Authoress' Notes:

…dang. WTF is this? I decided to write an Akabane/Ban fic with an angsty Ban. Somehow, this is what came of that plan.

Weird how a story evolves as you write it, huh?

Anyways, I kind of made some of the characters sound bad, but I was really trying not to. I was trying to show how dumb Ban can be sometimes. (It should make sense when you read it.) But yeah, keep that in mind and don't flame me for hating on your favorite character or whatever.

The rating is basically for Ban-kun and his dirty mouth. No, no- not in the yaoi way. The cussy way.

Disclaimer: I dun own anything!

nyanyanyanyanya

Hope

Ban froze, looking back at the second bed in the dirty hotel room. A hint of spiky blonde hair, barely visible above the tangled blankets, showed who the occupant was. Ginji was, in theory, currently asleep- but he'd just said something. Ban held his breath, praying that Ginji was simply talking in his sleep again.

"Mmf… snnrrgllezzzzz…" Ban exhaled, shaking his head in silent amusement as he realized that Ginji was, indeed, still fast asleep. Quickly, not wanting to wake his partner up, Ban grabbed his coat and stepped out into the filthy excuse for a hall, closing the door quietly behind him. The door hung crookedly on its hinges and some of the wood was splintering, but he'd checked earlier in the evening, and the lock worked just fine. He finished securing the room, then turned to walk down the dim hallway, slipping the key into his pocket.

Ban shivered slightly as he walked down the stairs that hugged the outside wall of this cheap hotel- he moved quietly, but as quickly as he could. These stairs looked like they could give way at any moment, and Ban didn't want to be on them when it happened. Finally, he was on the sidewalk, and was able to relax.

Fishing around in his pockets, Ban pulled out a cigarette as he stared up at the clear winter sky. His brilliant blue eyes remained fixed on the stars, tinted purple by his sunglasses, as he pulled his lighter out of another pocket. The brunette looked away for a moment as he lit his cigarette, but soon he was once again staring up at the night sky, though this time with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Looking down again, Ban set out. He walked along the sidewalk with no real purpose or destination, barely registering his surroundings.

Ban wasn't really sure why he was out here. All he knew was that he couldn't be in there any longer. That hotel was like a cemetery, slowly leeching the life from everyone who went there. The dirty sheets, the crooked stairs, the broken door- everywhere Ban looked, he saw reminders of where he'd brought them. …where he'd brought Ginji.

Ban had known, all along, that sooner or later it would catch up to him. He'd known that, eventually, he'd leave the wrong debt unpaid, the wrong favor unreturned. He'd known that- he'd done it, plenty of times, but there was an important difference.

The other times, he hadn't had others to look out for. Now, he and Ginji were barely making it. Before, they'd always been able to look to their friends for help, but as the years passed, people had gotten tired of it. Paul, on the verge of bankruptcy, had finally meant his ultimatum. Monkey Boy, trying to build a future with Madoka, had finally meant business as a competitor. Hevn, tired of all the botched jobs and complaints, had finally made good on her threats to go elsewhere with her business. Ban didn't blame any of them. He should have seen it happening. When the jobs had become less frequent, when Monkey Boy suddenly had enough cash to take Madoka on a trip to Vienna, when Hevn stopped meeting his eyes, he should have known. When Paul had failed to smile secretly behind that newspaper, when Natsumi-chan had whispered worriedly that maybe Master was serious this time, he should have known.

Ban shook his head at his own stupidity as he stopped to wait for a car to cross the road. Checking that the way was clear, he crossed to the other side and continued walking and thinking. Maybe he did know. Ban had always possessed a knack for sensing trouble before it came, and he'd had an uneasy feeling for months. Nothing, though, had prepared him for the consequences.

His ladybug, his precious, beloved car was long gone, because Ban had discovered, to his dismay, that when friends were less forgiving, cash for fines was less forthcoming. Gone with the ladybug were their habitual sleeping arrangements. Tonight was rare, actually- Ginji was inside for the night. On these rare, fortunate occasions that they had enough cash to spend the night inside away from the cold, Ban rarely spent the night in their rented hotel rooms, instead heading out to do exactly what he was doing right now: angst. Guilt-trip himself. Wallow in misery and self-loathing over all the stupid, stupid mistakes he'd made.

