This actually is a collaboration between a secret friend and I. We work pretty well together, and I really liked this so much that I decided to go ahead and post it here.
Now worry not of the hints of slightly mature-related themes, that was just added in for a different perspective idea, that's all it is. It's nothing further. And my GOD! I've had to edit this and re-post it a few times. DX Arrrggh...sucky. Well hopefully it should be okay now.
So enjoy, everyone. X3 :D
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Slipping behind an alleyway on her way home, Helga looked to make sure no one was around, and pulled out her locket from her dress and sighed sadly.
"Oh Arnold...why do I have to be so terrible to you? Why, why must I let my stupid pride get in the way of my everlasting love? Oh Arnold my darling, how I long to hold you and kiss you and treat you like the god on earth that you are...I'd give anything! I would swim the deepest ocean, climb the highest mountain, trek the driest desert, I'd do anything! One day my love, I'm going to tell you in true honesty that I love you!"
She paused, and sighed.
"What's the point...I'm a mean and selfish bi...whatever that word is! Whatever it is, I'm it! Because I'm terrible to you and you don't deserve it!" She sniffled, on the verge of tears. "Arnold I love you so much, I love you! I would do anything to be with you...but alas, you feel nothing for me but contempt. I guess I deserve it...since I don't show my true self to you. But oh Arnold, I can't stop loving you! I love you, my darling..." She kissed his photo and nuzzled it against her cheek.
That was when a familiar-shaped shadow loomed over her, and she heard an all-too familiar voice speak out her name.
Arnold had offered Helga to walk her home, with the same reply that she didn't want to be seen near him. It was worth a shot, though, as Lila had turned him down for the UMPTEENTH time, telling him yet again that she only wished to remain friends.
She was probably still hung up on his cousin.
Still, as he walked home, he noticed Helga looking about, but not noticing him, and then slipping into an alley. Naturally, he was intrigued as to why someone like her would do that, so he quietly followed her.
And as he approached her, he saw that she was holding on to something, and reciting....something very intriguing.
Stepping a bit closer, he heard everything.
"H---Helga?"
The two kids suddenly faced each other.
SHE was in love with....HIM?
Then...the FTI building...the time pretending they were a couple...her help for the Babewatch contest...the pink book................HELGA?
"Helga?" he repeated, wondering if this was all a strange dream.
Needless to say, Helga was beyond stunned. She stood there like a dumbfounded statue, unable to avoid his gaze, and unable to say or do anything. How much had he heard? Did he hear everything? Was that why he was shocked? Or did he simply just stumble upon her there and was surprised about that?
Oh come on. If he had been surprised to see her there, he would by now be asking her what she was doing and what was going on. Sure, he would've been surprised for maybe half a second, but he was always a calm and composed boy, so no way he would look so stunned from a simple situation as running into someone you knew from school.
No. He heard. Some if not all of it.
"...A-Arnold...?" She finally said. "Ah...h-how much of that did you just hear?" She couldn't even step into bully mode then, she was too nervous.
Arnold replied, slowly stepping closer, "I think....I think I heard enough....Helga...what's this about you TRULY loving me?? And what's that locket you're holding there?"
Tentatively, he asked, "It...it was never the heat of the moment, was it? You....you truly meant it....but....you decided to hide it?"
Hiding.
That was the only explanation he could think of now. Otherwise, she was reciting for some unknown part in a play, but what play would have a character be secretly in love with a guy named Arnold?
The cat was out of the bag. There was no way she could deny it now. He was right about her, just as he always was. He saw and heard everything of her swooning over him.
This was it! It was her chance to tell him the truth!
Unfortunately, her stupid ego had other ideas.
"Oh PLEASE! Don't even get full of yourself, football head! I wasn't even talking about you! There's this....actor singer poet guy...yeah, his name's Arnold, and I...really like him and stuff. He's...really hot, and stuff...so I keep his photo in this locket here, and stuff. So just...go away and shut up! Stop invading my privacy you stupid football headed yutz! I-I It was in the heat of the moment, criminy! Why would you think for one second that I loved someone like you!?"
Normally, she was an okay liar, but since this painful truth had to do with her love for him, add that to her being incredibly nervous, and add that to the fact he now heard her admitting she loved him, she was a lousier liar than he was.
'Way to go, Helga! You said and stuff three times!'
"So just...go away, and stuff!"
Already she could see he wasn't buying it.
Go away.
That's all he had to do.
Turn around and walk away.
But if he did, he knew that he would never bother to speak to her again.
And he could have been right, after all, she was only a girl, and despite being a bully, nothing stopped her from having a crush on someone famous.
Just turn around, walk away, and leave her to live her life.
Forever.
No.
"No," he said bluntly.
Helga became furious.
