"And what if you had to choose between saving your love and saving everyone else?" Wynna had asked while lecturing them on the irresponsibility of the relationship between the two wardens.

"What if you have to choose between the warden you love and ending the blight?" Morrigan had asked Alistair as the walked through the Brecilian Forest.

The first she had largely ignored as the babblings of an old woman who'd never had love. The second made her suspicious. Morrigan was intelligent, and while not formally educated, possessed an amount of knowledge that couldn't be denied. This was how Jaina Surana found herself buried in books. She'd collected them in her travels. Some were from the tower, Gregoir told her to help herself after she saved the mages. Others were from Warden's Keep, and The Wonders of Thedas. Two were courtesy of Duncan on their journey to Ostagar. None of it was good.

All she'd been able to discern so far were two facts. The first, that only a Grey Warden could end the blight and kill the archdemon. The second, none had survived the act. It was nothing conclusive but woven with Morrigan and Wynne's questions, it was a concern. She had tried to convince him. He hadn't listened.

"Always with your nose in a book. I could think of better things to do. We have a bed you know, and you should be in it"

"Alistair…we need to talk" Jaina said, trying to ignore the temptation of his words and that seductive tone. "The landsmeet is tomorrow, this information is…disturbing. Did you know no Grey Warden has ever survived killing the arch demon?"

"You worry too much" he said rubbing her shoulders. "Duncan said many things that were assumed had been proven wrong, maybe this is one of them" he shrugged as he kissed her neck.

Jaina stood abruptly and turned to face him. "This is serious Alistair! One of us could die doing this if what I suspect is correct! There are only three wardens in the country, and Riordan is in no shape for battle!"

Alistair wrapped his arms around her, making soothing sounds in her ear. She was shaking he noticed, this was really spooking her. And that was saying something, Jaina was rarely spooked. Not even when facing down abominations and werewolves. She'd even stood strong when she confessed she was a blood mage.

"Hush love, there's not much we can do about that right now. Let's just enjoy the time we have before the landsmeet hmm?"

He should have listened then. He should have taken her more seriously. Instead he brushed it off. Believing with all of his heart that Duncan surely would have told them this if it were true.

The weather was as dark as his mood as he sat drinking his sixth, or maybe seventh pint. He'd lost count. He could hear the cheers around him, tempered with sadness.

"The blight is over! Loghain died a hero!"

It made him sick. He'd trusted her. He'd somehow managed to get past the fact that she was a blood mage. He'd admired all of her choices. She'd resolved the Werewolf curse without having to kill either side. She'd saved the mages and aided the templars at the tower after all she'd been through there. By the maker she'd found a mythical urn for the Arl and saved his life, how could she have done this?

She'd only known Riordan for a few days, she'd known him for over a year. He'd loved her for as long. When Riordan gave no more information than "Compelling reasons" she'd agreed with him. She'd made that bastard Loghain a warden. Of all things, now he was a hero. He'd died killing the arch demon.

"They say the Warden that kills the archdemon has to die, did you hear? My maid heard it from her daughter that works at Redcliffe. She overheard them discussing it. Destroys their soul it does" A voice whispered behind him to their companion.

That couldn't be true could it? Duncan hadn't told him that. He still believed after all this time, that it couldn't be true if Duncan hadn't told him.

"You idiot, she did it to save you. To save your love. To NOT make the choice that Wynne and Morrigan threatened. And you left her. You left her alone."

The little voice in the still not drowned logical part of his brain chided. If he could just make it shut up! All he wanted to do was believe she had betrayed him. That made it easier. He didn't want to remember warm nights by the fire. He didn't want to remember how she'd trusted him enough to bare her soul, confess to blood magic. He didn't want to remember the look of shock mixed with happiness when he told her he loved her regardless. He certainly didn't want to remember the pleading look in those slate grey eyes that begged "trust me, please just trust me" as she'd uttered the words that spared Loghain's life.

He didn't want to consider that maybe he was the one that betrayed her. No. Betrayed was the wrong word. She'd made an impulsive decision that he couldn't forgive. Was it a betrayal? It felt like it to him. What he did was abandon her. He abandoned his home, his oath, his friends.

He heard the tinkling of metal on the table in front of him. Suddenly the ring he gave her was laying in front of him. A silverite woven band. When he looked up and unmistakable face was across the table from him.

"Ahh my dear friend Alistair, aren't you just the mess. Let me see, anger, self hatred, definite wish for death…yes, I recognize it all. In fact it seems to be contagious. Jaina looked much the same before Loghain knocked her out. Did you know she was going to sacrifice her self to kill it? She wanted to die. Because of guilt over you. Ironic isn't it? That after everything, it was Loghain that saved her? And that she needed saving because of you." The former crow hissed these last words at him.

Alistair just stared.

"Do not worry. She is not here. In fact she's been sent to Amaranthine. Being the only Warden in Ferelden, she must go deal with the vestiges of the blight. I found her ring on her nightstand after she left, and thought I'd return it to the drunken 'prince' I'd heard rumors of."

"On her nightstand hmm? So I suppose you got what you always wanted Arainai" Alistair slurred. It figured the smooth talking Antivan would be right there to pick up the pieces.

Zevran let out a harsh laugh. "No. There are no pieces to pick up. She's turned it all off, cold, duty bound, no more laughing, and teasing. The changes in her…well let's just say she'd make an excellent crow. Oh and you weren't the only one to abandon her. Morrigan did too. I hope you are both happy with yourselves."

"Morrigan left? why?"

"It doesn't matter does it? It is done as far as you are concerned. I intend to find out, for Jaina, not for you. I do not abandon my friends Alistair. A shame that someone like me should value a person more than a fine upstanding templar like yourself." The assassin said as he walked away.

It didn't matter now. Loghain was dead, Jaina was nothing more than a painful memory that needed drowned. He was nothing more than a drunken bastard prince that was almost a templar, and almost happy once. The way things had turned out, he'd have almost been better off if Duncan had left him in that chantry.