It's all she has left of him honestly. He's gone, he's left her life. He's happy now. He has Astrid now. He's human. And she? She's not. She's not human. She's not happy. And she doesn't have anyone. Well she has Stephen but not in that way. All she has now is that stupid stuffed beaver.
It reminds her of him. She wasn't even sure she still had it, until they started moving furniture from the refuge to what was formerly the Ultra headquarters. Lo and behold it had been lost in the cushions of one of the couches.
She snatched it away from Russell mere seconds after he had discovered it. He didn't say anything only gave her that questioning glance he wore a lot lately. Actually it was a look they all seemed to wear lately. Everything had been a massive tail spin the past few weeks. They had lost a lot of their friends, and then there was the gathering of break outs from all over. The gathering which is what started this giant move.
Cara had been taken aback by the stuffed beaver making a reappearance. It was stupid that a silly stuffed animal brought so many things flooding back. One of the things it brought back to her was the fact she had cheated on him. Something she regretted the moment it happened. Something she would give anything to take back. She wanted so badly to push that moment out of her life.
She found herself standing off to the side still clutching the stuffed animal. The group she had been with that was moving furniture was long gone, back to the new hide out. They wouldn't be back for anything else for maybe half an hour. They had Morgan to boss them around and to tell them where stuff should go.
She studied the silly child's toy. The stupid peace offering he gave her. Absentmindedly stroking the stuffed beavers fur, lost in thoughts of the past few months. How everything spiraled so fast. How everything had changed. How much she had lost, how much everyone had lost. They had all lost friends. They were all losing their home.
"There you are," Russell teased. Cara's eyes shot up from the stuffed beaver.
"Stephen decided we needed a food break. And we couldn't find you."
"Just packing up some more small stuff," she smiled weakly gesturing towards one of the boxes they had for things like blankets, books, and games.
"You know you don't have to lie to me right?"
"I'm not lying Russell."
"You don't have to pretend everything's normal.
"I'm fine."
"It's been hard on everyone. John leaving. This move. You can be upset. You don't have to hide it."
"I promise I'm fine."
"Then why are you standing in the same place we left you in about twenty minutes ago? Why are you still holding that toy? I was standing right next to John when he picked it out. You are allowed to be hurt. We all are."
"It's fine," she said one final time before deciding to teleport to their new hide out. Russell followed a few moments later. Wearing the look of I'm going to watch out for you.
**
Later that evening, everyone had settled down for the night. They were ready for some sleep, ready to finish moving tomorrow. Most of the group had decided to sleep at the new hideout, seeing as all the couches and most of the beds were there. Cara however decided to spend one final night in the tunnels. The bed she and John had once shared was one of the last big pieces of furniture to be moved. Cara had curled up, deciding to occupy only half of the space she usually toke up. She had her arms wrapped around the stuffed beaver. It was the closest she'd ever get to John now.
I had most of this written for months. I just I lost my flow with it. The ending isn't how I wanted it. It's what I wanted it to say it's just the flow is not how I wanted it. And I decided I wanted to include my weird little Russell being like it's okay to be upset Cara thing I was gonna write in a different fic. So yeah...