"No, Helga, I'm not going to go away. I TRULY doubt that you have a crush on an 'actor singer poet guy' named Arnold....which, I doubt, is his complete name. And I don't see how I'm invading ANYONE's privacy here...we're in the middle of an alley. Now, I've been losing sleep over what you told me during and after we saved the neighborhood, and everything points to what I just heard here right now....man, I SHOULD have continued arguing with you after you told me it was in the heat of the moment, but I'm not going to back off again. This time, I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and I don't care what the consequences are. I'm tired of everything you've dished out at me....frankly, I'm fed up. I thought I had built up enough patience for what I endure every day thanks to you, and now I find you here......talking this way! Helga, I'm not going to make fun of you or tease you or mock you. Just....tell me....WHAT is this all about?"
Oh boy, she was trapped. She was as trapped as he'd trapped her when he was demanding why she'd helped him and Gerald save the neighborhood. He was the cat, and she was the mouse. Oh yeah. He had her there. BIG TIME.
Unfortunately, she still refused to go down without a fight.
"Why do you even care?! I'm just Helga Geraldine Pataki! Not LILA! If I was Lila talking this way, then I'd understand why you'd be so darn determined! But no, I'm not Lila, and I will NEVER be little miss perfect! And frankly, what do you even see in her anyway?! That girl sees the world through rose-coloured glasses and makes herself out to be perfect! Frankly, it's all a big act for you to stroke her little ego of getting all the guys! Why else would she even think to like that creepy cousin of yours?! Criminy!"
And there she was, going at it again, denying everything, and turning the subject away.
"So just go away! It doesn't even matter how I feel about you! Why does it, anyway?! You can't stand me, and I you! So why? Why do you even care?! I'm Helga! HELGA! Not LILA!!!! Come on, you're supposed to say 'Oh wow, Helga likes me? Like I care! See ya!' and then be on your merry little way! Just...just go away." She turned away and hugged herself, shaking. "I can't deal with you now." She hated being so vulnerable, but this was wearing her down, big time.
Now it was Arnold's turn to get angry.
"I don't recall mentioning LILA in this. And while she may be a lot NICER than you are......" he sighed, "...well, you're right. Nothing I do seems to make her want to be more than friends, but as I recall, Lila never helped us save the neighborhood, even though HER home was also in danger....and she sure wasn't going to become filthy rich afterward...."
He was scared that he was getting angry at her. The last time he got REALLY angry at anyone, he used some karate moves on them....causing a lot of damage.
But this was the wrong place to handle this. He had an idea.
He had an ultimatum.
He stomped up to her, grabbed her arm, flung her around to look at her face, and almost growled at her. "You. Me. My Rooftop. Tonight. You'd better be there, Pataki."
And THEN he went away.
If she had anything to say, she'd be there.
If she didn't show up, he'd cut off all ties with her, and their lives would go on separately, and he would not care in the least what happened to her, as she would also very much not care in the least what happened to him.
Tonight, everything ended once and for all.
It was all or nothing.
And to be honest, he was even looking forward to the nothing. Cutting himself off from her seemed like quite the attractive idea.
Helga saw him stomp out of the alley and head home.
Very, very, very ticked off.
Oh snap.
SNAP.
She'd never seen him this mad before. Annoyed, ticked off, and maybe even a bit too defensive, but never this mad! It made her afraid of him, like had something deep down inside that said "Do NOT mess with me".
It was true what they said, that the nicest people can also be the scariest when they were angry.
And not to mention he'd called her by her last name. He NEVER did that before. Not once! He had the right too, but he never did.
Needless to say, she felt shocked, surprised, scared, nervous, and even a little bit sad. Nothing made her feel worse than to see someone she loved angry at her.
And it was her own fault.
And it was time to make a decision.
Sighing, she looked at his locket, shaking a little.
"Fine." Was all she said.
It was time to face the music, or lose him forever.
She chose to face the music.
That evening, Helga arrived around 7:00 at the Sunset Arms, feeling nervous and scared, ready to turn back and run. But she couldn't. She had to do this, or else, it was over for good. And she didn't want that to happen. Not by a long shot.
"I have to do this. I have to...or I'll lose him forever. I have to prove to him that I am that nice girl he believes me to be...."
Slowly, gulping, she climbed up the fire escape, and then onto the rooftop. No one in sight.
"Great. Am I too late or something? Criminy! ...Should've put on a better jacket." She grumbled, pulling her thin jacket over herself a little tighter.
"Wow, you actually showed up. That means you really DO have something to say to me."
Helga whirled around, and saw him walking from the skylight. How he was able to suddenly appear like that....she just didn't know.
"After all, it's not as if a bully like you would want a rumor to go around that you chickened out from a demand that a football-headed geek gave you in the heat of the moment."
He was getting closer, looking at her with half-lidded eyes.
"But now we're here, and no one can hear what we're saying here, unless you shout, and we'll have no interruptions, since we already had dinner..well...I did."
Then, he looked out beyond her, at the city, and sighed, "Like I said, this is something I should have done right after we saved the neighborhood. What you said...what you DID....it seemed.....so out of character of you....and yet....when you mentioned all you did before....for an instant...it actually made sense."
