North

summary: [3x17 companion fic] She'd almost lost him and said 'yes' to forever with him all in the same day. As he lay beside her in the loft they shared, Iris let her thoughts drift about the home they've found with each other. Barry Allen was her true north.

genre: Romance

rated: T

authors note: title inspiration and lyrics are from "North" by Sleeping At Last. I've also made a fanvid about Barry & Iris to this song..just go to youtube and paste the link below in! Thanks for reading!

/watch?v=tQvRhu2yvGc

We will call this place our home,

The dirt in which our roots may grow.

Though the storms will push and pull,

We will call this place our home.

Early morning sunlight streamed through the gaps in the floor length curtains of the bedroom windows as outside, dawn began to rise in Central City. The faint sounds of birds chirping and beginnings of the city awakening below their loft made their way through the glass, beckoning the early beginnings of a new day. The sounds didn't disturb the occupants of the loft however, one fast asleep and the other still wide awake from the night before.

Iris leaned her elbow against the pillow, propping her head up as she rest it upon her palm. She couldn't help smiling to herself as she reached out a hand to brush at the hair that flopped over Barry's brow. He lay on his back sleeping, head turned towards her as she lay to the right of him curled up close. His left arm was trapped between the mattress and her body while his other arm lay draped over his waist where the sheet met the bare skin of his hips.

He'd only been asleep a few hours while Iris lay awake. They had come home after a day she wouldn't soon forget and had a night she would always remember. After days apart but what felt like so much longer, and being taught a lesson in love by the Music Meister, they had reconciled and Barry returned home, to their home. They hadn't been in the loft more than a few moments before Barry lay his heart out for her to see, singing to her, proposing again in a way that was so beautiful it had brought tears to her eyes. Shortly after, she had led him to the bedroom, their bedroom. Wearing nothing between them but the ring on her finger, they had made love for what felt like eternity in the best way. They'd held each other close after, Barry fighting with his own exhaustion in an effort to stay awake because, god, how he'd missed her. But the speedster eventually had no choice but to give in, worn out despite the fact he had spent most of the day in a forced dream state.

Iris, however, couldn't sleep. Her mind kept racing through the last two weeks. What had started it all was the first proposal. It had been beautiful, so sweet and perfectly romantic in its simplicity. It was no grand gesture or big romantic speech about how much he loved her because Barry said and did those things all the time. Instead he had cooked her favorite recipe of her great-grandmother's, gotten her favorite dessert, and told her the significance of the ring that once belonged to his mother, the story of his great-grandparents engagement, as he got down on one knee. It had been easy to say yes.

Then she discovered it was fear that led him to propose and she'd taken the ring off. She didn't for one second doubt his love for her but the idea of him asking her to be his wife to change the future rather than to build a future upset her. His intentions were noble, like always, but love was about more than just ensuring one's physical safety and Iris was feeling like Barry was losing sight of that in his desperation to save her. So she called it off, only to come to terms with his motivation after fearing that she'd lost him in the Speed Force when he went to save Wally. The idea of losing him suffocated her and when she realized Barry must be dealing with that ever since he was thrust into the future and watched her die, it felt silly to hold a grudge. So she was willing to forgive him but her relief had been short lived as Barry suggested they needed space, pushing her away to focus on saving her and consumed by his guilt that he had hurt her.

Her nails gently played at the short hairs on the side of his head before moving to brush at the longer hair on top, feeling the remnants of his pomade on her fingertips, knowing the vague scent of vanilla would linger on her hands because of it. She loved that smell. Barry always smelled faintly of vanilla from the hair wax, freshly brewed coffee and a sweet-burned chemical scent from the lightning he created. The scent that was uniquely Barry lingered on the pillows and sheets on his side of the bed and in his absence Iris had found herself curling up to the void.

It hadn't been a breakup; she knew neither of them had any intention on giving up on each other. Sometimes two people just needed to be apart in order to collect their thoughts and get their head straight before finding their way back to each other. This was an obstacle, a hardship they had to overcome before moving forward. But her heart ached with how empty everything had felt without him. They'd been best friends her whole life and although the romantic element to their relationship was fairly new, nothing in her life had ever made her feel more whole and happy. They'd always had a connection between them but being in love with Barry made her life feel like a complete circle. She'd never been one to need someone, to need to be in love, but when she opened herself up to feeling that way about Barry, she'd realized the idea had always been there like an unanswered question. And suddenly there was nothing else in the world she wanted. It felt like it'd been this way forever. To suddenly have that piece of her absent, it all felt so empty. The whole loft had felt so empty without him, especially their bed. And today she'd almost lost him, and he almost lost his chance to be happy with her. But thanks to a crazy dream and an encounter with one of their strangest foes yet, they were both given a reminder that love was their biggest strength; that together they could save each other.

