A/N: I know there weren't a whole lot of votes for this fic in my poll, but I'm excited for it. It requires less input than Phases of Our Lives since it's a crossover. And I rewatched "Health Care" so as to get the dialogue as accurate as possible. Hope you guys like this!
Disclaimer: I don't own NBC, The Office, or Heroes.
(Open on the office in the early morning before it opens. Creed is looking at some charts on his computer.)
Creed: I've been doing…(he looks shiftily around)…some top secret research here. There have been some…unusual occurrences with the employees. Things not physically possible are happening. So I've been studying the employees here. (He puffs his chest up.) My PhD in biology makes me the best candidate for the job. (He pauses, taking a question from the cameramen.) DeVry Institute, why?
(Creed returns to his desk with several papers. He notices that the documents he had open are printing again. He looks around, confused.)
(Cut outside. Pam is walking in to the building to start the day. She pauses as she opens the door and looks around. She doesn't see anybody. She quickly slams the door shut on her hand. She yelps in pain as the camera guy rushes forward. Pam turns, seeing him.)
Pam: This is Pam Beesly…and that was attempt number six.
(She holds up her hand, which looked broken. It realigns itself and looks fine.)
***CREDITS***
(Open on Michael's office.)
Michael: Today I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um...yes. In a way. Like a specialist. (He smiles.)
(Cut to later. He's talking to Jan, seated opposite him.)
Jan: The gold plan? I'm not even on that plan.
Michael: Well, I'd recommend it. (He smiles at the camera.)
Jan: You know the whole reason we're doing this is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and then choose the cheapest plan.
Michael: (getting uncomfortable) Well that, uh...is kind of a tough assignment. It's not gonna be a popular decision around the ol' orifice. Well, it's a suicide mission, you know?
Jan: You know, sometimes a manager like yourself has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time.
Michael: (scoffing) Oh yeah, when have you ever done that?
Jan: Michael...I'm doing it right now...to you.
(Michael just looks down, embarrassed.)
(Cut to Jim twitching awake at his desk.)
Jim: Not the dream again.
Jim: I've been having this recurring dream, where I'm…flying. Through Scranton. It's really weird. And sometimes Michael is there. (He rolls his eyes.) As if I didn't see him enough already. Now he's in my dreams too. (He pauses) Please don't tell him I said that.
(Cut over to accounting. Kevin sits back in his chair, bored. He notices the clock on his desk ticking. He leans in and looks at it, concentrating. The clock keeps ticking. Kevin concentrates harder. And suddenly, the second hand ticks backwards once.)
Kevin: (leaping out of his chair) Awesome! Just…awesome! Oscar!
Oscar: (not looking up) What is it, Kevin?
Kevin: Oscar, I made the clock go back one second!
Oscar: (to himself) Why would you make it go backwards, is what I'm wondering.
Kevin: I think I have powers!
Oscar: Powers? What, like a superhero?
Kevin: Yeah! Just like a superhero! Do you think I should pick a superhero name?
Angela: (leaning around her computer) Would you two shut up and get back to work!
(Cut to the break room. Karen walks in to see Andy tearing up sheets of paper.)
Karen: Andy, what are you doing?
Andy: Destroying my drawings. I don't even remember doing half of them.
Karen: How could you not remember them?
Andy: (sighing) Look, Karen...I've been using for a month.
Karen: (frustrated) Damnit, Andy. We need to get you into a program. Get you clean. And besides, your drawings are good.
Andy: (laughing) No, they're evil.
Karen: Evil?
Andy: Yeah. Look. (He holds up a page with a drawing of a flaming bus on it.) I drew this. 3 weeks ago.
Karen: And?
(He nods to the TV. It shows a report on a suicide bombing in Israel. There's a flaming bus, exactly like the one in the drawing.)
Andy: Same number and everything. There's something...wrong with me.
Karen: (going to him) There's nothing wrong with you. You just need some help.
Andy: I can't. I'll take you down with me. I can't let myself do that.
Karen: Andy –
Andy: (angrily) Just get out!
(Karen turns, angry, and goes.)
(Cut to inside Michael's office. Michael talks to Jim.)
Michael: There's a decision that needs to be made. And I am having an unbelievably busy day. (The cameraman pans down to show Michael's inbox, with one sticky note in it. Jim notices it as well.) So I am going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers.
Jim: Gosh...that is a great offer. Thank you. But...I really think I should be concentrating on sales. Yeah, I just don't think that this is the kind of task that I...am going to do. You know who would be great for this? Is Dwight.
Michael: Okay, I'll let him know.
Jim: Great. (He gets up to go, then pauses.) Michael, have you ever dreamed…about…flying?
(Michael looks at the camera, his face confused. Then he laughs and turns to Jim.)
Michael: Flying? No! No, why in the world would I dream about flying?
Jim: (sighing) No reason. (He looks at the camera, slightly worried.)
