Three Times Three
The first time Xion watched him walk away, she was screaming in pain; frustrated, annoyed, angry. So very angry. At him, and at herself. He'd called her Keyblade a sham, told her that it – that she was worthless.
And she couldn't even figure out how to prove him wrong.
She'd lost, after all. He'd won. And then he'd walked away without so much as a glance back.
That hurt more than any injury he'd given her.
.
The second time was almost an accident. He had found her, saved her, and she couldn't understand why. Why hadn't he just left her to the incoming tide? Why had he taken her up near the paopu tree? Why had he held her so gently, like he was afraid she would break?
He seemed so much nicer this time. But why? Was it because she reminded him of Kairi? She heard the way he said her name. Kairi. Hesitantly. Like he was afraid just saying her name would break something, too.
Was Xion jealous of Kairi? Of Kairi and Sora and everything they had that would never be hers? Before that thought finished, she was calling Riku out –
"Do you hate me, for taking your friend away from you?" The words tasted bitter on her tongue.
"Nah. I guess... I'm just sad." He was being hesitant again.
"...Oh." She was sorry, now. For being angry with him. He just wanted his friends back, and... she was just getting in the way.
But then his hand was on her shoulder and he was reassuring her in the only way he could – and before that really had time to register, he was walking away again, and she let him go even though it hurt.
"Thank you, Riku."
This time, the pain felt different.
.
And then, it was Riku's turn to watch her walk away for the first time. He'd known it would happen from the moment she'd sought him out for answers. She'd spent fourty-three days with him, on the run. (But who was counting?) He knew their time would run out eventually.
"Do you want to go back?"
She hadn't answered right away, but he knew she did. Because Roxas and Axel were her friends and they needed her. And she needed them, too.
So when she'd woken him up in the middle of the night (or, rather, pulled him away from the thoughts that had been running through his head while he tried to sleep) he'd promised to buy her a little more time.
It was all he could do.
But still, the next dawn, when she pulled her hood up and walked out, it hurt more than it should have.
He'd gotten used to having her around.
.
The second time was far worse. He'd gone back to where they'd met, the drawbridge outside Beast's Castle, knowing the time had come to say goodbye. He wanted to go back and remember her while he still could.
She must've known he'd be there, somehow.
"Riku!"
Or maybe she was surprised after all. His heart fluttered in his chest as he tried to remember what he had wanted to ask her.
"...Did you find your answer?"
Yes, she had. But now she was asking him what to do and he found himself hesitating once again before he finally told her to go find Namine.
"Alright. Thanks, Riku. Goodbye..." Her voice was quiet and resolved, and he couldn't bring himself to say anything more to her as she turned around and walked away, disappearing into a Dark Corridor.
It hurt too much.
He told himself it was because he knew she was walking toward her own demise, and thanking him for helping her when all he'd really done was help set it up. Nevermind that he'd tried to make it as painless as possible for her.
It still hurt.
And he knew exactly why, even if he didn't want to admit it.
.
Despite everything, they did meet again.
She was sitting on the paopu tree to watch the sun rise from Sora's spot when he came. He ran up to the paopu tree in the dream in Sora's heart, thinking it was his best friend sitting at his usual place – she didn't have to look at him to know the look of surprise that surely crossed his face, making his brow wrinkle.
She could hear it in his voice.
"Who... who are you?"
She knew to give him an answer to that would be pointless. Instead, she did as she was supposed to and asked him a question for his test.
"Riku... what do you wish?"
"More questions..." He could've been annoyed with her, but there was a smile in his voice for some reason. Xion didn't want to think about that. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him move closer and lean up against the tree – his own eyes closed, maybe even for the same reason she refused to look at him.
Because he'd forgotten, and that hurt.
"I wish to recover something important that I've lost."
Even his answer hurt, as she watched him fade out of the dream. What he wanted to recover was Sora, not her. And yet, something in her heart pleaded for him to want to find her, too.
Watching him leave her for the third time was the hardest yet. She knew it would be the last time... and he didn't even know her.
Her heart ached, and this time she could admit to herself why.
It was because she loved him, and loving him hurt.
.
"Why are you leaving?"
It was nearly a year later, and Xion had come back.
She'd been reunited with Riku, and despite all the tension and pain between them, things had worked out. They'd been seeing each other for months now – still in secret, with hushed whispers and cautious kisses when no one was looking.
They had too many mutual enemies to reveal the depth of their relationship yet.
"I have to," she sighed, her back facing him. "Please understand. Some things... have to be done alone."
"But we're stronger together—"
"No. Riku – please. I have to do this. Don't follow me."She'd started to walk away, and he'd moved forward to clasp her hand in his own only to have her try to shrug him off.
He held her firmly.
"Xion, you're the one who doesn't understand."
"Oh? What is it I don't understand, then?" There was anger in her voice. Each word cut sharply.
"...Last time I watched you walk away, you didn't plan to come back."
His hold tightened on her hand, but she was silent for a long while.
"I know," she breathed. "And I can't promise I will this time, either. But you still have to let me go, Riku."
"I can't... not a third time!" His voice nearly broke, and his shout echoed back at him from the walls of Yen Sid's tower. He went deathly quiet then, sorry that he'd raised his voice. Her hand slipped from his, and she pulled away.
"Then consider us even. I watched you go three times – and the third time killed me. Because I knew you weren't coming back."
"But I did—"
"Yeah, you did. Maybe I will, too. You'll just have to wait and see."
This time, when she walked away, he let her – no matter how much it hurt him to just stand there. The door shut behind her with a click. Only then did he go sit on the closest bench and rest his face in his hands.
When Sora and Kairi approached him later, asking him why he'd let her just leave, he just looked into Sora's eyes and told him the truth.
Because he loved her, and sometimes loving someone was about knowing when to let them go... and trusting them to come back.
No matter much letting go hurt.
Author: Had this idea for a while now - knowing a plot point that happens in my still-outlined story set after DDD, I was thinking about what Riku would say to her when she tried to go. At first, I was going to have him stop her, and have her fight him to leave - the argument they have is a small part of what was going to happen.
But when I realized Xion canonically watched Riku turn his back on her and walk away three times, and Riku let her leave him twice...
Well, the final scene you see in this finally came to me. Because he'd have to let her go again. He loves her enough to trust that she will come back again, even though he doesn't want to let her go. Funny how they always seem to parallel one another...
Hope you like it! It's always nice to get a review to let me know how I'm doing, but I'm just happy to know people read my stories.