A/N This was written for the Tubealicious911 fanfic challenge and it's also my first attempt at a crossover. It's a crossover between One Tree Hill and Supernatural and it's Sam/Peyton because I always thought they'd be a great couple. So regardless of the strange pairing, give it a try. A huge thanks to Christina for her wonderful beta job. The title is taking from Five Years by David Bowie which I thought was rather fitting given the challenge is 'five years gone' anyway enough of me, on with the fic!
Summary: It's been five years and Peyton's drifting from day to day in a life with no real purpose or meaning anymore. There's a difference between living and being alive and she needs someone to make her feel alive again.
That's all we've got
From my window
I saw two birds lost at sea
I caught our reflection
In that silent tragedy
Patrick Wolf- Teignmouth
You stare down at the glass, the last dregs of amber swishing around the bottom and swallow hard. You don't usually drink whiskey, never liked the taste, but it's gotten to the point where you just need anything that burns, warms you up and stops the empty feeling, the memories and makes you forget that you have another long day at work tomorrow.
It's been five years since you'd said you'd had enough and walked out the door, walked out on what you thought was your only chance of happiness, the only man you ever thought of having a future with. You resist the urge to laugh bitterly, people probably think you have enough issues anyway, drinking in the afternoon in a seedy bar in New York, without adding crazy to the list.
You don't really know why you come here, it's dark, dirty and mostly full of old drunks and dodgy bikers but you like the old mullet rock they play. Someone takes a seat at the bar next to you. A man, chestnut hair hanging low over his eyes, he orders a drink without looking up and you smile because he looks somewhat ridiculous, his large, broad frame perched on the spindly bar stool.
He sees you looking at him and offers a small smile which you return and you can't help but feel intrigued by this figure who looks so out of place wearing a plaid shirt and baggy jeans when he's surrounded by men in leather and bandanas. Your thoughts are interrupted however, when another man sits on a stool right next to you. You've seen him in here a few times before and he's always made you uneasy with his staring and you stiffen as he pulls the bar stool closer to you.
"What's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?" He asks, voice gruff and the stale odour of cigarettes clings to his breath as he talks. You swallow hard and try to muster up some of your former confidence, the old you would have cut this guy down before he even got started but you don't know if you have the energy anymore.
"I'm not interested." You reply shortly, hoping the guy will take the hint and just leave you alone because you really aren't in the mood for this.
"Aww come on sweetheart, I'll buy you drink and we can get to know each other."
There's a slur to his voice and he's obviously drunk. You shift your stool over.
"Look, I'm not interested." You say more strongly hoping your voice doesn't tremble. The guy merely leers, yellow teeth and foul breath and you inwardly curse your bad taste in bars and your bad luck. The guy sways on the bar stool and grins.
"You know, you have a fine ass blondie." He slurs as he reaches for your ass, your heart leaps into your throat as you stumble off your barstool about to borrow a line from Brooke to cut him down, and suddenly feel a small pang as you think of Brooke who you haven't spoken to in weeks, when you're interrupted by the quiet guy standing up.
"She said leave her alone, back off man." His voice is low and warning and you can detect a slight southern lilt to it. You're torn between irritation that people think you can't stand up for yourself and relief. You glance up at him, up because wow this guy is tall.
"I don't recall you having anything to do with this so why don't you back off before I kick your ass."The drunk hisses and reaches for your wrist, gripping it harshly. You feel a sick wave of panic and yank your arm but his grip is too hard, biting into your skin and your eyes start to prickle.
"Get off me." You yell and you're aware of heads turning around you. The guy behind you stiffens visibly and this time his voice is lower and the words are ground out tightly between gritted teeth.
"Let go of her asshole."
"Make me."
It all happens in a flurry of movement, he moves forward and his fist flies out, hitting the drunk squarely in the jaw and sending him reeling backward against the bar, releasing his grip on you. You scuttle backwards as the drunk stumbles back to his feet, gait unsteady but face full of fury. He swings but the tall guy dodges it easily and hits him again, this time to the ground. People are cheering, spoiling for a fight but it's already over, the drunk is out cold and the tall guy is rubbing his knuckles and breathing heavily. People take their seats again and the man is left sprawled on the floor, no one making a move to help him.
