Towa no Kanashimi
Lavanga Yukio
Prelude
I am your average everyday teenager. Some people can call me a freak, none know my real life.
It's all made up.
Fake.
Yep, that story about a picture perfect family, with the picture perfect kid (me) is all a joke. I almost threw up when I told it the first time. Here...
I live with my mom, dad, and younger sister. My older brother whom I love is in university. Oh, my sister and I get along fine, no fights at all. We tell jokes and have a great time.
My dad, we have had the best times together. Especially those days we go out fishing. Just us two alone in the boat. Good times every weekend. I can't invite anybody over, and can't go out, because those are the two days that we spend our time together. He works in a candy store, so he buys me treats.
My mom, we have a close relationship. Sometimes I think she still comes into my room when I'm sleeping to sing my bed-time song. We laugh together. She runs a day-care. I love the little children that come. Its so nice to see her having a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm gagging right now. My family, is not that. That, would be a normal family.
I am not normal. I am Lavanga Yukio.
Part 1: Shattered
I guess my life was fine until I turned twelve. I lived in a small house, small town. There, my parents were happy, and so was my older brother, and I was I guess. Really I was only two. Then boom, my father got an idea. We should move to Tokyo "It will profit the family," he had said. Always thinking of money. That's his name, Kane, putting together money. Of course, we did, believing what my father said.
Tokyo, it was great for all of us. I mean, there was my grandmother. I think that was part of the reason we moved there, was for her. My dad's mother. She was sweet, always offering us a chocolate bar, or some candy to us kids. Meilco, my brother, and I had fun with her. She baby-sat us when needed, and we loved her. I remember she always had her favourite ring on it was the ring from her marriage. Grandpa had died, so she cherished it. I loved that ring too, she knew.
I was four, when low behold, little Yukiko was born. My little sister. Everyone adored her. Perhaps I was jealous of her, but she loved me, and I soon learned to love her. We ended up growing up closer than I ever did with Mielco. Grandma treated her the same as she had us.
My father was a little peeved that my mom had Yukiko. I don't think he had wanted another child. But he never showed it. But I could sense something wrong, so I took it upon my self to protect Yukiko. I was there for her at school, and at home. She understood my feelings, and was glad that I was there.
Grandma, I think I was her favourite grandchild. She would whisper secrets to me, and so when I was troubled, I would go to her. We had good times, our friendship grew strong.
---
It was one day, I was twelve. I remember it so vivedly. I had to be the one to answer the phone. Fate, some call it. It was the hospital, my grandma was dieing. I told the news to my family and we rushed down to see her.
Kane, was devistated at seeing his mother dieng. I remember, we all stood in the room, and watched her for a while. My father had walked out of the room looking pale. My mother followed with my sister.
Meilco and I watched her. A nurse came in, I remember asking her again, "What happened?"
"She had a heart attack. She is very weak, I don't think she'll live."
That was when my hate came. I was enraged at the nurse. Why didn't they do something? I started yelling, "Do something! Save her! She can't die..." I started choking on sobs, I didn't want to cry, so I turned even angrier, yelling louder, "Help her! Just, do SOMETHING!"
My brother had left the room, I knew he was crying. The nurse just smiled sadly and shook her head, "I'm sorry, we have tried. There is nothing we can do." She left the room. Left me, standing there. Alone.
I hated the nurse.
I hated the hospital.
I hated life... I hated death.
It was then I heard my name called. Pivoting, I looked at my grandmother her eyes were open, hand raised towards me, "Yukio," she said, "Don't be mad. I cannot help this. You must be strong..." she struggled for breath, "Please, take my ring. I want you to have it," she coughed. I stood there and stared at her, fighting back tears. Slowly I took the ring from her hand. She had smiled at me, her last words, "My Yukio, be strong. I love you."