He sighed again, "And then, everything went back to the way it was before....almost. There was still the issue of you sacrificing a life of luxury. I know THAT couldn't have been done in the heat of the moment. You HAD to have been thinking about that for a while, to throw it all away in one moment of......"
He was about to say "passion", but he didn't want to push it.
"....heat," he said.
He turned to her again. "So, here we are, having just saved the neighborhood, you lost all your money and......." he stiffened, "....you have just kissed me like there was no tomorrow....like...like you or I were going to die. Helga, I won't make fun of you, I won't laugh, I won't mock you, and I certainly won't spread this around. If I was, I would have brought this out in front of the whole school.....but.......all I want from you.....is....the truth. If you don't want to say anything, I won't force it out of you. Just climb down the fire escape.....and I'll wish you a nice life, and I'll never bother you again for the rest of our lives. It's all or nothing tonight, Helga, and it's your choice."
He stepped closer. "It's here, and now. It ends tonight. It's just you, and me. Not Phoebe, not Gerald, no one. You have something to say to me? Well, now's your chance."
He was still angry from earlier, though not as much as before.
Helga wasn't sure what to do then. She was trapped, more trapped than she'd ever been in her life. The ultimatum still stood. Tell him everything, face the truth, and accept the consequences of how HE felt. Or do what she usually would, which was to climb down that fire escape, run off, and risk never speaking to him again.
Her ego-centric mind wanted her to get the heck out of there and just move on. He was, as she said before, just a football-headed geek. Not like he was the only boy out there, right? She was only nine, she still had time to find love. If not him, someone else. That was what her bad side wanted to do. Her bad side said no way, her bad side she didn't deserve happiness, her bad side said she should run, and never ever speak to him again.
She'd chosen to face the music, but now she was ready to take it back and leave. She just couldn't do it.
Yep. She had it all planned out. She would bid him farewell in a semi-nice way, say she had nothing to say at all, and then leave. It was perfect, because then she wouldn't have to deal with him at all. She'd still admire him from afar, that was for sure, but at least she wouldn't involve him in anything.
Perfect idea. It was all perfect. All she had to do was open her mouth and say it.
That was not what happened.
"Arnold...I...I'll come clean with you."
It was at that moment that she proved her love for him was stronger than her stupid ego of protecting herself. She loved him too much to lose him forever.
"I DO love you, Arnold. When I said I loved you and kissed you on top of the FTi building, I meant it. I helped saved the neighborhood because I love you. I love you more than any kind of life of luxury I could've been given. I'll admit that I got a little carried away, which DOES make it the heat of the moment, but that was all out of love, and because I was worried about you."
She couldn't believe what was happening. She was actually pouring her love out to him, in a moment of truth! She could have walked away, and she still wanted to, but no. Her love, for once, was going to be the victor and speak out. Her true self was going to emerge from its cage. She was going to tell him that her love for him was true and strong.
She could've stopped and left it that, because it was the truth, but no, she kept going.
Tears ran down her face at this point, but she didn't care. She was showing him for the girl she really was. A loving, sweet, kind, giving, with a sarcastic yet witty additive.
"I love you so much, Arnold...I really do. I've always loved you. I've been in love with you since I was three years old. You showed me kindness, a true kind of love and care that I never had at home. I was...I was happy, I was in love. I was happy for the first time in my three years. But...then everyone in pre-school made fun of me when they saw I liked you. No one was taking me seriously. I was being mistreated for something that wasn't even my fault. So...I got angry. I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of being mistreated. I put up walls to protect myself because I didn't want to be hurt again. I was hurting enough because of my stupid parents and stupid oh-so perfect sister. You definitely got the short end of the stick. I made fun of you the most. That was the thanks you got for being so nice to me. And yet, over the years, even if you'd get irritated with me...you were still nice. And I still loved you. It just never faded, it got stronger as time went on. I...I just loved you. You're so adorable, with your football-shaped head and your unruly hair and those beautiful green eyes...when I first saw you, not only were you cute, but you were nice to me. I fell in love. I realized what a great person you really are, and I just never stopped. I built shrines to you. I wrote poems about you, volumes of poems. I followed you around outside of school like a lost puppy. I made eyes at you when you weren't looking...I have this." She took out her locket and showed it to him. "...I made this, to have you close to my heart. I even put this inscription inside."
Opening her locket, she showed the little written message:
"Arnold my soul, you will always be in my heart. Love, Helga G. Pataki"
Putting it away, she continued on, not even caring anymore. She was about to lose him forever, and she was not going to let that happen.
"My parents neglect me, my dad bullies me...and sometimes even hits me. My mom doesn't even know I'm there half the time. My dad doesn't forget my name...he knows it's Helga. He calls me Olga to make sure I live up to what they want...he's in complete disregard of me, his youngest daughter. ...You're really the only thing that keeps me sane and happy in this world, Arnold. You inspire me. You drive me. You make me feel that everything is going to be okay. You give me hope that I will one day have a bright and beautiful future. If I didn't love you, well, I'd be just like Miriam. Uninspired, bland, depressed, and just plain bored. That's why I wasn't torturing you that day. I took a bogus love potion to make me fall out of love with you. But when I realized it was just grape soda and...something else, don't remember what, well, I was happy again. All I ever wanted in the world was you, Arnold...but I knew I couldn't have it. My ego won't let me. My life won't let me. You won't let me. ...And that's it. That's the truth. ...I'll understand if you never want to see me or talk to me again. I deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Go with Lila...you deserve far better than a bi....something like me. I could never bring you down, Arnold. I love you too much to do that."