You meet his eyes. Green. And offer a weak smile.
"Thanks." You stammer out and he nods, offering a small smile in return.
"Don't mention it." He replies, taking his seat back on the stool and taking a swallow of his drink and grimacing. You watch him for a few seconds, still trembling slightly before blurting out-
"I'm Peyton." You feel heat rising in your cheeks as he looks up and studies you with those moss green eyes before holding out a hand which you take.
"Sam."
The conversation comes to an abrupt halt and you sit there in silence, chewing on your bottom lip and wondering when you became so socially awkward. You can deal with managers and band members and business meetings fine but when it comes to an actual conversation…?
He surprises you and by the look on his face, himself when he suddenly blurts out an offer to buy you a drink. You feel a smile tug at the corner of your lips and you say yes and you slip into a conversation.
You talk about the city, jobs and your record label and he seems impressed. You ask him what he does and he says he's a mechanic, trained a few years ago and he starts to smile, really smile and wow, what a difference it makes. His whole face lights up as he talks about how much his brother loves cars and always did but he almost seems to catch himself and before he's even started he stops, he trails off, the smile fades and he immediately changes the topic and asks you where you grew up.
You tell him about Tree Hill and when you ask him he shrugs.
"We moved around a lot, my Dad's work meant we never really stayed in the same place so pretty much all over the place."
He doesn't elaborate and you take another sip of your drink. He asks you about your family. The alcohol has loosened your tongue and for some reason beyond comprehension you start to tell him about yourself, about your family when you rarely talk to some of your closest friends about it willingly. You don't know what it is about this stranger that makes you feel safe, able to talk about things you wouldn't normally but you tell him about your Dad and your Moms but at the same time you can't help but notice the sadness in his eyes as you're talking and you're intrigued by this stranger.
You ask him if he has family and he merely offers a muted shake of the head and you take another sip of your drink, watching as he stares down at the glass before striking up the conversation again asking you how long you think it will take for the swaying old man by the jukebox to pass out. Before you can answer the man tumbles to the floor and you both laugh and the atmosphere is light again.
Later the bar starts to fill a little more but you're both still up at the bar talking and laughing about New York and how it's such a crazy city, the conversation is flowing and so is the alcohol and you find yourself feeling giddy and for the first time in a while feeling comfortable and content instead of always feeling uncertain and doubting every decision you make.
The bartender calls for last orders and you look at your watch and it's 2am and you realise you've been sitting here for hours just talking to this guy. As you stand up you realise you're pretty damn hammered. He calls you a cab, and you stand outside together, breath rising into the night in curling, smoky plumes and you shiver, rubbing your arms, teeth chattering, and he gives you his coat. You fight down a laugh because seriously, can somebody really be that thoughtful? Well, you remember him and how thoughtful he was but thoughtful and romantic meant nothing when all the promises were empty.
Your cab arrives and you turn to Sam. He smiles and tells you he had a good time. There's a pause, both of you looking at each other and the air is thick and your face feels hot until the cabby beeps loudly and he looks away.
"I'll see you around then Peyton." He says and you stammer a goodbye and get in the cab and as it drives away you lean back against the seats and let out a long sigh, wondering why you couldn't have just plucked up the courage to ask for his number.
-------------------
You went to the bar the next night but he wasn't there, and you're confused as to why you feel so disappointed when you barely know him. At home you switch on the TV and there's something on the news about his new book and you turn over, eyes glazed as you stare at some soap opera, not really seeing the screen.
You haven't been the same person since you finally realized what that relationship was doing to you, how he was turning you into someone you didn't want to be and how no matter how many 'forevers' and 'I love you's' he gave you in the past, they were all empty and you deserve more. It took a long time for you to realise that. You realized that you loved him more than he loved you and that you deserved better because he didn't treat you the way you know you deserve to be treated, he didn't treat anyone the way they should be. Brooke, you, even Lindsey.
Thinking back you know that what you had was special but it just wasn't enough, he had you completely under his thumb, chasing after him but he was just playing with your feelings, not maliciously or intentionally, but it hurt all the same.
You still don't know whether pulling away from that kiss after Lindsey left him was your moment of clarity or your biggest mistake. You've been drifting since then, there's been no real man in your life and everything's just been going into your career, into the music and there hasn't been time for anything else.