Iris' left hand continued running her fingers through his short hair, the man not moving or rising from his slumber even slightly as she touched him. When he wasn't having nightmares, Barry Allen looked so young in his sleep, so much like the boy she met in third grade. When he slept, she could see the handsome yet boyish features in their relaxed state, not overburdened by the weight of the world or the pain hidden behind a smile. Although there was a pain that ran deep behind it, Barry had these brilliant smiles that lit up a whole room. When he was going full geek, when he was joking with her father or goofing off with Cisco, a successful save by the Flash or a heavenly bite of jalapeño pepperoni olive pizza, he beamed that full smile that she had loved ever since they were kids. Ever since they started dating, she'd been on the receiving end of those smiles more and more and god, how she loved that smile.

When she found out that Barry had been watching musicals the entire time they'd been apart, she knew what the weight of that meant. Yes, he enjoyed them but it was more than that. For him, it was a connection to his mother. Nora and Barry had spent many rainy nights and school bullied days watching all his mother's favorites that she shared with him. In his brief time with his mother they were some of his best memories. It wasn't often but when Barry's heart hurt, when he ached for the unconditional love of his mother, Barry turned to the works of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, and the like. Iris had seen him turn to the films every year on his mother's birthday, a few times growing up, and more recently after his father decided not stick around after being released from prison before his death. It was when Barry felt the ache, felt empty and broken that he turned to a remnant of someone so special in his life he no longer had; the hug from his mother he'd never have again.

To know she had been a contributing part of that feeling of ache broke her heart. Iris knew what it meant to love and lose but never experienced the type of tragedy that seemed to seek out Barry. She had loved and lost her own mother, but never had the relationship or felt the absence in it the way Barry did. She had loved and lost Eddie, but she knew that it wasn't true love. It was good, he was good, but even if he had lived they weren't forever. She still mourned him though, thinking how much the world was lacking without his wonderful spirit in it. But to almost lose Barry today, she didn't know fear like that before.

Her hand travelled down his face, tips of her fingers gently tracing the curve of his jaw, down his neck to settle over his bare chest. Iris delicately rubbed at the spot on his right pectoral where he had been shot. There was no bullet wound, no trace of the injury she watched bleed a crimson darker than his Flash suit as it stained the white tuxedo shirt; the gunshot wound that didn't actually happen that almost killed him. She rubbed the muscle tenderly where the imagined wound had been, just a few inches below the very real healed wound from where Savitar's blade had pierced his shoulder not long ago and a few inches above the scar from when Zoom had stabbed him in the abdomen a year ago with one of his claws after breaking his back and beating him within an inch of his life. Up until three yeas ago, the biggest scar story she knew he had was the one on his forehead he had gotten from when they crashed her father's convertible when they were sixteen. But in the last three years Barry had more dangerous encounters; he'd been struck by lightning, beaten, thrown around, and abused by metas and villains working tirelessly to defeat the Flash. Thanks to his rapid healing, though, and the Speed Force coursing through his cells, most of Barry's injuries healed without leaving much of physical trace. Some of them though did manage to leave a mark. Barry may chalk them up to part of being the Flash but for Iris, she couldn't shake it so easily. Although she had become very used to seeing Barry shirtless, and unfortunately used to seeing him take a hit, it always hurt her heart to see the reminders that even though she was in love with a super hero with super powers, he was still not invincible.

It had taken just a second to register that it was Barry lying on the ground and she couldn't stop the scream of his name as she ran towards the prone body, dropping to her knees beside him. She touched his hand first that rested on his torso, terrified of the growing bleeding stain on his crisp white shirt on the right side of his chest. She told him she was here with him as her hands moved to hold his face between her palms. Barry didn't respond, a look of confusion and pain masking his face and Iris wasn't sure if he was actually seeing her. She could hear Mon-el and Kara exchange words, frightened that Barry had still said nothing since she found him, instead just staring at her blankly. Mon-el called to Iris that they had to get the dying Barry and Kara out. She spared him a glance over her shoulder but could focus on nothing else as she felt Barry's shaking left hand raise to weakly grasp her forearm. Fear gripped her as she watched Barry's head loll to the side, away from her, his eyes looking up and unfocused and she knew she was losing him, could see him fading. She cradled his face between her hands, calling out to him, forcing his head to face her again. It was then his eyes shifted and she knew he was seeing her now, actually seeing her for the first time since her arrival. She sobbed as his face relaxed and a small smile tugged at his lips and in his eyes. She wasn't sure if it was because he was aware he was dying and was relieved to see her one last time or if he was so far gone that he was just happy because she was in front of him, but his half lidded eyes were smiling and his face read content as he simply said 'I love you'.

Iris shifted closer to him now, her nude body pressed up against his warm skin. Her fingertips glided over the contours of the lean muscles, the freckled chest, the sun streaming through the windows reflecting off the ring on her finger. She smiled as Barry's body jumped slightly at the soft touch on his bare skin; the smooth skin that bore no scar from the bullet that ripped through his flesh and almost ripped him from her. The smile quickly turned to a frown as she remembered his body twitching beneath her as she watched him bleed out on the ground.

