Snipers and Womanizers
"Can I...?"
"No"
"So then can I…?"
"No colonel"
"Damn! So then can I…?"
"No"
Roy Mustang sighed in frustration. Why did he even bother asking in the first place? He knew she'd say no! Well, it was worth a try, he thought. One day…
"No I won't colonel. Now please stop trying to hide your paperwork."
Damn! Caught again! Maybe Riza could read minds too.
"I can't read minds sir. You are just too predictable."
Roy's mouth opened and closed in silent protest.
"Havoc; cigarette away please." Roy sighed again as she turned her attention to the unfortunate second lieutenant. "What was that sir?" He gulped as Riza turned her 'hawk eyes' back to the colonel.
"Nothing"
She stared at him for a moment, as if she could get the truth out of him just by staring, and then turned back to her work. Roy noticed enviously that she was nearly done.
"You would be done sooner sir if you'd stop staring at me." For one unguarded moment, Riza seemed to blush, and then it was gone- so quickly that Roy thought he had imagined it.
"I'd be done sooner if you did it for me." He hinted.
"No thank-you sir."
"Well then maybe I should…"
"Burning the papers sir is out of the question."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Havoc snicker.
"Well, my second lieutenant," he said sweetly, "papers could magically fly from my pile to yours."
"Actually sir, that is technically impossible," Falman put in.
"Yes, Falman; and it's technically impossible…"
"Sir" Roy heard the clink of Riza's guns and instantly flinched as did the rest of the men in the room.
"Riza" He whined.
"Hawkeye" she corrected. "Now everyone get back to work." The men hastened to obey and soon the room was filled with the sounds of pens scratching paper. "Colonel, drawing stick figures in mini-skirts on your desk does not count as getting back to work!"
"But I wanna go home! I have a date in like an hour!" Roy whined. Havoc snickered.
"No dates for you sir until you finished your work!"
"Okay! I lied. I don't have a date tonight." Roy was desperate.
"Gasp!" Havoc pretended to faint and Roy made a show of pretending to snap his fingers.
"The colonel without a date; I'd say that that's 90% im-"
Riza clicked the safety catch on her gun again and everyone in the room dived for cover.
"Would you all like to stay with the colonel while he does his work after hours?"
Everybody shook their heads in a hurry.
"Why do I gotta stay?" Roy whined.
"Because…" Riza trailed off as Roy stood up and made his way over to her desk. "What are you doing sir?!"
"I can read minds too." He said. "You were gonna say 'Because Roy Mustang is super handsome and manly and I'll let him off today because he is so super awesome and if I let him off, he'll take me on a date tonight.'" Roy grinned as his lieutenant grew more and more flustered; at both his closeness and just the fact that every single one of their subordinates were watching VERY closely.
"That is out of question sir." She replied stiffly. A slight blush grazed her face though and unfortunately, Roy saw it. He smirked.
"I take that as a yes. I'll pick you up at five." He grinned; whoever said Riza Hawkeye had him wrapped around her finger was clearly wrong.
She sat there confused for a second and then: "But what about…"
"Nobody will know. Trust me." So she isn't totally against it. "Right guys" Everyone nodded.
"Pay up!" Havoc whispered to Breda, Falman and Fuery, Riza gave them a sharp look and he defiantly grinned back slyly.
Breda mumbled something about being broke now, but nevertheless, handed over Havoc's winnings along with the rest of the men. Riza glared at them the whole time and Roy just smirked at her from his desk, where he had retreated to.
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Roy pulled up in front of the small apartment and parking his car, took a deep breath. Riza was the only girl he had never been able to date, and now here he was… He wasn't exactly nervous, just excited. But he wasn't about to let that show. Years of practice, both with other women and his mirror came through for him then and he opened the door and walked up the walk to her front door. He took another deep breath and knocked… twice… then three times.
"Coming," An excited bark was heard and he stepped back as the door opened.
"Oh sir" Riza opened the door a little wider.
"It's Roy"
"Roy; so…?"
"Don't tell me you forgot our date!" Roy said.
"Oh" Riza just looked at him. He was dressed quite nicely too. And he had flowers. "I don't have anything to wear." She lied. She wasn't about to tell him that she wasn't expecting him to come.
"Really" Roy stepped closer. "Are you sure?"
She inched the door closed a bit.
"You know, I just don't believe that even you, wouldn't own at least some clothes other than military uniforms. He leaned against the doorframe. "Can I come in at least? You know, driving is fairly exhausting."
