Author's note:

Hi everybody,

I decided to write another one shot (just snuck up and bashed me on the head the other night). I really wanted to show my true writing style and see how it turned out. I had always wondered what would happen if someone had ever been shot down and this is the result. From a guy's point of view anyway.

Never the Bride, by Hikishi

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me, it instead is the copyright of some extremely gifted people who have made me very jealous.

Pairings: 1x2x1

Warnings: Drunkeness, Swearing, Descriptions of gender re-assignment.

Genres: Romance, Angst (not enough to make your eyes water).

Never The Bride

"Heero….will you marry me?"

The Japanese Preventer's face fell instantly at the proposal. Duo, on one knee, suddenly felt very stupid and depressed.

It had started out an ordinary day for one of them at least it seemed. Duo had not given any indication that the day was special and they had gone about their business as normal then, nearing the end of the day, Duo had made his move, in the middle of the crowded Preventers cafeteria. He knew Heero would be surprised. What he wasn't expecting was the expression of horror that crossed his lover's face as he popped the question.

King of the romantic gesture.

Duo Maxwell.

Shot.

Down.

His face began to burn, and Duo knew without a doubt that he was turning that awful cherry red. Then again, this was easily the most heartbreaking and embarrassing moment of his life. He just wanted to be shot by a just-recruited Oz soldier on the spot. Still and silent as death was an understatement to describe the hush that fell over the seething mass as he'd asked. And that wasn't the worst part. Oh no, the worst, the absolute horrifying fact that topped it all off and tied it in ribbons made from his own intestines was that Heero didn't even reply! Just shook his head.

Suddenly no one knew where to look.

Zechs had this extremely pitying look on his face. The one that said 'ouch, you poor bastard. Glad it's not me.' It didn't help that he'd done exactly the same thing last year in this very same room and been accepted with happy tears and gormless grins. That little tidbit of information made Duo want to kill him right….now.

In the end, it was his not-so-tactful best friend that saved the day (after a fashion), by snorting and commenting dryly:

"That's the best practical joke I've seen Maxwell, and congratulations, you've finally managed to give Heero an emotion."

Fuck Zechs. Duo was just going to give Wufei a sex change by shooting his dick off.

"Now get up. I need you to finish that report so we can finish on time for a change."

With a bazooka.

"Yeah, Wu. I'll get right on it." Duo pretended to grumble good naturedly, pulling himself up and slouching for the door. "Catch you dudes later." The silence bled away like his dreams as the other agents seemed to accept this and move on. Nothing to see here folks, just an ex-Gundam pilot having his heart ripped out and thrown into a blender with rock salt. His eyes shimmered but with the happy smile he'd superglued over the trembling lips it seemed like he was simply reaping the fruits of a very funny joke.

Duo slipped into his office, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He needed out. He could feel the perspiration running down the back of his neck under the braid and was recognising that his shallow breaths were hyperventilation. He slipped into the bathroom to wash his face and calm himself. Once the racing heart had slowed to twice the speed limit, Duo made a beeline for the door. He screeched to a stop as he heard voices outside the door. Voices he recognised.

Pre-gender reassignment Chang and the one who had made good on his death threat without the aid of a gun; killed him without laying a finger on him.

Heero.

Duo's breath stilled as he listened to them at the water fountain. Hell apparently existed before death, not, as he'd originally believed, after.

"I can't believe he did that, Chang."

"How embarrassing."

"Damnit, this has ruined everything!"

"You should have told him." Chiding tone.

What the fuck?

"Relena's going to eat me alive when she finds out."

Duo felt the blood drain from his face and his knees wobbled.

Oh.

My.

God.

"She'll have every right to. You've fucked up royally Yuy. I suggest you find Maxwell and do some serious damage control."

"Why couldn't he have just waited? The party was only two days away. Maybe he noticed the sneaking around and got the wrong idea…." The voices faded, as did the footsteps taking the last vestiges of Duo's dreams and hopes with them. Anger and desperation frolicked up and began to gambol around his legs, reaching up with heavy forepaws, trying to throw him off balance as he slipped out of the bathroom and made off down the hall, with only one idea in his mind. Duo was going to get well and truly soused.

But first….