She had cried that he'd be okay but she knew it was a lie as his eyes fluttered closed and his light faded away. She could hardly breathe as she held him, barely enough breath to respond back with her own 'I love you' before he couldn't hear her anymore. She leaned down to kiss him, desperate to anchor him in that moment, to keep him tethered to her. And as she pulled away, she opened her eyes to find them back at the med bay at STAR Labs, to find him staring up at her, breathing her name as question.

After seeing Kara, Mon-el and J'onn off, he followed her back to their loft. She hadn't expected him to propose again. After everything they went through the past few weeks she wasn't sure if he would take the chance again. She didn't think anything could be more beautiful than his first proposal but there he stood, declaring how he was meant to be wherever she was, that he'd always come home to her. Despite the obstacles of the last few weeks, despite what dangers held by being with him, she loved him. The answer would always be yes. She had never expected to fall in love with him but being in love with Barry was something she could never stop even if she wanted to. She remembered being in the Speed Force trying to bring him back, to tether her to him with the plea to come home to her. Today, she once again found herself asking him to come home. It was a simple enough request. Home was where the heart is and she knew that his heart resided with her. If she asked, he would follow.

And god, she loved how Barry loved her. The man said 'I love you' to her more times than she could count. He would start the day and end the day the same way and to Iris it never felt like just words. Much in the way he used her name, Barry's heart and devotion shone through every time the three words passed his lips. Part of her thought that maybe the reason he said it so much was because he'd waited so many years to confess the truth to her about loving her and now he could tell her freely whenever he wanted, knowing that the love was returned. But something she once read stuck in her mind that led her to believe why Barry said 'I love you' to her as much as he did. She had read once that 'the broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines'. Fewer words were more true when it came to Barry Allen.

A small moan interrupted her musings and focus on his invisible wound. She looked up to his face and could see his brow begin to furrow, lips tighten and short breaths coming from his nose. She recognized it immediately; he was in the beginnings of a nightmare. A reminder to her that even when Barry was at his happiest, the darkness that followed him most of his life was always there in the background. Whether it was the vision of Savitar, his mother or his father's murder, any number of battles from him being the Flash, or possibly the latest brush of death at being shot at, something was beginning to trouble his sleep.

Iris let her hand travel to his collar bone as she leaned in to lightly kiss Barry's slack lips, hoping to stop the bad dream before it could really begin. She kept her lips pressed against his until the man roused slightly from his slumber, lifting his right hand up, fingertips lightly touching her chin. She smiled against his lips as his left arm beneath her folded up to wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer before their lips separated.

"Mmm, hey," Barry said, voice raspy and quiet with sleep.

"Hey," she said, bringing her hand up to lightly brush back his hair again, smiling as Barry's eyes blinked open to look at her.

"Hi," he sighed contently, a sleepy smile on his face as he nuzzled his nose to hers. "Did you sleep?"

"Shh, don't worry about me," Iris whispered, tilting her head up and once again pressing her lips against Barry's, their tongues twisting together briefly before Iris pulled away. "We're both off from work today so we're gonna stay home for as long as we can, okay?"

"M'kay," he nodded, eyes drifting shut once more as he lay a soft kiss on top of her head, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close. " 'love you."

Those words again. They hadn't even been awake together more than a few minutes and here he was telling her in three words that over and over, without a pause or a doubt, that as sure as his heart was beating, his love belonged to her. And as his arms held her close, drifting back to sleep, his fingers lightly dancing across her skin as his hand caressed her back, she knew that hers belonged to him forever; this was home.

They hadn't been in their loft for very long. They hadn't been in their relationship long either. But their love was and had always been their true north, guiding them both home. They weren't a perfect couple but Barry was her soulmate in the purest definition of the term. They weren't a perfect fit but they were perfectly suited for each other, not incomplete separates but more whole together than apart. There was something unusual about them, like the universe had willed them together. Iris lifted Barry when he was drowning and grounded him when he was racing too fast. Barry tore down her walls and brought in a light that inspired Iris to become exactly the person she had always wanted to be. From the moment they met, she knew Barry Allen would be the one she could always depend on. As they grew together she knew that for each other they would always be the other's north star guiding them home. What started as best friends grew into a deep love that transcended multiple earths and timelines. Their love was sweet and tender, intense and intimate, deeply routed in trust. They craved each other in a way where they just wanted to be beside each other if nothing more or less. For almost two decades, they'd been connected. And even with the impending threat of Savitar at their door, in her heart Iris knew there was so much more of their story to be told.

"I love you," she whispered in response, finally allowing herself to close her eyes, drifting off to sleep, wrapped in his arms and feeling the sense of peace that only home could provide.