didn't know about your situation. Here's a written confession." He hands her a letter.
It was a relief for her knowing the source of her school tormentor was out, expelled. Also that she wasn't the only one he targeted. "Now, get on to class, I'll have the secretary write an excused tardy note for you."
Amanda had to be careful with her activities for the moment because of her wrist. All she would say was that it was an injury, nothing more. It was still hard for her to see Shawn, standing there with Cory at the lockers. Guilt fills her at the fact that maybe he did the right thing. He looks her way and she can't help but turn away. For a week this went on, making them both anxious.
Shawn was sitting on the fire escape one warm evening, thinking, having a moment. Looking up, seeing the big crescent moon overhead, he begins to have a conversation with God. Wouldn't hurt to try, maybe I'll be heard.
"God," he begins, "hope you won't be bothered by someone like me coming to You. Amanda always said the best way to pray was to do it like You're right here with me. If that's not a problem with you."
Looking inside the apartment, Shawn sees Jonathan cooking dinner. Some Italian dish he picked up from a book. Then turns his attention back to the big moon hanging in the sky, continuing. No lightning bolts coming down to strike me, that's a good sign.
"I care for Amanda, even risking our friendship, okay, romantic relationship to help her. There has to be hope for her, she won't even look at me in the hall and in class, we only do work. It won't ever be the same for her, but I want to be there to help." He pauses to compose his thoughts.
"I feel comfortable around her, we both came from similar backgrounds. It's like we're two peas in a pod. She's amazing, funny, pretty. Now that's all but gone. Replaced by all those bad experiences. If I did the right thing in telling what she couldn't, then why am I feeling so guilty?" Again, he looks in and sees that dinner is just about done.
"Well, can you get her to come and at least talk to me about this? Let me explain my side at least. I gotta go, dinner's done and thanks for listening." At that point, Jonathan calls him in to set up the table. Shawn climbs back inside, feeling a little lighter after his 'conversation'.
After dinner, while doing homework, there was a knock on the door. Shawn answers and finds Amanda standing there. She had gotten her hair done, the smell of coloring was still strong. Her eyes were clearer, and she looked a lot better since he saw her in that hospital bed.
"Shawn, I want to talk if you don't mind. Hi, Mr. Turner, how are you?" He lets her inside and they sit on the couch. She was nervous as can be, considering what the last two weeks had been.
"Shawn, I've been thinking, a lot. You didn't mean to hurt me doing what you did. I wasn't in my right state of mind at the time. And I don't just mean the medications. Why didn't you tell me you were abused too? Yes, I heard some of what you said just before I woke up and kicked you out. Evelyn says it was frustration, my emotional state at that time." She was still nervous, especially with Mr. Turner in the room. He just sat back and was a silent observer, letting them talk.
"When we came into the bathroom and saw the blood, I almost passed out from it. We actually thought you were dead." Shawn shoots a glance at Jonathan's way. "I understand if you want us to just be friends." He said it. The girl he fell in love with was now free if she so wished. It may be for the best. Instead, he gets a surprise.
"No Shawn. I want to make this work. Like I said, I wasn't in my right state of mind when I said those things." Amanda says, a smile on her face. "We learned from each other and if it wasn't for you and Mr. Turner, I wouldn't be here." She nervously fiddles with the watch on her left wrist that covered the scars.
She then turns to Jonathan, a grateful expression showing, "I just came to say thank you for what you did for me. As for my former stepfather, he had been arrested and is serving a prison term for assaulting another child. The authorities have filed additional charges against him concerning me. Now the hard part comes, me testifying at the trial."
It was starting to get late and Amanda was tired. "Shawn, I have no hard feelings towards you. A bad boy on the outside, but a softie on the inside. Well, I have to get back. See you tomorrow." She gets up and at the door, gives Shawn a kiss.
He stands there, hand to his cheek. There is a God. he thinks standing there at the open door, Guess He did answer my prayer after all. His dreams for the first time in weeks, were happy ones.
One afternoon shortly after that prayer was answered, Sarah was home early when Shawn and Amanda arrived from school. This was a rare occasion, either she had the day off or it was something serious. "Listen, we need to talk. About...him." She knew exactly who her mom was talking about. Shawn offers to leave them alone, but they insist he stay. They sit on the couch.
"Honey, there's not going to be a trial after all. I just got the call about an hour ago. This morning, guards found your former stepfather hanging from a sheet in his cell. He committed suicide, it's over. He cannot ever hurt you again." Sarah wraps an arm around Amanda, watching her reaction.
"What a coward, couldn't face the truth about what he did and offed himself. Now I won't get any justice." Amanda says, anger fills her voice. She gets up and slams her fist into a bookcase, only to wince from it. Then she does it again and again, sounds of frustration coming from her lips. Shawn could see her starting to get really agitated and wraps his arms around her so she wouldn't hurt herself further.
He felt her anger, it was the same thing with him. The anger that came with the fact he never could face his attacker in court. But there was also the relief that Trevor would never harm another person again. So it was a strange sort of...balance to it one could say.
"Let's take a look at that hand." Sarah examines it after Amanda calms down. "No cuts, maybe just a little bruising. Shawn, there's a ice pack in the freezer. Can you get it? I'll check it again in a few minutes."
After that and a cup of lemonade, Amanda was calmed down enough to finally listen. The anger turned to a sadness, even shedding a few tears. "Hey, remember what I've told you about how everyone when they die have to face judgement? They have to stand before God and answer for everything they say and do? That's what the monster is doing right now." Sarah explains to her, embracing Amanda and stroking her hair.
Shawn felt it was time for him to leave them alone and excuses himself. They didn't seem to mind his absence. He had to consider taking up on her offer to attend church with her. After all she's taught him, and his prayer being answered, he may just do so.
Amanda was the most unique and troubled person Shawn Hunter had ever met. It was almost like he met the female version of himself. Dad was right, I did learn a few things from her after all. One of the bravest people I've ever met.
As for the show, it went off without a hitch. But after one semester, he hung up his dancing shoes and pursued other ways to express himself. Cory was right about one thing, Shawn did look pretty good in tights.