It's Korea BABY! Time for a Matthew story, yes?

This is Canada's diary on his loneliness and his feelings and reflections of his life. Warning first entry and story involve internal drama, thoughts and attempted plans of suicide, and angst.

Please review and all that! Enjoy XD!

Entry #1

As it is I attended another World Meeting and as it would seem...no one noticed me. As usual I just floated around like the ghost I am and gave eveyone goosebumps. Then Russia sat on me again (truth be told I think he's doing it on purpose just cause he knows no one cares) and no matter how much I screamed (with the whisper of a voice that I have) I was ignored.

Will my life always be so empty? The only companion (if you can call him a partner) is this little bastuard of a bear Kuragu...or was...it...

Never mind! I can never remember his name, but on the same note he can never remember mine. He's always asking me "Who are you?" or he just blankly stares at me. And it's very sad to say, but when I look in his eyes, I can tell that he truely questions who I am. Am I really that invisiable?

I've thought of suicide everytime...scratch that all the time. People would probably think me pathetic...that's if there was a person in the world who would even bring my face or even my name to mind. Even thought I bring the knife to my wrist...I can never cut. Even though there is a gun in my hand I can never pull the trigger. In the end, I'm just a coward! I'm just a man...no...a naive boy who can't put my words into actions.

People have others in the world to think about when it comes to death. There is always hell to pay for the loved ones left behind. Everyone has someone that will miss them when they are gone...except me. I could be raped and no one will listen, I could be murder and no one would investigate, or I could kill myself and no one would remember me. Everyone feels regret when a friend or family member commits the sinful act of suicide. Those who are always left cry whole-heartedly and say, "I should of told you I loved you more" or "I never told you how proud I was!"...those people are the lucky ones. Having many people around them to support them and hold them, as for me, there is no such luxury. I have all the right to die. There is no one around to watch me grow and praise me for all I've done (not that I've done much or have been noticed of anything for such things). People don't know that I exist. They don't know my name, my country alis, my favorite things, etc. I have nothing to be happy for.

I'm constantly emotionally abused by all that I have opened my heart to. Alfred (the representive of America), my twin, has the same face as me...so people see me as him and I get involved in half the shit that people despise him for, whether it be war, politics, or just being an insensitive asshole. I always get beaten up by Cuba and Iggy (Britain), my own father-like-figure, yells at me and punishes me on every little thing my brother did because he doesn't know that Alfred has a twin. I think it's alittle pathetic, but what right do I have to have to down-grade someone else when I truely don't have a life of my own. I'm simply my brothers shadow.

Next is Iggy. He's technically my step father who had one dominance over me when I was only an infant. He fought Francise (France) over the continent I represented, Canada. Of course, as fate would have it, my genetic father lost and I was handed over to the British Empire. There was no farwells just "I win Frog! Now hand over the land I earned!" and of course anyone in this situation would think that Iggy was a dickhead and there could be more said on how he treated me over the years. After he won the war, he pratically let me do whatever I wanted. I thought it to be cool at first but in the end I found it to be a mistake on my part. After allowing me to run free, he never looked at me again except to lecture me on the mistakes Alfred made. Of course he mistakened me then too. Then Sealand came around, and even though Iggy and the world didn't ecknowledge him as a country, Iggy loved him unconditionally. Even though now-a-days he pushes the small sailor boy away, you can still see the love and worry behind his cruel words. But for me, I was never hugged or kissed like my twin and my brother (whose true name I never learned). Not one glance or "I love you" left his lips.

And last but not least, my father Francis, who lost me to Iggy in a war in my early years. He loved me for who I was and said that I would grow to be a strong and lovely country that people would flock to year-round. Who would have thought that his fortune and enthusiasm on my life would be a complete opposite of what he and I hoped of? I know that he didn't want to give me up, but he had to due to his agreement with Iggy before their war. Francis cried the night he lost and he held me tight stating that he was sorry for what sin he had commited. Of course, me being a naive child I didn't know what he meant, but I hugged him back and cried with him. "Tomorrow, I will no longer be with you, you will have a new father and you get to meet your twin." he choked between sobs. This news just made me clutch him tighter. I wanted to hold on to what was left of the strong country before his heart split in half under the torment. "You will need your sleep for when you leave tomorrow, so please try to rest."

"I no want to sleep" I screamed in his chest as I wailed like a newborn. "I want to stay up with you!" But as fate's cruel hand would have it, I fell asleep in his arms and the next time I awoke, there was a blonde boy with the same face mine and he said, "Welcome to your new home, and from now on, you are my new toy!"

...And that was my hell of a life. Everyday is lonely and I cry my heart out only to faint. Sometimes...I wish that I could never wake up, that every dream I have was reality. I wish that the people I love would ecknowledge me as a friend and that my crush would love me back, and as wrong as it may be, my crush is my own twin. As much as I hated him for the games we played and the way he scared me, he would make me laugh and cry, he would play with me and hurt me, but he had some interaction with me. And that was what made me feel special...but now...he barely ever looks my way.

When I attend the World Meetings, I was always ignored and no one would ask my opinion so I never attend the gatherings much anymore, but when I do...I practically sit in my emo corner and distract myself with my own sobs. I don't understand why I'd go to a place that makes me so sad, but I guess you could say that I'm a hopeless fool that still believes that I have a chance for human interaction.

Well that's enough bitching on my part...I best just go to bed and get so rest for the meeting tomorrow...not that my presence matters.

Night

Canada Matthew ;_;

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