A/N:
My second story here; first in several years. I don't know what it is, but the urge to write strikes me at the most improbable times. Like when my husband and I, plus three children 6 and under, are about to close on a new house & rent out the townhouse we own & have lived in for 9 years. I took a break from the routine of pack, clean, fix, entertain kiddos today to get this out of my system.
This is post-series Huddy. I don't have a vision as to the catalyst behind their getting back together. I did NOT watch the final season. I was thoroughly disgusted with the mess that Shore et al made of Huddy and LE's departure. I'm working off the assumption that House turned himself in to the police after faking his death in the fire and that Cuddy left PPTH after the S7 finale.
Inspiration was based upon a lot of analyzing what went wrong between Huddy during S7. And it always bugged me that he still used her surname when addressing her even after they were lovers. I've also analyzed the evolution of the love between my husband and me. We have been together half our lives now and married 13 years and I think so much of our "love" for each other early on was self-serving, but we've grown to seek the other's best over our own. Also, I keep "Magic" by Coldplay on heavy rotation and it seems like it ought to be Huddy's anthem.
This feels complete to me, but it's open-ended in case inspiration strikes to continue it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'em. House & Cuddy are the brainchild of David Shore.
She lay on her side, her back to him, and he pressed against her, his left thigh slung over her hip. His fingers still moved over her body as their skin cooled, reading every curve and dip and scar with reverence.
"Lisa," he breathed. It wasn't a question. It was a declaration, and a smile quirked at the corner of her lip when she recognized it as such.
"Yeah," she confirmed, turning her head to catch his eyes.
"Lisa," he rasped again, gaze locking on hers. She turned in his arms, raising a hand to his face to caress the scruff that she found irresistible.
"Mmm-hmm," she purred, surprised that his use of her given name could at once grab her attention with a laser-like focus and melt her defenses (as if she had any left) so thoroughly.
"Lisaahhhh," he declared again, caressing her with it. His hand came up to cover hers at his jaw and he entwined their fingers. Everything stilled - her fingers, her breath, the slow grind of her pelvis against him.
"Cuddy was my boss, my friend, my sparring partner. A most worthy adversary," he said, his eyes never leaving hers. "Lisa is my love. I don't deserve a second thought from you, let alone admission into your life again. You owe me nothing; I owe you everything. I want to give you that. Everything. I suck at vulnerable and I'm going to hurt you again. I hate that about me but we both know it's true."
"Shh, it doesn't matter," she tried to soothe, but he halted her with the press of a finger to her lips.
"Of course it matters," he said gruffly. "It's been our undoing - your undoing - every time. I'll never be able to promise you it won't happen again. You can't fix me. Your love causes me to raise my game, to want to be worthy of you, and I will always want to give you the best I have. You were right that day; you've always been right, when you said I needed you. That's the only thing that's changed. But it HAS changed. I know need. I may be clean now, but I will always be an addict. Need has no foundation in anything but hedonism, and hedonism has no place in love. When I lost you - when I turned myself in and lost my freedom - I realized I never had freedom when I wasn't behind bars. I was enslaved by Vicodin, enslaved by my addiction to our banter and bickering and by my constant belittling of you. When I got clean I suddenly realized I was worried about you, and not because I hoped you'd allow me back in long enough to score another hit. I had no access to you; I believed I would die without seeing you ever again. And yet my thoughts always returned to you. To Lisa. Was she sleeping, eating? Had she been able to dig deep enough to find the strength to rebuild her life after I left her shattered, figuratively and literally? Did she reclaim her wit, her intellect, her fire, her smile? Once you were unattainable, I realized that I didn't need you. I love you, Lisa. I want you. I want the best for you, even if that isn't me. With or without being in your life, I love you. It's all I have, and I know it may not be enough."
"No, shhh, no," she interrupted again, "it's everything. Everything that's always been missing. You say people don't change, but you did change. I misled you, House, and if self-flagellation is the name of the game right now, you should know that inside I am bruised. Bleeding. Raw. I told you I didn't want you to change, and then I turned on you when you didn't. You're feeling what love really is for the first time in your life, but I think I am, too. I know you're broken. I wish you weren't, but now it's not because I need you to project an image. I wish you weren't broken because I want to see you thriving. Whole. Happy. You're brilliant, House. You're the most amazing person I know. I just don't want to see you sabotage yourself or live anything less than the fullest existence. I want everything with you. I want you in the moment with me, because when you're there - when you're present - you shine. If I stifle that in you, then I'll walk away. I love you so much that I can't be in your life if I make you less than all you are."
"No!" His voice was insistent, but without the fear and desperation that had always been present when the threat of losing her arose. "You make me feel. I can't forgive myself for taking the easy out when I was afraid of losing you. Now, I've lived through losing you. I CAN survive it. Feel it, and not run to drugs to escape. I'm here with you, Lisa. I want to always be here with you."
She buried her hands in his hair and drew his mouth down to hers. "Shh," she whispered against his lips. "Yes, you are. It's more than enough. Feel this with me now, House. Love me."