She sighed but let him in anyway, taking the flowers from him. She doubted that she would be able to talk Roy out of the date. And of course, he made a beeline straight for her room. She rolled her eyes. Roy had a tendency to remember where bedrooms were. Even hers- once when Roy, Breda, Furey, Havoc and Falman had run out of gas- on their way to god knows where- by her house, they had stopped by and slept over, telling her that the gas station was 'too far away for them to roll the car to.'
"What about this?" Roy's muffled voice came from her room.
She groaned. "What about what?" She decided to answer him anyway.
"This" Roy met her in her doorway holding up a black strapless mini-dress.
"No" Riza told him, taking a step back.
"Well you can't go like that" he said gesturing to the white tank-top and ripped jeans she had on. Riza desperately wished that she had just gotten rid of that dress. She didn't even know why she had kept it in the first place. She hadn't even worn it once.
Roy disappered back into her room and she stepped reluctantly across the threshold. Riza's room was as strict as she was. A bed was against the wall and a small nightstand stood beside it. The only decoration was a picture of everyone in the military that she called friend. It stood; it's back against the lamp on the nightstand, looking back at her with its many grinning faces. Under the broad window, was a dresser and beside the window, her closet.
"Wow Riza!" The closet said in the voice of her commanding officer. "Who knew you had so many dresses… and, oh! Mini skirts!"
"Courtesy of my grandfather" She explained with a blush. "On all of my birthdays he gets me something. He thinks I need to be more social." She added.
"He picked good"
Riza did not reply.
"I still like the black dress the best." Roy said eventually, popping his head back out of her closet. Why the hell, did she even let him look in there in the first place?
"I'm not wearing that"
"Please?"
"No"
Roy gave her his puppy eyes and her heart of steel melted.
"Fine" She grabbed the dress from him and pushed him into her living room. "And no peeking!"
Roy nodded and sat down on her couch. He may be a womanizer, he thought. But he was an honorable one at that. With nothing more to do but wait, he surveyed Riza's home. It was much the same it had been the last time he was here, the only difference being that there was now a dog sharing her home. Roy felt a twinge of jealousy. Where was that dog anyway?
"Woof!" Roy was startled out of his thoughts by Black Hayate jumping onto his lap.
"Oh there you are mutt." Roy muttered as Black Hayate began licking his hand. "Don't you ever behave when your mommy's not around?"
"Woof!"
"I didn't think so." Why the hell am I talking to a… Oh my god.
Roy stood and Black Hayate fell out of his lap with a thud. The dog yelped and gave Roy an indignant look. Roy paid no notice to the dog.
"Do I look okay?" Riza asked meekly.
Roy just stood there with his mouth open. She didn't look like the Riza he knew. The Riza he knew wore shapeless military clothes and guns at her side. The Riza he knew, shot at anything that moved (including on occasion Roy- although she was very careful to miss). This Riza was beautiful like no words could describe. She had let her hair down and it fell golden slightly past her shoulders, nearly touching the black dress that flowed down her figure to her thighs. She had found black heels to wear on her feet and a dainty golden chain for her neck. To complete it, she had a black purse in her hand.
"Uh…" Roy stammered. A familiar click of a safety catch being released quickly drew him back into the present. "Yes! You look fine… no beautiful in fact."
Riza narrowed her amber eyes at that but nevertheless, tucked her gun back into her purse.
"Do you have to bring that?" Roy asked weakly.
"You may be off duty Roy, but I still should protect you when I can." She said.
At least she didn't call me sir. Roy thought grumpily. Guns also meant that she could threaten him any time, which was not what Roy had pictured for their first date. Nevertheless, he held out his arm for her to take and escorted her to his car.
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"I bet you…"
"Shut up Havoc!" Breda hissed. The four of them were hiding in the bushes outside of Riza's house. It was slightly uncomfortable for Breda, especially because Falman took up most of the room and Havoc had already farted once or twice in his face. And then there was Fuery who was practically sitting on his lap as the other two took up so much room.
"Well, the possibility of Havoc shutting up is about 70%... Ouch!"
"Ooops, my foot slipped."
Fuery groaned silently as the two bickered quietly.
"Hey guys!" Breda whispered suddenly, causing the other three to go quiet. "They're coming out!" Four pairs of eyes peered around and through the bush, straining to catch a glimpse of the colonel and his first lieutenant setting off on a forbidden first date. Roy was saying something to Riza and she laughed a sound that made the four men jump. They NEVER heard her laugh.
"He's sure a charmer" Havoc whispered enviously. "So good, he can make even the Stone-hearted Hawkeye fall in love with him."
"Shhh" Three other voices said.
"It's no wonder I have no luck with the ladies. With him around…"
"SHUT UP!" Breda screeched at the rambling Havoc. Too late, the others covered his mouth. Riza and Roy stopped and stared suspiciously at the bush. Riza mumbled something about a talking bush and Roy shrugged and they continued walking to his car. The four sighed in relief.
