Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing. The song's not mine either.

This is a companion piece to Songbird. It tells the original story from Elliot's POV. I would suggest you read Songbird first but it won't matter if you don't.

This is for all those who requested more from Songbird, especially mhopeg and MrsLee.

-------------------Songbird--------------------

June

Wednesday

My eyes feel incredibly heavy and my body feels…feels…I don't know, heavy, I guess. I manage to open them…my eyes that is…just a bit and can see Fin and Kathy sitting there…both staring at me, well, I think it's me….I can't be sure, in fact I can't be sure of anything.

Eyes open again…Fin and Kathy…eyes closed.

Fin and Kathy…there's an interesting pair…ha ha. Fin and Kathy sitting in a tree…K I S S something, something G.

Eyes open again…Don and Kathleen…eyes closed.

Don and Kathleen … better be no K I whatever, whatever…no dramas…Don wouldn't do that; he'd never be in a tree…he'd probably fall out and break a hip…

Eyes open again …Mo and the twins…eyes closed.

Mo and the twins…one, two, three…well no…One for Mo and one, two for twins. One, two, three makes no sense for twins…twins …two for the price of one, maybe it should just be one…one.

Eyes open again Fin and Kathy…eyes stay open. Something's not right here; we're back at the beginning but no Munch and no Olivia…No Olivia…NO OLIVIA! I'm looking at them and they're talking…I think they're talking to me but my head is swirling and there's a ringing in my ears that wasn't there before…before…before whatever it was that happened to put me here.

Kathy is coming towards the bed and I can see her lips moving and feel her hand on mine. Funny, we were married for twenty years I can't figure out what she is on about but one look at Olivia and I know everything she has to say. Olivia…where is she?

Ah, the door. Someone's coming in to see me…that has to be Olivia…O….liv…ia, O….liv…ia, come on in. Hang on, you're not Olivia, you're a nurse. God dammit!

Oh, there you are…what the hell are you wearing? Black boots, tight black leather pants, a skin tight black top and …hang on, my eyes aren't opened. This isn't real. Anyway, back to the black leather…and your hair is so curly and blonde…BLONDE? You're not a blonde, Olivia…Hang on…wrong Olivia…this is Newton-John as in Sandy from Grease…I want my Olivia…Olivia Benson….MY Olivia? MY? When did I start thinking of her as mine? Don't care when but it sure as hell sounds right.

Thursday

Whatever that nurse gave me knocked me out, so here I am again trying to open my eyes and focus…trying to figure out what's happening…what happened…What happened?

Damn, I wish this buzzing in my ears would quit…makes it so hard to concentrate!

What was I thinking? Oh yeah, what happened? What do I remember? What do I remember?

I remember getting up this morning…maybe not this morning but it was definitely morning…I went to work…it was sunny. Why do I remember it was sunny? Is that important?

Went into the precinct, spoke to Don and Olivia came in…why hasn't she come in yet? And he sent us out to…where did he send us? Where? Olivia, where did Don send us? Why am I talking to you, you're not even here?

Oh yeah, sent us to investigate what's-his-name…and we went to the house…a big, red house…it looked like my uncle's house from when I was a kid…except it had green shutters and my uncle had…that's so not the point.

We sat in the car, me and Olivia…she said we should stay put, I said we should go, she said no, I said yes, she said no, I played the 'don't you trust me' card, we went and…BOOM!!! It went boom. The house went boom! I remember flying through the air…it was in slow motion. I hit the pavement and I thought my head would explode next – the pain was unbelievable.

I tried to get up but I couldn't. I tried to look for Olivia but I couldn't see her.

I heard a car and then Fin and Munch yelling. Fin came towards me and Munch ran somewhere else …Hang on, Munch ran somewhere else and I haven't seen him since, haven't seen Olivia since…Did something happen to them? Was there another explosion? Did I kill them? Did I kill Olivia??? Oh my god, I killed her! It's the only explanation….it has to be…I killed her…forced her to go into the house with me and then BOOM it exploded and I killed her….oh sweet Jesus…I killed her……I killed my Olivia.

I think I'm going to hurl…my stomach is forcing itself up through my throat. I can't believe I killed her. I killed her. I should have listened to her in the first place. I should have trusted her. Should have never asked her to trust me. I'm supposed to be the one she can trust more than anyone else in the world, I'm supposed to be her partner, supposed to be the one who has her back…And she did trust me and now she's dead and no one is telling me anything. They must all blame me too.

God I hate myself…why wasn't it me!!! It should have been me…me and not my Olivia.

The tears are streaming down my face when the doctor comes in to see me.

"Are you in pain, Elliot?" he asks. I am in so much pain but it has nothing to do with anything physical. I shake my head. "What wrong?" he asks concern on his face. The noise in my ears has quietened and I can concentrate on his words but it doesn't help me with the answer.

"Elliot?" It's Don coming from behind the doctor and he looks ten years older than I remember. I can't have been unconscious that long. The twins didn't seem to have aged. "Is he alright?" Don addresses the doctor and they chat briefly but I can't hear them.

The doctor leaves, I don't even know his name, and Don walks towards me and stands by the bed. His hand rests on my arm and he looks incredibly tired and downcast.

"How do you feel, El? he asks.

"Ok," I manage. My throat feels strange…it's dry and scratchy.

"You took a fair blast yesterday," Don says. Um, yeah…I know that. "But the doctor says you're going to be fine." And Liv? I want to ask…but I can't get the words to form.

I manage to nod, and he knows what I can't ask.

"Liv's okay, Elliot," he says and I gulp. He can't have possibly said that. I killed her, that can't be okay.

"No!" It comes out on its own.

"Yeah El, she's two rooms away and she's doing alright. She has a leg injury and is not allowed out of bed but she's been conscious the whole time and really wants to see you," Don reports.

"I didn't kill her?" I whisper.

"No you didn't son, she's alive…"

They're the most beautiful words I've ever heard. I didn't kill her; I didn't kill my Liv…Now I just have to get up and go and see her.

I drag myself into a sitting position and try to lower the safety rail so I can get out but Don's stopping me…why is he stopping me? He knows I have to see her…he knows…god, he wasn't lying was he?

"Don, I've gotta see her," I protest, shaking the bed rail.

"No El, you need to stay in bed. You can see her later on…the doctor says you need to get some more rest." He is trying to soothe me but it's not working. He doesn't understand how badly I need to see her right now, how badly I need to touch her, how badly I need…need…need her. I need to see her for myself, need to know, really know I didn't kill her. He doesn't understand that!