I had called for help, my voice raising, I called for the nurse, for my mom, my dad. They came. She was gone. My dad had given me a cold look. He thought I had killed her. I was the last one in the room. He swore at me and left the room again. My mom, again going after. Yukiko looked at me sadly and followed Meilco out of the room. I again was alone, there I cried.
Part 2: Hauntings
The nightmares started after that. The same one, over and over and over...you get the point. Every time I woke up I wiped tears away, I had to get out of bed. I was drenched in sweat. I hid the fact of the nightmares away.
At school I was the same kid. Same friends, same smile. But this time, it was all fake. All forced. I was different, and didn't want to show it. I kept moving around my friends, making up excuses. They are so dumb, never found out I was avoiding them.
Yet at night, my eyes closed, it was this, My grandmother, rocking in her favourite rocking chair. I walk in, she offers me a chocolate bar, "Be strong Yukio, be strong." She says.
I take the chocolate bar and sit down in the chair next to her, she starts knitting something. I eat in silence, wondering if I should say something. Grandmother continues to knit. She looks at me, "God loves you Yukio, you know that right?" Then she closes her eyes, her hands clenching. Face sagging she falls forward.
Flashing lights, the ambulance, me yelling.
I stare at her body being placed into the ambulance, and I see them. Black twisted creatures. One looks at me, it's yellow eyes gleaming with hate. Red smoke trails from it's nose, and it laughs.
A dagger is in its gnarled hand. The thing throws it. It lands piercing my heart. I scream in pain as it melts, latching onto my heart. The thing throws itself at me. It's claws sinking into my head.
Pricking my brain.
My grandmothers words lost. I don't remember. However hard I try, she just mouths something, and it fades away. Only to be repeated the next night.
Yet the words, I can never remember.
Part 3: Life's Bumps
Those days were torture to me. I turned thirteen, my mother seemed saddened by something. I didn't care anymore. I don't think I cared about anything anymore. My grades started falling. I had a teacher to student talk. I pulled my grades up agian, not wanting to see my father's red face at the report card. I came home one day disgusted with my school life. There my father stood.
"We are taking a vacation to North America. Your mother needs a break. Where would youl like to go?"
I stood there dumbfounded. Why would he offer me anything? But then, no one else was there to watch us. So I shrugged. "Canada."
He nodded and spun around. Yukiko approached me, a chain in her hand.
"Yukio, I know grandma gave you the ring. She told me she wanted you to have it. I bought this chain so you can carry it around."
I choked. I would have hugged her, but I didn't want to. I mean, really she was just eight years old. But then, we had both grown up with our grandmother there. So I nodded, and took the chain, retreating to my room to play some killing game. Something to take me from reality.
I wore the ring on the chain after that. I hid it under my shirt, still do. My clothing changed a bit after that. I took on the baggy black jeans and wore t-shirt. I was still the 'same' guy with my friends, even with the clothing change. I even found a couple others. Gosh I hate entertaining them.
So that christmas time we went to Canada. I was surprised at the mounds and mounds of snow. It was nice there. I liked it. We did skiing and snowboarding. Yukiko had just turned nine that december. It was there I think I really set my dad off at me.
I remember we were on a ski hill. Yukiko wanted to try a smaller hill than I wanted to. So I told her we would split up, for that one time. She agreed with me. I went down the bigger hill, enjoying myself. When I reached the bottom, I looked for Yukiko. Someone came down, screaming something in english. The next moments I found out, Yukiko was hurt, on the hill.
I could have died there.
She was loaded into an ambulance, I won't forget the look on my father's face. It was then I started calling him Kane, instead of 'Dad' or 'Father'. I couldn't, it was my fault. My mother cried, a lot.
It was my fault.
Maybe if I had just gone with her. It was my fault. I grew angry at myself.
I hated myself.
I hated Kane.
I hated Yukiko.
I visited her in the hospital. The vacation no longer fun. I slept there over night wanting to escape Kane's rath.
One of Yukiko's ski's had hit a tree. She had flipped, and hit a bump, causing someone else to hit her. She had a broken leg, and some broken ribs. Again in the hospital. I had a flash back. The nightmares came again.
