Where butterflies should never die; but did anyway- where Alice disappears and Chesh is left with only a blue butterfly as his memory.
She was sitting on a stone ledge, looking out over her world. Dark and empty space made a void, dotted with stars and glowing entities. It was truly beautiful, almost as beautiful as Alice, her slender back facing him. The cat could only guess that her eyes followed the shooting stars, entranced by the beauty of her mind.
Alice's Wonderland.
He started towards her, his large paws making no noise on the soft grass. Sitting down beside her, he curled his tail around his paws. She did not turn to him, still looking over at the vast expanse of a mind that had no borders.
It was nearly as lovely as the woman who sat beside him, no longer the little girl he had guided through the maze of her own corrupted mind. Sighing, he turned away from her and closed his eyes, concentrating on his form. He felt a shiver pass through him, as his paws turned into hands and his fur turned to gray skin.
That's when he felt her eyes on him, and green met with gold. "Enjoying yourself, Alice?" the cat prompted in a quiet purr.
She smiled slightly, the usual sarcasm and poise gone from her expression. "Yes Chesh…its amazing isn't it? What the imagination and one's own insanity is capable of doing…destruction, rebirth…I'm actually starting to admire it all." She laughed then, but it sounded bitter to his ears.
He chuckled as well, trying to ignore the disheartened tone of her voice. "Whoever said madness c couldn't be just as beautiful, Alice? You grew up…but so did Wonderland. Yes, it had its flaws and faults…." She laughed at this, claiming that what he said was an understatement.
"It still has them Chesh."
"Yes, but despite those…it is a beautiful creation of its very own. Wonderland is something no one else has, or ever will have; except for you. Be satisfied with that, love."
The young woman didn't answer at first, looking as if she was deep in thought. But that would make sense, she was always deep in her thoughts; her mind. As he observed her, he drank in her appearance. Alice's hair was blowing to the side, stray hairs twisting in and around themselves. Her pale skin glowed in the darkness, and he was amused at the fact that she always seemed to be defying gravity.
That's what Chesh loved the most about her. She was always going against something, never settling for where she was. They sat there in comfortable silence, and it was at some point that he noticed her hand had slipped over his. Alice had turned away from him, and he had a suspicion it wasn't just the glow of the red stars that had her cheeks glowing pink.
"Tell me something cat."
"Hmmm?" I replied, not really listening but instead admiring. Not the sky no…..her. She was so much more entrancing than a universe or a galaxy exploding with wonder could ever be. Ever the two large pocket watches that floated in the distance never quite captured his attention as she managed to.
She took a breath, her eyes following the path of a fascinating stream of colors that was floating across the sky. Unknown to him her thoughts had strayed for a moment to the Northern Lights she used to hear about. She'd never seen them, but it looked like she had now.
"What do you think….what do you think happened to me?"
Chesh's eyes flickered to her, wondering what she was getting at. "What do you mean, Alice?"
"What I mean is…I wonder what happened to my body back in the real world. Or if I'm just some vagrant wandering the streets, maybe I'm in some asylum again. I wonder…..I wonder if I'm already dead, and the after image of my mind is still going on somewhere. That Wonderland is still alive, in some consciousness somewhere….I really don't know." She shrugged delicately.
"In reality I don't mind much at all. As long as I'm here…as long as I'm still here…everything should be fine." She shut her eyes tightly for a moment, then opened them again a minute later. They were unusually bright and shining now, but the cat didn't give it much thought.
Chuckling, he secretly enjoyed the warm feeling of her hand on his. "As they say…whoever said too much of a good thing is not enough speaks the truth. You could truly never get enough of your Wonderland, and I can truly never get enough of you. So, I guess you'll just have to stay here, won't you?"
She stared at him, obviously surprised at his words. She turned away quickly, but not before he noticed that she was blushing. Why did she have to be so damn adorable all the time? It drove him crazy, crazier than he had ever felt before. She was like a drug, like a favorite flavor of tea that he couldn't stop drinking less he become dehydrated. In all the cat's nine lives, no one had ever had that effect on him.
Except Alice.
After a while of being embarrassed she turned back laughing. "Yes, Chesh. I guess I'll have to stay here. Hopefully forever…yes forever…that would be nice…" She had stopped laughing, her grip tightening on his hand. It was almost painful how hard her grip was.
"Alice, love, what's wrong?"
His eyes widened to see that her eyes were much too bright, green orbs much too…sad. He furrowed his eyebrows, worried now. What could have gotten her so upset? "Alice, Alice have I done something…?
She shook her head quickly, eyes fluttering. "No, no you didn't do a thing Chesh. I just…" her voice sounded so desperate. She put her face in her hands, silent sobs wracking her slim body.
He took her chin in his hand, gently turning her to face him again. He spoke, his voice soft, any edge or cryptic tone gone. "Don't be sad Alice. Everything's alright…"
She shook her head, removing her chin from his grasp. The cat felt a sense of emptiness all of a sudden, as if Alice had just gotten very far away. 'But…but she's sitting right beside me, no more than a foot away….'