The jacket he'd just donned came off as he reached the reception and fell to the floor, followed swiftly by his tie. Duo kept walking, ignoring the stares and the stammering agent manning the front desk. His shirt came next, leaving him in his white tank. The left shoe went tumbling across the floor whilst the right became airborne and found its resting place wedged lazily in the leaves of the potted palm in the corner. Finally, dressed in only the tank, black jeans and his odd socks, He opened the front doors, pausing only to take out a piece of gum he'd been chewing since the elevator and use it to stick his badge to the glass.

If there was one thing he knew how to do best, it was make the grandest fucking exit in the Earth sphere.

Fuck you Heero Yuy.

Duo continued shedding his life, quite literally as he walked down the street, shoeless. Keys were dropped. He removed his bank card and the remaining cash from his wallet and tossed the money clip. His watch was next to go. The ATM was the first stop. He fed it his card. Took out all his cash. Tucked the whole two thousand credits into the back pocket of his jeans and tossed the card over his shoulder. The only other thing on his mind was shoes. Duo picked out the first shoe shop he came across. He didn't waste precious time wandering the aisles, simply pulled on a pair of trainers and slammed two hundred on the counter before walking back out. It was easy to ignore the shouts for him to come back.

He didn't realise he still had his phone on him until he felt it buzzing against his thigh. The phone was taken out, puzzled over briefly in a completely uncaring fashion, then carelessly pitched into the street for a car to crush beneath it's wheels.

It was another block before Duo remembered the ring. He studied it, standing there motionless before a smile spread across his face. One little thing had caused so much trouble. A thumb flicked. The ring flew up in the air. Duo tilted his head back, caught it neatly on his tongue and swallowed. What better place for it to end like the rest of his life in the space of a day.

Down the toilet.

There was only one more item remaining on his agenda now.

The bar he chose to patronise was in the centre of the clubbing district. Duo sat at the bar, stared at the bartender and put down a hundred.

"I don't care what you have. I don't care what it tastes like. And I don't want to see an empty glass on this bar at any point. Are we clear?"

The barman just shook his head.

"It's your funeral, man."

"Yes." Came the soft, absent tone. "It is. And I intend to enjoy every minute of it."

It took Duo ten minutes to down six drinks and get halfway down another. The bar keep did exactly as he was instructed. Not one empty glass littered the polished wood.

He kept going.

Duo was pleasantly buzzed by the time the yuppies came in for after an work tipple. One guy spoke briefly with him.

"You alright? You're drinking an awful lot."

Duo laughed lightly, as if it was a funny thing to say.

"I'm celebrating. Here, have a drink on me,"

The barman was quick to hand over a glass of some unidentifiable liquor without the slightest prompt.

"Thanks! what's the occasion?"

"My funeral!" Duo smiled brightly.

"Uh…" The yuppie turned to the proprietor and raised his eyebrows in concern. "Are you sure he should be drinking?"

The barkeep shrugged dismissively.

"He's not doin' any harm, just buys his drinks and downs 'em. Been happy as a clam all night, not a cloud on his face. Think he's just a few gyros short of a Mobile Doll."

"Nope!" Duo crowed happily, his long hair flying as he shook his head. "Anyone ever tell you it's rude to talk as if the person isn't standing right next to you?" He admonished him gently, wagging a reproving finger, before turning to his reluctant drinking companion. "I'm perfectly sane, thank you. I just want to spend what's left of my life in an alcohol induced stupor."

The stranger could not make a quick enough exit and took his friends with him. The loss of customers didn't sit too well with the barman.

"If you scare away my pay check, then I'll have to ask you to leave."

Another hundred credits on the bar was his retort. Duo grinned inanely and chuckled.

"You keep those drinks coming and you won't need to worry about not making enough money tonight."

By nine o'clock the club was busy and Duo was more than tipsy, but he continued to drink. He continued to buy a drink for anyone who spoke to him. He danced with anyone who asked and let the world descend into a fuzzy haze. He'd drunk so much, he could only make out different coloured blobs instead of faces and words held no meaning.

And this was how Heero found him. Draped all over the bar, swaying slightly and humming along to a tune with that terrifying blank grin on his face.

"Duo…" He sighed.

"You here to take him home?" The bar man asked.

"Has he been any trouble?"

The guardian angel stranger shook his head.

"No, just put money down, smiled and asked me to keep his glasses full. I was worried he might be suicidal, so I stayed once my shift ended to look after him, but he's been smiling all night."