It was weeks later, when she finally got out of the hospital. The first day out she looked at me and smiled, "It wasn't your fault."
Like hell it was. I hated her for dismissing it. Yet, her young innocence made me love her.
We came back to Tokyo in January. I was in a bitter mood, Meilco was silent, but I could tell he blamed me. Yukiko was silent, her blue eyes dancing with forgiveness to me. I hated that. My mother, was kinder to all of us, and opened up a daycare at home.
I hate little kids.
Kane. I swear he would never forgive me. He would hate me.
That was fine with me. I hated him. I hated the fact that he blamed me for everything. After that, nothing mattered. We lived that way for another three years.
My brother went to university when the times got rough. I hated him for ditching us.
My mother silently lived each day with her daycare. I stayed out of her way, hating the little kids that ran around the house.
Yukiko was scared. She and I grew a friendship like I had with my grandmother. I found it in my heart to forgive her. We stuck close while Kane grew farther away. He took his anger out on me, I took my hate out on him. I think perhaps that is why, when I was sixteen, I found myself on a different world.
Part 4: World of Hate
I had ended up in a world called 'The Digital World'. Those damned good guys were fighting over some sweet perfect bitch. I had to laugh at them, holding back my food. So, like always, my emotions were out in my room.
I had found the perfect place to let out my hate, anger, rage. I thought it unreal. It was amazing. We were pitted against those wanting to fulfill love, and good. Chaosmon recongized my feelings. He was one who led me to the best life I had.
I was the child of Hate.
I loved it. Who wouldn't?
Part 5: 'Partner'
In the 'Digital World' there are creatures called digimon. I had one. His name was Haropymon. At least in his rookie form. I like the look of the creature. He was a mix of wolf and something else. With his long pointy ears and blue eyes, the wings. He was an electric digimon. Hell, I liked that.
He had this habit of being able to read my thoughts and emotions. I hated it when he did so, but he was right most of the time. I listened to Haropymon and liked the fact that he didn't talk a lot. Except when he was curious. He was a good friend and thinker.
He loved to eat. I was surprised how much the little guy could eat. I could have killed him for eating my lunch one day, but I didn't, seeming as how I learned to depend on the little guy. Well, not so little in the Digital world.
The fact that he had wings and he could carry me as Urgathmon, pleased me. The feeling of wind through my hair while I held onto his neck was great. I wouldn't tell anybody though.
Part 6: Chaosmon, and the Evils...
When I was in the Digital world, I met a couple of other kids like me. The goods as I mentioned before were stuck in a love triangle, others were just incompotent. The evil's were more like my style. There was this one, Heikou, was decent. Only a year older, but the closest I got to any of them. Then, my family took a vacation, again.
I was gone for a long time. When I got back, I found that Heikou was love struck with one of the goods. I rolled my eyes at him. How could he? Then, Chaosmon, turned on us. I didn't want to accept it.
It was back in Tokyo that I finally learned to accept. There was a battle. I found that one of the goods, Mimi, was actually pretty descent. She was the one that woke me from the sleep he sent accross all of us.
The last battle with him was amazing. I became the child of forgiveness. How, I don't know.
It was kinda cool that Flashmatchmon and I could join together. We all defeated Chaosmon, joining in with attacks. A statue was made of an angel. Yes, that angel was one of the goods. I still don't like her, but that's my problem.
Part 7: A New Beginning
I lived through this. I forgave my father, myself, Meilco, my mother, and Yukiko. For whatever reasons. My life at school became true. The smiles, the friendly comments. And I remembered the words my grandmother said in my nightmares, "God loves you Yukio." I believe that. I have changed my ways.
---
Now that I'm older, my sister and I have grown closer. I adopted a child from Canada. I named her Yoko meaning positive child. She has brought joy to me and Yukiko, who lives next door. I believe that Yoko is a better child of forgiveness than I could have ever been.