You're still in contact with Brooke, her head office being in New York and all, but not the way you used to be, you're both too busy with work and Brooke with her husband and a baby on the way and last you heard she was heading back to Tree Hill. The others you sort of drifted away from, last you heard Haley was pregnant again. You miss them sometimes but if you're honest, you never really felt like you truly belonged with them. You always felt like the outsider, making real friends doesn't come as easily to you as other people, you know that probably all stems from your trust issues but you can't really change that about yourself.
Maybe some people are just destined to be alone.
-----------------------
Work was long and stressful and you need a drink so you head down to the bar just wanting to get something so you can finally chill out and just forget about pissy artists and demanding managers. You walk through the door and you're immediately hit by the smell of cigarettes and alcohol and you make a beeline for the bar when you stop.
You see a pair of broad, plaid covered shoulders and you feel a smile tug at your lips. Walking over, you stop and tap him on the shoulder. He flinches and turns around almost like he's expecting danger and relaxes into an infectious smile when he sees you.
"Peyton, hey." He says sounding genuinely pleased to see you. You motion to the stool.
"Is this seat taken?" You ask and he shakes his head and you sit down.
"So how have you been?" You ask and he tells you he's been okay, work's been busy so life's been a bit hectic and he asks about you and you tell you've been fine although it's far from the truth. He asks about your work and you sigh and start to tell him about the new band you've signed and you ask him what kind of music he likes. He sighs and does a sort of half shrug and you're a bit disappointed, he must have read your features because he ventures,
"Well I guess you could say there's a reason that I come to this bar, the old stuff, mullet rock. I was kind of force-fed it as a child but I'd never let my brother know that I liked it." He says with a smile and you return it and you start to talk about ACDC, Led Zeppelin and Blue Oyster Cult and again you notice the distant sad look in his eyes but you don't say anything.
You end up talking about high school and sharing embarrassing stories and he makes you snort beer out of your nose when he tells you about having Nair put in his shampoo and having to wear hats for the next few months and it trumps your story about the badly cut bangs you had in 10th grade.
He looks at his watch and whistles, tells you it's late and that he should go and you feel that same feeling of strange disappointment until he pulls out a piece of number and scrawls his number down and tells you to call him if you ever need anything. You can't help the smile that breaks across your face and you grin stupidly, clutching the piece of paper as he walks out of the bar.
------------------
You try to tell yourself that work is the thing that is stopping you from calling Sam, that you've been too busy and life has been hectic. You know that it's a lie. You haven't been with anyone since Lucas, well you haven't been in a relationship with anyone. Dates just ended in meaningless sex, and you didn't care that they didn't call, you didn't pick up the phone either. But with Sam, you don't even know what it is that you want. A friend or something more?
For the past few years you've just been a shell, a workaholic drifting through life. Each day the same as the last, getting up, going to work and going to bed. You know you've lost sight of what it is to really be alive, you're more like a robot than a person. After Lucas, after your Dad everything just became about throwing yourself into work and forgetting.
Maybe now you have a chance for something more.
------------------
You end up calling him, not because you've pulled yourself out of the hole you've been lying in and have decided to start living again but because you need his help.
Your faithful car that has stuck by you through thick and thin died again on the roadside and when you reach into your pocket for your cell phone you find that piece of paper with his scrawled number and name on it.
You dial his number and he picks up, you tell him it's Peyton and explain the situation and he tells you he'll be right there. You sit in the car feeling nervous but not exactly sure why and eventually a tow truck pulls up and your chest tightens as you get a feeling of déjà vu. He hops out of the truck and smiles as he sees you sitting in your car looking thoroughly miserable.
He pops the hood and asks you how you've been as he's looking around the engine. You tell him you've been fine and you stand there in silence as he looks around before he reappears, engine oil smeared across his front and there's some on his face and you smile.
"It's your radiator; I'm going to have to tow you back." He says and you nod, thinking you really need to get a new car. He opens the passenger door to his truck for you and you climb in and shut the door after you with a thud.
You arrive at his garage later and you climb out of the truck and breathe in the smell of petrol and engine oil. Sam starts to write something done on a clipboard and you pull out your purse and ask how much you owe him. He shakes his head.
