She knocked the door before she entered to find it open. She sighed and opened it a little only to find darkness and hideous smell, she stepped in carefully with her black high heels shoes and covered her nose for protection.
He was sitting on his chair like a body with no soul inside, next to him one of Mrs. Hudson's tray with untouched rotten food on it, she recognized it was where the smell came from, he checked her from head to toes with unfocused eyes before he spoke.
"I see you attended the funeral" Sherlock said with croaky voice, looking to the hair she put it in bun and the black simple dress she wore.
Molly swallowed hard and nodded "I knew what John did, not allowing you to attend her funeral, that was too harsh from him, you had the right to say your goodbye." She needed all her strength to stand in front of him without shaking, seeing him damaged in such a way was hurting her more than she thought.
"Well I can't blame him for not wanting his wife's killer in her funeral!" he spoke as if it was obvious as sun that only a blind would miss it.
"What? john would never think .."
"Really?!" He shouted, "Cause I'm certain I did!" he raised up from the chair grabbing his hair with his hands almost pulling them out.
tears started to burn her eyes while she tried to keep them inside "It wasn't your fault Sherlock, you didn't pull the trigger."
"Words kill Molly, but they were mine and they should've killed me!" He grumbled and looked to her, a light came from street showed his eyes to her, the redness indicated he didn't sleep for days.
"I saw it," he shook his head and frowned "I saw how desperate she was and I kept pushing and pushing," he said hitting his right fist to his other hand hard, he moved to his chair, looking out of strength, she couldn't keep neither the tears inside her eyes, nor the distance between her and him, she found herself walking to him and sat on the arm of the chair taking his head on her chest, he didn't move away from her as she expected, instead his harsh fast breaths began to calm down and he closed his eyes. She wanted to tell him not to blame himself, that it was Mary's choice and she wouldn't be happy to sacrifice her life for him to be miserable, to live in guilt, but that was a talk for another time, in this moment she felt all he needed was someone to feel safe around to scream his feelings and hold him in the end.
"She tried to stop me Molly," he said in a low voice, "She saw it too and tried to stop me but I didn't listen." she pulled him to her chest more, wishing she could transfer his suffering to her and started to run her hands on his shoulder for comfort.
She didn't know how long they stayed this way, but when she felt he was almost serene, she pulled away taking his hand and walked him to his room, he looked worn down and she didn't receive any struggling from his side.
After she put him in his bed she took off her shoes and joined him hugging him from the back, he didn't object the whole time or the two minutes he took to go fully into sleep.
She couldn't sleep though, a cold hand squeezed her heart, knowing that she may need to choose soon. The wounds Mary's death left weren't going to heal fast between her friends. She saw John today, he was in no shape to take care of a child at the moment and she knew she would need to step in to do her duties as the godmother of Rosie, and the way Sherlock was thinking made her feel that he was about to take a dark path and needed an eye on him, in the time his best friend and her goddaughter's father couldn't stand to be with him in the same room. She closed her eyes in pain feeling her heart ripped into two. With another sigh, she tightened her hold on Sherlock, putting her head on the pillow, and tried to forget about tomorrow's problems, at least for now she could help one of them and that what mattered in this moment.