So here it is - this was my first fanfiction I've ever wrote - and I didn't take the time to work it over once more - so be nice please! :)

It's movieverse, but it's set after the last battle! It's about Susan's life after her siblings died and how she deals with it....

I wrote this because I didn't like how Susan's character develops in C. books and because I wasn't pleased with her end - but as C.S. Lewis said her story wasn't finished - so read on!! :)

Hope you like it! Enjoy reading! :)

The way the young woman knelt in the grass, sobbing and shaking, she looked rather like a desperate child than the queen she had once been, the queen who had once reigned over a prosperous country and who had shared both defeat and victory in battles.

But the grief about the deaths of those, who valued the most to her, shadowed not only the sovereign, she had once been, known as Queen Susan, the Gentle, but also the person she had become during the last years, the Susan, who was interested in nothing but nylons, lipsticks, and invitations.

She didn't care about the people at her back, who had pity on the woman, who had lost all of her beloved ones. She didn't care about her sobbingly aunt, who cried for her little son, whom she had to burry. She didn't even think of her mother, who was in hospital, because she couldn't handle the death of three of her most beloved children.

All she could think of where the people, whose names were written on the tombstones in front of her. She moved forward to touch the grey, cold stones once more to ensure that this wasn't just a horrible nightmare. But all that was real, all that tragedy had really happened.

Professor Kirke, who had given her family and herself a home, who had cared for them when their parents weren't able to, his friend Polly Plummer, Eustace, her dear cousin, who had after all become a quite likeable companion, his friend Lily Pole, Lucy, oh dear little Lucy, who had never lost her faith and who had always known when it was time for a comforting hug, Edmund, who had always defended his family, who had always known the right words to comfort her and Peter, who had always been there, to keep everything moving, to make everything right, on whom she could count no matter what time or situation – all of them were gone, just gone. She would never be able to talk to them again or to laugh with them. She couldn't even imagine a world without them.

Suddenly a young man's hand touched her shoulder.

She shrieked and cried out, „Just let me alone! Why can't you just let me be?"

"I just wanted to tell you that everyone has gone and that I wait at the car for you to bring you to your uncle's house!" the young man said softly.

The young woman nodded and heard the footsteps going away from her. She wasn't able to shed anymore tears, so she looked up to the sky and cried, "Why did you do this to me? What have I done wrong to have such a fate? Why did they have to die? They weren't supposed to die! It wasn't their time to go!"

Then her desperation changed into anger! No, she had long before stopped to believe in god or anything like that, she had long ago lost her faith and that was just another proof, that there existed nothing like a god! If there was a god, he wouldn't have let all her beloved ones die!

Then as she stood up, she made her decision. She wouldn't let this destroy her! She would concentrate on the other things that made her life worth living.

A short thought crossed her mind "What other things? Are there any other things?", but she abandoned this thought very quickly. She reminded herself of her friends and of Eric. Eric, who was waiting for her at the car, who cared for her like her brothers and sister had done. But did he really?

Then as she wiped away her tears, she wiped away her doubts as well. She straightened her skirt, arranged her hair and set a smile on her face. She walked away over the lawn, away from those hurting memories, she had buried together with her brothers, sister and friends.

No, she wouldn't let this destroy her!

Eric leaned against his car and was just about to light a cigarette, when he saw the young woman coming over to him. Her black skirt, her black blouse and her dark curls emphasized her pale skin. She had a smile on her bride red lips, but in her swollen blue eyes you could still see the pain and grief she had suffered.

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and said, "Thank you for waiting. We can go now!"

"You look much better now!" he said with a smile and opened the car door for her.

She smiled back and watched the young handsome man getting on the car. He looked extremely attractive in his black suite with his dark hair and his friendly brown eyes.

"You know, I realized that I have to accept that they are gone! I can't let the grief control my life!" she stated, "So, when is our next invitation?"

Eric laughed, took her hand and kissed it softly. "That's the Susan I fell in love with!"

