Title: Endeavor
A/N: Another one shot from my Quizilla account, which I preferred to shift here. R&R, enjoy.
Endeavor
The vast silence in the room is broken as the slight rustle of fabric can be heard only to be followed by the creaking noises of the bed frame as a weight materializes at the edge of a worn old bed.
His head, it is still aching, like there is a pressure pushing down on it, but it is only centered at the right temple. He lets out a small grunt and raises his slim, pale fingers to massage it but, of course, it doesn't help. Right now, his body isn't at its best either, jaw still hurting from where he was punched so roughly. He remembers that punch well; he had nearly bitten off his tongue.
Only a month had past since the Kyuubi boy had beaten him up. Had humiliated him in front of a crowd not only filled with Konoha villagers, but dignitaries from the other great countries as well.
He allows his mind to wander back once more to that fateful fight. Ah, there he goes again. He too, now notices that time and again, he would relate everything to fate and destiny. So Tenten wasn't all wrong either when she said he was obsessed. This feeling, it is new. To be proven wrong. It is a new and sort of raw feeling in him. He is angry because he was wrong.
But at the same time, a small part of him feels happy. No. It isn't happiness, more like... relief. Relieved that he has figured out the truth about something and no longer believes in a falsehood blindly. Ironic, he thinks cynically as he continues his slow, circular movement over his temple, how he is supposed to have the best Doujutsu, but he was also the blindest. Was.
Speaking of teammates, he recalls the times when he fought with Rock Lee. He knew that he had held back somewhat. In their early days as genin, he could have easily beaten Lee to death, the idiot thinking he could become a ninja with only Taijutsu. He should have just put an end to Lee's misery and his own constant irritation on Lee's random speeches of youth.
What was Neji thinking then, he himself didn't know. But he does now. He had held back because, he will never admit it on pain of death, but he wanted to see Lee proven right and him wrong. He wanted Lee to beat him, just to show that it was possible to alter one's destiny. But that never happened. Lee always lost. And Neji's dissatisfaction for life as it was grew bolder, as did his conviction in unchangeable destinies.
He remembers registering surprise as Naruto came out of the earth and punches him, and kept on beating him up. He remembers being declared the loser of the match. He remembers also, how it felt at first, to let out his never-ceasing anger and frustration on Naruto, to want to continue hitting him for his ignorance, for his foolishness in believing that one could change his or her fate.
Couldn't people see that their destiny was neither changeable nor avoidable? That it was already decided the moment they were born into this unjust world or maybe even before then? Wasn't his life a living proof of it?
He never thought that he had ever been, could ever be, hurt so badly before in his life. Admittedly, he didn't go into a comatose or anything of that sort, but... He wonders.
Isn't he Hyuuga Neji? Isn't he always the best? Isn't he the prodigy of the Hyuuga clan? He is the one that inherited the bloodline so strongly; his Byakugan is unrivaled even till now. He is the one who perfected the already perfect Juuken technique of the Hyuuga clan. He is the one that they call the genius of the clan. So why is he also the one with the cursed seal on his forehead?
He taps his temple once with his finger. The headache is still there. It soft, insistent pounding into his head is annoying him to no end.
He has been distracted. Back to the fight with Naruto. He doesn't understand how he has let a drop-out tell him that his way of thinking is erroneous. Why did Naruto have so much faith in himself to think that his destiny to forever be a weak and useless shinobi could be altered? But... he did alter it. He, who didn't even pass Ninja Academy properly, became strong enough to beat Hyuuga Neji.
Now Neji remembers the time when he was recovering in the hospital. His uncle, whom he had thought the crux of his suffering, had told him what had really happened all those years ago. Knelt down in front of him, a Branch House member, and apologized, not a care in the world of his dignity because he felt he had let his brother down.
"Urgh, damned headache..."
Hiashi's brother, Neji's father. Hizashi had been so brave. Brave to sacrifice his life for his brother's. But so selfish. He should have known that Neji was still young and wasn't ready to give him up yet. He should have known that he couldn't bear the concept of the curse seal by himself. He should have known these insecurities would build an ego in Neji to cover them up. He should have known that not knowing the full details of the incident would leave a gaping hole in Neji's mind that he thought could only be filled by pouring all of his resentment towards the Main House into it.
The letter from his father. He didn't quite know what to make of it. He had been happy, yes. Which boy wouldn't when he receives a letter from his long-dead, idolized father? Yet, his mind did not know what to believe in then. It was probably the first time that he felt so unsure of himself.