Lavanga Yukio
Prelude
I am your average everyday teenager. Some people can call me a freak, none know my real life.
It's all made up.
Fake.
Yep, that story about a picture perfect family, with the picture perfect kid (me) is all a joke. I almost threw up when I told it the first time. Here...
I live with my mom, dad, and younger sister. My older brother whom I love is in university. Oh, my sister and I get along fine, no fights at all. We tell jokes and have a great time.
My dad, we have had the best times together. Especially those days we go out fishing. Just us two alone in the boat. Good times every weekend. I can't invite anybody over, and can't go out, because those are the two days that we spend our time together. He works in a candy store, so he buys me treats.
My mom, we have a close relationship. Sometimes I think she still comes into my room when I'm sleeping to sing my bed-time song. We laugh together. She runs a day-care. I love the little children that come. Its so nice to see her having a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm gagging right now. My family, is not that. That, would be a normal family.
I am not normal. I am Lavanga Yukio.
Part 1: Shattered
I guess my life was fine until I turned twelve. I lived in a small house, small town. There, my parents were happy, and so was my older brother, and I was I guess. Really I was only two. Then boom, my father got an idea. We should move to Tokyo "It will profit the family," he had said. Always thinking of money. That's his name, Kane, putting together money. Of course, we did, believing what my father said.
Tokyo, it was great for all of us. I mean, there was my grandmother. I think that was part of the reason we moved there, was for her. My dad's mother. She was sweet, always offering us a chocolate bar, or some candy to us kids. Meilco, my brother, and I had fun with her. She baby-sat us when needed, and we loved her. I remember she always had her favourite ring on it was the ring from her marriage. Grandpa had died, so she cherished it. I loved that ring too, she knew.
I was four, when low behold, little Yukiko was born. My little sister. Everyone adored her. Perhaps I was jealous of her, but she loved me, and I soon learned to love her. We ended up growing up closer than I ever did with Mielco. Grandma treated her the same as she had us.
My father was a little peeved that my mom had Yukiko. I don't think he had wanted another child. But he never showed it. But I could sense something wrong, so I took it upon my self to protect Yukiko. I was there for her at school, and at home. She understood my feelings, and was glad that I was there.
Grandma, I think I was her favourite grandchild. She would whisper secrets to me, and so when I was troubled, I would go to her. We had good times, our friendship grew strong.
---
It was one day, I was twelve. I remember it so vivedly. I had to be the one to answer the phone. Fate, some call it. It was the hospital, my grandma was dieing. I told the news to my family and we rushed down to see her.
Kane, was devistated at seeing his mother dieng. I remember, we all stood in the room, and watched her for a while. My father had walked out of the room looking pale. My mother followed with my sister.
Meilco and I watched her. A nurse came in, I remember asking her again, "What happened?"
"She had a heart attack. She is very weak, I don't think she'll live."
That was when my hate came. I was enraged at the nurse. Why didn't they do something? I started yelling, "Do something! Save her! She can't die..." I started choking on sobs, I didn't want to cry, so I turned even angrier, yelling louder, "Help her! Just, do SOMETHING!"
My brother had left the room, I knew he was crying. The nurse just smiled sadly and shook her head, "I'm sorry, we have tried. There is nothing we can do." She left the room. Left me, standing there. Alone.
I hated the nurse.
I hated the hospital.
I hated life... I hated death.
It was then I heard my name called. Pivoting, I looked at my grandmother her eyes were open, hand raised towards me, "Yukio," she said, "Don't be mad. I cannot help this. You must be strong..." she struggled for breath, "Please, take my ring. I want you to have it," she coughed. I stood there and stared at her, fighting back tears. Slowly I took the ring from her hand. She had smiled at me, her last words, "My Yukio, be strong. I love you."
I had called for help, my voice raising, I called for the nurse, for my mom, my dad. They came. She was gone. My dad had given me a cold look. He thought I had killed her. I was the last one in the room. He swore at me and left the room again. My mom, again going after. Yukiko looked at me sadly and followed Meilco out of the room. I again was alone, there I cried.