She turned away from him, sobbing. She couldn't face him anymore.
"Arnold, I love you so much. Don't ever think otherwise. I will always love you. You're the earth and heaven to me, you're my everything, you're my reason for living. I love you, I love you...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'll understand if you hate me, you have every right to. ...I love you, Arnold. I love you. I'm sorry."
She fell to her knees, her face buried in her hands, crying her eyes out. She hated to be vulnerable and crying in front of him, but she didn't care.
She sobbed and sobbed. Helga didn't care anymore. She sobbed, kneeling there on the rooftop of the Sunset Arms, waiting for him to either say "I hate you, go away", or for him to just leave without a word.
It was her confession on top of the FTI building once again.
Only this time, while there was that same desperation, that same fire and passion, there was now a pleading, an urgent call for help of a soul begging to be loved.
And, he was the only one who could answer that call.
All this time, all she wanted was his affection, but a bully front had blocked herself, while all this time, he had been seeking affection from girls who seemed to be perfectly fine in just being "friends" with him, with nothing more.
Suddenly, he felt like a jerk. He had demanded the truth from a bully, he became tough to a tough girl, and now, the tough girl was no more. She had fallen to pieces in front of him, and how, all that was left in front of him was a neglected and abused little girl who only wanted to hold hands, or a hug, or dare he say, a kiss.
And then it hit him. She had already kissed him THREE TIMES. The play, the beach...and FTI...she had conned her way into that position, and the last one, out of desperation, she pounced on him, and expressed her desperate love.
Except, of course, that he didn't kiss back. It was all HER doing.
That's why she had collapsed in front of him.
That's why she was crying.
He had actually made a girl cry, by his own petty demands and gripes. No amount of bullying from HER part could possibly amount to a "punishment" of this level.
No, she didn't deserve this.
It was as if everything she did to him....evaporated. It was no more. Helga never did anything wrong to him. She had been a victim, and had been forced to play the part of aggressor only for her own survival.
He had got his truth.
And now, both would be set free.
Helga then felt him beside him, giving her a tight hug around her waist.
"It's cold out here," he smiled. That angry look was gone now. Gone for good, they hoped. "Let's go inside. My room is warm, Helga. We can continue there."
He knew the bully wouldn't be back with him.
Ever.
Blinking through her tears, Helga couldn't believe her ears or her eyes. Did he really do that? Did he really say that? A minute ago he'd been angry, and rightfully so, but now all of a sudden he had reverted back to his kinder side? No way, she had to be dreaming. Or...
'It's because I was crying.' She thought bitterly. 'He just couldn't stand to see me cry. It's Arnold after all, he never makes people cry.'
Still, she couldn't help but love him for being so kind to her in a desperate moment. And for once, she accepted it rather than push him away. Now was NOT the time for that.
"...Okay." She finally said in a soft, broken voice, and she followed him into the skylight, down the wall, and into his room.
His room.
She'd been here before. Quite a few times, actually. This was her first time with permission, though. It was just as she remembered it, nothing changed.
Helga stood there silently, staring at her shoes, avoiding his gaze. Now what?
Arnold made it a point not to look UP while he was climbing down, but then, she seemed hesitant to go first. Of course, there WAS the temptation to glance at her underwear, but that seemed way out of line, and completely inappropriate for a situation like this. And for what? To know if they were pink or blue or white?
No, they had much more important things to do here.
At her question, he gently took her arm and led her to his bed, sitting her down, and sitting next to her.
"I...uh....feel overwhelmed," he began. "And flattered. I fought for so long to get girls to like me-like me, spent a lot of money, spent time with them....and all this time..there was YOU...building shrines and writing poems about me?"
He thought for a bit.
"And yet, when I presented that 'out' for you after we saved the neighborhood....you took it and ran. I....I guess it was my mistake of bringing up the subject at the worst possible time...though again, I we should have done THIS that night....but....all this time, you were in love with me? Helga, all you had to do was ASK for a time alone like this, and tell me the truth. I wouldn't have rejected you or made fun of you! I've seen too many people get hurt by this kind of stuff...do you honestly think I would hurt YOU as well?"
He sighed.
