Blessings
Summary: An interfering daughter, a concerned colleague, a bad cup of tea, and a good night's sleep—Helen Magnus had a great deal to be thankful for.
*****
"You've got the hots for her, don't you?"
"Hmmm?" Focused on photographs from a recent crime, Will really wasn't paying attention to what Ashley was saying.
"My mom. You've got a thing for her."
"What?" Ashley's comments finally penetrated Will's focus. "For God's sake Ashley, keep your voice down." He glanced across the library to where Helen sat reviewing medical details of the latest abnormal to arrive at Sanctuary.
Ashley didn't stop, but she did lower her voice to a whisper.
"Don't worry about it Will. I'm pretty sure she likes you, too. I've seen her looking at you. It's no big deal; I certainly don't mind. You're cute 'n all, but I prefer my men a bit more" she paused before continuing, "deadly. Mom likes the geeky kind. But she's always so wrapped up in her work; it's nice to have someone drop right into her lap, so to speak." Will flushed at the suggestion.
"Look, I'm going out," Ashley continued. "First a party and then a weapons sale in Chinatown. I'll be out all night. If you'd like, I could take Henry with me. He's hot for me anyway, so any excuse to see me in a slinky top and leather…. And you know the Big Guy won't be any bother. He's always in bed early so as to be up in time to wake my mom with a perfect cup of Darjeeling."
Will shook his head to try and jar his thoughts into coherence, finally seizing on the one he least expected.
"Henry's hot for you?" If anything he would have thought Henry would have had a crush on Helen, who'd rescued the then young shifter from the moors of England.
"Yeah. I think it has something to do with his crazy sense of smell. When I first got my period, he started sniffing around. I've caught him watching me in the shower on occasion," Ashley stated calmly.
"And your mom's okay with this?!" Will's question ended in a squeak.
"Not sure she knows. I certainly didn't tell her; I've never minded. In fact, I've been known to sneak a peek myself, when the opportunity presents." She grinned, and Will silently vowed to check his bathroom for peepholes. "And I'm certainly not a child now."
Surreptitiously assessing her healthy form, Will found himself having to agree.
"See, everybody likes to look!" Ashley crowed, noting his glance. "It's the most normal thing in this abnormal place. But we weren't talking about us. The question is 'are you going to make a move my mom, or not?'"
And with that, Ashley rose from the table, punched his shoulder affectionately, and headed over to Helen. After a few quick words, during which Will had the uncomfortable feeling the two women were talking about him, Ashley bent to give her mom a swift kiss and then left the library.
"Be safe, darling." Helen's words followed her daughter from the room. Then she looked over at Will and smiled.
*****
At Helen's invitation Will had joined her at her table to discuss some of his concerns about their latest guest. Will had an inkling that the abnormal might have been responsible for a recent spate of crimes, and Helen had to admit that the creature's demonstrated abilities could certainly account for the details in the photos Will had been studying. However, as usual, she was reluctant to betray the trust of one of their guests. Will, who'd met with the creature earlier that day, acknowledged that there were psychological discrepancies that called into question the abnormal's guilt, so he agreed to take no action until they could investigate further and perhaps get a coherent account from the abnormal.
Their conversation was detailed, focused, and comfortable, the conversation of two people who know each other well and respect each other's abilities and insights. Occasionally this surprised Helen, given Will's youth and the short time he'd been a part of Sanctuary. Of course, she reminded herself, that's why she'd selected him. Will simply was grateful for the easy rhythm of their discussion, as it allowed him to cover any lapses when he found himself thinking about acting on Ashley's advice. And he did think about it.
Dr. Helen Magnus held for him an indefinable but powerful attraction. She was calm, confident, ageless, yet underneath it all he sensed a passion and drive that excited him. Though beautiful, she was no longer young—and hadn't been for well over a century, he thought wryly. As they talked, he studied her face, wondering what she'd do if he just leaned in and kissed her. Subtle lines around her eyes and lips and shadows under her eyes spoke of the toll taken by a lifetime and more of chasing monsters. Helen, Will realized, was tired.
Then he looked closer. Tired, yes, but these lines and shadows were new. Helen hadn't been sleeping, but for days, not decades.
