a/n: This is a sequel to the beautiful drama film known as the Room (written, directed, starred in, and written by Tommy Wiseau.) This movie is very significant with me, because it describes a character known as Lisa, who I heavily relate to. Lisa and I have similar personalities and pasts, and I sympathize with her conflicts and imperfections. Injoy! (Oh and I dnot' own "the room.")
EDIT: In my first vresion, I used the word "retard" to describe Johnny. BUT I have changed this for the following resin; a neighbor of mine who has Down Syndrome told me that the way I used the word in m y fanfic seemed to imply that she and Tommy Wiseau had something in common.
She said to me, "I can handle the patronizing attitudes I get, I can handle the limitations of my disability, I can even hadnle prejudice assholes saying I should have been euthanized, but I can NOT handle being ocmpared to the freak who made thsi fucked up movie."
SO I have removed the R-word from this story, because she is right, it does not describe TOmmy Wiseau. "Alien" is a more appropriate word according to my research.
CHAPTER 1: THE FUNERAL!
lisa and her family stood in the rain, holding umbrellas, morning the los of Lisa's husband named Johnny. Lisa felt much guild, since johnnys death was in part caused by her betrayal.
Lisa was a young, beautiful girl of about 27, with blonde hair and blue eyes and plump, full breatss. She wore a black dress with lacy trim, for the funeral. Her high heels had silver hearts on them, and matching hearts adorned her earrings. They were to symbolize the love she felt for the man whom she had caused to death. Her umbrella also had lacy tirm.
Lisa was not alone at the funeral. With her was her mom Claudette, who was herself a tragedy. Claudette suffered from a condition known as Fucking Old People Syndrome, and had a very bad memory and got confused a lot. Many times Claudette would tell people she had breats cancer and would die. this was bullshit. In reality, Claudette had just been watching a TV series called "Battlestar galactica," and gotten herself confused with President Laura Rosalind.
"It's ok Johnny, my son in law." Claudette said to the man in the coffin. "I will soon be joining you, once the cancer reaches my heart."
Lisa sighed at her mother's fucking oldness.
Also there was Lisa and Jonny's friend Denny. Denny was a mentally retarted boy of maybe 14, who was involved wit drugs. In fact, his conception had proably also involved drugs, knowing Denny's parents.
"Is jonny asleep? " Denny asked retardedly. "Can I sleep in the box with him?"
Lisa signed.
Then there were Johnny's football buddies, Tom, Juanito, and Benvolio.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not really remember what Jonny's foodball friends were named, or what they really looked like, so I made up new ones. )
Tom was tall and thin with red hair in a buzz cut and freckles. Juanito was a little Mexican guy who was probably illegal, with black hair died orange. Benvolio was a fatass. All three wore their best football tuxedos, and were tossing the ball back and forth over jonny's grave.
Lisa sighed sadly.
One more person was at the funeral: his name was Mark, and he was both jonny's pal and lisa's lover. Makr was a very handsome man, with big muscles and blue eyes and wavy brown hair the color of chocalte and maple syrup.
"It's not ur fault lisa." Mark said sympathizely.
"Oh jonny." Lisa sobbed . "I never should have tried to help him or feel sorry for what a weirdo he was." she sobbed sadly.
Jonny laid in his coffin, wearing his finest tuxedo and holding his favorite football. His hair was as crazy as ever. Jonny's eyes were closed (cuz he was dead), and the hole in his head where he shot himself was covered with a sponbebob bandaid.
Johnny was a mentally deranged hobo with a European accent no one could identify. When asked what his country of origin was, his answer always changed. sometimes he was French, other times German, sometimes African, and sometimes Australian, once Chinese. Jonny got a job at an office on account of Affirmitive Action (each business was requird to hire one Martian, in addition to one black dude, one joo, one woman, and one gay guy). But he could not get a promotion, because the only thing he was good at was eating old documents that were no longer needed (he didn't even use ketchup), and testing out computers with his stupidity to see if they broke too easily. Lisa didn't want to marry jonny but had no choice. She could not support herself on her own, since she was a woman (and she was NOT one of those stupid feminist bitches, who thinks women should be men and work). but she was too pretty for a rich man, who would only marry her for her looks. So she was forced to marry the freak of nature jonny. Claudette liked jonny, and approved. Her mothers approval made the marriage boring. Jonny didn't' even know which hole to put his penis in when they had sex (he usually used her belly button).
