She sighed, closing the door and leaning against it as the familiar darkness of her apartment engulfed her. After the moment of shock wore off, Ziva had bolted out of the bar after the suspect while Tony quickly called Gibbs. Hours ensued, with photographs and interviews, surveillance tapes and campfires (Ziva had actually snarled when EJ fluttered her eyelashes and gave Tony a sappy little smile when he suggested it). They came away with nothing. The bartender confirmed that a male ordered the drink and was near enough to slip the grotesque memento into the glass, but he was maddeningly unhelpful in providing any other detail. There were no cameras inside the bar, and the bank down the street didn't have a good enough angle to even give them a general description of the P2P killer.
It was now after two in the morning, and Gibbs had finally sent them all home with orders to return at zero seven hundred. She trudged slowly to her bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor behind her. She squinted at the sudden brightness of the bathroom light, and groped blindly for her toothbrush, wondering if she should just forgo personal hygiene and fall right into bed. Her hands closed on something on the counter, and she felt suddenly more awake, staring down at the item balanced on her palm.
She had been so happy this morning. Freaked out and nervous - more nervous than she had ever been in her entire life - but happy. And so she had taken a deep breath, vowing to herself that she would meet any challenge head on just as her phone buzzed and she grinned down at the familiar name. The bubbly woman she became when talking to Ray still surprised her, as did the flutter in her stomach and the immediate smile on her face when he showed up unexpectedly at the Navy Yard. He made her happy, and it was so simple. He brought her candles and poured bottled water into a wine glass as he wooed her in front of a vending machine.
She had known what he would say to her then; and she knew what her response would be. After all, there were worse men to love than Ray. There are better ones as well, a small voice reminded her. But Tony himself had said it best. I understand this one. Ziva understood Ray, and that's why it was working.
Correction: Why it worked.
Because her simple, easy to understand, and easy to love Ray had turned out to be anything but. He lied to her. Lies of omission, yes, but lies nonetheless. It was all the more painful that he knew what the truth meant to Ziva and how many men had disabused her of the ability to trust in the past. Eli, Ari, Michael, Namir, Malachai: she had been nothing but a means to an end for each of them. She finally thought she had broken the pattern with this one, and yet as she stood in the too-bright bathroom staring down at her hand, this feeling was painfully familiar.
And infinitely worse.
With a tired sigh, she threw the pregnancy test into the trashcan and flipped off the lights, crawling into bed. She closed her eyes but could still see the small pink plus sign in front of her eyelids. And for only the third time in her life, Ziva allowed herself to be dragged under by the fear of having no idea what tomorrow would bring.
I was surprised that my Tiva loving heart would come up with something like this, but Ziva just seemed off to me through the entire episode. She was somewhat uncharacteristically emotional - both giddy and then hurt - and the club soda in the bar was enough to set this mini-story forming in my head. I'm not entirely sure that it's done writing itself either, so I may turn this into a full fledged fic in the near future. Thanks for reading and please review!