Disclaimer: I do not own anything am in fact a dumbarse so please be kind and review later on or the mental institute wont let me back on the computer!!
'Where
have you two been?' Demanded Hermione Granger as her best friends
joined her at the Gryffindor table. Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley
took seats opposite her. They were relived to notice that they hadn't
missed the entire of the sorting, not to mention the traditional
feast.
'It's a long story Hermionem' began Harry. 'Me and Ron got
in a very sticky situation. It started in my bedroom.'
'Go on,'
blushed Hermione.
'My uncle locked in me in my room and refused to
let me return to Hogwarts! I tried to scare him into letting me out
by whipping out my wand, but he's a lot bigger than me.'
Herione
looked at Harry sympathetically. 'Oh how awful, you must have felt
very inadequete!'
'Don't worry, Ron, Fred and George appeared at
my window in a flying car and flew me to the Burrow. You really
should visit Hermione, Mrs. Weasley welcomes everyone to her
Burrow!'
'It's forever warm and cosy in there,' piped up Ron.
'Yes
thank you Ron, but that doesn't explain why you missed the Hogwarts
Express. I swear the tunnels that the train entered were a tighter
squeeze this time, I was worried we wouldn't fit in,' said Hermione
seriously.
'We made it to platform nine and three-quarters, but
when we ran into the wall it just wouldn't let us through. We rammed
as hard as we could but it was like your tunnel Hermione. We just
couldn't through! So we decided to fly the car here instead.' Harry
grinned with satisfaction. Hermione looked scandalized. 'Don't worry
Hermione. No one saw us. No one except Professor Dumbledore, but we
hit him with the car in the entrance hall.' He looked up at the staff
table. Dumbledore was sitting there calmly, twirling his
magnificanlty straightened hair.
Ron was staring at the dazed
expression on the headmasters face too. 'I think we knocked him a bit
queer as my great aunt Muriel would say. He seems to have forgotten
all about the incident already!'
Hermione opened her mouth to
protest but was interupted by a pair of loud cheers from further down
the table. It was Fred and George Weasley who had caused the racket.
'Look at the mangos on her!' cried Fred.
'Isn't that the one we
saw on the train Fred? The one Hermione said was her cousin?'
enquired George. They were addressing a first year heading towards
the sorting hat. Indeed she was carrying a large pair of mangos,
which Professor McGonagall promptly confiscated from her. McGonagall
was clearly surprised at what the mangos had been hiding, as once she
saw the girls abnormally large breasts, she fell backwards off the
platform and broke her neck.
Professor Dumbledore stood up from
his chair, nonplussed, and clicked his fingers twice in front of his
face, saying 'Madame Pomfrey babes, do yo thang girlfriend.' The
matron got to her feet and strode towards McGonagall. She kicked her
sharply in the neck, just for a laugh, before cracking the broken
neck bones back into place.
'Much better,' said McGonagall, her
voice suddenly Welsh. She stood up, gave Pomfrey a scathing glare,
then placed the sorting hat on the young girls head.
It boomed,
'Joanna Titty! HUFFLEPUFF!!' Joanna promptly headed for the
Hufflepuff table, a large grin fixed firmly across her face. Moments
later she tripped over her own breast. Almost every male ran to her
aid with the exception of Harry, Fred, George, Draco Malfoy and Albus
Dumbledore, who was busy reapplying his mascara. It had run due to
him laughing so hard at Joanna tripping over her breast.
Next up
on the platform was a a boy with bright ginger hair. Ron looked at
Harry, embarressed, and said 'That's my cousin, but don't tell
anyone!'
McGonagall placed the sorting hat on the boys head and it
boomed, 'Liam Weasley... You're a puff too!!' The Hufflepuffs
applauded and welcomed him to their table. Joanna gave him a large
hug and he vanished. It became Professor Flitwicks job to prod around
in Joanna's breast with his wand, casting a charm to find Liam.
'Miss
Titty, I believe your breasts are jinxed!' Announced McGonagall in
her new accent. Joanna meremly grinned.