No. It wasn't. The first time he had felt uncertain about himself was after his fight with Hinata during the preliminaries. They were paired together, it was undeniable fate. She was there to prove something. But Neji was ignorant to that.
All he knew was, she was stupid. She was stupid enough to keep standing up no matter how many times he knocked her down. No matter how much blood she coughed up. Neji had felt victorious that day, being able to bring Hinata into such pain. He didn't realize how petty it was. She lost in the end. And he just knew that it proved him right.
But afterwards, he had wondered, why was she doing this? He didn't let anything show then, but he couldn't seem to comprehend why, though she already knew that she would never beat him, she would still attempt to do so. Futile, it was. She shouldn't even have tried. It would only end with her getting hurt and him getting the pleasure of hurting the heir of the clan, the title that, in an alternate -and fairer- universe, should have belonged to him. Yet she still did and she even seemed happy when she lost and was in a near-death state.
Why couldn't he be happy? Was this another unfairness granted by the heavens to punish the Branch House? Was it fated that he should never be happy, no matter how good he gets?
Not knowing what else to think had made him believe in that ridiculous statement. That happiness was only for the members of the Main House and people who had bright destinies.
Then Naruto had told him what he had wanted to hear his whole life.
He could make his own destiny.
And after that fight, Neji was willing to relent, even if for that moment. He was willing to accept Naruto's words as true. He was willing to forgive Hiashi and the Main House. He was willing to smile. It wasn't a smirk. It wasn't forced. It wasn't strained. It was a smile that was backed up with sincerity. Hinata had proven that a weak may not necessarily stay that way. Naruto, a drop-out, an outcast, had beaten him, a genius from the Hyuuga clan. These things, they had to mean something. And he vowed to find out what it was. He vowed to try and change himself, change his views on life.
It isn't easy. To find out that what you have believed in for nearly all your life is a void.
But he is trying.
Why does he though?
Why doesn't he fall back into the bitter world where he should never have to think to change his life, where he could just pin everything down to it being his destiny? His destiny to be a Branch House member, his destiny to never have his skills upfront except maybe to protect a Main House member, he destiny to lose to Naruto and gain nothing from it. But as stated, Neji is no idiot. He knows now.
He knows that he did not kill Hinata or Lee, because he does not want it enough. He does not want to be confirmed. He does not want to accept what he has talked himself into believing. Yet, during the finals, when he was fighting Naruto, he had reached the pinnacle, no longer sound enough to hold back. He had gone all out. And he had lost.
He knows that somewhere deep down, something in him wants to believe Naruto's words. There was no proof that they were true. Then again, there was actually never any real proof of his own words either. It could have been pure coincidence. No one may ever know. He might never be head of the clan, no matter how hard he tries. But if he knows that if he keeps looking at it that way, he will never be happy.
Hinata is the heir at the moment, he should help her. So what if his skills are never used upfront? He is still a Hyuuga. And for the moment, he will make her stronger. He will make himself stronger too. He may even be happy too, if he endeavors hard enough. Maybe the caged bird in him will finally stop struggling against the cold, metal bars, free its wings and fly into the open air boundlessly.
He thinks of all this, his hand still rubbing furiously at the ache in his temple. The bed creaks again as he stands and picks up a small, plain mirror from the bedside table, gazing into it. He isn't surprised to see the angry red spot at the right side if his forehead from the constant kneading it had been recently treated to.
He lets out a sigh and is about the put down the mirror when he catches sight of the cursed marking in the middle of his forehead. A simple green symbol, etched into his skin. But, how much it signifies, how much it traps him. He remembers too.
For a moment, everything slips. Anger and hurt blinds him all over again and he feels like hurling the mirror at the opposite wall and watching it smash into millions of shards. He feels like bestially ripping the sheets clenched in his other hand into shreds. He feels like a little boy all over again when he just found out his father is dead and it is all his uncle's fault.
Despite his self-control, he chokes out a soft but angry cry. It isn't going to be that simple, he knows. He still unconsciously abhors the Main House. He hates the hierarchy of the Hyuuga clan. He hates the curse seal. He hates Hinata for being weak and still being the heir to the clan. He hates his father for willingly dying in Hiashi's place. He hates his uncle for allowing that to happen. And he hates himself for hating all of this.
The wind blows in through the open window and cools the heated air in the room and Neji along with it. He closes his eyes and enjoys the pristine moment. He's ragged breathing calms. He places the mirror down on the table with a collected albeit slightly shaking hand.
But he is resolved. He will try. And he will keep trying because he wants to. He doesn't want to sink back into the stifling tides of his past. He wants to be happy. He wants to be free.
