((sadstuck, i guess?))
((disclaimers : i dont own arasol)
It was all your fault. She died because of you. If only you examined those chemicals a bit more, it wouldn't have to explode into her face. If only you listened to the teacher instead of talking with Feferi. You're not going to blame her, though. She was just asking about the previous lesson and you can't say no to your crush. This is entirely your fault. You killed your best friend, Aradia.
Or so you thought.
Just when you woke up this morning, the first thing you saw is Aradia smiling in front of you. And she was floating. How the hell…
"I'm still dead, you know," Aradia reminded you.
"Obviouthly," you replied as you put on your 3D glasses.
Of course she's dead. She's floating for fuck's sake. She'll never come back to life, no thanks to you. Yet you wonder why she's here. You also wonder how long she's been there. Was she watching you sleep?
"I wasn't watching you sleep," she said as if she read your mind, "I didn't read your mind either. It just felt like that was what you were thinking because of your confused face."
"What?"
"I was just roaming around the place and when it was already morning, I came to visit you."
"Tho? I don't care," but you do. You're just trying to act cool with this. You still can't believe in what you're seeing.
Aradia's dead but here she is, flying around the place with her creepy smile. She had an interest in death and now death took her. Ironic. She might be visiting you to say thanks because you gave her death. No, that's just stupid. Maybe she came to haunt you. Maybe she's trying to find the right time to pull out her scary face.
You brush that thought away because it's really creeping you out.
You still went on with your life. You prepared yourself and went to school. You didn't even pay attention to her. It's not like she's talking to you, anyway. She was just following you. Maybe she really is waiting for the right time to scare you. And you don't know what to say her, and you still can't believe this is happening.
When your classes started, she was also there, sitting on her chair, listening as if she still needs to learn these stuff. She doesn't look interested, though, not like the times when she's still alive. It's like she doesn't have a soul left. Well, of course she has no soul. She's dead. You keep reminding yourself that, but there's a really huge part of you that denies it. You want to see her joyful self again. Not this lifeless being. Why is she even here? If only your classmates can see her, too, then that might make her feel alive again.
You looked away from Aradia and caught Feferi's eyes instead. She was sitting in front while you were at the back. She was smiling at you and you couldn't help but blush. Why was she looking at you? This thought is making you feel butterflies in your stomach.
Aradia noticed that.
"You really like her, don't you?" she whispered in your ear.
That made you jump from your seat so everyone had their eyes on you. Feferi giggled and you blushed even more. You gave a weak smile and sat back down.
You opened your notebook and wrote, "Don't fucking do that."
"Then what should I do?" she replied, "Should I suddenly appear in front of your face? That might make you scream, though."
"Of course it fucking will. What do you expect?"
"I don't know. You're the living one. You're the one who still has emotions."
"Well, you're the dead one. You're the one who's scaring me."
"Is there a point in this conversation?"
"No."
You smiled because you finally had a normal conversation with her, even though you were only writing on your notebook. You looked at her if she's also happy but no. She was still displaying that emotionless attitude. It's really making you depressed, especially because you're the one who caused it.
You never had another conversation with Aradia after that one in class. Not like you care. You don't want to talk to her because it's going to make you all sad and depressed again. Instead, you let yourself get pestered by Feferi in the cafeteria. You were all by yourself before she came. It was always Aradia with you. Karkat and the others still had classes so you were alone, until Feferi came.
When Aradia died, it was Feferi who gave you comfort, but she'll never replace Aradia's place in your heart. You want Feferi to be something more to you. You actually thought of confessing to her before but you didn't want Aradia to be left alone. And now, you still can't tell your feelings. You don't even know if you can say them. If you started dating her, that is if she likes you, too, it's like you didn't care about your best friend's death. It might make Aradia feel that it's her fault why you can't get together with Feferi. You don't want that.
"Hey, Sollux, what happened to you in class?" Feferi asked.
"I jutht remembered thomething thcary and it made me jump," you replied with the best lie you can come up with. That's your best lie? Wow.
She giggled, "OK, I'll believe that."
You suddenly realized that Aradia wasn't in the vicinity. Before Feferi even came, you were lost in your thoughts so you didn't notice that she was gone. You felt weird inside again. What if she's gone for good? Then what did she even do here?
You said goodbye to the girl sitting with you and head out of school. You don't feel like going to class anymore.
Just when you were about to get sad again, you heard her voice, "Hey, Sollux, where are you going?" This time, instead of being surprised, you actually felt relieved.
"I thought you left," you replied with no enthusiasm. You still kept your cool. You don't want her to notice what you are feeling. You've always been like that.