Ban, though he hated to admit it, was older. His hair wasn't going gray or anything- he wasn't ancient, after all. But the carefree assumption that it would all turn out ok, that there would be another job soon, was gone. In its place was guilt. Ban knew, on a certain level, that he shouldn't hate himself so much- but he did. He didn't mind the hardship himself. He was tough, after all, and could take care of himself. Ginji, however, stuck by him no matter what, and look where they were. Ban suspected that, if Ginji was willing to abandon him, the blonde would be immediately welcomed into any number of warm, comfortable homes. God knows Ban had urged him to try it enough times. Ginji, loyal to a fault, had refused steadfastly, saying that everything was fine so long as Ban-chan was there. Ban came to a halt, standing in front of an office building that was, at this hour, all but empty. He looked at the stars again, wondering what he'd ever done to deserve that kind of loyalty.

The brunette groaned, indulging in that tiny outward sign of his inner turmoil, and closed his eyes. He stepped back slightly so that he was leaning against the building, and remained there for a few minutes, relishing the bitterly cold breeze that forced all thoughts out of his mind.

"Midou-kun?"

Ban's eyes opened suddenly. That voice…

Akabane Kurodou stepped closer, frowning slightly. He hadn't seen either Retriever in months (nobody had seen them for months, actually), and he didn't like the change he saw. Midou-kun seemed… tired, perhaps? Listless?

Ban nodded slightly. "Jackal," he muttered.

Akabane smiled politely. "What a pleasure it is to see you, Midou-kun," he said, voice annoyingly bright. "How is Ginji-kun doing?"

Ban snorted, dropping his cigarette (which was almost gone- how long had he been wandering around?) to the ground, stomping on it to put it out. "Well," he answered bitterly, "he's in a real bed, inside, so he's a lot better than usual." Shoving his hands into his pockets, Ban turned to walk away. He didn't like the way the guilt had just flared up, twisting in his stomach like some deadly parasite, eating away at him no matter what he did.

Akabane knew that he was bothering the other man, but he didn't really care. Though he felt a certain reluctance to admit it, the Jackal had missed both of the Retrievers a great deal, and he was glad to see Midou-kun again. Catching up, he continued as though nothing had happened. "I see. And how have you been, may I ask?"

Ban growled slightly, stopping as he turned to face his irritating companion. "I'm just… fucking… peachy," he answered, gritting out each word.

Akabane smiled cheerfully. "Well, that's good. In such cold weather, it's important to keep a warm spirit, after all."

Ban gave him a sidelong look of annoyance as he continued walking. "Why the hell are you following me?"

Akabane shrugged. "And why wouldn't I enjoy the opportunity to take a stroll with a long-lost friend?" Ban twitched visibly.

"We are not friends," he growled.

Akabane smiled yet again. "Oh, I understand that you don't think so, Midou-kun. We simply have a difference of opinion on that one."

Ban shook his head and faced forward again, ignoring the other man. Maybe if he just kept walking, the Transporter would get bored and leave.

So focused was he on filtering the Jackal's useless small talk out that Ban nearly missed the words that, when they finally penetrated his brain, sounded like the loveliest angelic choir ever.

"Ne, Midou-kun, there's a coffee shop over there. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

A moment after the question finished penetrating Ban's brain, he blinked, startled. "Umm… yeah. Th-thank you," he muttered, wondering why there was such an emphasis on… niceness, all of a sudden. Confused, he followed the slim figure into the warmth of the coffee shop. The coffee shop was decked out in red and green, and Ban realized that it must be about a week before Christmas by now. He hadn't exactly been keeping track lately. More important thoughts occupied his mind at the moment, though. Akabane was being… nice. Ban wasn't sure he liked this new, considerate Jackal. It made him nervous.

"How do you like your coffee, Midou-kun?"