"Are you having nightmares?" he interrupted.
"Pardon me?" she asked, but Will wasn't to be put off. As both a therapist and friend, he was concerned, and even without his uncanny observational skills the clues were there to follow.
"Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but you're looking tired, and I'm worried you're not sleeping. Now that I think about it, you've been working late every night this week. We haven't had anything particularly pressing going on that I know of, so I'm wondering if you're just avoiding going to bed."
"Are you saying you'd like to get me to bed?"
Will paused for a heartbeat before replying, "I'm saying, I'd like to see you get some sleep." He left the table and then returned a few moments later with two Limoges teacups filled with steaming liquid. Placing one before her he said, "Drink this."
Helen sniffed the air delicately. "Will, thank you, but you know I don't like coffee."
"I do know that; mine's coffee, yours is tea. Why would you think I'd give you coffee to help you sleep? Drink."
Helen took a sip and then made a face and pushed the cup away. "This isn't tea."
"It's herbal tea—chamomile. It'll relax you. Now drink," he said firmly, and wrapped her hands around the cup.
"Yes, Doctor," she said, and dutifully took another sip. Will had the distinct feeling that she was both humoring him and finding him humorous.
*****
They sat quietly drinking their beverages, until Will broke the silence to ask "Do you want to tell me about it?"
For a moment Helen actually considered telling Will about Druitt and how he haunted her dreams, but the decades had ingrained in her a habit of reticence.
"There's nothing to tell. I've had a few restless nights; everybody has them."
Will noted her infinitesimal pause, but decided not to push the issue. "Some people find it helpful to talk," he said mildly.
"I know, Will, and I appreciate your concern, truly, but it's probably just that I've been too focused on my work. After all, is not what we deal with everyday the 'stuff as nightmares are made on'? I just need to remember to take a break now and again."
Helen laced her fingers together and stretched out her arms until her knuckles cracked. "That wasn't very ladylike, I'm afraid, but it did feel good. Please don't tell Ashley you saw me do it. She'd never let me live it down."
"Stiff, hunh? Maybe I can help."
Will rose from his chair and positioned himself behind her. After Helen's murmured consent to his "May I?" Will placed his hands on her shoulders and began to knead.
"You're wrong, you know," said Will, once Helen's shoulders began to relax.
"It happens. How am I wrong this time?"
"The abnormals aren't monsters—most of them, anyway—they're not the stuff of nightmares. You taught me that. You opened up a whole new world for me—for a lot of them, too—and I really admire you for it. I don't think I've ever said 'thank you'."
"It is I who should thank you. It's rare to find someone open to a world so far beyond his experience or empathic to those so markedly different. You've been a real asset to our efforts—though if I'd known you give backrubs, your psychological qualifications wouldn't have mattered in the least."
Will continued his ministrations. "This okay?"
"Mmm, yes. Lower please."
Will ran his hands down her back until he found the point of tension, then worked it with his knuckles until he felt the knot unravel under his attentions.
Helen sighed and bent forward until her hair hid her face. "Monstrosity is a malady which can infect humans and abnormals alike. My hope is that we are a refuge for all those in need of protection from the monsters in the world."
"Even the monsters in our own dreams?"
"I fear nothing can protect us from those."
Will wondered from whom Helen needed protection. He suspected this had something to do with Ashley's father, but Helen had never mentioned him, and Will felt reluctant to probe further. Instead he focused on the pale triangle of skin revealed where Helen's hair parted along her bent neck. The contrast between dark and light seemed to speak to the complexities of the woman before him. Strong enough to shield the forgotten of the world, she was vulnerable to the ravages of her own mind. Immersed in a world of darkness, her wit and rare smile could lighten his heart. Gently his fingers grazed her delicate skin, working their way under her tangled hair until he was massaging her scalp. The act was incredibly intimate, and he braced himself for reprimand. Instead, Helen sighed again.
"That feels lovely."
"Yes, it does." Had he really said that aloud?
He gathered the strands of her hair in his hands and pushed them back so he could see her face. Helen's eyes were closed and the tension had left her features. Her lips were parted slightly, and her breathing deep and regular.