"I just went to go see Tavros and the others. It's weird, though. They can't see me but you can."
"Maybe becauth you have an unfinished buthineth with me."
"Who knows? But what about you? Where are you going?"
"Home."
"Sollux, how many times do I have to tell you that even if you're smart, it doesn't mean that you should skip school. Your attendance is also important in your grades. It will seriously affect your academic life." Oh right, you hate this side of Aradia.
"Oh my God, AA, shut up."
"Maybe this is my unfinished business with you. To teach you how to be independent."
You rolled your eyes. You're tired of this shit. "I am. You're jutht being a pain in the ath, AA."
"Oh. I'm sorry, then. I won't bother you again. I'm going to go see Karkat and the others, then. Bye." And she floated away.
You offended her, you think. She's always been like that whenever you talk shit with her. Same old AA. She's gonna come back. You hope so. But what if she won't? No, don't think about that. You should really just go home.
You didn't go to school the next day. Aradia also didn't come back. Maybe she found someone who can also see her and can appreciate her presence. You were such an asshole to her. You killed her and now this. You really should keep your life together or you might fall into pieces.
You went out. You just want to stroll around. You are certainly not looking for Aradia. Nope. But your depressed mode is on again. You really want to shut it off but you can't. When Aradia died, you were sad, of course, but Feferi was there to comfort you so you did your best to be alright. You were starting to be okay when she suddenly arrived yesterday. Why did she have to come? You didn't ask for this.
Maybe you actually did. You just don't want to accept it.
"Hey, Sollux," and there she is again, "You didn't go to school."
"I know."
"Why?"
"You should know."
"Is it because of me?"
"Maybe."
"I'm sorry."
You looked at her. Still emotionless but you felt that she was really sorry. Great, Sollux, now you're making her feel guilty. It's all your fault, remember?
"AA, I –"
"Sollux, shut up for a minute."
"What?"
"I'm going to tell you the truth why I'm here."
Oh, here it goes. Is this where the drama starts? You believe it is. You also need to remember that you must not cry. You're tired of crying.
You were in a park right now and there are people here. You don't want them to see you crying. But she's still not even saying anything and you feel like your emotions are building up. No, Sollux, keep it together.
"I came back to see if you're alright. If you're doing fine and I can see that you are. I came to you yesterday but I was already spying on you since I died. Yeah, sorry for kind of stalking you. That was really creepy of me."
You forced a smile. "You've alwayth been creepy. I'm uthed to it."
She didn't return the smile. Why won't she smile, damn it. "I came to see you because I wanted to give a proper good bye, but you were being bitchy so I'm giving you time to prepare yourself. And I really wanted to make sure that you'd be happy with Feferi."
"But –"
"You like Feferi. Don't deny it. And I bet you have always been thinking of confessing to her but you won't because you think she'll get in the way of our friendship."
"I –"
"I know, Sollux, I know. That's why I also wanted to say to you that I want you to be happy. Stop being sad and go tell her what you're feeling. And… and don't think it's your fault that I died."
Fuck it. Tears started streaming down your face. You can't help it. She knows everything about you. She's a really great friend and she'll be gone forever. Your fault… Your fucking fault.
"I told you, it's not your fault. It's not because you messed up with the chemicals. It's just that it's my time to go. We all have our time and mine was finished, ok?"
You gave a slight nod. "If that'th what you thay then OK," but whatever she says, you don't want her to go. Why must her time be up already? Why can't she just stay beside you forever? You hate this. You won't see her ever again after this. You won't hear her voice. You won't be able to have fun with her again.
"I'm saving my last energy for this," and there, she finally smiled. Her last smile. This is something you'll never ever see again and you cried more. She gave you a tight embrace which you returned and said, "Goodbye, Sollux."
"Bye, AA," you replied. You don't give a damn about the people seeing you right now. You just kept crying. You don't want to let her go. Maybe if you hugged her tightly, she won't be able to escape so that's what you did, but then you realize that you were now only hugging yourself.
Your best friend is gone and will never return anymore.
Aradia wanted you to be happy so that is what you will do. After that emotional moment, you ran to school. God, you suddenly felt embarrassed for crying in front of those many people. And now you're laughing. Maybe she did that on purpose so that after those sad things, you'll laugh. She always knows what's best for you.
You're going to see Feferi and luckily, she's just outside the school gate, about to go home.
"Sollux?"
"Hey, FF, I got thomething to tell you."
((i think i might have made sollux a bit ooc..and ive been writing these for days and i only finished it now, even though it's just a oneshot D: ))