Memories
A/N: This is just a short one-shot where the Doctor remembers his final days with River Song. ie. Darillium and the library. I know variations of this have been done hundreds of times but I wanted to give it a go.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it, that privilege belongs to the BBC, however I do own 4 posters, a calendar, the box sets, Matt Smith's autograph, the Brilliant Book of Doctor Who and a few magazines...
Why did it have to be this way, all back to front and the wrong way round. He wished River could stay with him forever, never have to go back to prison, just stay with him on the Tardis, travelling throughout all of time and space. But that could never work, if she stayed, then she would never meet him, she would never go to the library. He hated thinking about the library. He hadn't known her then and that meant he hadn't trusted her, how could he have been expected to. But when he remembered the look she gave him, he wished he'd trusted her as soon as he saw her. He wished he could turn back the clocks and save her, his beautiful River Song. Or even change the way he'd acted towards her. He knew he couldn't cross his own timestream but he didn't care about the rules, he just couldn't bare to hurt her like he had. He hated knowing that her final experience with him was going to be horrible.
When he remembered back to the library and how sad she'd looked when he'd told her he didn't know her, it almost broke his heart. But he couldn't stop the memories. If he stopped remembering her, he would forget her and he never wanted to do that. He still kept her clothes in his wardrobe, right next to his, so whenever he went to get dressed in the morning, he was reminded of her, her toothbrush was still next to his in the bathroom, a constant reminder of what she meant to him.
The last time he saw her, when she didn't even know who he was, he broke the rules. He went back and crossed his own timestream and he took her to Darillium and the singing Towers. So she could die having a happy last memory of their times together, where she knew everything about him and he knew everything about her. He turned up on her doorstep with a new haircut and a suit, he wanted everything to be perfect for her. He had cried so much that night, he didn't want to ruin it for her but he couldn't help himself, knowing she had to go to the library. He had cried so much, but she hadn't asked questions. She knew he wouldn't be able to tell her even if he wanted to, so she just held him close and they stayed that way for hours. He couldn't imagine a life without River Song, as they lay there, listening to the towers sing. It just didn't feel real. He'd known her for so long now, but it wasn't nearly long enough. She was still so young and there was still so much he hadn't shown her yet. Out there in the universe they must they have looked like tiny dots, but to him, she was the most important thing there was and he made sure she knew that.
"I love you", he told her and he had never meant it more, and she just looked at him before leaning close and whispering back those same three words. It made him feel like life was worth living, but without her, was there any point? He had tried to memorise everything about her, her smell, the touch of her skin, her hair tickling his chin, the feel of her so close to him, he never wanted any of his memories to fade, but he knew all too soon they would.
As he gave her his sonic screwdriver, he almost broke down. He nearly ran away with her but he knew he couldn't so he took her back to her cell in Stormcage and he kissed her goodbye for the last time, he tried to put everything her felt into that one kiss and he hoped she understood. He left her there packing for her new expedition. The expedition to the library.
He ran for the stars after that and he didn't look back. He watched galaxies die and stars be reborn. He visited new planets and saved whoever he could. He couldn't let anyone else die because of him. He had so much on his conscience and the burden never got any lighter.
He would have to keep going, keep living, there was no other option for him. Eventually after he had taken time to mourn for his loss, he would find a new companion, someone else to share the stars with. But it would never be the same. River Song, was unique, she was his wife, his love and his best friend and she was gone forever.
A/N: Anyone want to review? Did you like it? Hate it?