A/N: i was NOT planning on writing this, but i was struck with the idea while reading chapter eight of Heat Wave -- what will Beckett's reaction be? and is anyone else wondering why Beckett didn't tell Lanie about what Castle found out about her mom's case? i'm thinking she has a best friend we haven't met yet. so i invented one. :]

disclaimers: i don't own Castle, i don't own Heat Wave. Rachel's mine, though.

beware of Heat Wave spoilers!

Chapter 1 – If I Don't

"She smiled in the dark. "I guess we're both lucky." Nikki figured he must have heard the smile in her voice because he drew closer to her, until there was only the slightest gap separating them. They stood there like that, not quite touching but sensing each other's closeness in the dark of the hot summer night. Nikki started to sway, and then leaned ever so slightly toward him. She felt her breast brush softly against his upper arm.

Then the bright light hit them."

Kate Beckett let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in a disappointed sigh. Damn, she thought. She began to read again.

Wait, what?!

Her head snapped up and she froze, eyes wide. No, no, no, I did NOT just go there! Her heart was suddenly thundering in her chest and she snapped the book shut, almost afraid to look at the page again. She did, however, tentatively glance down at the cover, partially obstructed by her splayed fingers: Heat Wave, by Richard Castle. She sat there for a moment, thoughts racing through her head and emotions coursing through her body as she felt the letters of his name under her fingertips.

She bit her lip. Since the first day she'd been stuck with him, she knew that reading what he'd write about her via Nikki Heat would be one hell of a trip. And she wouldn't lie to herself, she'd been nervous about it. These nerves grew continually worse as their relationship progressed from partners (of sorts) to friends, and as her feelings for him grew; what would he say about her? What was he really feeling? Which of her flaws would he pick up on and exaggerate for the pleasure of his readers?

Answer? None. Kate had to admit that Nikki Heat was, basically, her. Well, with the addition of Don. Kate didn't have a Don, and it took all of her self-control not to pick up the phone and chew Castle's ear for giving Nikki a sex buddy instead of a relationship. But she'd calmed herself down enough to continue reading; Castle hadn't made many literary mistakes in the past, so she had to have some faith that he knew what he was doing.

And did he ever. As she read, Kate found herself blushing. Did he really watch her this closely? Did he really think the way she sat was elegant? Had he noticed how vulnerable she sometimes felt? But most importantly, did he care about her as much as Rook seemed to care about Nikki?

But as she sat there, heart hammering, her brain ground back into work, pushing out an entirely new question; does art imitate life, or does life imitate art? 'Cause if it was the latter, she was screwed. So royally screwed.

She swallowed hard. As much as she wanted to drop the book and run away from it, the bookworm in her was dying with curiosity about what happened on the last page of that chapter. So she tentatively peeled the book back open, directing her eyes away from the offending lines and finishing the chapter.

This time, she closed the book slowly, digesting what she'd read. "Let's go up and find out" – seriously, Castle? Really now? In a blackout? This means candles, doesn't it? She groaned and allowed her head to fall backwards onto the back of the couch. As she stared at the ceiling, she could think of only one person to help her figure out just what the hell to do: Rachel.

Kate's family had been friends with Rachel's since before the two girls were born. After Johanna was killed, the parents began growing apart, but not their daughters. Their six-year age difference had seemed like a lot when Kate was able to babysit for Rachel, but as they grew older, their bond grew stronger, as they were the only constants in each other's lives. Kate had cried on Rachel's shoulder at her mother's funeral, and returned the favor when Rachel's parents divorced two years later. Nowadays, Rachel was attending graduate school in Boston, so they couldn't see each other as much as they would've liked to. But they spoke on the phone nearly every night, so Kate had no qualms about calling her in her moment of crisis. And besides, they'd been giving each other advice on boys for years, Kate thought with a smile as she held her phone to her ear and waited. But never anything like this.

"Whattup, sistah?"

Kate grinned into the phone. "Yo yo yo!"

