i decided to continue this? bc i hate myself thats why

From the Personal Journal of Dr. Henry Jekyll, February 2, 18-

I worry for my wellbeing, and the wellbeing of those around me.

It has been some years since the incident with Hyde was concluded and his essence was, presumably, wiped from existence. Life has been grand; my job has flourished, as has my social life. Mr. Utterson and I have re-written my will, leaving most of my belongings in the safe care of my dear friend Mr. Lanyon in the case of my sudden and untimely demise. And speaking of Lanyon, he and I are on far better terms than we have been in almost a decade, since I started my work on the subconscious mind, or rather, my own mind. We meet up every now and again to talk, and have such wonderful dinners together every Friday eve.

But it is not to last, or at least, not to last in such a good mood.

The nightmares have returned, and with them, an omnipresent sense of dread percolates my everyday life. I don't remember them upon waking, but their presence at night terrifies me, leaving me with phantom pains and an echo of otherworldly laughter that haunts me throughout the day. I find sleep harder to come by, with that knowledge hanging over my shoulder, waiting me when my eyes close.

And another thing, which bothers me so- I have had the strangest urges lately, that worry me. Violent urges, ones that whisper in my ear to do harm to another when my mood is beaten down from a night of restless sleep. These salacious utterings horrify me and I immediately put them out of mind when they appear, but like the nightmares, they await me again when I have a moment and unwillingly think back.

I have tried medicine for sleep and thoughts both, and when those didn't have the desired effect, I made my own to the same results. It is frustrating, knowing there is a problem with no solution, or one just out of my sight.

I do not know what this means, any of this, but I can do nothing but agonize about it until a solution presents itself.

Until then, I will continue to keep in contact with Lanyon, and hope.