He has realized that being free does not necessarily mean having to be physically liberated. It would be good to be so, yes, but for the moment, he could choose his own way to be free. He chose to be bitter about it before. And he was rewarded as such.
Now, he will change. He will change his views on his life. He will change and turn this into a blessing. He will change and perhaps find some solace in himself. And the God of Fate can curse Neji all He wants for defying Him. He will keep on trying. It would be a rough journey, with branches constantly tearing and poking into him, tall, overbearing trees shading his view from light. It will be very hard. He will still continue trying anyway.
Neji smiles at the sliver of the moon from his window. He is now no longer bitter. He wants no more to hurt people for believing in something not alike to his own. In fact, he wants to learn from them. And that thought, that resolution alone, has made him happy already. Has made him feel like the lock to the cage of the bird has loosened somwhat.
His father would have been proud.
A knock on the door breaks his line of thought. He tears his milky lavender eyes from the bright silver moonlight to the door of his plain room. He likes it that way. Plain. But he might just add a painting to it soon. Or a photo of his team. He knows they would help him through this. He can already picture Tenten hugging him proudly and Lee and Gai-sensei giving him their infamous thumbs-up and sparkling grin.
Neji smiles at his imagination. A photo of them all together. Yes, that would be nice.
The knock comes again and he calls to the person to enter. The door opens slowly and his cousin timidly peeks into his room. A nod from him and she slides her whole body through the door gap. She is holding a pile of clothes in her hands.
"Ano, h-here's your clean laundry, Neji-niisan." she mumbles quietly.
He looks at her and wonders what she is doing up and about. He knows that she is still coughing up blood at periodic moments and she should still be in bed. So what is she doing, delivering people's laundry around? Especially to Branch House members? He knows that it was mean of him to think that, but old habits die hard. He promises to try even harder in the future.
He does not hesitate to voice his concern.
"Hinata-sama," Yes, he now respects her enough to use that suffix. "Why are you here? You should be resting."
She gulps diffidently and seems tentative to answer him. Another smile from his end though, prompts her to do so.
"Uh, it's just that, I heard you saying t-that the servants use too much starch in your l-laundry. But they still do anyway. So, I-I, um, decided to oversee the washing and tell them not to add so much in this time. H-Here."
She hands the pile of fabric to him and indeed, as soon as he touches them, he can already feel the difference. They are softer and more pliable to the touch than usual. He runs his fingers delicately over the topmost shirt and rubs the material between his thumb and index finger.
He had only mentioned that once, and had been shot down by a Main House member for being 'ungrateful'. Granted, Hiashi had told the man to shut up. He is surprised that the little bit of information had stuck in Hinata's mind.
He looks up from the clothes at Hinata. She is now staring at her feet, as if it was oh-so-very interesting. He knows how much courage it took for her to give such a big order to the servants, even if she has every right to do so. Or to knock on his door when he had so recently tried to kill her. But she did it anyway.
"Why did you take the trouble?" he now asks. He is curious. Hinata tapped her pointers together like she always did when she get very nervous. It was a habit Neji had hated in the past, but now, he realises he is fine with it.
"W-Well, you just recovered from your match w-with Naruto-kun. And I think you deserve something extra nice f-for being so forgiving t-to my father. So, I, uh, did this as soon as they allowed me to get out of bed and walk around. I'm sorry if you don't like it!" she squeaks suddenly, lowering her head even more. "I won't do it again."
Neji stares at her and blinks twice. Mistakening the silence as irritation, Hinata hurriedly bows in apology.
"Please, I am really-"
"Hinata-sama, don't bow to me. It's not that. I'm just... surprised, that's all. T-Thank you."
"Uh..." she stutters. Did her cousin just thank her in that voice? A voice that wasn't forced? Nevertheless, she quickly recovers.
"Y-Your welcome, Neji-niisan." She stoppes the sigh of relief that had almost escaped her lips. She is happy that he doesn't hate her or glare at her angrily like he used to.
She leaves the room quietly as she notices that the boy has sunk back into deep thought. It had taken her a lot of nerve to even knock on his door in the first place. Though their relationship was improving by an inch a day, she knew that she had miles to cover before they were truly close to each other as she would like it to be.
She does not dare disturb him and shuts the door slowly and as silently as she can behind her.
As for Neji, he is thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so hard to try after all. It isn't so hard to find the key to the cage after all.
And the headache is gone too.
A/N: I don't get too proper reviews on Quizilla, so please leave a review if you'd like. Thanks, people.