"How much did he drink?"

"Damn near a thousand credits worth of shots alone." Good Samaritan looked a little worried. I started watering them down heavily once I was sure he would no longer notice."

"Thank you. How much does he owe?"

"Nothin'. Guy paid for every single drink."

Heero paled. A thousand and a half credits on booze and he was still alive?

Shitfuck.

And.

Damn.

He turned to his errant lover and didn't even bother helping him to his feet, simply hefted him straight off the barstool and into his arms.

"Duo, come on. It's time to go now."

"G'wh're?" Maxwell's truly lashed Demon jerked his head up slightly and stared at Heero as if he'd never seen him before. "Heeeeeeeeeey! Wh'rego?" And gifted him with that stupid empty grin that made Heero's heart hurt.

"We have to see Sally and get you an alcohol neutralizer shot."

"Drink!" The completely trashed Gundam Pilot replied, reaching for the glass on the bar and downing it before anyone could stop him.

"I'd better get him home. Thank you again."

The barkeep replied that it had been no problem and turned to flash the lights for last orders.

The first thing Duo noticed upon waking was that he was not dead.

The second was his rather painful headache. Followed by the swift realisation that he was in Heero's bed. And that the arm draped over his waist was his ex-lover's.

What the hell?

He sat up quickly, and moaned, grabbing his head as it exploded with pain. Wow, pretty colours. Heero the heart-stealer was immediately all over him, eyes swimming with false concern.

"Duo, love, don't get up so fast, you've had a heavy night."

"And you care….why?" When there was no reply forthcoming, Duo ran on, staring blindly at a spot just to the left of Heero's shoulder. "I heard you yesterday. Talking with Wufei at the water fountain. It's bad enough that I made a fool of myself in front of everyone. But to keep me shackled to you just to satisfy some sadistic whim you have is just disgusting." Duo's voice was flat as he spoke, emotionless.

"What are you talking-"

"I'd rather die in the gutter than be a fuck toy Agent Yuy. You had my heart. I gave it to you on a silver platter, and you dumped it into the dirt and then proceeded to play soccer with it. So now there are two choices for you. One: you let me go my own way, and I go fill up on every alcoholic beverage I can find, or two: you try and keep me, and I shoot myself. Either way," He smiled humourlessly. "You win."

"Look, koi, I'm sorry about the scene in the cafeteria. I can explain, will you let me?"

"Talk at me all you want. I know what I heard. It doesn't make a blind bit of difference what you say."

"It was supposed to be a surprise." Heero blurted suddenly, grabbing both of Duo's hands and pulling them into his lap. I was going to propose to you at the Gala that evening. In front of everyone. Quatre and Trowa had even been invited especially."

Duo blinked and said nothing.

"I wanted to ask you to marry me Duo. But you got there first, and ruined the surprise accidentally. I got caught by surprise and just reacted wrongly."

The punch was swift enough to catch the Preventer off guard. It was a hard one and Duo's knuckles instantly began to bloom in bruises. It sapped the other man's strength completely and Duo fell back onto the pillows, feeling dizzy and sick..

"Whatthehell! How can you even say that!" He lost the last vestiges of his control and began to yell angrily. "Goddamn it Heero, are you stupid? You can marry someone you're in love with somebody else!"

Heero blinked.

Duo seethed.

Heero began to laugh.

Hard.

"Wha- what are you talking about?"

"Relena." Duo felt he'd like missed a chapter, because he wasn't getting this. At all.

"Relena…." Heero reined in his mirth quickly. And paled considerably. A dawning look of horror cross his face, making Duo ire rise again. "Oh. Oh no. Duo…"

The words began to tumble out of the Perfect Soldier's mouth as he began to explain. About his plan to ask his lover to marry him. About how Relena had helped him pick out the ring and write down the words he would use to express himself. How Wufei had been asked to keep it a secret.

And how Duo's own impulsiveness had pipped him to the post.

"You mean, you said no because you wanted to ask me first?"

"No, I just wasn't sure how to react."

Duo suddenly felt relieved.

"Of course I'll marry you."

He hugged Heero tightly and reached for his gun. Heero gazed back in puzzlement.

"Duo, what are you doing?"

"Going over to Preventer's. There's a Gundam Pilot there in serious need of stilettos and a miniskirt…."

End Never The Bride