"No, it's not alright. I can't keep fooling myself anymore. None of this is real Chesh," she shouted at him, gesturing with her hands around her. "Even you're not real!" He felt a pang in his chest, a painful throbbing.
'What was she saying…?'
She continued, her voice getting louder. "Nothing is real! Wonderland is just a fairy tale a lonely child made up years ago…I thought I could save it Chesh, but Wonderland died years ago….it's gone. Where I'm sitting is just a remnant of what could never be…" her voice broke, sobs escaping. However not one tear escaped her eyes, not one. The cat had never seen her cry, and despite this display of behavior he doubted this time would be any different.
Swallowing his hurt, the cat stared at her sadly. She looked so broken, so lost. Sitting before him now was not the young woman Alice had become; it was the child she had been, scared and alone. Except she wasn't alone, she had him. That would never change, even when Wonderland fell apart around their very beings.
He would make sure that she knew that.
His grin wasn't as wide now, bit he gave her a comforting smile all the same. "Oh Alice….of course it's in your head. But who ever said that made all of this any less real?" Her sobs stopped, and she stared up at him like a child looking for guidance.
He ran his hand through her dark hair, reveling at its silkiness. "I'm right here and so are you. None of this is any less real than it ever was. It's not going anywhere, Alice. And neither am I. I can't pretend to know everything Alice…but I do know that."
She sniffed, shaking her head even more. "How can you know that Chesh? How can you know that…." She trailed off, biting her lip.
He turned his body to face her, and he saw the surprise in her eyes at the intensity in his. "Protective walls may impede you Alice, but the walls most difficult to penetrate are the one's surrounding our hearts…you seem to have succeeded in this difficult task."
"Stop it with your riddles, it's long past time for that anym-"
The cat cut her off, unable to stay on the sidelines anymore. "Oh, this is no riddle Alice. Even you can figure this one out-"And with no other thought in his head he leaned forward and kissed her, his hand still entangled with her hair. The bitter taste of salty tears met his lips, and he savored it.
At first she was frozen stiff and unresponsive. Nevertheless, after a while her body relaxed and her lips tentatively moved with his. They were so soft, her kisses so gentle…..a desperate whine escaped his throat, one resulting from being deprived of this too long.
She broke away to soon, the feeling of her lips still lingering strongly on his. Her eyes darted between his, her fingers brushing her lips. She was breathing slightly harder than usual, and then he realized he was too. In that breath taking moment there was no sound, and it was only them. Nothing could penetrate the little world they had within a world.
She smiled, and he realized that it was a real smile. Not like his permanent grin, not like the times she had laughed or was content. It was heartbreaking and heart wrenching, her emotions open for the world to see. And for the first time, she cried in front of him. The tears came freely, silently spilling over her pale skin and dripping from her chin onto the grass where it sparkled like dew.
He was about to speak when she put a finger to his lips, shaking her head slightly. "It's okay Chesh…it's all okay now…..thank you" She closed her eyes then, still smiling through the never ending tears. He vaguely thought of the Vale of Tears, her crying face no longer displayed only on stone.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered.
Before he knew what she was happening, he felt a something alight on his nose. "What…?" He looked at his nose, seeing a blue butterfly fluttering its wings. Then it hit him, and the panic he felt was almost unbearable.
"No. No, Alice what are you doing?"
Alice was already starting to disappear, her form dissolving into the blue beauties right before his eyes. And he could do nothing, nothing at all. He could only watch as her hand stroked his cheek, catching the tears he had not felt slipping from his eyes.
She was smiling, and he wondered how she did it. How, no matter how painful, she could be so brave. "Oh Chesh…you were right."
He could barely bring himself to speak as butterflies brushed his shoulder. "Right, Alice?"
With one last heartbreaking smile she left him with the words that would never be forgotten. "Silly cat. I didn't succeed….you did." With one last intake of breath she was gone, exploding into countless blue wings that fluttered up into the sky.
He watched as they twirled and danced, eventually disappearing into the vast sky. He sat there for the longest time, his eyes never leaving the sky. It was only until he spotted one, feebly fluttering one on the ground. Was brought to his knees in front of this sad little butterfly, a butterfly who tried so hard to join the others who were long gone.
Gently he placed the frail thing in his palm, bringing it close. The butterfly stopped struggling, staring at him with small eyes that for a second looked green. With a shaky breath, the cat tried not to fall apart then and there. Sobs shook his body, and his pain came out in quiet yowls that only a butterfly witnessed.
'A fragment of Alice…..the most vulnerable fragment. You were right, Alice. Our Wonderland was all just a dream, in the end…'
As Wonderland started to waver, the cat disappeared into the sky with one little butterfly, their forms forever lost to memory and the fading green stars that watched the dream become just that…
…a dream.