"It was your fault" Breda mumbled to Havoc.
"I need a smoke" Havoc said, ignoring Breda.
"Can't you do that later?" Fuery asked.
"That is almost 80%..."
"I'm tempted" Havoc warned.
"Guys, shut up, I can't concentrate." Breda tried unsuccessfully. "Ooohh look! They're getting into his car!"
"Where?" Havoc swung his head away from Falman so quickly that the back of his head collided with Fuery's forehead, causing him to yelp in pain.
"Never mind" Breda muttered as Fuery moaned in pain and Roy and Riza drove away to god knows where.
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"We're going in here?!" Riza asked incredulously. She knew they were going to some place fancy but she didn't expect some place like this. This was the most famous restaurant of the city in which they lived- truly a place that no ordinary person could afford! But then again, Roy was no ordinary person.
"Yes we are." He said steadily.
"Do you always take your girlfriends to places like this?"
"Not always."
She nodded; her heart pounding.
"Good." He opened the car door and walked around to her side. Opening it, he held out his hand and she took it. She was firmly helped out of the car and as a chauffer drove the car away, Riza remembered that Roy was quite strong. A feeling of safeness filled her and she blushed.
"Are you cold?" Roy asked worriedly, as he put her on his arm.
Riza shook her head. Although it was getting darker, and the air cooler, she felt warm next to Roy. But she wasn't going to tell him that.
They made their way to the entrance in silence, broken only by a man in a tuxedo:
"Mr. Mustang! What a pleasure to see you back at the Shangri La!"
Roy nodded with a smile.
"I see you brought a young lady with you!"
"Sure did"
"Your usual table I suppose."
"Please"
"Right this way then"
The man (or rather waiter) led them into the restaurant and toward the table Roy mentioned. Riza meanwhile took in the sights.
The room was lit with chandeliers positioned over every table. Not to her amazement, she realized that real candles wavered and danced in their holders. . Along with the candles, huge open windows swept the restaurant, giving it's patrons a view of the ocean nearby. They lead out onto a balcony that lead to the sandy beach itself. A salty smell hung in the air. The tables were made out of some sort of dark exotic wood that was polished until they shone. Matching chairs with creamy cushions surrounded each table. The floors were made of marble and Riza listened as her shoes clicked along the floor. She half looked back, expecting to see scratches along the delicate floor where her shoes had been.
"Here's your table sir, madam." He pulled out her chair and she sat down, feeling out of place in such a rich room. Looking around some more, she saw that the walls were a light tan color with paintings of different things adorning them every few feet.
Roy watched as Riza took in everything- the sounds of a waterfall playing in the background and the ocean nearby and the talk of people and the sound of slight music under that. To him, she was still the most beautiful thing in the room and in the setting sun, even more so.
"Do you like it?" He asked.
"Oh yes. I love it!" She looked past him and toward the setting sun. It had turned out that Roy's 'table' was right by one of the balconies, slightly away from the other tables.
"I'm glad." She looked at him and he saw her gaze soften.
"Thank you Roy." Riza smiled and Roy was reminded of the sun- so radiant, bright and pure.
"Ahem." They looked up abashed at being caught and the waiter coughed uncomfortably. "Your menus" He handed them each a menu and then disappered to another table.
Riza quickly scanned the menu. Everything was so expensive! She thought, looking for the cheapest thing. After a minute or so, she gave up. The cheapest thing was just barely above $80.00.
"I recommend the fish." Roy said calmly. "Don't worry about the price Riza." He added after seeing her expression on how much the fish cost.
"But sir- I mean Roy!"
"Don't worry about it." He repeated. She looked doubtful. "Please Riza," he said quietly. She looked down and fiddled with her purse strap.
She finally nodded, looking back up at him.
"Have we decided sir and madam?" The waiter was back.
"I'll have… oh crap!"
"Oh crap?" The waiter looked confused.
"Not you!" Roy snapped. "Riza hide!"
"What?" she asked startled.
"Your grandfather's coming!" Roy hissed.
"What?" The waiter was confused.
Riza looked wildly around for a hiding spot. Her grandfather was here? What was he doing here? Her heart pumped wildly- if he saw her… too late.
"Colonel Mustang?"
"Oh! Commander Grumman! What a pleasure seeing you here!" Roy said charmingly (as if he had not been panicking a moment ago).
"On a date are we?" Grumman said fondly.
"Yes sir." Roy mumbled. Riza turned her head away from her grandfather and hoped he did not see her face.
"Colonel; Commander?" the waiter said, looking from colonel to commanding officer.