"Hey, don't worry about it." He says and you frown.
"No it's okay." You say pulling out a few twenties but he pushes your hand back towards yourself.
"I told you if you ever needed help…Think of it as a favour." He insists and you can tell he's not going to back down so you sigh and cave in.
"Fine, but how about I buy you lunch to repay your favour." You say it before your brain even really registers it's coming out of your mouth. He looks slightly surprised before a smile spreads across his face.
"Ah so this is what this is? An elaborate plan to get me to eat lunch with you…" He says and you laugh and hold up your hands.
"Okay, you caught me." You say with a smile and he laughs.
"Well seeing as you went to all this effort I guess I should go…let me just get cleaned up."
You stand there smiling to yourself like an idiot as he gets changed and comes out with a clean shirt on.
"I guess I'm driving," he says as he comes out, keys jangling in his hand and you nod as you walk out of the garage together before he stops at a car parked outside and you're impressed. It's a classic, black muscle car and it gleams in the sunlight and you can't help but think that the two of them look so odd together. You'd imagine some guy in a leather jacket and cocky attitude and overcompensated masculinity driving this car but somehow it does kind of go with Sam.
You get in the passenger seat and whistle.
"Nice car man." You say appreciatively and smiles but there's a look of pain in his eyes that you don't notice as he fires up the engine with a deep rumble, which is the reason why you love these old cars, and pulls out onto the road.
You finally agree to just pull into a diner and sit down in a booth together and order some coffee. You watch him as he frowns looking down the menu and you can't help but absently think how cute he looks when he frowns. You shake your head and look back at your menu, marveling at what a sappy idiot you are.
He jokes that he better pick the most expensive thing on the menu as you're paying and you laugh.
"So that would be…the chicken for a grand total of $8?" You reply and he laughs. You both order sandwiches and share a plate of fries. You sit there talking and laughing and you know that you're supposed to be at work right now but you don't care, they can last a day without you. You talk about movies and books which he gets really into and he reminds you so much of Lucas at that point that it must read on your face because he stops and asks you if you're okay. You nod and smile weakly before asking him if he went to college.
He nods and tells you he went to Stanford, and you can't help but surprised. You say he must be some kind of genius or something and before you can stop it your mouth runs away on you again as it has done so many times before and you ask him why he's a mechanic. You at least have the decency to look mortified and are about to apologise but he just laughs.
"No it's okay, it's a good point…I dropped out in my third year." He says and you swallow, still feeling the heat in your cheeks.
"Why did you drop out?" You ask, taking a sip of your drink and he frowns again, looks down at his plate and sighs before meeting your gaze and you see a myriad of emotions.
"There was a fire and…my girlfriend died and I guess I just didn't want to stay there, I couldn't stay there so…I left, took some time out but never went back." He says.
"I'm sorry." You say, cliché, but you mean it. You know what it's like to lose someone.
You finish of your sandwiches and he drives you home. As you stop outside the apartment complex you're about to open the door when you think better of it, you pull your card out of your purse and hand it to him.
"If you ever need anything." You say with a smile, echoing his earlier statement and he smiles and takes the card.
You watch him drive off, the car's throaty rumble growing quieter and the car disappears from view. You walk into the building thinking you better call work and explain why you weren't there but you can't stop smiling.
--------------------
You go to collect your car the following week in your lunch hour and you go out for lunch again. It becomes something you do every day, he'll drive to meet you or you'll drive to meet him and you'll have lunch together before going your separate ways and going back to work. It's like this for a few weeks before he asks you out to dinner. He says yes and you go to a restaurant. It's one of the best dates you've had because you already know each other well enough to avoid the awkward small talk and you laugh and talk like old friends.
You both drink too much and get a cab back to your place for a 'coffee'. You open a bottle of wine and you're wasted, laughing and giggling and you're surprised when he cuts you off by pressing his lips against yours. You pause, laughter dying in your throat before melting into the kiss, it's wet and uncoordinated because you're practically slumped against him but it's amazing at the same time.
You sleep together for the first time that night.
The next morning you have a slight hangover but waking and seeing him next to you makes up for it. Sunlight pours in through the crack in the curtain and the whole room is bathed in gold and you feel completely relaxed and at peace.