"Helen?"
"I'm awake, just enjoying this very much. I do believe I may sleep peacefully tonight." She opened her eyes to look directly into his and smiled. "Would you care to see me to bed, Doctor?"
Will's world seemed to slow. With infinite care, as though approaching a shy, wild animal, he sank to his haunches and took her hand in his. She looked at him serenely, as though she'd learned through several lifetimes to simply accept whatever was to come.
"Ashley says you like me, too."
"I do."
"So it wasn't just the nubbins?"
"It wasn't just the nubbins."
"Then why didn't you say anything?"
"I could ask you the same question."
"True, but let's just say I've come to expect from you reasons beyond the usual."
"You're a very astute young man, Will Zimmerman."
Helen fell silent and then gently pulled her hand from his. That's it, Will thought. Perhaps it was the age discrepancy; perhaps she'd simply spent too many years keeping the world, even those closest to her, at arm's length. He'd made his move, such as it was, and she was rejecting him.
Then she spoke.
"If we're going to have this conversation, perhaps we should retire to the sofa. That position doesn't look very comfortable. Will?"
Suddenly he was able to breathe again. He rose and stretched out his hand.
"Okay."
*****
Despite the fire, the leather felt cool, especially when Helen released his hand to seat herself carefully at the opposite end of the sofa. She was uncertain about where to begin, but Will gave her a place to start.
"So, is this about this living-in-perpetuity thing you've got going on?"
"In a way…. As you know, I was raised in Victorian England, where my dreams of becoming a doctor clearly distinguished me as unusual, even dangerous. Perhaps that's why I have such sympathy for our guests. Anyway, although I was never formally admitted to Oxford, I made enough of a fuss that I was finally permitted to audit classes. It was in these classes that I met four other students—male, of course—who were eager to challenge the received knowledge of the time. We dedicated ourselves to advancing the boundaries of science. Our experiments were reckless, and it was during one of these that I was injected with a substance made from the blood of an abnormal. This injection has resulted in my long life. Whether it is perpetual life, as you term it, or simply an excessively slowed aging process, I cannot say. What I do say is that it was my experiment; I take responsibility for the results, all of them."
"All of them?"
"In such as life as mine, one is inescapably separated from the ordinary throng of humanity. There have been men, of course—friends, colleagues, companions—but my life is lonely."
Will opened his mouth to reply but stopped at Helen's gesture.
"No, please, let me continue. I fell in love with one of the four men from Oxford. He was brilliant, witty, caring, and attentive. We became engaged and for a time were very happy. However, what I did not know, what I was only to learn later, was that he was also violent, obsessed, and deadly. I take responsibility for that also, for the injection from my experiment reacted badly with his already abnormal body chemistry and contributed to his precipitous shifts in character."
Now Will did interrupt. "His abnormal body chemistry?"
"Will, John Druitt is from the future and has the ability to move himself at will through time and space. He even seems able to impose himself into my subconscious."
"Your nightmares."
"My nightmares. I must accept responsibility for these also, yet I long to close my eyes without fear that he will be there to torment me."
For a long while nothing was heard but the crackling of the wood in the fire and the ticking of the clock on the mantle. Finally Will spoke.
"What of Ashley?"
"While my greatest joy and comfort, Ashley was born of my loneliness into a world of violence and fear. As yet the darkness seems not to have touched her, but if it does I take responsibility for that, also."
Helen had finished. She sat quietly, waiting for Will's judgment. While she had omitted parts of the story—Ashley, for instance, deserved to hear the truth about her father before Helen shared that secret with anyone else—she had revealed to Will the most painful memories in her long life. It was now up to him to determine how closely he wished to associate himself with her.
The seconds ticked by, the wind hummed through the gardens, and then Will did what he'd been longing to do since they'd begun their conversation. He leaned forward, cupped Helen's face in his hands, and kissed her gently on the lips.
"Now I would like to see you to bed."
*****
Epilogue
Helen Magnus's sleep that night was deep and undisturbed, and she awoke refreshed in mind, body, and spirit. Will credited the chamomile tea, the relaxing backrub, and the verbal exorcism of John Druitt. Helen was pretty sure it was the sex.