Lisa sighed.
"Well he ain't getting any deader" said the priest, Father O'Mally, and he kicked jonny's coffin closed.
CHAPTER 2: UNEXPECTED….!
Liza got used to living alone, in jonny's old house. she and mark continued to have sex, since mark loved her. Denny continued to do drugs, and Claudette condintued to tell every one that she had cancer (and on occasion, that she was also having visions of the Lords of Kobel, telling her to guide everyone home to Earth).
One day lisa rolled out of bed, and felt heavy. She looked in the mirror and saw that her tummy was round as a football.
"OH MY GOD," Lisa cried in shcok. "I'm FAT!"
She collapsed into tears.
"Lisa what is wrong!" Mark cried, hoping up from the bed nude.
His dick was large, hard, thick, and tan colored, just like a fine footaball that wold be used by Brett Farve.
"Don't lookat me!" Liza cried, hiding her hideous tummy under her pink robe (with cats on the back). "I'm hideous, u'll leave me!"
"NO! " Mark exclaimed. "I love you lisas! I would not leave you just because you're fat! Maybe you have a disease. Lets go to the doctor."
Sobbing, lisa agreed, so they went to a doctor.
"Congratulations," the doctor said. "But you're pregnant!"
"WHAT?" Lisa scramed. "How? How can that be?"
"well, um…lets' just pretend, for a moment, that the daddy's dick is a football, and the mommy's pussy is a goal…"
"Oh shut up I know how it works!" Lisa shouted. "But how could it happen to ME?"
Mark conforted her. "There there lisa."
"But mark, don't you see? This baby might be begotten by JONNY! "
Marks jaw dropped. "But…but that would make the child half...whatever the fuck Johnny is!"
Lisa sobbed.
CHAPTER 3: THE ABORTION!
Lisa laid awake, wondering if the baby would be a boy or girl. Bonde haired or brown haired. Half-Mark, or Half-Wiseau.
Lisa sighed.
That night, lisa had aterrible nightmare. She was in the delivery room, having the baby. Suddenly, the doctor screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" out of lisa's legs, they pulled a baby….with tommy Wiseasu's head!
"Oh, hai mommy!" said the baby.
Lisa woke up scraming.
Lisa was so distressed that Claudette paid for her to see a psychiatrist. The sykyatrist was named Dr. Quack. Little did Claudette know (cuz she was fuckign old) that Dr. Quack was actually a very evil and manipulative woman; Dr. Quack was….a feminist.
"So," Dr. Quack said, poushing her pointy red glasses with her pencil. "You are having nightmares about birthing the child of the vampiric zombie named Jonny."
"Yes." Said Liza.
"I have a suggestion, tho it is somewhat unorthodox."
"What is it"
"You could have an abortion."
Lisa gasped. "But abortion is like murder!"
"No it's not. It's a lady's choice. There is one other option. If you don't want to abort, and have the baby, you can pay the redard-bills (for his care givers and special ed and stuff) by…getting a job."
"A JOB?" Lisa gasped. "But I'm a woman! That is so rong!"
"Well, it is the 20th century." Dr. Quack said innocently, and manipulatively.
"No," Lisa shook her head. "No, non o no no I can't do it!"
"Do what?" Quack said. "The abortion, or a job?"
Lisa gasped, and thought of the two options.
If she had an abortion, she'd be a baby killer, and go to hell. But if she got a job, she'd lose her femininity as a woman. Her perfectly manicured nails would get broken by typing on a computer, or flipping burgers, or pumping gas for old pplel. Her lovely face would age with stress. She'd have to wear businessy-clothes, instead of her sexy outfits she preferred. She'd have to wake up before noon, and not drink except on weekends.
"I can't get a job." Lisa shook her head slowly. "I can't do it. I have to get an abortion."
Dr. Quack smiled evilily.
Lisa went to the abortion clinic, wearing a sunglasses and nose and mustache disguise.
"Hey," said the abortion worker. "weren't u just outside protesting against us last week?"
Lisa sighed. "I don't expect a baby-killer like You to understand MY situation. Lets' just get this over with. So how does this work?"
"Well," the abortion girl took out a chain saw. "First, we….where are you going?"
"I can't do it!" Lisa said strongly. "I can't kill my baby!"
As lisa ran back outside, a ray of golden light shown from the cloudy sky over her, for Jesus had seen that hse was a good Christian who wouldn't get an aobriotn.