Jim: The dreams started a few months ago. I had one where I woke up and I just knew Michael was hurt. (He rolls his eyes) It was really strange since it's, you know, such a common occurrence. But the next day I found out Michael and Carol had been in a car accident. (He shakes his head) Poor Carol.
(Cut back to Michael's office. He now has Dwight seated opposite him.)
Dwight: Let's start with some parameters. One: how many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh...none. You're picking a health care plan.
Dwight: Okay, we'll table that for the time being. And two, I'm gonna need an office. I think the conference room should be fine.
Michael: You may use the conference room as a temporary workspace.
Dwight: (to himself) Yes! I have an office. (looking at the camera) Bigger than his.
Michael: Nope. You cannot use it.
Dwight: (fearful) Okay I take it back. It's a workspace.
(Cut to later. Dwight hands out papers to everyone.)
Dwight: Here is your new health care plan.
(He starts passing out papers. He throws a stack onto Angela's desk from a short distance. They knock a small mirror onto the floor, where it cracks.)
Angela: (exasperated) Dwight!
(She picks up the mirror. As she looks into it, she sees a different version of her look back. It shakes its head side to side. Angela's eyes go wide. The mirror version raises a finger to her lips to say "Shh." Angela gapes at it.)
***COMMERCIALS***
(Cut to later at the workspace. Jim and Pam come in.)
Pam: Dwight –
Dwight: Uh, knock, please. This is an office.
Jim: It says workspace.
Dwight: It's the same thing.
Jim: If it's the same thing, why did you write workspace?
Dwight: ...Just knock, please. It's a sign of respect for your superior.
Jim: You are not my superior.
Dwight: Oh gee, then why do I have an office?
Jim: I thought it was a workspace?
Pam: (stopping them) Okay. Dwight, are you really in charge of picking the health care plan?
Dwight: Yes. And my decision is final.
Pam: This is a ridiculously awful plan. Because you cut everything.
Dwight: Times are tough, Pam. Deal with it.
Jim: You cut more than you had to, didn't you?
Dwight: Sure.
Jim: Well why did you do that? You work here. Don't you want good insurance?
Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.
(Pam looks at the camera with significance.)
Jim: Okay, well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.
Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. I have superior brain power. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: (with a "duh" expression) So I can lower it.
(Cut to later. Michael comes out of the bathroom to find Meredith and Oscar.)
Oscar: Michael, can I talk to you?
Michael: (backing away) Uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check?
Meredith: Michael, can we talk to you about this memo?
(The rest of the office is gathering around.)
Michael: Uh...which memo?
Pam: Dwight's health care memo. I told you about it.
Michael: Did he pick a good plan?
Oscar: It's like a pay decrease.
Michael: Come on, Dwight! You need to fix this!
(He attempts to slide past them to his office. Jim sighs and gets up.)
Jim: (to the office) I'll handle this.
(Cut to inside Michael's office. Jim and Michael talk.)
Michael: Look, I'm in the running for a promotion at Corporate. I need you to handle this so it'll reflect well on me.
Jim: Well, Michael, Dwight's not really my subordinate. I can't do anything about it...(to himself) even if I wanted to help you...
Michael: What?
Jim: Nothing. Hey, didn't you hear what I said earlier?
Michael: What, about flying? Ha ha, yeah Jim. I'm pretending you didn't say that. I need you to start taking charge around here, Halpert. I can't have you slacking off all the time.
Jim: (sighing) Forget it, Michael.
(Cut to Creed at his computer. He looks up to see Toby watching him. Toby then turns and goes back to the annex.)
Creed: Yeah, sometimes I catch that Toby fellow watching me. Not sure why. But he gives me the creeps. He's a bit odd, if you ask me.
***COMMERCIALS***
(Cut to the bullpen. Dwight comes out of the conference room.)
Dwight: It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out and write down any diseases you might have that you want covered, and I'll see what I can do.
Jim: You know Dwight, we can't write down our diseases for you because that's confidential.
Dwight: Okay, well I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good.
(Cut over to the other accountants.)
Kevin: (leaning forward) Oscar, do you think I should put my new power on here?
Oscar: (ignoring him) I think you should put whatever you want.
(Kevin smiles in delight.)
Pam: I'm not really sure what to put on here. I mean, I picked up the paper and got a pretty bad paper cut. But now... (she holds up her hand, which looks perfectly fine) How do you explain that?
(Cut to some time later. Dwight angrily storms out of the conference room.)
Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that is a felony.
Jim: Okay, whoa. Because that's a pretty intense accusation.
Dwight: You did this, didn't you?
Jim: Absolutely not.
Dwight: I know it was you. Okay, fine. You know what? I'm gonna have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for anyone.
(Cut to inside the conference room. Dwight and Jim sit facing each other.)
Dwight: "Count Choculitis"?