Part 2: Hauntings
The nightmares started after that. The same one, over and over and over...you get the point. Every time I woke up I wiped tears away, I had to get out of bed. I was drenched in sweat. I hid the fact of the nightmares away.
At school I was the same kid. Same friends, same smile. But this time, it was all fake. All forced. I was different, and didn't want to show it. I kept moving around my friends, making up excuses. They are so dumb, never found out I was avoiding them.
Yet at night, my eyes closed, it was this, My grandmother, rocking in her favourite rocking chair. I walk in, she offers me a chocolate bar, "Be strong Yukio, be strong." She says.
I take the chocolate bar and sit down in the chair next to her, she starts knitting something. I eat in silence, wondering if I should say something. Grandmother continues to knit. She looks at me, "God loves you Yukio, you know that right?" Then she closes her eyes, her hands clenching. Face sagging she falls forward.
Flashing lights, the ambulance, me yelling.
I stare at her body being placed into the ambulance, and I see them. Black twisted creatures. One looks at me, it's yellow eyes gleaming with hate. Red smoke trails from it's nose, and it laughs.
A dagger is in its gnarled hand. The thing throws it. It lands piercing my heart. I scream in pain as it melts, latching onto my heart. The thing throws itself at me. It's claws sinking into my head.
Pricking my brain.
My grandmothers words lost. I don't remember. However hard I try, she just mouths something, and it fades away. Only to be repeated the next night.
Yet the words, I can never remember.
Part 3: Life's Bumps
Those days were torture to me. I turned thirteen, my mother seemed saddened by something. I didn't care anymore. I don't think I cared about anything anymore. My grades started falling. I had a teacher to student talk. I pulled my grades up agian, not wanting to see my father's red face at the report card. I came home one day disgusted with my school life. There my father stood.
"We are taking a vacation to North America. Your mother needs a break. Where would youl like to go?"
I stood there dumbfounded. Why would he offer me anything? But then, no one else was there to watch us. So I shrugged. "Canada."
He nodded and spun around. Yukiko approached me, a chain in her hand.
"Yukio, I know grandma gave you the ring. She told me she wanted you to have it. I bought this chain so you can carry it around."
I choked. I would have hugged her, but I didn't want to. I mean, really she was just eight years old. But then, we had both grown up with our grandmother there. So I nodded, and took the chain, retreating to my room to play some killing game. Something to take me from reality.
I wore the ring on the chain after that. I hid it under my shirt, still do. My clothing changed a bit after that. I took on the baggy black jeans and wore t-shirt. I was still the 'same' guy with my friends, even with the clothing change. I even found a couple others. Gosh I hate entertaining them.
So that christmas time we went to Canada. I was surprised at the mounds and mounds of snow. It was nice there. I liked it. We did skiing and snowboarding. Yukiko had just turned nine that december. It was there I think I really set my dad off at me.
I remember we were on a ski hill. Yukiko wanted to try a smaller hill than I wanted to. So I told her we would split up, for that one time. She agreed with me. I went down the bigger hill, enjoying myself. When I reached the bottom, I looked for Yukiko. Someone came down, screaming something in english. The next moments I found out, Yukiko was hurt, on the hill.
I could have died there.
She was loaded into an ambulance, I won't forget the look on my father's face. It was then I started calling him Kane, instead of 'Dad' or 'Father'. I couldn't, it was my fault. My mother cried, a lot.
It was my fault.
Maybe if I had just gone with her. It was my fault. I grew angry at myself.
I hated myself.
I hated Kane.
I hated Yukiko.
I visited her in the hospital. The vacation no longer fun. I slept there over night wanting to escape Kane's rath.
One of Yukiko's ski's had hit a tree. She had flipped, and hit a bump, causing someone else to hit her. She had a broken leg, and some broken ribs. Again in the hospital. I had a flash back. The nightmares came again.
