a/n: My first fanfiction in a while, I'm just trying it out. So here we go – I hope someone enjoys.
Disclaimer: I tragically own nothing but some ikea cutlery and a bowl for it to go in.
"I'm perfect," she said as she stood before the mirror.
She took a deep breath before continuing. "Everything is absolutely one hundred per cent perfect." It was her mantra to herself, her goal in life.
Perfection.
Everyone said she was aiming too high but in her opinion, why try and be anything but the absolute best, there seemed no point.
She rolled her lips together to make sure that the lip-gloss that she was wearing was evenly dispersed. She had to be as flawless as always, it was part of her, abet silent, promise to her fans.
"Perfect, perfect, perfect," she chanted to herself under her breath. She was growing more nervous now, her fingers curled slightly and her nails dug into her skin. She didn't always feel perfect but she damn well was going to look it, and might as well be it for tonight. After all, the better the performance the better she felt afterwards.
"Miss Forbes, are you ready?" a male voice behind her asked. Ready, it was such an open word she thought, and what did she have to be ready for. After all there were so many things to consider, all those times she had thought she was ready but it turned out she wasn't, for the better in the end, look where she was now.
"Miss Forbes? Are you ready?" it sounded more like two questions this time. Caroline plastered a smile upon her face and turned around. It was time, regardless of how her feelings were making her feel, she was a professional, and she was a performer, and now it was time to go out there and perform her glittery little heels off.
"I'm ready…" she paused a little curious as to what his name was. He looked a little familiar in that way people did when they looked like someone you knew from a far off place or an awfully long time ago. "I'm sorry, but what's your name?" Caroline knew it was cheeky of her to ask but she had to know, "You just look so familiar."
The boy, well man if she was perfectly honest – and she was trying to be perfect, smiled at her slightly. "I'm Jeremy, but most people call me Jer, you've probably seen me around Miss Forbes. My sisters and girlfriend are some of your backup singers."
Caroline nodded, that would explain it. She wandered who the backup singers where. She had quite a few but she thought of what he'd said, sisters for sure so the most logical assumption there would be Elena and Katherine, the identical twins that were polar opposites, but in their own ways sweet enough.
But the girlfriend was a whole other matter; she couldn't even begin to think who he might date, or who might date him, among her collection of beautiful and gracefully back-up singers. He didn't seem like anyone's 'type' although that was a myth in her opinion, having a type of guy you liked.
Jeremy smiled slightly at her in an awkward way people do when they're too polite, or in fear of losing their jobs, to ask people to stop staring at them. All but a few felt uncomfortable under the gaze of others. That's what made herself so uniquely perfect she decided, she belonged to be stared at. "Shall we go then?" Caroline asked.
Jeremy nodded quickly, obviously hoping that this would mean she'd stop staring at him. It was almost entertaining watching him squirm, almost but not quite. "Please, come with me," he said and made a gesture. She would never quite get used to this, people bustling around her, trying to make sure that everything went right, the last moment adjustments. All while she tried to get herself into the right mentality to perform, to sing, to be herself on stage in front of thousands of people. A piece of cake when you put it like that.
She felt them all around her and then as she walked towards the black they were gone. It was just her and a microphone and the stage and all her fans. They were cheering her name, pulsing with it. Then as she walked onto the stage they fell silent gazing at her as she gazed at them.
It took her a moment, a second of courage and something else to walk towards the microphone and smile into it. She knew her face was being filmed and shown up on a screen behind her. Somehow it made it all easier when she remembered that she was perfect, that everything was perfect. She took a deep breath. This was it, that moment.
"Hello London, boy it's good to be back," she almost shouted into the microphone and the crowd went wild. Caroline laughed a little, "Yeah, I've missed you guys too. Are you ready for some music?" They cheered again, even louder although a moment a go she would have thought that was impossible. But you had to build the mood, hold it even. "I can't hear you, either there's something wrong with my hearing or you guys don't want to hear me sing. So let's try that again shall we, do you want to hear some music?"
This time the cheers were almost deafening and Caroline resisted the urge to do a little dance. This one, at least in her head, went out to all the disbelievers in her talent. "Well this," she began, she couldn't say that out here. "This one goes out to you, those who've supported my talent and allowed me to become the musician I am today." The perfect opposite then.
Then the show began, the rest of it was a bit of a blur. Music just surrounded her, consumed her and made her simply forget about everything else. It did that every time, consumed her so completely, that she could barely recall a moment of it. They'd show it to her later of course but for the moment she was music.
She remembered the end, thanking everyone as she left the stage and that empty feeling that came over her every time when she left the stage. She felt a cross between physically exhausted and the little girl who woke up a day late and missed Christmas. Shows always left her feeling like this, sometimes she wasn't sure why she did them, and then she remembered the feeling when she was out there singing. It was, according to everyone she was sure, happiness.
And she wasn't sure how often she felt that.
Everyone was all around her again the second she came off the stage, she'd almost forgotten about them all waiting here for her to return. Voices clambered for her attention telling her how amazing she was, how beautiful she looked, how good the show was, how incredible she sounded but no one told her what she was listening for. That she was perfect.
Caroline took a bottle of water off of someone and nodded her thanks, she was so thirsty. Her throat felt a little scratchy and dry, after all she had been singing and talking and entertaining for the best part of two hours now. It was to be understood.
She let them follow her back to her dressing room before she shut them all out. She walked in, they didn't follow her. Caroline shut the door behind her and slowly sunk down to the floor, it was done now. Over. The whole tour, it was almost painful.
Time for a break now Car, she thought to herself, if you're missing it already then work on the new album. Make more music and then come back again, definitely don't extent the tour. No one wants that, and you need to do another record or the company might drop you.
Even if she did know that there was no chance of the company dropping her reminding herself that she wasn't the only client on the books, always did her some good. She wasn't the most important person in the world and it was vital to her that she remained grounded. That way she would be an even better performer. Closer to perfect.
Sometimes the company tried to get her to do more, have someone else write her songs so she could get her albums out faster, get her to do group tours or do some kind of publicity stunt. But she wasn't interested and after her third album went multi-platinum they stopped asking her.
Her manager, and friend, Jenna, claimed that they were praying against all odds that she would beg them to do one of these things. But Caroline was determined not to become just another run of the mill singer. Another tween popper. Although, if she was honest with herself, that's exactly what she was.
But a girl could dream. And she had big dreams, she wanted her music to matter, just to one person. Every time someone told her a story about her music and how it had affected them or helped them it made her feel warm inside. It was an unstoppable addiction. She always wanted more. She was selfish in that way.
a/n: The first little bit - I'm hoping the next chapter will be longer, and I'll try and add some more background in it. I'm afraid Tyler doesn't come in for a while but once he does he will have a big role. Has anyone read this? (I'd love some feedback on this – and I know how ooc Caroline is, it just worked out that way). btw, for those of you who (like me don't mind Matt) please respect that I had to have a bad guy in this and making Caroline date Mason/Klaus or someone just didn't do it (btw, he will be the bad guy).