Look what you did, putting me in a cold dim room like this all alone. Now I have to be shelterd here because of you. You just had to knock me out cold, didn't you? You just had to make me look like a pathetic human being. I knew about you from the start and... now you're just trying to kill me more and more. Right? That IS your purpose, right?
You use me like a vessel, poisoning me as I try to withstand you... but you can't resist my pain, my tears, my trembling hands...
You disgust me.
I never thought I'd be here. I didn't want to end up like my mother who went through the same damn thing- dying a slow and painful death. I knew about my illness for a long time though. I could barely live after hearing what was wrong with me. He told me, "You have but six months."
Six?
You piece of shit... that's impossible...
I haven't told anyone. I didn't want them to feel all bad for me. Each day I felt the time I was due in my body. I always woke up in fear. Nobody could tell that I was ill but they didn't know how much I screamed at my reflection when I was alone. Life has no meaning for me anymore. Its over.
Done done done.
However... she, was an exception.
In fact, she detected everything quickly. She looked into my eyes and saw what was torturing me inside. She asked me if I was alright and I'd tell her every time that I was fine. But of course, she never believed me...
"Hey, whats the matter?"
"Leave me alone, Shitty Glasses..."
"Levi... you need to rest... you're sick!"
"No... no I'm not!"
"Please understand... I'll help you get by. That's what friends do, right?"
They put me in the hospital and no longer can I leave to even take a breath of fresh air. When Hanji didn't visit me all I was able to do was stare out the window while Death corrodes my mind with its taunts. But when she did, the mood was always... different. There was more light in the room when she came. She would speak to me with a gentle voice. And it confused the hell out of me at first. She's always so hyper and loud and annoyingly-
Lovable...?
Maybe...
I watched her enter the room with a tender smile. I noticed that she had a bag in her hands. "Hello Levi," she greeted me. "Guess what I have for you!"
"Is it a cure...?" I wasn't thinking straight. Hanji giggled, although uneasy, and shook her head. She pulled a chair to sit next to my bed. "No, silly... I bought this for you."
"You know I hate gifts..." I say to her. She looked at the bag, still smiling. "Yeah, I know. But I thought you might like it."
I turned to see her reach a hand in the bag, only to pull out a small wooden box. I blinked in wonder. She held it with her hands as of it was precious. "It's a music box. It plays your favorite song."
"My...favorite song?" I ask.
"Yes... the one you told me about. Here, maybe it will remind you of it!" She winded the music box up, and soon opened it. We listened to the calming sound filling the air. The song was lovely... I recognized it. I recognized it too well. Too much. Too much! It was a well known song my mother used to sing to me. But it only reminds me of her...her body that I watched die. My heart began to race. I couldn't take this any longer.
"Hanji...stop it...now..." I demand, a mix of emotions filling my body. Hanji tilted her head in confusion. "What...? Why? Don't you like it?"
"Turn it off. Turn it off!"
"But I-"
"I said turn it off you fucking idiot!" I screamed. I snatched the music box and threw it after I got up. It broke when it hit the wall. Hanji immediately stood up for it, but I grabbed her arm with sudden strength. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill me?!"
"What is the matter with you Levi?" She cried. "I only wanted to make you happy again!"
"I told you to never bring it up again and... and... just leave."
"Levi, no-"
"Get out!" I yelled on the top of my lungs. I must have scared her, because she finally shut her mouth. She yanked her arm out of mine. "Fine," she wiped her eyes after taking her glasses off. "I'll never visit you again if I make you feel that way!"
Then she left.
I tried to calm myself. I fall to my knees. I was shaking in anger, in fear... I just wanted to pull my hair out. The box was now sitting on the floor, useless.
I screwed up. I screwed up. I screwed up.
I hate being alone. I was furious at Hanji for what she did but at the same time I began to miss her! What will I do without her? I'm going to die all alone. I never thought I'd feel guilt running through my veins. It wasn't her fault. Its mine. I should have moved on. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... don't leave me... please don't leave me!" I covered my face and my hands dripped tears. I could hear nurses run inside to see what was wrong.
Why though?
I'm going to die soon anyway... I have ten days left. There's no point.
The fateful day was almost near me, and Hanji never came back. I wish I could see her one more time before I go. The broken music box sat on the window sill as a remnant of her. I stared out into the world, never trying to move a muscle. I only got weaker and weaker, and the days seemed shorter. I regretted everything I did that hurt her feelings.
I waited for her. For the remaining days that I lived. Day 9, day 8, day 7, day 6...
Day 5... day 4... day 3...
Day 2...
"Where...are you...? Come back..." I can barely keep my eyes open. I can't move. I'm so sleepy. "No... wait for Hanji, damn it...
Stay awake... stay awake... stay..."
"Levi! Levi! Get up!" I heard a voice. I slowly opened my eyes, only to be welcomed by a familiar face. "H-hanji...?"
"Levi," She sobbed with relief. "I thought you were gone!"
"Hanji..." I wanted to tell her. "I...I'm...sorry..."
She nodded and smiled, tears rolling down her face. "It's ok... I'm sorry too. I never wanted to leave you alone so I came! Hey, stay with me. Everything will be alright now. I'm here!"
I am happy... she finally came. I wanted to make it up to her. I wanted her to do something for me. "Hanji... could you do me a favor?"
"Anything!" She replied.
"Sing... the song for me..."
"What song?"
"My favorite."
Hanji blinked at me, suprised at my request. "Okay. I'll do it." She finally said.
Listening to her voice made me more sleepy. I kept my eyes in her's, trying to focus. But it was hard... everything was getting heavy. I heard her stop and call for me as I began to drift away.
This is it, isn't it?
You got what you wanted now?
Hanji's lovely face started to fade. The sun seemed to have shined brighter than ever before. And I could hear her screaming for me. She was crying- she couldn't let me go. She shook me even though I couldn't move. I don't want this life to end... even though I made mistakes... and lived through the worst...
Why do we even live if it all ends this way? Damn... what will my soul become of?
...No, don't cry anymore, Hanji. Besides... I suppose we'll see each other again.
Soon.