Until you look at the time on the clock, see it's half nine and you have a meeting that starts in half an hour. You leap out of bed with a few curse words which wakes Sam immediately, bleary-eyed with hair sticking up in all directions and you don't think you've ever seen him looking so adorable as he does right now.
You shake your head, you're getting distracted. He mumbles what's going on and you hurriedly shout that you're late over your shoulder as you head towards the bathroom. Fumbling with the shower you hear him ask where his pants are. Sticking your head around the door you look around the room and snort when you see his trousers hanging off the lampshade on your nightstand. What had you been doing?
"On the lamp." You say with suppressed laughter and he grins and you can't take your eyes off his chiseled chest. You snap out of it, remembering how late you are and jump in the shower. You hurriedly brush your teeth and find some clothes, brush your hair and you don't have time for make-up. You find Sam sitting on the end of the bed, he tosses you your car keys and you catch them and smile gratefully.
"Thanks, I am so sorry about this." You apologise but he shakes his head.
"It's fine, go before you're late." He says and you pause.
"What about your car?"
"I'll go and pick it up from the restaurant and drive home, now go!" He says and you smile and kiss him quickly before you leave, running out of the door feeling happier than you have in weeks.
---------------------
Brooke calls a few days later and you're so glad to hear her voice again, you've missed your best friend more than you thought was possible. You tell her about Sam, and she asks if he's hot and it feels like high school all over again and it hits you how much you've missed just talking to her. She tells you about her pregnancy, how she feels like she's about to pop and that she's sick of being at home and doing nothing and how Owen is practically waiting on her hand and foot. You tell her you'll try to come and see her in Tree Hill as soon as you can get away from work but you know it's unlikely, you're not sure if you can face going back there and seeing everybody again after so long.
--------------------------
The first time you see Sam's apartment you're shocked at how empty it is, there's nothing personal, nothing to show that anyone actually lives there. It has minimal furniture, a bed, a table and two chairs and that's about it. There are no pictures on the walls, nothing even on the surfaces in the kitchen or on the tables. The shock must read on your face because Sam looks around and sighs.
"I was going for the minimalist look?" He offers and you raise an eyebrow.
"Fine, when I moved in I told myself I'd get some stuff but…I guess I never got around to it." He says and you walk around the apartment and frown.
Each time you come around you make a point to bring something with you to make the place look more like a home, plants, cushions even furniture and he smiles each time you do.
---------------------
You're in his room and he's lying on the bed when you notice a box of photos next to his nightstand. You pick up the box and look through the photos and the first one you see is of a family, a woman with blonde hair, a man and two boys. You turn it over and 'The Winchesters' is written on the back and you smile. This was his family.
You can feel him getting up from the bed and he sits next to you and looks at the photo over your shoulder. You know he said he had no family and you want to know what happened to them but you stop yourself from asking. You'll wait until he wants to talk about it, if he ever does.
You pull one out and laugh as you see a school photo of him when he couldn't have been more than fourteen. He looks down at it and groans, cheeks turning red. He covers his face as you laugh and you tousle his now shaggy hair telling him it's cute.
There are pictures of his parents together, his Dad in military uniform and then you come across one of him when he's older, it looks fairly recent and he's standing with another man. He's shorter, good-looking, wearing a leather jacket and you see the Impala in the background.
"Is this your brother?" You ask and look up and across at Sam. He's staring at the photo and before he even gets any words out his eyes are shining and filling with tears. He places a shaking hand over his eyes and your heart starts to hammer and you suddenly don't know what to do. You put your arm around him as his shoulder's shake silently and you feel tears prickling in your own eyes as he leans against you, broken.
He tells you everything, how that's his brother, Dean. How he died five years ago, saving Sam's life. His voice breaks and he says something about a deal but you don't understand and you don't press the matter either. You just let him talk, talk about his brother and how he was his best friend, how he practically raised him and now everything makes sense. The car, the garage, being a mechanic, even the bar they hang out at. It's all another way for him to hold onto his brother. You know it is because every time you draw, being a cheerleader in high school, it's all to feel closer to your mother.
His breath hitches and you touch the side of his cheek and it's wet, you turn his face slowly towards you and he lifts his eyes to meet yours. You lean forward and kiss him gently and you can taste the salt on his lips. When you draw away he whispers a broken apology and you shush him.
