November

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, the characters, etc. All are copyrighted to Square Enix

The sound of my cell ringing woke me up at around one in the morning. I sat up, shivering as the blankets fell off my back, and grabbed the brightly lit phone that was playing "I'm Just a Kid" by Simple Plan.

"Mm... Riku?" I asked sleepily.

"... Sora..." Riku said slowly, nervously. I could hear his shaky breathing, and that's when I knew something really was up. It wasn't exactly odd for Riku to call me late at night when his parents were so often out of town, but when he did, he was usually in a rather... positive mood.

"Riku, what is it?"

"I... I j-just don't kn-know anymore." The older boy stopped to swallow, probably trying to hold down his nerves. "I thought that everything was okay, that I was okay... But, I..."

"Riku, just hang on for, like, ten minutes. I'll be there as quick as possible. Okay?"I was already up, scrambling in the dark to find a tee-shirt and everything else I'd need to wear on the icy walk between our homes.

"Okay. I'll... I'll unlock the door for you. See you in a few, right?" His voice was shaking now, and I was reluctant to hang up, even if I ran the distance to get to him.

"Yeah. Just, promise me you'll be okay," I said, my words dropping into a whisper at the end, wishing I didn't feel like I had to tell this boy to hold on, wishing that this was one of those late night calls that would lead into a morning of snuggling into him and smiling.

"I promise." The phone clicked, telling me that the call had been ended.

'Shit. Shit. Shit!' I was yanking on untied boots over mismatched socks as I stumbled out my front door, holding onto my winter jacket and scarf. There was nothing good about this. Riku had been mostly fun and functional since we made it home, but I knew he'd been having problems with memories of everything from three years ago. I'd listened to him talk himself dumb, held him until he'd fallen asleep, and then waited with him until I was sure he was fine. Even during those few times when he'd been seriously post-traumatic it wasn't like this. Riku's voice never shook with the fear that was there tonight. Anger, perhaps, but not fear.

The cold November air filled my lungs as I all but sprinted the mile and a half mile to Riku's house. I was so thankful I'd worn my boots; the ground was covered in a thin layer of patchy ice.

I reached Riku's place in seven minutes and opened the door without hesitation. All the lights in the house were off, and it wasn't much warmer than outside, but I ignored that to get to Riku's room. I found him sitting on his desk chair, arms resting on his knees. Every part of him was shaking as I wrapped my arms protectively around the shoulders that were covered in his silver hair. A metalic clunk broke the silence as his arms slid around me, his face nuzzling into my chest.

"Sora... I..." he started uneasily, but it broke into soft sobs. Carefully, I urged him to stand up with me so I could warm him up and he would be more comfortable. My arm stayed around his shoulder as I led him into the living room and sat him down in front of the fire place. I placed a large blanket over him and lit a fire, finally snuggling next to the shaking boy. His arms wrapped around me again, and I let him completely go to pieces, tracing gentle, broad circles along his bare back.

We sat there in silence for a long time. I didn't want to press this seemingly shattered soul into talking when he was still determining just how much of the ice had cracked. A few moments after Riku's breathing became easier, more regular, he lifted his face from my side and forced a delicate smile.

"Hey, you," I said softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. The smile on his lips naturlized. "So, you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah... I guess." The silver-haired boy unlaced his arms from my waist and sat up, turning to face me completely. A small sigh escaped those lips I had kissed so many times before, and he started slowly, "It's been... bothering me off and on. Ever since Hollow Bastion, really... Just, everything. I gave in so easily... lost so much time. Even when I spent so much time working to make sure you woke up exactly as who you were before, it felt like I could never completely atone. It still feels like... like I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you..."

I nodded at his words, and closed the small distance between us when he stopped. I looked at his caribbean eyes, waiting for him to match my gaze before I said anything. If I was going to say this to him now, I wanted to be sure that he heard me crystal clear. At last his eyes met mine and stayed in place.

"Riku, I think I get to decide what I deserve. And besides, it doesn't matter what I deserve or don't deserve. Not so long as we're talking about you." I leaned so that my mouth brushed his cheek, and whispered in his ear, "I love you. That's all I deserve." I could hear his breath hitch, and I couldn't help but smirk. This boy, this boy who was a year older than me, who was normally the dominant personality, was suddenly demure.

"I... I love you, too," he said softly, breathlessly. His face pressed against mine, and our fingers interlaced.

I don't think either of us planned it, or even had the thought cross our minds that night, but I think we both needed what happened next. My lips lightly touched his, and he pressed fiercely against the kiss. One of his hands slipped free of mine and found its way to my neck, pulling my face impossibly closer to his. The kiss deepened as lips parted, and I shifted my weight, using my free hand hand to push lightly on Riku's naked chest. He laid back easily, and pulled away from our kiss as I lifted off my jacket and shirt together. I smiled down at my childhood playment turned lover, lightly tracing my fingers over his cheek.

Sex with Riku was just... right. Everything fit perfectly, both physically and emotionally. Every movement one person made was meant for the other's pleasure. The look and sounds of one fed the fire of the other. It was always paced just right for both bodies. That night it was slow, deliberate, a reassurance to Riku that I was really there and me promising I always would bodies moved in rhythym, a thrust matched with stroking, and Riku's entire body moving responsively to everything.

Almost an hour after we had finished I was still lightly stroking Riku's long silver hair, his face nestled against my chest. Again, his arms had laced themselves around my middle. His breath was calm and steady, that of a person in a deep, relaxed sleep, for which I was glad. No nightmares distorted that beautiful face as I lay there, wrapped up in him and the blanket from before. As I finally drifted off into my own needed slumber I silently thanked the world that I hadn't lost my Riku forever, either to the darkness to which he had succumbed years before, or the razor blade that now lay on his bedroom floor.

I made a note to get rid of that blade when we decided to get up. But until then, I let my arms rest across Riku's back and slept.

A/N: So, this is just a oneshot here. It was inspired, literally, by me logging onto my deviantart account and seeing the thumbnail of one of the pictures that had been submitted in the last 30 seconds or whatever time it was. I didn't catch the artist's name, but the title was "I Need Help." I considered having it be Sora who called Riku, or even having it be an AxelXRoxas, but this just seemed to work out a little better.

By the way, I in no way think suicide is okay, and I hope that if you're considering it, you'll find that person you can call at 1:00 am, or just somebody to talk to. Believe me, in the end, either you're dead and everyone who cares about you is upset, or you lived and it's a total revelation moment of "OMG, WTF?" and then you realize that people actually do care.

About halfway through writing this I thought about maybe using different slashes from KH and doing one for each month. Let me know what you thought of this, and what you think of the idea, and I just might go for it. Thanks for reading!