"Though....it IS a bit scary to know that the same girl who tortured me for so long was secretly in love with me. It's.....a bit confusing right now. I...I WANT to give you what you need....but I need to know first: who ARE you, really? I know you're a great poet, and if you build shrines, then you must be great working with your hands....but....you fell in love with me because I was NICE to you? Helga, I'm just a kid who doesn't know if his parents are alive or not, and I just get by with trying to help others, even my grandparents. I've....done wrong, too, like crashing your slumber party, almost missing out on the play you organized, and...I've had to bite my tongue so many times to keep from lashing at you at school....it was so hard being patient....and it was getting harder, too. That's why I HAD to have this out right now...otherwise...I...." he looked down, "....I might have lost my patience.......and........I.......become someone VERY ugly when that happens. You...saw what happened to me when I was learning karate...I was practically a monster....and I didn't want that to happen with you."
He rubbed his face.
"But...what else could you POSSIBLY see in me that has made you STAY in love with me all this time? I'll admit, the rest of the guys I know aren't exactly boyfriend material, since none of the girls like them that way...well, except Sheena and Eugene, and maybe Gerald and Phoebe...but....I'm just.....me. And if it wasn't for you....this whole neighborhood would have been lost...because I had failed....because......because I would have quit. I'm just a boy who's been forced to be the voice of reason in this house, and in the school. I feel like I'm the only sane one in this city and.....no one lets me be a kid.......and no one wants to be more than friends....."
He looked at her.
"....except you....but why?"
All the while he spoke, she listened, though continued to stare at her shoes. But as he kept talking, she found herself slowly glancing at him as he said all this. Needless to say, she was pretty surprised. She'd never seen him like this, like he was making himself out to be less than perfect. Okay, no one was perfect, but he sure came close to being perfect.
And now he was asking her why. Why she was the one who was more than willing to be more than just his friend. To hold his hand, hug, and even kiss.
As smart as she was, as many answers as she could come up with for a lot of things, this time, she was stumped. Love was a mysterious thing. Although she always asked herself why she loved him, she was only able to list off things she did love about him, but never had a real answer.
Maybe there was no answer.
"Arnold..." Helga said, and looked away again. "Even I can't answer that. I've tried to, believe me. But I just can't. I'm in love with you, it's how I feel. I guess you can't help who you like, huh?" She laughed a little nervously. "Well, you're not just nice. You're patient, you help other people without a second thought, you always look on the bright side and keep everything optimistic, you're not afraid to be yourself or to speak your mind, you know all the bad things going on in the world and yet you still smile and look on the bright side again. I just love everything about you, Arnold. ...Even that bad side you just said. Who cares, really. You're too nice to be considered a monster, even in your darkest moments."
She swung her legs, looking down at her shoes again.
"You want to know who I am? Fine. ...I'm not a bully. I hate being a bully, but I have to, Arnold. ...I'm really just a shy, lonely, poetic, sweet, caring and hopeless romantic. I guess I do have a bit of a sarcastic sense of humour, but I do love to laugh! I'm devilish, but I'm witty, I guess. Like I said, I'm just a bully to hide who I really am. All those mean things I say and do to you and other people, that's not who I am. ....I don't know what I can do to change that. You don't deserve it, not by a long shot. ...I'd give anything to be the girl you like, but I know I can't give that to you."
Tears unwittingly ran down her face.
"Arnold, regardless of what you think of yourself, I love you. I love everything about you. I don't care about your silly mistakes, we all make mistakes, it's no one's fault. It's just...well, life, I guess. I'm still sorry about all those rough things I said to you. You didn't deserve them. ...I love you, Arnold...I love you so much. And I'm sorry."
She began to cry again.
"All those times I kissed you...I meant them. I conned Rhonda, Sheena, and Lila so I could get into the play when I found out you were playing Romeo, so that I could kiss you. I even had to tell Lila I liked you, and she was fine with it and let me be Juliet...heh heh...funny, isn't it. That was why I kissed you for so long. It was my only chance to kiss you, and I wanted to make it count. And hey, it was acting, so nobody would be any the wiser. Now that other kiss on Babewatch. Yeah, that's obvious. ...And now you know why I kissed you on the FTi building. I kissed you all those times because I love you. I know I'm only nine, but please, I hardly think just holding hands and sitting together at lunch qualifies as a good way to show you my love."
Arnold reached to hold her hand.
"I...don't see anything wrong with the way you are...well, except maybe the hiding thing...and if there's anything that I hide...well, sometimes I just take a bust to the middle of nowhere to just be a kid andnot have to worry about anything or anyone. I....I see you have a great need to be loved...." he squeezed her hand. "I...wanted to be loved for so long....though...."
He thought for a moment.
"Though if you already told Lila, then I guess that's why she never wanted to be more than friends...she also sees that you need me more than she needs me. Now, it's hard accepting the fact that you're in love with me, even with all my faults. Well....um....to tell you the truth...."
"....there WAS one girl that I thought I liked much better than I did Lila, but.....she just showed up for one day....and she said she'd come back again...but she hasn't. She was from Paris, and I took her on a date to a restaurant and....she was really amazing. She wasn't overly sweet, since she didn't like to be ticked off by anyone, a bit like you, but she had this....this spark about her...I really felt like I could fall in love with her, especially after Ruth turned out to be not what I expected."
He sighed.
