iHurt

I stand there with my hands in my pockets, not really able to say anything as the elevator makes its way down to the ground floor. The tension in the air is enough to make me break in half… the way Carly talked about Spencer's relationship just made me wonder… What am I doing with Sam? I love her, and I have a strange feeling in my gut that I always will, but something just feels so wrong. Something about this moment in time just hurts.

I watch Sam out of the corner of my eye as she shifts her weight from one side to the other. Finally, as per usual, Sam takes charge of the situation. She leans over and pulls the brake on the elevator, bringing us to a lurching stop. She looks at me for a moment or two, leaning on the corner of the small elevator car. "So," she starts, shifting her intense blue eyes without meeting mine.

"She wasn't talking about us," I tell her.

Sam shrugs, nodding ever so slightly. "I know," she replies. I shift my eyes down to the floor, unable to look at her anymore. "But," she says after a while. "Do you think you and I are taking some connection we have and…"

I look at her, gulping down the truth. "And trying to force it into a boyfriend girlfriend thing?"

Sam nods, wringing her hands. "Yeah."

"Well, I mean," I sigh, hooking my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans. "I don't know, it's like, after all the years of being, like, at each other's throats… you kissn' me… that night at school... it was pretty… intense."

Sam turns her head sharply towards me. Half of me expects her to take a swing at me, but I stay perfectly still. "Hey," she huffs. "It put me in a mental hospital." I shake my head, biting back a laugh. "So," Sam says after a quick pause. She tilts her head back, looking at the ceiling. "The kiss was… just… intense?" she looks at me, rolling her head across the wall.

"And fun," I smile back at her.

Sam lets out a loud huff of air before pushing herself into standing position. "Yeah," she says unenthusiastically. "I'm just not sure if you and me really click… that way."

I nod, biting back the initial hurt that comes along with her words. "Yeah," I say. "But," I shrug, trying to sound cheerful. "Maybe one day if you get a little more normal-"

"Or," Sam cuts me off. "If you get a little more abnormal," she stifles a laugh. I shake my head and lean against the wall again. Another pause runs between us. "So, did we just break up?"

"Feels like it," I murmur. Sam nods. "But, it was mutual, right?" Biggest fucking lie of my life.

"Well, yeah," Sam smiles. "But I'm still going to tell people I dumped your butt and broke your nerdy little heart," she says dryly.

"Fair enough," I smile.

"Oh well," Sam sighs before leaning forward and releasing the brake.

The elevator springs back to life, sending us to the ground floor of Bushwell Plaza. We stand in complete silence the whole ride down. I glance at Same every once in a while to find her leaning against the same wall as I am with her arms hanging loosely by her sides and her blond curls resting against her shoulders. I can't imagine anyone appreciating this girl like I do… other guys just won't see how truly amazing she really is. I've dug deep to learn this whole new side of Sam… the loving, gentle, nonviolent side. The elevator door lifts over our heads, bringing us back into the real world. Sam is the first to start to leave, wobbling slightly in her heels. I adjust my shirt nervously, not sure what to say at this point. "I love you," I get out.

Same stops in her tracks. I come up next to her with my hands in my pockets. She turns slowly; a hidden smile is forming on her lips. "I love you too," she says softly. I look down; an unintentional smile of triumph appears on my face. When I look up Sam is already leaning in, and as if it were second nature to be kissing Samantha Puckett, I grab her waist and pull her in for a kiss.

She still has her hands on my shoulders when we pull away. I pull my pear pad out of my back pocket and glance at the time. "It's only ten thirty…"

Sam shrugs. "Wanna break up at midnight?"

"That works," I nod, smiling. And just like that we're back in the elevator souring back up to the iCarly studio. I take Sam's waist kissing her hard on the mouth… this might be the last time. Unless I become abnormal I guess. I taste every bit of her. The taste is somewhere between candy canes and barbeque sauce. I smile at the taste, making her laugh into my mouth. My hands travel up and down her back, making her push towards me further.

By the time the elevator comes to a lurching stop, we're in between kissing, hugging, laughing, and just plain hanging on each other. It's like we're on drugs or something. Our laughter is whole hearted and loud. Well, happiness is a good enough drug for me.

Sam steps into the studio with me close behind. I trail her like a love sick puppy. It's a little embarrassing, but with Sam as my only witness, I'm right on her heels. She plops down on a beanbag and I join her on the one next to her. She sits there for about a half a second before she rolls off of hers and onto me. I smile up at her as she straddles my thighs. Sam leans in, a goofy smile plastered on her lips. Adrenalin is pumping through me as I capture her again, her hair is brushing up against my shoulders and cheeks. I can taste her, smell her, feel her… but it isn't enough.

I grip her back, pulling her as close as I can to me. We might as well be melting into each other, but I still didn't feel close enough. I was about to pull away, to whisper something romantic in her ear like good boyfriends do at times like this. But before I get the chance, the button of my pants pops. I look at Sam right in the eyes. She looks back at me, and she's about to lose it. She bites her bottom lip and her eyes shine with laughter. Oh God, I think, my cheeks burning a firehouse red. I know I've put on a couple pounds… but mom said it was muscle. Th-this is insane! I mean what the hell?

My zipper comes down, cutting through the silence in the room. I stare at Sam. Damn pants. I watch her with my mouth hanging wide open like an idiot. Sam leans in, slipping her tongue into my open mouth. I shiver, not sure what's happening. Sam should be laughing, hitting me, something! But here she is… loving me. Me!

"Don't be an idiot Benson," she murmurs into my ear. I stifle a laugh, not entirely sure what she means. Sam, sensing my confusion sits up. She studies my eyes for a couple minutes before stripping her jacket. She watches me again. I shake my head. "Wow," she laughs, looking at the ceiling.

"I can't deifier everything in your head Sam," I smirk. "Only sometimes."

Before I can blink Sam has both ends of my flannel shirt in her hands and rips her arms in either direction. Little white buttons fly all across the room. Some of them land on my cart, some in the car, and others in just various areas of the wood floor. My shirt flutters open, revealing my bare chest. I stare at the buttons for a long time. "My buttons," I murmur. I look at Sam who has a wary look on her face. "I'm cold."

"I'm sorry," Sam says softly. "I thought… I thought when you said you loved me you meant-"

"Oh," I say, my mouth feeling dry. Sh-she thought… w-we… Oh my God! I look at her for a long time. "I-I mean… if you… I mean, if we… no… I don't know."

Sam sighs, standing up. She starts to make her way towards the elevator. "I'll just leave," Sam whispers, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. The gears finally start turning and I spring up and get between her and the elevator door. She stops, looking at me. Her eyes are brimming with tears and her cheeks are flushed. She thinks this is it…

I take her hand, rubbing my thumb over hers. I watch her for a while, looking at her watching the floor. A tear falls free, landing on the floor with a soft splat. I bite my lip, watching her watch the floor. "Sam," I whisper. She doesn't look at me. "Sam, I'm sorry."

"No," she mumbles. "I'm sorry… I thought it's what you wanted."

"It is," I say without thinking. She looks at me long and hard for a full minute before she takes a step closer to me, our bodies right up against each other. Sam still watches me while she brings her hand up gently, running her fingers through my hair. I shiver under her touch.

I would continue this passage of love and falling head over heels… but that would make it a bit… messy.

~And that, my friends, is the end of Seddie... PSSH just kidding! :) Hope yall enjoyed now review! (If yall didn't know, and for future reference, I do not, by any means, own iCarly!)