Rachel laughed. "How's it going?"

"Yeah, about that."

"Uh oh. What happened? Do I have to beat someone up?"

Kate chuckled. "No, but thanks."

"You sure? I've been working out, my guns are pretty unbelievable."

"Uh huh?"

"Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure I could take Shaq down."

Kate laughed at her friend's irony; Rachel was barely 5'3". "How, by biting his ankles?"

It was Rachel's turn to laugh. "Touché, ma'am." She stopped joking. "Seriously though, what's up?"

Kate sighed. "This book."

"Wh— OH!" Rachel exclaimed as it dawned on her. "It came out today!"

"Yep."

"How is it? Terrible?"

"No, no, it's good."

There was a slight pause. "That's it? It's good? That's all I'm gonna get out of you? That it's good?"

"Well excuse me for not knowing how to describe a book that's basically my life on paper!"

Rachel grinned. "Aaaahhh, now that's what I was looking for! So Nikki Heat is really you, huh?"

"Give or take some minor things."

"Man, I've gotta get my hands on this ASAP!"

"Hell yeah you do. Then maybe you'll be able to help me figure out what the hell is going on in my head right now."

"Did you finish it?"

"No, genius, I just got it an hour ago."

"Then why are you calling me now?"

"'Cause … I have a problem."

"Tell Dr. Rachel."

Kate chuckled and raked a hand through her hair, ignoring the pieces that fell in front of her face. "Well, when I said this book is my life on paper, I meant it."

"Like how?"

"Like Nikki Heat has a ride-along writer."

Rachel let out a burst of laughter. "Oh my god, he didn't!"

"Oh yes he did."

"Is their relationship like yours is with Castle?"

Kate paused. "I think so."

"You think so?"

"Well, I obviously don't know if he cares about me as much as Rook—"

"Rook?"

"The writer."

Rachel cracked up. "I love this guy!"

Kate rolled her eyes in amusement. "Like I was saying, I don't know if he cares about me as much as Rook cares about Nikki."

"Obviously. You can guess as much, but I get what you're saying. How does Nikki feel about him? Anything close to how you feel about Castle?"

"Infuriatingly to the letter."

Rachel was impressed. "Daaaamn, the man's got a read on you!"

Kate groaned. "Tell me about it."

"Is that the problem?"

"I wish that was the whole of it."

"Alright, lay it on me."

"Okay, so Nikki and Rook have been having these … moments."

"Like, romantic moments?"

"Yeah. Like…" Kate opened the book and flipped to chapter one, "And what was with that business back there on the balcony? Pulling up next to her face like some perfume ad in Vanity Fair, those ads that promise the kind of love that life just never seems to deliver," she read. "They've been having perfume ad moments."

"Can I meet Castle one day?"

Kate heard the ear-to-ear grin in her friend's voice. "What for?"

"To hug him for writing that brilliance. I'm going to use that in everyday life."

"Fantastic," Kate replied dryly.

"Sorry, sorry. Your problem. Right. Continue."

Kate rolled her eyes in amusement. "So there's been this romantic tension building up, and in the chapter I just read, they were having another moment."

"A perfume ad moment?" Rachel asked, barely containing a giggle.

"Yes! Another perfume ad moment! Happy?"

"Thrilled. Continue."

"Okay. So, there's a blackout, and they're standing really close to each other in the pitch black outside her apartment. And Nikki actually leaned into him—"

"Which, since she's you, is a big-ass deal."

"Yeah, basically."

"And then?"

"And then they're interrupted." Kate hid her face in her free hand. "And I was disappointed," she mumbled.

"What?"

"I was disappointed!" she cried. "I wanted something to happen between them! I was rooting for them to kiss!"

Rachel paused for a beat. "So you're afraid this means—"

"Yes! Do you realize how terrible this is?!"

"A) Wow, hysterical much? Calm down."

Kate took a deep breath. "Sorry."

"And B), why is that so terrible?"

