This is just pure mind splurge, to stop me littering up Laughsalot12's review page with my mini torture Uther drabbles. I just wanted to write a longer version with some actual description in it as its great fun for me to do. Thus this was born.

Here's to you Laughsalot12 and keep up the good work =)

Uther over the years had dealt with a lot of crises, ranging from castle raids to outbreaks of sickness, through his rein as King of Camelot. Even the odd war had been dealt with, sure there would be a few casualties along the way, but to die for one's kingdom was considered a great honour. Of course as long as he wasn't doing any of the dieing that is.

Then there was the matter of sorcery, a fair few executions not to mention the Great Purge all handled without that much fuss and with no problems, if you disregard the constant string of magical atacks on his life that is.

Nothing fazed King Uther anymore, all regarded him with the respect and fear he governed as King.

Nothing that is until she turned up.

He had tried everything to get rid of the witch.

He tried to execute her, she turned the executioners axe into a necklace, to which she was still wearing and then promptly started, in no other words, 'surfing' the crowd.

He tried to burn her, several times, and it rained. Even when they tried it indoors, it still managed to rain. Explain that one.

Drowning, she had turned herself into a boat and spent an hour sailing round the moat till one of the guards had caught her with a net.

Imprisoning her just resulted in a bunch of highly noisy, highly musical cell mates and guards. It had lasted a week until Uther got wind of a Choir concert being held down there.

Banishment his last option. Again had failed miserably when she put it to him that he couldn't exactly execute her if she came back.

Alas Uther Pendragon had met his match.

The young witch had bested him and for the first time in his life Uther admitted defeat and Camelot castle, gained a resident witch.

Of course she had made her presence very much felt over the last week of her unofficial tenancy, taking to harassing poor Uther every chance she got. It seemed that everyday he was met with the mess she left behind. The incident with the stuffed bear rug, the most recent issue, still had most of the nobles watching their backs for any so called 'Bear' hugs.

But as with everything in Camelot, the castle and the citizens just grew to live with it, afterall what could they do? It was just put down to 'one of those days'.

It was on, one of those days that Uther, surrounded by papers and documents, found himself straying from thought on official business.

"It's been 12 hours of peace, what's she doing that's allowed 12 hours of peace. No don't be distracted that's what she wants, it's part of her little game. A twisted little game. Focus on the reports and just forget about her."

Placing his seal over one finished report Uther successfully distracted himself from his mini mind torment. For all of 2 minutes that is.

'Maybe she switched all the name plates round the castle again, no don't let her have the satisfaction that's she's winning, you're a king and you are in control of your mind. Now the borders report that….."

Interrupted mid-thought, Uther stared up at the small servant who had just run into his room. The sweaty brow, the irregular breath and the nervous twitch, he knew what those were all signs of.

'Her'

Excuse me Sire the guards request you urgently..its…its….she's at it again.

"Knew it" Screamed his brain as he simply stared passively at the servant before rising to his feet and motioning for the servant to lead. Placing the now sealed report down on the table as he rounded his desk and set of in what appeared to be the direction of the throne room.

He was greeted outside the double doors by two guards who saluted respectively as the servant bowed out and fled towards the kitchens.

"Sire we sent word to you as soon as we found her, we would of come personally instead of sending a servant but, well we felt it urgent that we contain her in one place."

The second guard merely motioned to the door as his other half finished his hurried explanation.

Uther felt the beginnings of a headache coming on as pressing his hand tightly to his temple he asked the dreaded question.

"So what is it that your containing that involves keeping her in my throne room"

The second guard replied this time as the first guard took over motioning to the door.

"Its better if you see it yourself sire"

Stepping to the other side of the door, simultaneously the guards grasped the heavy handles and pulled the double doors open revealing the situation to the King.

"What in Solomon's reign are you doing?"

The words were out his mouth before his brain even began to process the mess that lay before him. His jaw he was sure was now in one of the many holes that littered the floor of the throne room. If you could call them holes and not craters as they each were very deep and very large.

There was a pause as a shovel came to rest and a pair of blue eyes swivelled round to meet his own in a calm manner. You wouldn't believe the young girl, currently stood knee deep in a hole, was anything but innocent if you relied on that look alone but then the evidence around her spoke otherwise.

"Digging"

The monotone voice of the girl broke through his analysis of his trashed throne room.

"I can see that. Why? Why here? Why not outside!"

Surprisingly his voice remained quite calm in spite of the situation presented.

"I'm a mole"

"I'm sorry, your what?"

"I'm a mole and we dig in the most inconvenient places"

"My throne room?"

"What can I say its our little mole way and I cant deny that fact, it's a part of me"

"Your not a mole"

"Of course not, I haven't dug enough holes yet to qualify"

"Fill them in right now"

"What no, this has taken me all morning and most of the afternoon"

"You've been digging by hand"

"Yes"

"I cant believe I'm saying this but why didn't you use your magic?"

"Moles don't have magic"

"Moles don't have shovels either"

"…"

"Clear it up"

"But why, give me two good reasons and I'll consider it"

"One its my throne room and I need it, floor intact, to conduct business."

"Oh come on that's such a small detail"

"Two it's a health hazard, someone could fall in"

"…."

"Someone fell in didn't they?"

"…Maybe.."

Dignity be damned if he couldn't smash his head continuously into a wall right now. Of all the witches to be stuck with it had to be the one without any common sense.

Grinding his teeth his reply came short and fast.

"Well what happened to them, surely people falling in your holes would tell you to stop and….."

Uther halted at the shifty look on the girls face.

"Their still in the hole aren't they?" He deadpanned.

"Well if we hypothetically were to say that he, again hypothetically, was still in said hole than you wouldn't be totally wrong"

"So hypothetically which hole would this man be in if I were to ask"

The girl pointed to the hole three holes down from his left.

Sighing and wondering what he had ever done to deserve this life, oh wait never mind, he called out for the two guards to inspect the hole.

The report from the guards however was not what he had been expecting.

"Sire, it appears that she's caught an assassin"

'Typical'

"Well pull him out anyway"

The assassin, after being dragged out the very large hole, had confessed whole heartedly once he caught site of the shovel wielding witch and was then promptly manhandled out of sight towards the dungeons, still looking very confused at the whole ordeal. The king could feel the smug grin on the girls face before he even turned back round to face her.

"Even if you caught an assassin fill in the holes!"

"Oh come on, they just saved your life"

"Fill them in now, end of discussion"

With that said Uther turned on his heels and walked back out the door, leaving the witch and the two guards alone in a very holey throne room.

The silence was soon broken by a very girly shriek.

"You two are such taddle tales"

"We're not the ones pretending to be a mole because she cant remember where she buried the Kings favourite crown"

"You two said you wouldn't tell him"

"We haven't, now have you found it yet, because Uther's going to realise at some point what you've really done."

"Hah I'll believe that when I see it"

"WITCH"

A loud bellow echoed off the castle walls, making the whole room flinch.

"Uh-oh looks like he busted me early, catch"

"Don't leave us with criminal evidence"

"Yeah take back your stupid shovel"

The shouts of the two guards went on deaf ears as the witch fled out the back throne room doors, a passing comment thrown over her shoulder.

"Bye boys"

Before the two guards could give chase, Uther, who was practically spitting flames, promptly flew back into the throne room

Only to fall pitch first into one of the witch's early dug holes.

Yes it was just 'one of those days' in Camelot.

That is my mental mind splurge over. If you liked It then thanks =)

I love to torture Uther Muahaha!

Unicornkatt

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