Tangerine

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related characters, plots, places, or creatures.

Warnings: Slash HP/DM Oneshot

Authors Note: This did actually happen to a guy in my dorm. A few girls in my hall tricked him into eating lube. It was funny for me and the other girls but not so much for him. After that I just had to write a little something and it amuses me, even if it's not the best quality. My beta was far from amused (she was pretty grossed out actually), but she proof read it for me anyway. Thank you Cyhyr!

"Hurry up Ron!" Seamus hissed from his vantage point by the door. "He could be coming up here any minute."

Ron snarled something rather unfavorable about Seamus's mother and a nargle, but sped up nonetheless.

"Maybe we should just wait for Harry and ask him," Neville suggested in a breathy voice.

"No," Dean said. "He's been hanging out with Hermione too much lately. He always spoils all the fun."

"Found it!" Ron exclaimed pulling a few sheets of parchment out of Harry's book bag. Quickly he handed them to Dean who duplicated them and slid one copy into his own bag. He handed the originals back to Ron.

"Quick, put everything back as it was!" Seamus urged.

Ron began picking up the books and papers that he'd scattered everywhere in his desperate search for Harry's Potion's notes. Hastily he shoved them back into Harry's bag. As he did this though, something fell out and rolled under Harry's bed.

Seeing this, Dean swore and dove under after it. Ron finished putting things back in the bag just as Seamus spat out a warning from the door.

"Quick! He's coming. Everyone look natural!"

Dean banged his head on the bed as he wriggled out, missing object in his hand. Quickly he shoved it in his pocket and when to join the others by Neville's bed. He flopped down just as Harry entered.

"So what did Hermione want?" Seamus asked in a calm tone.

"Huh?" Harry asked distractedly. "Oh, she just wanted to know if I would study defense with her tonight. I can't though. Draco is taking me to Hogsmede. It's our six-month anniversary and he's planned something special. I've actually got to go now and meet him. I'll see you guys later yeah?"

A chorus of, "Yeah," and, "See you Harry," followed him out the door.

The boys let out a collective sigh of relief as Harry's footsteps faded.

"That was close!" Neville exclaimed.

"You bet!" Seamus agreed. "Could you have taken any longer Ron?"

"You do it next time!" Ron spat hotly. "His bag is a mess if you haven't noticed. Even worse than mine, and that's saying something."

"Guys, chill," Dean said before it could turn into a full-blown fight. "All that matters is that we got the notes. "Here," he said pulling them out. "Let's copy them down before we forget."

The only sounds for the next few minutes were the sounds of highly spirited boys grumbling and quills scratching on parchment.

Dean was the first to finish. He stood up and cracked his back before bending over to put his quill back into his bag while he waited for the page to dry. As he did, something in his pocket poked him. Frowning he reached in and pulled out the item he'd rescued from under the bed.

It was a tube of liquid about the size of a girl's lip gloss. It was decorated with pictures of oranges and bore the words, 'Tangerine flavoring!'

"What's that?" Ron asked, leaning over Dean's shoulder to get a look.

"I dunno. It was whatever fell out of Harry's bag. It looks like a thing of girl's lip gloss, though I don't know why Harry would keep that in his bag," Dean commented puzzled.

"Let me see," Seamus said holding out his hand. Dean gave it to him.

"Maybe he likes to eat it," Neville said.

"What???"

"Maybe he likes to eat it," Neville repeated. "I always hear girls talking about how good their lip gloss tastes. I've never tried it, but maybe Harry has."

Seamus eyed is speculatively for a second before opening the cap.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked.

"I'm going to try some," Seamus told him squeezing a little bit out onto his hand.

"Give me some of that," Ron said. He took the bottle and followed Seamus's example. He then offered the bottle to Dean.

Dean laughed, "Not a chance. You guy be idiots, but no way in hell am I trying that shit."

Neville took the bottle. "Let me see that," he said and started reading the fine print on the back.

As one Seamus and Ron looked at each other and than put the gel in their mouths.

A moment too late, Neville said, "No! Don't!"

Seamus blanched and Ron ran to the bathroom to wash out his mouth. Seamus followed. The two returned a few minutes later making faces.

"Ugh! That was disgusting!" Ron exclaimed.

"For about a millisecond I though, hmm, this is good, but then it just went straight to hell," Seamus told them.

"It tasted like medicine," Ron said.

"Well, I don't know about medicine, but I'm not surprised it tasted bad. I tried to warn you, but you ate it too fast. It's not lip gloss," Neville told them.

"What is it then?" Dean asked.

"It's...lube," Neville said hesitantly.

The boys stared at him for a minute before Ron blanched.

"Do you mean to say," Seamus said as Ron started to turn green, "that I just ate lube?"

Neville nodded and Ron ran to the bathroom. The sounds of puking could be heard as Ron's lunch vanished into the toilet.

"Flavored lube?" Seamus said weakly.

"And not just any lube," Dean said cheerily, clearly enjoying himself. "Harry's lube that he's probably used when having sex with Draco, and that they were probably planning on using tonight."

Seamus sank to the floor in a dead faint.

Five hours later

Harry and Draco lay relaxing in Draco's bed. It had been a wonderful evening. Draco had treated Harry to a romantic dinner for two at The Three Broomsticks and the two had retired to Draco's private room (courtesy of him being Head Boy). There, Harry had found that Draco had the house elves set up an assortment of fruits and chocolate. Needless to say the boys had quite a bit of fun, especially after they ordered some whipped cream as well. Now, after much playing, the two were basking in the afterglow and just enjoying each other's company. There was one thing though that was bothering Harry.

"This is driving me nuts Dray. What on earth could have happened to my lube? It was even your favorite kind, tangerine. I bought it especially for tonight. What could have happened to it?" Harry asked.

"Maybe your roommates stole it and decided to have some fun!" Draco whispered to him as he ran a hand through Harry's black locks.

Harry snorted, "Could you imagine the look on Ron's face if he saw that? He'd probably throw up."

Draco chuckled, "Yes he probably would. But let's stop talking about your roommates. It's been a wonderful day and I don't want to ruin it by getting nightmares tonight."

Harry smacked him, but curled up to him anyway. "Be nice! But I'll stop. I am kinda tired anyway. I just can't understand it though. Oh well. Good night Dray, I love you."

"I love you too Harry."