She stood up and began pacing around her living room. "Because I was able to ignore it before. But now I have to go to work and face him every day, having admitted to myself that maybe, just maybe, I want to be with him. How do I look him in the face tomorrow?!"

"Katie, you've wanted to be with him for ages. This doesn't change anything."

"Oh yes it does! 'Cause now that it's out there, now that I've admitted it to myself, I'm supposed to act on it, right?"

"Well, yeah, sort of."

"So don't even pretend this doesn't change things!"

Rachel sighed. "What's so terrible about acting on it?"

Kate paused, and struggled for words, not even knowing the answer. "I … It's just …"

"You're scared," Rachel answered for her.

Kate bit the inside of her cheek, unwilling to agree.

"And I can't blame you," Rachel continued softly. "Pretty much everyone you've ever let in has left you."

"Everyone but you."

"Yeah, well, ya know, I'm just that awesome."

Kate chuckled.

Rachel continued. "But you're going to have to take a chance once in awhile, otherwise you're going to miss out on some awesome stuff. And you deserve everything life has to offer."

Kate smiled, getting a little teary. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, your jibes come from a good place."

"Always."

"Good. I love you too, but give someone else a chance to, okay? 'Cause if you put yourself out there, you'd have guys lining up down the street for a shot with you."

Kate chuckled. "I don't need a line of guys, I just need one."

"Castle?"

She was taken aback. "Um, that's not really what I meant, I mean I don't necessarily need him … I just sorta … want him."

Rachel grinned. "Alright, I'll take that. We're getting there. Baby steps."

There was a knock at the door. Kate went to see who was there as she answered. "Yeah, but that doesn't tell me what to do when I see him tomorrow." Ignoring her gut instinct, she pulled the door open without bothering to look through the peephole.

Suddenly, she was face to face with Rick Castle.

She felt her stomach dissolve. Crap. So much for having the night to prepare to see him.

He gave her an apologetic smile. She found her voice. "Uhh, Rach? I'm gonna have to go."

"Oh, okay. Why?"

"Um." What could she say with Rick standing right there? "I'll call you later." She motioned for him to come inside, and closed the door behind him. "Thanks for talking me off the ledge." She saw Rick turn around and look at her quizzically.

"Anytime, love. You gonna put my advice into action?"

"Yep. Sooner than I thought, in fact."

"Wha— oh crap! I'll shut up now! Go! Have fun! Use protection!"

"Rachel!" Kate exclaimed. But her friend had already hung up. She ended the call and tossed her phone onto the couch. "How is it that she's 24 and I go to her for advice?"

"Ah," Rick said, "the better question is, does her advice work out?"

She thought for a moment. "Yeah, actually. I call her 'genius' sarcastically, but ya know, I think I might be on to something there."

He chuckled. "Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah. Just needed some advice." She paused, realizing the redundancy of the conversation.

"Yes, thank you, captain obvious."

She made a face. "Okay, I deserved that one."

He laughed. "Taking it like a champ. I'd expect nothing less of you."

She grinned and shrugged, attempting to ignore the flutter in her stomach. "What can I say?"

"Oh," he said suddenly, "as a preemptive move, I'll tell you that I got your address from the phone book. There was nothing creepy involved, and none of your friends gave you up."

"Good job knowing where I was going next. But while it's not creepy, the phone book does involve actual effort, so there's gotta be some sort of reason why you're here."

"What, wanting to see you isn't reason enough?"

Ignoring the flutter was impossible this time around. "Oh, stop sucking up."

He grinned. "Well, I was serious about that. But I lied, there is a reason why I'm here."

She looked at him expectantly. "And?"

"Ya know how they say curiosity killed the cat?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not a cat." He endured a few seconds of her blank stare before he decided to elaborate. "I'm curious!"

"About…?"

He put on a mock thoughtful look and tapped an index finger against his chin. "Hmm. Well, let's see. What's 197 pages long, written by me, and currently sitting on your coffee table?"