"And who is this lovely young lady?" Grumman asked straining to see Riza's face, which she kept, turned into shadows.
"Um…" Roy said, thinking quickly. "She's my mother's cousin's daughter's sister in law and I was just showing her Amestris! She's from Xing. Well, not really, but she's lived there all her life."
"A shy little thing isn't she?"
"She's suffering from a disease called stepititis. She can't see or hear or talk."
"What?" the waiter could barely keep up.
"Okay, so she can hear and see a bit, but it's limited." Roy babbled on.
"Oh my" Grumman said. "Oh, my dear I do hope you feel better." He took Riza's hand and she turned even farther away from him.
"Dear, Mr. Grumman is that way." Roy said soothingly.
Riza grunted and nearly fell out of her seat- so was her desire to have stepititis.
"Well, I'd better be off." Grumman said warmly. "Mustang, Mustang's mother's cousin's sister's…"
"Daughter's" Roy corrected.
"Roy's relative, farewell!" And with that the elderly man left.
"Stepititis?" Riza said after her grandfather was out of sight.
"That's all I could think of…" Roy protested. He flinched, expecting Riza to pull out her guns. To his surprise and the waiter's, Riza burst out laughing. Roy and then the waiter-, who had no idea what had just occurred, joined in.
"Stepititis…" Riza snorted once she could talk again. That set off another bout of snorts and giggles, of which the waiter decided he'd had enough of.
"Madam, sir; what can I get you?"
"Two plates of fish… snort … and some… ha … red wine please!" Roy said. The waiter quickly left with their order.
It took them a few more laughs and "Stepititis" to calm them down, which had of course earned them a few strange looks from the people around them.
"Ah…" Riza sighed. She was quite full. The fish that Roy had recommended was indeed delicious and the red wine went very well with it. It was now well into the night and the Shangri La was clearing slowly of its customers.
"I told you it was good." Roy said smugly.
"Hn…" Riza murmured thoughtfully. "You're right, it was good." She smiled. "Thanks, Roy."
"My pleasure"
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"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss" Havoc pleaded with the couple.
Soon after Roy and Riza had left, Havoc, Breda, Falman and Fuery had piled into Fuery's old truck and went after them. Of course they had been denied entry to everything (even the parking lot), so they had parked the car near the beach and went around to one of the balconies. From there, they moved behind yet another bush and had been watching Roy and his lieutenant for the past three hours. Mercifully for Roy and Riza, the four had missed the incident with Grumman and had arrived soon after they had begun their meal.
"It's highly unlikely Roy would make such a move on her…" Falman trailed off as he realized that everyone else was staring at him.
"Do you ever…" Havoc began rudely.
"Hey guys look! They're…!" Fuery began excitedly. "Oh never mind," he said. Everyone looked at him, clearly exasperated with the man. "I thought they were going to do something!" He explained. "The colonel was leaning in and she was leaning in…"
"WHAT!?"
"Yeah. But he was just telling her something and she was leaning closer to hear him."
"So close," Havoc whimpered.
"Do you think he'll kiss her when he drops her off?" Breda asked.
"Shut up Falman." Havoc said before the other man could open his mouth.
"I didn't say anything!" Falman protested.
"You were going to."
"Guys; they're leaving!" Breda called.
"Maybe, just maybe…" Havoc muttered, sticking a cigarette in his mouth and lighting up.
"Ugh! Can't you wait until we're out of the bush Havoc?" Breda complained.
"Nope"
"Seriously, you're as annoying as Falman."
"What was that?" Falman asked.
"Nothing Falman"
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"I had a wonderful night, thank you Roy!" Riza said warmly. The couple was on her doorstep, the stars twinkling and the moon casting its full silver glow on them.
"I did too"
They stood there in silence, unsure how to go on. That was strange for Roy. Usually he had some sort of witty remark ready, followed by a passionate kiss… But this was Riza Hawkeye, the girl he'd loved for ever, not some woman from the streets just looking for a good time, like most of the women he picked up. He amazed himself sometimes, especially on the fact that he was still a virgin.
"So I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow." Riza said reluctantly. She wished that the night could have gone on forever, just her and Roy.
"Yes," he said just as reluctantly. He took her hand and kissed it. "So until we meet again mademoiselle." He backed away from her and back to his car. She smiled and waved as he got in and drove away. Only later did it occur to her that she had never once had to pull out her guns.
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"Did that count as a kiss?" Havoc asked hopefully.
"Well…" Falman for once had an audience that actually listened. "He kissed her hand." He said reluctantly.
"Pay up guys!" Havoc grinned as money filled his open hands and money left his friends.
And so not only love filled the night.