"It's okay." She whispers and he nods jerkily, blinking the tears from his eyes.
-----------------
Brooke has her baby, a little girl called Louise and she invites you and Sam to the christening. You don't want to go, you don't want to see everyone again after so long but at the same time you want to see Brooke again, see her baby. Sam tells you that you should go, that she should go and see all her friends and that he'd like to meet them. You know he's right and that you're just being a coward so you agree to go.
You fly out to Tree Hill together and you feel weird staying in a hotel when your old house is just around the corner. You show him everything around the town, walking around and holding hands and it feels different coming back here now, being back with Sam and being able to look back on it all and realise how huge every problem seemed in such a small town.
You leave for the christening and Sam tells you that you look beautiful and you kiss him softly and tell him he doesn't scrub up too badly either. You turn up and Brooke leaps on you as you arrive and hugs you tightly.
"You came!" She cries, smiling happily as she finally untangles herself from you. Sam is standing to your right looking amused.
"Of course I did." You say and she holds your hand.
"I've missed you P. Sawyer" She says softly and you smile and squeeze her hand.
"I've missed you too." You reply but Brooke's gaze is already on Sam and she gives Peyton a sly smile.
"And who is this?" She asks and Sam shifts nervously.
"Brooke, this is Sam, Sam, Brooke." You say and Brooke immediately takes Sam's hand and shakes it.
"Peyton said you were cute but she didn't tell me you were this cute." She says and Peyton laughs as Sam's ears go red and he looks completely embarrassed. He lets you go and say hello to everyone, Nathan comes and hugs you and you're genuinely pleased to see him. Haley walks over; she's hugely pregnant again and offers a smile and a hug. Things were never really the same with the two of you after the whole Lucas thing but you ask her how she is doing and say hello to Jamie who has shot up since you last saw him.
You see Lucas across the room with a girl on his arm and you swallow hard. You feel Sam's hand slip into yours and he asks if you're okay. You turn around and smile up at him and tell him you're fine and you mean it. You won't let Lucas ruin this for you.
Brooke lets you hold Louise, and you can see she looks exactly like her mother and you coo down at her as the baby gurgles in your arms, she latches onto Sam's finger and won't let go, and he looks so ridiculously huge when you pass the tiny baby to him that you can't help but laugh.
Later, after the service you're sitting in Brooke's house and you can see Jamie talking to Sam and both of them laughing and you watch them happily, he's good with kids and she thinks maybe one day.
You go to get a drink and bump into someone, stumbling backwards you apologize and look up and green eyes meet blue and you feel your heart leap into your throat.
"Lucas," You stammer out stupidly and he stares at you.
"Hey." He says and you try to swallow but your mouth feels like sandpaper and your tongue seems to be stuck to the roof of your mouth.
"H-Hey." You reply and he shifts uncomfortably.
"How have you been?" He asks.
"Okay." You reply shortly, wanting to be anywhere but here. He looks at you and lets out a sigh.
"Peyton I…" He begins but you cut him off, holding up a hand.
"Lucas don't."
You both stand there in silence and the sound of laughter and conversation around you seems deafening and you look back at him.
"I'm sorry." He says quietly and you look down at the floor, before that would have been all you needed to hear. An apology for the way he treated you, for not loving you as much as you loved him but now, you don't even need it.
"Me too." You reply but you know your reasons are different from his. You're sorry that you ever let a man change who you were, sorry that he reduced you to begging, to a person that you didn't want to be and sorry that you let someone ruin your chances at happiness for the past few years because you were too scared of getting hurt again and that you lost friends and ruined relationship for someone that didn't love you enough to wait.
You walk away and you feel an odd sensation pass over you.
Closure?
----------------------
Sam moves into your apartment eventually and you begin to cut back your hours at work. You start to look forward to going home rather than dreading going back to an empty apartment and you're completely in love with this man.
You realise this is all you ever really wanted. A relationship without drama, with someone who genuinely cares for you and someone who makes you feel safe and wanted. He needs you as much as you need him which is what makes this relationship different to all your others, someone needs you back.
A/N Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long look and if you liked it please vote for it! Link to the site is in my homepage! Join it's a great board!