She chuckled. "How do you know I've read it?"

"Oh come on, you're you."

"You've got a point there."

"So you've read it?"

"Geez, why does everyone think I'd be finished with it by now? I'm a person, not a machine!"

"I'll rephrase. You've read part of it?"

She paused. "Duh," she said grudgingly. "You didn't think I'd wait, did you?"

He ignored her question. "How much?"

She glanced at him. "Just finished chapter eight."

He raised his eyebrows. "And?"

"Do I detect nerves, Mr. Castle?" she asked with a smile. "Perhaps caring what I think?"

He tipped his head down and looked at her through his hair, giving her the impression that she was looking at a sad puppy. "Maybe."

Kate rolled her eyes in amusement. "Well, relax, I like it."

He perked up. "Really?"

"No, I lied."

"Wow, that was not cool!" he said with a laugh.

She grinned. "Sorry, had to."

"But you really like it?"

"Yeah. Can't say I was too happy with Don, though," she said, looking at him pointedly.

"He has a point, I promise."

"I figured, which is why you didn't get an angry phone call from me an hour ago."

"Well, I'm glad you have faith in me, Ms. Beckett."

Kate felt herself blush; she couldn't remember the last time she was called 'Ms.' over 'detective.' "Hey, your detective skills may need some work, but when it comes to writing, you sort of know what you're doing."

"No, I really don't, I just pretend to."

She chuckled. "Very nice."

Rick paused for a beat, and hesitated. "I feel like there's something else I should say, but I don't know how to say it."

Kate bit her lip. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You do?"

She sighed. "Yep."

He paused. "Are we talking about the same thing?"

"The end of the chapter—"

"—with the light—"

"—and the ice—"

"—and the blackout—"

"—yeah." She glanced at him nervously. "We're on the same page."

"Okay. That's good."

She noticed that he sounded as nervous as she felt, which gave her a little bit of confidence. "Yeah."

A moment passed in silence, during which Kate silently berated herself. Say something. Anything. He's right here, this is your chance. He won't turn you down. You can do this. She opened her mouth to speak.

"I was wondering…" Rick said before she could speak, trailing off.

"Yeah?" she asked, praying that she didn't sound as hopeful as she felt.

"Do you want to go to dinner sometime?"

Kate let out the breath she hadn't realize she was holding, and smiled. "Yeah."

Rick looked at her as if he couldn't believe his ears. "Really?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow night good for you?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, tomorrow's great."

She smiled shyly. "'Kay."

"'Kay," he echoed, unable to hide his smile. "Well, I'll let you get back to reading, and your phone call, and whatever else I interrupted."

She chuckled. "You're so intrusive."

"I know, right?" He opened the door and stepped into the hall. "So, uh … I'll see you tomorrow."

She smiled. "See you tomorrow."

He grinned and made to shut the door.

"Wait!" she called suddenly.

He poked his head back inside. "Yeah?"

She folded her arms and glared at him, only half serious. "Am I going to regret this when I read what happens next?"

He grinned mischievously. "You'll see," he said in a singsong voice, and shut the door.

She stood there for a moment, excitement coursing through her, a giddy smile spreading across her face. She glanced at her phone, knowing that she should really call Rachel back, but really just wanting to spend this moment in herself. Her phone buzzed suddenly, alerting her to a text message from Rachel herself. She grabbed the phone and opened the message.

Don't forget to keep me in the loop, missy.

Kate grinned, and quickly shot off a reply.

I'll loop you later, don't worry. Just gotta do something right now.

She slid her phone across the coffee table as she sat down, and picked up Heat Wave. She was suddenly overcome with a burning curiosity about what was going to happen between Rook and Heat. Grin still on her face, she found her place and, once again, began to read.

A/N: this was written before i read the entire book ... and now that i have, i think i'm gonna continue this one :D. but nothing else is written yet, so no idea when it's coming. let me know what you think!!