"Maybe I'm a bit in the same situation you are, Helga. I...I guess I'm holding out for the day I see her again. Don't get me wrong, I think you could find a boy without all the issues I have...but...Cecile...I...I just want to see her again."
He tightened his grip on her hand.
"Please, please don't cry. If I have to help you find a boyfriend, I will...but...Cecile left me hanging, and too many questions were unanswered that I need to clear up! For a while, Lila helped me get my mind off her for a bit...but she kept coming back in my dreams. I've never dreamed about Lila, just Cecile."
He looked at the carpet. "Though if even Cecile just wants to be friends...I wouldn't know what else to do. If no other girl wants me...why.......why would YOU want me? You....should be more demanding and not settle for a guy no one else wants."
And the odd thing was that he WANTED to hug her, but was afraid she'd take it the wrong way.
Her heart sped up with love as he held her hand, and then it sank once more. He liked Cecile...she should've figured. Well, not the real Cecile, the Cecile she pretended to be.
She hadn't expected that, not at all. At this moment, she felt bad for him then. He too, wanted to find someone he liked who felt the same way. They were in the same predicament, and she understood. In fact, she even knew how to solve it.
But what if he took it the wrong way? What if he would get angry? ...Would her let her explain?
No. She had to do this. She had to tell him the truth, so that he wouldn't get his hopes up high to the point of her own little obsession with him.
"...Arnold, there's something I need to show you."
Gingerly, she stood up, and then released her pigtails. She smoothed her hair out, and then brought some of it around to hide the right side of her face, as well as her unibrow. Despite her usual clothes and wearing a jacket, she then looked like the Cecile he remembered from Valentine's Day.
"...It was me. I was that Cecile. I impersonated the real Cecile to be with you that night... Yeah, I know, I should've just came up and said "Hey Arnold, date me!", but come on, you know you would've said no, since you were so hung up on that bimbo Ruth. But whatever. So I went to this place I later found was a dog grooming salon and got my hair done to look French. And after throwing up in the bathroom, my hair fell limp and you saw it that way the rest of the night. It was me all that time Arnold, I was that Cecile."
She looked down at her shoes, and then started toward his door.
"...I'll just let myself out. ...I'm sorry, Arnold. I'll understand if you hate me now."
For a moment, she actually looked better with her hair down.
And then, it was Cecile all over again. Cecile, the girl he found a connection with, the girl with that spark that enticed him so, the girl..
...who was Helga?
Just as she stood to leave his room, he jumped up and grabbed her.
"NO!! Don't you DARE leave this place! Cec--Helga, I don't hate you!" He huffed a bit, trying to calm down. "It...it would take a LOT more for me to actively hate you, and then only for a little bit. You would have to stoop much lower for me to hate you for a very long time....just....sit down, okay??"
He practically had to throw her back down on his bed, and then he flopped beside her.
He fought to find words for what he felt, without success.
"I'm...I'm a bit MORE confused right now, okay?? Don't...don't leave yet.....um....okay....okay, here we go. When...when you were...playing the part of Cecile...was...was it ALL an act? Was...was any part of Cecile...well..umm...part of you? Or....or is Cecile...just another girl who will never want me because she truly doesn't exist? How...how much of what I saw...was...the real Helga? How much of that...did you really mean?"
He was clutching at straws now, and by the way he was holding her hands, it was obvious that he was desperate.
'Gosh, what a guy...' Helga thought, amazed that he could really be assertive and a little forceful when he wanted to be. Once more, she was close to running away, and he wasn't having it.
That was why he demanded she come to the roof. That was why he brought her into his room. That was why he tried to stop her from leaving just now. Normally, he would just let her be on her merry little way.
But not this time.
And she had to play his game.
"Well, as much as I WAS pretending to be someone I wasn't for the most part....all those little moments were the real me, Arnold. Well, close enough. I was being myself, I felt a little more comfortable, even if the nervousness of my charade was eating at my guts and made me want to just burst." She looked down at his hands holding hers and blushed a bit. "You were so smitten with me there, and I just didn't have the heart to tell you I was...well, me. I wanted to have a date with you so much, but I just couldn't do it as me. That's all my stupid ego not allowing me to just come up to you, as myself, my real self, and just say 'Hey Arnold, I want to go on a date with you'. Of course you would've rejected me, that's why I didn't. That's why I had to be someone you...well, did like and did expect. ...When I realized you liked me, well, the me that was Cecile...I didn't know what to think. I felt confident, knowing that you liked the real me...but you didn't know it was the real me. So what else could I do?"
She sighed, and looked down at their hands again, squeezing his.
"I pretended to be Cecile just to be with you, and I gave you a false girl...I gave you a girl who you liked and loved you right back. ...I gave you an impossible dream. I know you've had no luck with the girls you like, and trust me Arnold, it breaks my heart to see you like this. I love you, and all I want is to see you happy."
She couldn't believe she broke his heart like this. It was absolutely horrifying, and she felt like dying then.
