A/N: I don't own Bones. Nor do I own the two songs by Meatloaf: "If God Could Talk" and "Blind as a Bat"
"Why don't you run away and find yourself alive? Go on and turn the page before your lonely world collides," He said. He watched her stand there in the door way. She was running way again. "What's it gonna take to break the silence that's been tearing you apart?" She said nothing to him. He wanted her to tell him anything, everything. Something.
They had made a go of this thing that he had called a relationship. For so long he truly believe that was what they had, what they were moving toward.
Now, watching her as she stood there, her shoulders slumped, he wondered if that had been all a lie.
The cases had been hard, difficult, hellish even, these past few weeks. And with each day that past, he found himself needing to lean on her a little, even when he told himself to suck it up and carry on. But he watched her over each day, close off those doors that he had tried so hard to open, that had taken him years to open up.
This was where that got him, where all of his effort had gotten him. Her walking away.
He wasn't about to let that happen, not without a fight, so he said the first thing he could think of, the first question on his mind. It was all he had to draw her back, if but for a second.
"Do you ever wonder, what God would say if He could talk?" He asked the question as she stood there. God was the only person left that would give him a straight answer. He needed the Lord to help him here, to help him carry her back to him.
"If God could talk, would He part the oceans straight to you?" She didn't believe in his religion, but once, even an hour ago, he knew that she believed in him. "Make mountains move, and crumble at your feet to get you through another day, another night alone, stepping out into the great unknown." She believed in him once, and he believed in Him. "Even God knows that ain't right."
"Don't say 'ain't' Booth." She whispered this through the darkness. His heart hitched, knowing that she was at least listening to him. But that didn't mean he wanted to end with this as it was. He wanted more, and for her to be apart of that.
"Would He tell you to come back to me, or tell you it's alright to leave?" Booth said back. This was his last fight for her. His last stand. He couldn't give her any more than he already had.
"Why do you still care?" She asked.
"Because I don't know any other way," Booth said. He knew that she could respond that she didn't know any other way but to leave. He knew that she could, but he prayed that she didn't. "But if you think this is what you have to do. Don't look back. Don't you ever look back.."
"What?" There was a stumble in her words, shock that he said that.
"Don't look back at all the memories, the best of times, or the mess you made of me," Booth said. "Because if you do, that means you care, and dammit, I'll come running." He felt something run down the side of his cheek. Reaching up to wipe it away, he was surprised to find himself crying. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to tame the beast that wanted to yell and scream for her to show him something, anything, everything. "But walk on, if you think its gonna make you strong.
"What we had is so special, Bones. What we have. Why do you want to drop all this?" Her hair was heavy against, hanging like a cloak. It did not protect her from the wind of his words. He watched her flinch as he spoke, and part of him felt sorry, but more than that, he felt invigorated. She felt something.
"I felt like I'm trapped," she whispered. She turned to look at him, her long hair hanging over her face. She didn't move her gaze from that spot on the floor. "Like I was losing a part of myself to you. I can't do that Seeley. I can't lose me."
He took a step forward, saying a silent prayer as she stood there. "So that's it. You're walking, because you can't lose yourself, can't trust yourself enough, or Heaven forbid, me enough."
"I'm sorry, I..."
"No, I get it Temperance, I get that you don't believe in other people enough that you can let them into your lives." It hurt him to say it, but she was giving in to her fears. He had every right to give into his own.
"It's not that"
"Then you can't handle me or my emotions, because if it was just sex, then you'd stick around. I'm betting you'd have a fine grasp of that." Booth glared at her, knowing that he had struck a cord. "And we both know how much I like to bet." She stood there, at least facing him. He hated that part of him, but even now, his mind was able to think of was the risks, every single chance. And to him, this relationship was a calculated risk that he bet big on. Without it, he'd go under. "So leave, walk away. Tear all the pictures of us together. Burn all the memories we made in a fit of rage. But leave."
"Seeley, I can't." She finally looked up at him, tears in her own eyes.
"Walk away?" She shook her head, tears dropping to the ground. "You can't what Bones? What is so goddamn difficult that you can't do it." He hated seeing her cry, but through his own tears, he saw that hers walls were at least cracking. "Because nothing can be as hard as watching you walk out that door. Nothing!"
She just stood there, straight as a board. He watched her eyes, trying to see if he could find an answer behind them. Tears were welling in them, but beyond that, he couldn't see anything. Or at least, he couldn't see what he wanted to.
He thought back to how strong they were, how much they had been through together. He thought of the past four years, four years of partnership, friendship, and now what was looking like one more failed relationship for them both.
He wouldn't be able to stay around here, not after this. Maybe he could get transfered out to Baltimore, still close enough that he could see Parker. God, Parker, he'd have to explain this to Parker. His son had grown to love Bones, and he didn't know how to explain it to him once he left, once Bones left.
With a sigh, he gave in. The fight left him as he watched her, not moving. Hell, he wasn't even sure if she was still breathing, from how still she was standing. "I'm going to bed, don't let the door hit you on the way out," he muttered, turning toward his bedroom.
"Stay." He stopped at the door to his room, his hand resting upon the wood. The words were no more than a whisper, but to him, they echoed through him. His mind replayed them, over and over. He didn't want to look over his shoulders, he didn't want her to see the tears that were now freely escaping his control. He did not want her to see how weak she made him. "If I believed in him, I wish he'd tell me to stay."
"And I wish He'd give me the strength to run back to you Bones," Booth said. "I pray for it every night, because I know what joy you bring to me, what happiness you bring out in everyone. But only Jesus lived upon faith alone. And I'm tired of running."
"I...I..." She paused in her words, and he pressed more of his weight against the door. He couldn't take this anymore. He heard feet shuffling and tried not to picture her moving toward the door. This was it. This was goodbye. After she left, he figured he go back out and grab that bottle of whiskey.
He stopped as two arms wrapped around him, pulling him tightly against a warm body. He froze, his body stiffening at the close contact she wanted.
"Me too." He didn't say anything. She was the one that needed to cross the bridge back to him. He had run over it enough, his heart weary of travel now. "You've given me too many chances. And I feel like I've wasted them all. This is my last chance, isn't it?" She whispered the last question, and despite it being rhetorical, he nodded.
"I"m tired of letting go, Seeley." He felt the change in her voice. It was the same change whenever she said his name, his first name. Her voice was softer, gentler than usual. He bit back a smile as his name rolled off her lips, lips that were currently speaking against his back. "This is our moment isn't it?" This time, he didn't answer. He couldn't answer, not when all he wanted was for her to come walking back to him, back home.