Susan was just preparing for a dinner party, when she heard a soft knock on her door.

"Enter", she said shortly, while covering her lips with lipstick.

When she looked around, she saw her uncle coming in.

"Susan, my dear! I just wanted to say, that you are welcomed to stay with us as long as you want to. If you need anything just ask! I think your mother is also coming to stay with us after hospital until she has recovered fully. You know, it's a very hard time and we need to stick together as a family!" he looked surprised when he recognized the way she was dressed.

"What are you preparing for?"

"I am going to a dinner party with Eric!" she said shortly, like it was the most normal thing to do for her, straightening her elegant cocktail dress.

"Susan, you buried your brothers and your sister yesterday, your mother is in hospital and all you think of today is going out!" he didn't understand her behaviour.

"And what am I supposed to do? To lock myself up in my room, away from the world and cry for them? I have to move on! They would have wanted me to be happy!" she almost shouted, her voice filling with anger.

"You can't deny your true feelings! Susan, it's ok to grieve! If you don't act out your feelings, they will destroy you from the inside! Everybody knows what they meant to you. You need to…"

"You don't know what I need to do! I am not a child! I can do whatever I want! It's not of your business!" pointed Susan out, her glassy eyes looking straight into her uncle's stunned ones.

After a short break she went on, more calmly this time, "And this evening I am going to go out with Eric. So please, let me alone, so that I can prepare myself!"

"Susan, you know it's not only for you a hard time, but for all of us. So maybe you could start thinking about the others as well! And as you are living in my house, under my supervision at the moment I want you to be home at midnight!" and with these words he left the room before Susan could even object.

Sighing Susan sat back in her armchair and observed herself in the mirror. How could he dare say that she was only thinking of herself? She had always been the one who watched out and cared for others, she had always been the gentle one!

That night Susan dreamed as she often did of memories with her brothers and her sister, but she only saw snatches of different situations and conversations.

First she saw them all in the room with the wardrobe in professor Kirke's house:

"Not all of us have so much imagination like you Lucy!" Peter said.

"But I didn't think that out!" Lucy defended herself.

"Lucy, that's enough!" Susan heard herself saying.

Then they were suddenly in the middle of a wonderful winter land, laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.

Then within another moment they stood in front of a beaver, who explained to them, "So Aslan's return, Mr. Tumnus' arrest, the secret police, that's all happening because of you!"

"You are blaming us for what's happening?" she asked confused

"No, we don't blame you, we thank you!" the beaver's wife said.

Thereafter Peter, Lucy and she were speaking to Father Christmas. He gave a bow and some arrows to Susan, explaining, "Trust in that bow, Susan, and he will never miss his target!"

"But didn't you say war was something horrible?" Susan wondered.

After that she was crossing a frozen river, talking to Peter, "If mum knew what we are doing!" - "Mum isn't here!" he said shortly, leaving no time for a comment.

She saw herself practicing archery, Lucy throwing her and Edmund and Peter battling with their swords. Then Lucy and she were grieving for a great lion lying dead on a stone table, but in the next moment that animal was standing in front of them with all his glory and pride!

She saw her brothers, sister and herself fooling about in the water, standing at ruins, fighting in battles and celebrating victory! And then she was staring at a handsome young man with wonderful dark hair, a muscular body and warm chocolate-brown eyes. One moment later they were kissing and she felt her legs turning to jelly.

Suddenly she startled and found herself sitting upright in her bed. The sun was just about to rise and the first shafts of sunlight where enlightening the room. Why did she always dream of those stupid games they used to play when they were children, she asked herself. She didn't want to remember that time, it was hurting too much.

So what do you think? Did you like it? :) I know it's a rather short chapter - sorry for that!

If you want to make me happy (I am sure you all want to ;)) leave me a review! :)

And just to give you a little hint - there'll be more of Narnia and Caspian in this story ;) ..

I'll update soon - till then have a nice day :)