"I'm sorry. But I can't be someone I'm not. I know you loved Cecile...the fake Cecile, that is. But I can't be that Cecile. I can just be me. Helga. Plain old Helga. Arnold if I could just flick a switch and become Cecile, make Helga no more, I would do that. But I can't. ...Arnold, you'll have to move on. I can't be that Cecile. I can only be me. And I know that's not what you want, and I know that's not enough. But that's okay. I don't want anyone else. I only want you. If I can't have you, I don't want anyone at all."
He looked at the carpet again, but didn't let go of her hands. If he did, he knew she would immediately head for the door.
"Well...at least PART of who Cecile was....was part of the real you that you keep hidden. Though I see now why it's so hard for you to be the girl I saw. Helga, being nice doesn't automatically mean being a throw pillow. Yeah, I know I get pushed around, but it's not as if I let that get to me....well...only when it gets REALLY out of hand. But you....you don't let anyone push you around, not even when you were Cecile. But...if part of what I saw was the real you...then...yes...there are parts of you that I really DO like...I....just wish I could see them more often," he smiled.
He looked at his closet, and said, "Don't you dare stand up."
He let go of her hands and stood, to go to his closet and take out a small shoebox, and on the way back, he took a pink book from his shelf, and he sat next to her again.
"I believe these belong to you, then"
Helga knew, of course, what the book was about, though when she opened the box, she found the shoe she had left behind that Valentine's Day.
"You...really do write very beautiful poetry. It's amazing that it's all directed at me..."
Remembering again, he pondered, "Though I do wonder why you destroyed that last poem. It sounded really nice, well, the first part, at least."
Against the will of her ego, Helga did nothing to move or stand up, or anything. She couldn't run away, not now, not like this. Presenting her with the shoe, and her little pink book, she was in awe, absolute awe, that he kept them.
"....Thanks, I guess." She finally said. "...You inspire me, Arnold. You always have."
Her hands shook.
"I destroyed the last poem because it was the only page that had my name on it. It spelled out my name, and used the letters to make a new sentence. H is for head I'd like to punt. E is for every time I see that little runt. L is for the longing of our firstest kiss. G is for how good that longing is. A is for Arnold, of course. Duh. At the time, I was hiding my secret from you at all costs, and I knew that if you saw that page...you'd know all those poems were written by me. That's why I tore it out."
Looking down at her shoe, avoiding his gaze, a tear fell and struck the material.
"...I kept my secret and my real self because I can't handle the idea of you rejecting my feelings. That's why I push you away, so I won't have to deal with how you feel. And I also pushed you away so that you wouldn't want to be near me, even though I wouldn't want you to be gone from my life forever, so that I wouldn't plague you with my life and all my issues. You're too perfect. I don't deserve you, Arnold. You deserve someone who will never do that to you, and will shower you with love."
Unwittingly, the box fell from her hands and she began to cry again.
To say Arnold was confused, was an understatement.
After all, the girl who had declared her undying love for him....now she DIDN'T want to get close, because she felt she didn't deserve him, because she was too busy putting a false front to hide her undying love?
No.
That cycle would be broken here and now.
"I...never said I rejected you..." he whispered, lifting her face. "And, I DID say that if part of who Cecile was was ALSO the real you, then there ARE parts of you that I do like. But please, stop pushing yourself down. It's like...you're bullying yourself. You want my love, but now you can't bring yourself to take it because you feel you don't deserve it because you have been mean because you wanted to hide it? Helga...it...it doesn't make sense."
He steeled himself. He knew what he had to do.
"Helga, if...part of Cecile is part of you....then...at least, don't go home tonight thinking that things will be as they always have. You...we...can change them. And....and if....if you want me for a boyfriend.....it's a longshot...but I DO need to get to know you better....the REAL you. I won't reject you or push you away now, Helga. And....at least...let me give you something that I wanted to give Cecile...but...that I will give to YOU now."
He took a deep breath, and slowly, gently, planted his lips on hers.
That was the last thing she expected him to do. It was the first thing she deep down WANTED him to do. But expected it? No way.
Her eyes went wide as his lips met hers and she sat frozen, unable to move, because she just couldn't get over the fact that for the first time, HE was kissing HER. He'd initiated it!
'Wait...he wants to...he wants to get to know me better, to know the me that I portrayed as Cecile? He wants to...oh to heck with that, he's kissing me now! C'mere, you!' She thought.
Normally she would've pushed him away. At least, her ego would have. But her real self was NOT going to pass this up. This was her chance! This was her chance to show him that her love for him was definitely stronger, and because of that, she could be who she really was.
With tears going down her face, she threw her arms around him and kissed him back, with a bit more passion, but soft and gentle enough so that she wouldn't scare him. That was the last hing she wanted to do.
He wasn't rejecting her.
He was kissing her.
He was giving her a chance.
He wasn't rejecting her.
He wasn't rejecting her.
He was kissing her.
Despite everything, her heart beat with pure joy.
She was still crying, he realized, but he doubted it was because she was heartbroken.