Jim: Sounds tough.
Dwight: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I like Count Chocula?
Jim: Do you?
Dwight: I think you need to confess.
Jim: Mmhmm. (He gets up)
Dwight: What are you doing? (As Jim takes a keychain off the table) Those are my keys.
(Jim leaves the room and shuts the door, locking it. He drops the keys on the shelf next to the door.)
Dwight: Jim! Damnit! No! Jim, let me out!
(Jim goes to his desk, where the phone is ringing. He picks it up.)
Jim: Jim Halpert!
Dwight: (on the phone) Let me out!
Jim: Who is this?
Dwight: Let me out or you're fired.
Jim: No, you can't fire me.
Dwight: Yes I can, I am manager for the day. Clean out your desk.
Jim: Okay. Can you hold on one second? I'm getting the, uh, beep. (He hits a button) Jim Halpert.
Pam: Hey Jim, it's Pam.
Jim: Hey Pam! How are ya?
Dwight: (yelling out) Jim, open the door!
Pam: Good, how are you?
Jim: I'm doin' okay. Getting' excited for the weekend, though.
Pam: Yeah?
Jim: Yeah, what are you up to?
Dwight: (banging on the window) JIM! This is your last chance!
Pam: Um, I'm not bothering you, am I?
Jim: No, not at all.
Pam: You don't have anything you're doing?
Jim: I have nothing to do.
Pam: Oh, great. Um, yeah, no, this weekend? Yeah, I'm not really doing anything. I might go to the mall.
Jim: The mall!
Pam: I need new shoes.
Jim: Oh interesting. What kind of shoes?
(He hears a door open and turns. Dwight is standing in the doorway, angered.)
Jim: (slowly hanging up the phone) How'd you get out?
Dwight: You didn't think a locked door would stop me, did you?
(Jim just looks worried.)
***COMMERCIALS***
(Cut to reception. Toby comes up, a piece of paper in his hand.)
Toby: Hey Pam.
Pam: Hey Toby. What's up?
Toby: Nothing. Just wondering what you thought of this meeting we have to have.
Pam: Oh, it's silly.
Toby: Yeah, right? Plus it's not like any of us have any life-threatening diseases right?
Pam: (laughing) No, just the normal ones, I'm sure.
Toby: Well what do you think about the lack of coverage?
Pam: (looking panicked, then normal) It's horrible. We definitely need it. We'll never make it if we need to pay for our medical expenses.
Toby: Yup. (He smiles and walks away, looking at the piece of paper.) All of us except for you, Miss "Never Paid One Medical Expense In Her Life"...
(Cut to some time later. Everyone is in the conference room now.)
Dwight: I'm now going to read aloud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered.
Stanley: What about confidentiality?
Dwight: You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Who wrote this "hysterical" one: "anal fissures"?
Kevin: That's...a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: (quietly) Someone has it.
(Everyone shifts uncomfortably.)
Kevin: Excuse me.
(He leaves the room and steps to the side, out of sight. The cameraman moves to follow him. But when the camera gets around the corner, Kevin is gone.)
(Cut back to the meeting. Dwight looks around.)
Dwight: Hey, where are Andy and Karen?
Jim: (sighing) I'll go get them.
(He goes out to Andy's desk. He sees Andy collapsed next to it, Karen attending to him.)
Karen: I think he'll be fine. He just needs some water.
Jim: Is he –
(He pauses, seeing a drawing on a piece of paper on top of Andy's desk. It appears to be Jim, falling or flying off the side of a building. Jim's eyes go wide.)
Andy: (coming to) We have to stop it. (He coughs) We have to stop it.
(Jim slowly moves the paper and looks at Andy's desk. In Sharpie, over the surface of the whole desk, is a drawing of the Scranton branch within a huge nuclear mushroom cloud.)
(Cut to the entrance of the Dunder Mifflin Branch. Michael walks out, on his phone.)
Michael: So where are you, Jim?
(A phone drops from the sky and crashes next to him. Michael looks up to see Jim on the edge of the roof.)
Jim: I've been thinking about this, Michael. And you're right. It's my turn to be somebody.
Michael: Jim, what are you doing? Quit messing around!
(Jim just looks up to the sky. He spreads his arms and smiles slightly. Then he takes a step forward. He starts to fall.
He falls and is about to yell in fear when suddenly a shape flies up. It's Michael, flying. He grabs Jim and flies sideways with him.)
Jim: Michael! You're flying!
Michael: (straining) Yeah.
Jim: How are you doing this!
Michael: I...don't know...
(Suddenly, Jim slips. Michael tries to grab him. But Jim slips from his arms.)
Michael: (reaching to him) Jim!
(Slam to black.)
A/N: Well there's the first chapter. And I know Andy and Karen shouldn't be there, but I needed some more characters. More will be revealed coming up. But I have midterms, so it may be a while. Until then, read and review!