CHAPTER 4: WHO'S YOUR DADDY!
When the baby was born, Lisa was happy to see that the chld did NOT have Jonny's ugly head.
"Then it must be mine!" Mark said gladly.
"Um…yeah…" Lisa looked away sadly.
"If it's my kid," Mark said, "Can I pick the name out?"
"Um sure."
"I want to name it after jonny."
"But Mark, the baby is a girl."
"OK, then we'll name her…Jonasina."
"That's perfect!" Lisa realized.
In this way, lisa and mark felt they had compensated for the guilt of causing jonny's suicide, by honoring him with their firstborn child's name. mark had a job working a slurpy machine at chuckee cheezis, so Lisa dind't have to get a job. She was able to remain a woman, taking care of the hose and baby Jonasina, while enjoying a nice Margarita and watching soap operas.
But the story wasn't quiet over yet…
When Jonasina was about a year old ,pple started to notice a few odd things about the girl. For starters, she was black.
"Lisa," Mark said evenly. "Are you sure that Jonasina is my kid?"
"Um of course," Lisa looked away. "Who else's kid would she be?"
"Lisa, tell me the truth." Mark said. "were u ever unfaithful to me?"
Lisa collapsed into tears. "Oh mark, I felt sorry for Denny, he was so confused and he asked me what jonny and me were doing all that itme alone. So I showed him. but it was only once."
"It's ok I undersand." Mark said. "its not your fault, and I forgigve you. Was denny the only one? Its' okay, u can tell me."
"Well," lisa cried, "there was also that drug dealer who denny was caught with. He was rugged and exciting and handsome, and he MADE me like him, by smiling and smacking my butt and calling me hot-stuff. I couldn't' control my emotions."
"It's ok Liza," Mark understood. "You're a woman.. You can't be expected to control your emotions. That asshole should of known beter than to manipulate you. Was there anyone else?"
"Well, one time, father o'malley was very lonely, and I felt so sorry for him. but we only did it because we were lonely. It was when jonny was away on work business for over a week, and you weren't answering my calls, and I was just so lonely. But father' O'Malley sobered up again the next day, and realized I was a woman, and lost interest. So he left, and never even called me back."
"Poor lisa," Mark sympathized. "I'm so sorry."
"I dind't mean to cheet," Lisa cried.
"I understand. I still think you're beautiful, and I know you have a good heart. You didn't meant to hurt anyone. Was there anyone else?"
Lisa cried, and poured out the whole story, about Jonny's football friends, jonny's football coach, the lady at the flower shop, the dog, the handsome hobo outside the flowershop, the peanut boy at the football stadium, the round, hard, handsome football, and jonyy's cousin Phillip.
"Mark," Lisa sobbed. "Since you are not really the father, and I cheated…are u going to stop supporting me?"
"NO!" Mark said. "I love you! Only a coward would leave u for a trivial reason like that!"
Mark and Lisa kissed, and them and Jonasina lived happily ever after.
Dr. Quack hoever was runned over by a steam roller; karma, a fitting death, for a wicked woman feminist who wanted to ruin Lisa's live with feminist propaganda. Claudette and Denny continued to be stupid, and Joannica continued to be half black, but Mark and Lisa forgave them, just as Makr had rightfully forgiven Lisa.
THE END!
A/N: Please be nice in reviews, since this story is very significant with me. I based this fanfic partially on my own experience, with my first daughter baby Zilla (short for Godzilla). I was married to my husband Blake (who was a plumber), but he was ugly so I lost control, and cheated, with a man named Marcellus (who was a unprofessional rapper).
Since I thought Marcellus was the dad, I let him name our baby, in exchange for paying our bills (since that basterd Blake divorced me and kicked me out, for no good reason). For some odd reason, Marcellus thought Godzilla was a appropriate and meaninglful name four our enthusiastic little girl. But then when it turned out that Zilla was half asian, and not black (like Marcellus) we realized he wasn't the father, and the coward walked out on us. I was left alone with two kids (by then I'd had my second daughter, Gammorah, by a little Fillipino guy who's name I can't recall).
My dumb parents kept telling me to get a job (my mothers a feminist UGGH), but I want to injoy my life and my womanhood, so I got with a better man (or so I thought).
it's a long story, but long story short, I hope to someday find as REAL MAN like Mark in this story. a man who isn't a cowerd, who doesn't blame a girl for being a girl, and who knows how to be sexy and pay bills.