When he felt her kissing him back, which is what he SHOULD have done at FTI, he knew he had made the right decision. He could feel her hungry for more, for something deeper, for something she yearned for him to do for too long.
And what was odd, he could feel something welling up within himself, namely, the love he had wanted to give for so long as well. And now that he let down that barrier and allowed himself to love someone, even just a little bit, it seemed as if all of his natural barriers came tumbling down and now he couldn't help but give ALL of his love to the crying girl who was in front of him.
He had seen this in some movies, and he heard that it felt nice, so, tentatively, he licked her lips, wondering if she'd either be disgusted at him...
Did he just lick her lip?
Was he attempting to french her?
'YEAH!!' Helga thought, inwardly dancing around with joy. 'Arnold is kissing me, kissing me, KISSING me!!! And he wants to French me? Oh no I am not passing this up. Go away ego, he's mine now!'
Recalling how she had attempted to french kiss back on the FTi building, and getting no response, she knew this was a perfect chance to try.
Her mouth opened up and she welcomed his curious tongue, just about melting at their deep kiss. Her own tongue wandered inside his mouth and explored him, a tiny moan escaping her as she leaned him back a little on his bed, as if trying to reach in deeper.
He was feeling lightheaded, despite the fact that he was trying to breathe through his nose.
In fact, he felt like he was falling back on his bed, until he realized that she was pushing him back.
Oh no.
This was HIS room now.
HIS call.
HIS kiss, too.
He released her hands to hold her shoulders, and gently, he reversed the push, and didn't stop until Helga was laying on her back on his bed, though he made sure to make the move as slow and gentle as possible so as not to break the kiss.
Once she was fully under him, he released her shoulders and proceeded to embrace her.
Instinct was telling him to lie on top of her, but right now, he wanted to get this kiss right.
And what was odd to him was that he didn't want to stop.
And he couldn't stop, either.
And frankly, right now, he didn't care.
He was finally giving love, despite being only 9.
...or if she would let him french her like she was trying to do back at FTI.
They were sweet, just a little bit, too.
'Oh my!' Helga thought, her eyes popping open for a moment at his sudden taking of control. She had not expected that.
But she liked it.
For a moment at the time, she thought he was pushing her away, but no, he was simply just taking control. What a boy! It was a real turn on, not that she tended to use that word. In response she brought her arms around his neck and kissed him still, not even caring about running out of air then. Her beloved was kissing her, and she was afraid she would never get to kiss him again if they let go.
As dominating as she could be, she liked the idea of Arnold stepping up and saying "My turn now, I want to be in control." and then taking the reigns.
Finally, the lack of air forced her to reluctantly pull away. She opened her eyes, looking into his own half-lidded green ones. Time seemed to freeze as the two kids lay there, embracing, in silence.
She wanted to kiss him again, again, and again, she wanted to do that making out thing she'd heard about. But she was afraid to move. She was afraid to scare him if she kissed him.
'Kiss him! Kiss him! ...No, don't do it! His place, he'll make the calls here. Kiss me again, Arnold! ...What am I even saying? That was no kiss. He was making out with me! ...Wow.' She thought, staring up at him, unmoving.
For a moment, it was Arnold's turn to think that he had done something terribly wrong as she pulled from the kiss.
Until he saw her eyes.
She seemed to like it, too.
'I need to lie down....I'll go with you!'
And here they were, lying down, together.
He hoped he had made her dream come true.
Nevertheless, as a boy, he couldn't deny that he also liked what he just did.
He wanted to say something, anything, to add to the atmosphere, but being 9, and not as poetic as her, he didn't want to take chances.
So, he only did what his instincts told him
"Kiss the girl"...
And he did, mouth open, wanting to entwine his tongue with hers.
This time, he leaned over her, almost lying on top of her. He wanted to...possess her...to protect her, to give her what she needed, as much as he was needing what she was giving him.
He wanted to...
...love her?
Despite the fact that he knew that he didn't know that much about her, this act of kissing seemed to be confirming what he felt.
Sure, he wasn't kissing Cecile, the girl of his dreams.
He was kissing Helga, the girl who loved him, despite his faults.
He thought he could return the favor, but for now, all he wanted to do was encase her, protect her, rescue her, even, from herself. Show her that she truly was worthy of his love, and that she didn't have to torture herself anymore.
Everything ended tonight, yes, and everything began anew as well.
'I think I love you...' he thought, surprising himself.
For the first time in so long time, Helga felt surprisingly happy. Something she hardly ever felt unless she was with or thinking about Arnold. But now here she was, with him willingly kissing her, tongue-kissing her she might add...with the possibility that he might give her a chance.
'Is this for real? Am I dreaming? Is he really...oh shut up, who cares, just enjoy it!'
Helga kissed him back with everything she had, pouring all of her love and affections for him. Maybe, just maybe...
'He likes me too....listen, um, God...or whoever's up there...please...let this be real."
She ran her fingers through his hair, leaned up a little to kiss him better, resisting the urge to pull him down with her. None the less, for once, she was happy.