Authors Note: Sweeney's Decided to put down his razor and Pick up his guitar. whoot whoot! Not meant to be taken seriously. Song by nickelback, lyrics in italics. Reviews would be nice. cough cough SO LADIES AND GENTLEMAN...BOYS AND GURLZ...I Present you Sweeney Todd the fabulous...
ROCKSTAR!!
"Mr. Todd? Are you alright?" Her voice chimed in while he stood at his normal window brooding. She went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He began to breathe deeply, as if he was extremely, extremely pissed (not that he wasn't normally...but super even more than pissed pissed.) He looked over at her, and backed her up onto the wall as he sang:
"I'm
through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in
It's like
the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't
turned out quite the way I want it to be"
She
swung her leg around him, gave him a sexy wink and whispered into his
ear: "(Tell
me watchya want)"
He
proceeded to undoing the back of her dress and sang into her ear: "I
want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can
play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough for ten plus me"
By
this time, her dress was off and she stood in front of him in her
underwear, teasing his hair with her fingers. He smiled his smile,
and began toying with her hair as well. He undid her top, and let it
fall to the floor. He moved in and placed his mouth on her left
breast, slowly suck at it, as she moaned: "(Tell
me watchya need)"
He
let go of her, turned her around and tied her all back up. That was
as far as they were getting today. She looked disappointed, as she
slipped back into her position next to him. He looked at her, caught
her lips and dragged her down stairs while shouting/singing at the
top of his lungs: "I'll
need a
Credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet
with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven
thousand feet"
All of a sudden, the judges voice answered.
"(Been
there, done that)"
Sweeney
scowled, but procceeded downstairs to Mrs. Lovett's room anway. He
lies down on the bed and he asked her, "tell me what you want."
She smirks and rolls on to straddle him as she sings: "I
want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My star on Hollywood
Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me"
Out
of nowhere, Anthony pops in and looks at them ridiuculously, carrying
along a guitar at his side, he randomly asks: "(So
how you gonna do it)"
Sweeney
laughs, picks up Mrs. Lovett, and says: "I'm
gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
and change my name"
Frantically,
he runs into the bathroom and returns with an Elvis haircut, and drum
sticks. She shruggs as she they march out onto the dark streets of
London chanting: "'Cause
we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses
driving fifteen cars"
Anthony looks up at Johanna and sings up to her:
"The
girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as
we just won't eat"
Johanna gives him a sexy smile, as Sweeney pulls him away while singing:
And
we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie
stars
He pulls Mrs. Lovett to him, as she sings:
"Every
good gold digger's gonna wind up there"
Anthony is still stunned by Johanna and in a dazed way he sings:
"Every
Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair and well"
They all laugh as loud as they can onto the streets of London and scream at the top of their lungs:
"Hey hey I
wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar!!"
Sweeney
knocked loudly on the Judge's door as the Beadle answered, Sweeney
stormed in basically knocking him over, and getting all up in his
grill. As he does this he sings: "I
wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body
guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs so I
can eat my meals for free"
(I'll have the quesadilla, haha)
Sweeney
turns away from the Beadle and sticks his hands in the Judge's
face. Mrs. Lovett laughs an evil Bellatrix like laugh and runs up to
the judge and belches out as loudly as she can: "I'm
gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion"
While Anthony starts sneaking his way up to Johanna's room and screams:
"Get
a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold
that loves to blow my money for me"
The judge runs after Anthony as a confused Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett look to see Beadle staring at them and he asks:
"(So
how you gonna do it)"
With
this, Mrs. Lovett smirks and makes her way over to him, taking one of
Sweeney's razors and holding it up to his throat. With a nod from
Sweeney, she let's it 'slip.' As it falls she laughs and sings
into his dying face: "I'm
gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
and change my name"
After
hearing Beadle give out his last minute scream, the Judge runs
downstairs followed by Anthony and Johanna to find out what is going
on. As he comes down, Sweeney approaches with the razor and slits his
throat. He makes every little movement percise with the beat of the
song: "'Cause
we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses
driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come
cheap
We'll all stay skinny as we just won't eat"
Johanna looks stunned, as Anthony swings her into an off beat waltz singing as loud as he could:
"And
we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie
stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every
Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair"
Johanna backed up a little and ran into Mrs. Lovett. Who turned around and gave her a smile, but was quickly taken away by her from Mr. Todd, who swung her into the same off beat waltz, howling:
"And
we'll
Hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary
and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil
smile
Everybody's got a Drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey
hey I wanna be a rockstar"
Johanna
stands their staring confused as Sweeney leaned into passionatly kiss
Mrs. Lovett, reaching his tounge far into her mouth. They run
straight outside and stand on the steps as he sings: "I'm
gonna sing those songs that offend the censors"
Anthony nods and adds:
"Gonna
pop my pills from a pez dispenser"
Laughing, Mrs Lovett chimes in:
"Get
washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so
I don't get'em wrong"
Noticing
the confused Johanna, Mrs. Lovett walks over and loops an arm around
her and soothingly sings: "Well
we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses
driving fifteen cars"
She's quickly interuppted by Anthony who wants to make it clear that:
"The
girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as
we just won't eat"
Mrs. Lovett begins to get excited, as she explains further:
"And
we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie
stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there"
Once again interuppted by Anthony who wants to desperatly make is point clear.
"Every
playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair"
Johanna seems interested now as she looks over, hoping that Mrs. Lovett will continue what she was explaining earlier, and she does.
"And
we'll
Hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary
and today's who's who"
Sweeney comes over and loops his arm around Mrs. Lovett mentioning:
"They'll
get you anything with that evil smile"
Anthony
jumps in one more time with:
"Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well"
And Mrs. Lovett finishes it all off whispering to Johanna:
"Hey
hey I wanna be a rockstar"
In the morning, Mrs. Lovett awakes to find a bottle of gin sitting next to her and Sweeney, laying beside her looking at her, strangly enough concerningly. She shruggs it all off remembering last night.
She doesn't dare to ask him waht happened. Instead she looks around her messy room, noticing an empty pez bottle and two blood covered razors.
Assuring herself that it's dream, she waltzes into the kitchen to find Johanna sitting there, reading a Capt'n Crunch box singing softly to herself...
"Hey
hey I wanna be a rockstar"
Authors Note: I wrote this in the airport. Decided to post it. I had fun writing it, hope you enjoyed reading it. Please Review!