It was weeks later, when she finally got out of the hospital. The first day out she looked at me and smiled, "It wasn't your fault."
Like hell it was. I hated her for dismissing it. Yet, her young innocence made me love her.
We came back to Tokyo in January. I was in a bitter mood, Meilco was silent, but I could tell he blamed me. Yukiko was silent, her blue eyes dancing with forgiveness to me. I hated that. My mother, was kinder to all of us, and opened up a daycare at home.
I hate little kids.
Kane. I swear he would never forgive me. He would hate me.
That was fine with me. I hated him. I hated the fact that he blamed me for everything. After that, nothing mattered. We lived that way for another three years.
My brother went to university when the times got rough. I hated him for ditching us.
My mother silently lived each day with her daycare. I stayed out of her way, hating the little kids that ran around the house.
Yukiko was scared. She and I grew a friendship like I had with my grandmother. I found it in my heart to forgive her. We stuck close while Kane grew farther away. He took his anger out on me, I took my hate out on him. I think perhaps that is why, when I was sixteen, I found myself on a different world.
Part 4: World of Hate
I had ended up in a world called 'The Digital World'. Those damned good guys were fighting over some sweet perfect bitch. I had to laugh at them, holding back my food. So, like always, my emotions were out in my room.
I had found the perfect place to let out my hate, anger, rage. I thought it unreal. It was amazing. We were pitted against those wanting to fulfill love, and good. Chaosmon recongized my feelings. He was one who led me to the best life I had.
I was the child of Hate.
I loved it. Who wouldn't?
Part 5: 'Partner'
In the 'Digital World' there are creatures called digimon. I had one. His name was Haropymon. At least in his rookie form. I like the look of the creature. He was a mix of wolf and something else. With his long pointy ears and blue eyes, the wings. He was an electric digimon. Hell, I liked that.
He had this habit of being able to read my thoughts and emotions. I hated it when he did so, but he was right most of the time. I listened to Haropymon and liked the fact that he didn't talk a lot. Except when he was curious. He was a good friend and thinker.
He loved to eat. I was surprised how much the little guy could eat. I could have killed him for eating my lunch one day, but I didn't, seeming as how I learned to depend on the little guy. Well, not so little in the Digital world.
The fact that he had wings and he could carry me as Urgathmon, pleased me. The feeling of wind through my hair while I held onto his neck was great. I wouldn't tell anybody though.
Part 6: Chaosmon, and the Evils...
When I was in the Digital world, I met a couple of other kids like me. The goods as I mentioned before were stuck in a love triangle, others were just incompotent. The evil's were more like my style. There was this one, Heikou, was decent. Only a year older, but the closest I got to any of them. Then, my family took a vacation, again.
I was gone for a long time. When I got back, I found that Heikou was love struck with one of the goods. I rolled my eyes at him. How could he? Then, Chaosmon, turned on us. I didn't want to accept it.
It was back in Tokyo that I finally learned to accept. There was a battle. I found that one of the goods, Mimi, was actually pretty descent. She was the one that woke me from the sleep he sent accross all of us.
The last battle with him was amazing. I became the child of forgiveness. How, I don't know.
It was kinda cool that Flashmatchmon and I could join together. We all defeated Chaosmon, joining in with attacks. A statue was made of an angel. Yes, that angel was one of the goods. I still don't like her, but that's my problem.
Part 7: A New Beginning
I lived through this. I forgave my father, myself, Meilco, my mother, and Yukiko. For whatever reasons. My life at school became true. The smiles, the friendly comments. And I remembered the words my grandmother said in my nightmares, "God loves you Yukio." I believe that. I have changed my ways.
---
Now that I'm older, my sister and I have grown closer. I adopted a child from Canada. I named her Yoko meaning positive child. She has brought joy to me and Yukiko, who lives next door. I believe that Yoko is a better child of forgiveness than I could have ever been.