Ban once again came back to the real world to find Akabane looking at him curiously, along with some random, sleepy teenager who looked like this was the last time he'd ever agree to work nights.

"Oh, just black," he said, blushing slightly as he realized that the question must have been asked at least twice by now.

Akabane turned to the kid and nodded, paying the requested amount. Ban raised an eyebrow as the Transporter's beverage came out. "What is that?" he asked.

Akabane chuckled. "This, Midou-kun, is paradise in a cardboard cup. A raspberry mocha." He took a sip, licking off the whipped cream that stayed on his upper lip.

Ban, fully conscious of how weird it was that he was sharing coffee with the other man, shook his head and sipped his own drink. "Looks like a waste of good coffee to me," he commented.

Akabane gestured to one of the cozy little tables in the shop, far enough from the counter to avoid any eavesdropping. "Shall we?"

Ban, feeling more creeped out than he ever had in his entire life, sat. He remained silent and gazed at the table, taking another sip of coffee. Whatever the hell the Jackal was up to, Ban was sure he'd find out soon enough.

He glanced up as Akabane leaned forward, violet eyes filled with a look more serious and, oddly enough, human than any Ban had ever seen from the other man. It made Ban feel a little uncomfortable, and he resumed his scrutiny of the table. "Ban-kun." Ban, a little surprised that Akabane was using his given name, looked up again.

"Honestly, Ban-kun. Are you and Ginji-kun doing all right?" Ban felt that parasite move again.

Dropping his gaze again, Ban nodded listlessly. "We're fine, man."

Ban blinked, wondering what kind of strange, messed up parallel universe he was in as a white-gloved hand reached out to gently cover his. "Ban-kun," and Ban wondered why he didn't mind that use of his given name more than he did, "it's easy to see that that's not true."

The brunette snorted. "Well, if you're so smart, why are you asking me?" He knew that he wasn't really mad at the other man, but he couldn't really shout at himself, so this was the next-best thing. Of course they weren't okay- thanks to Ban.

Akabane let out a delicate sigh. "Well, I just wanted to know what you would say, I suppose." Standing, he reached into his pocket. He put a card on the table. "Ban-kun, I know you won't, but in case you or Ginji-kun needs help…" Ban saw that the card had an address and a phone number. Grudgingly, he picked it up and put it into a pocket.

"Well, I need to get going," the Transporter said. He picked up his drink and began to move away from the table, but hesitated. Before Ban even had time to wonder why, Akabane had leaned down to plant a quick kiss on his lips. "Merry Christmas, Ban-kun," he called over his shoulder as he left the sputtering brunette behind him.

Ban finished his coffee with a definite red tinge on his cheeks. Standing, he saw that the sky was beginning to show that first hint of eerie pre-dawn light. Time to head back to Ginji, and that damn hotel.

Still, even though he hated it, Ban took something extra back with him, besides the card tucked securely into his coat pocket. Even though he didn't want to, even though he knew he was an idiot for feeling it, Ban took hope back with him. He felt like he had an ally now, where before he'd been alone. He tried to quash that cruel flame of hope, knowing that it would only bring the guilt back, but he couldn't do it. Somehow, that damned Jackal had made him feel like there was a chance of escape for the first time in months.

Ban shook his head, addressing the cold, thin morning air in front of him with a rueful chuckle.

"Merry Christmas to you too, you bastard."

nyanyanyanyanya

I hope you liked it!

Hehe… I gave Akabane-sama the same favorite coffee as me. Raspberry mocha really does = epic win + heaven on earth X awesome + PWNage squared.

EDIT: Wherever Akabane-sama refers to Ginji, I changed it from "Ginji-san" to "Ginji-kun", thanks to Amethyst Hunter-sama's comment. Thanks for pointing that out!

As you maybe kinda could have guessed, this fic is also like an early present for everyone! So Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukah/Happy Kwanza/Happy New Year/Happy Saturnalia/Happy Whatever-the-heck-I'm-leaving-off-of-this-list/Happy Holidays! …you get the idea.

Please review!