Weeks after her last day, Jing Mei's words still echoed in Carter's mind, "Promise me, John, whatever sacrifice you make for this place, you make sure it's worth it."
He could ignore them during the day, during the hours he was at the hospital trying to keep control of the chaos, but it was the nights when he was alone that they resonated in the silence. In his Gamma's house they seemed to reverberate in the cavernous rooms, mocking him, tormenting him, reminding him of everything he had already given up, and hinting at what else he would lose.
Already he had sacrificed his health and his sanity. His safety was forcibly taken during the stabbing and his reputation had been sullied by his consequent drug addiction. He had lost a fair share of romantic interests due to his long hours and inability to commit to anything other than the hospital.
It seemed to him that the only thing the hospital hadn't yet taken away from him was the most important person in his life, after his Gamma. But now, it seemed society was taking that from him, too.
John Carter and Peter Benton had a relationship that had never been able to be defined. They began as teacher and student, but from there it evolved rapidly and changed depending on the week or time of day. At the hospital they were teacher-student, mentor-protégé, colleagues, and on occasion, friends. Outside of the hospital is where that relationship regularly takes a different form. Outside the hospital, they are colleagues, friends, brothers, and on frequent occasion, lovers.
Both of them had always kept a girlfriend, but when the stress became too much or they just needed someone who understood them without the need for words, they fell together on more than one occasion. It was never talked about, never discussed, but both knew it would inevitably happen again, and they took comfort in that fact.
Now, however, it was on the brink of ending. Peter was fighting for his son and re-examining his priorities, and John wasn't one of them. Carter didn't blame him for that, of course, because Peter had more people in his life that were important to him than he did. It wasn't Peter's fault that he had a son, a job, a sister, and his newly revitalized relationship with Cleo that came before John, just like it wasn't Carter's fault that the only things that came before Peter were his Gamma and his job. They were just two people with two separate lives, and theirs didn't mingle as much as they had in the past.
No, it wasn't anyone's fault that Roger was suing Peter for custody of Reese. It wasn't their fault that society thought it better for a child to be put with the parent who had a stable significant other, a father with a wife, without a male lover on the side. It wasn't their fault that their ever-evolving relationship was ending.
And it sure wasn't Carter's choice that Peter was leaving him alone at County. Peter had paid his price during the years he had spent there, but he had found the one thing he wasn't willing to sacrifice. Carter understood that Peter couldn't sacrifice his son for County General, and he envied the man for it
After everything he had already given, what did he have left to sacrifice for that place?
Only time would tell.