Gotta get my mind right
It's like a loop that I find my self continuously in over and over until I shatter for life.
I didn't want this as my life
I wanted freedom for my life
I wanted love for my life
And with life comes along the pain but the pain overshadows the life I feel
I can't take this shit no more
My breaking point has been reached
As I get swallowed into the darkness the numbness the dead feeling that's inside me swallows me and I scream.
But then everything stops
The clock I've been racing against has stopped
The voices I've been fighting against has stopped
The feeling i have buried called pain suffering and sadness has arisen and over shadowed happiness
What do I do now?
Do I hang myself? Do I allow the rope to tighten as I dangle and struggle and regret this choice of action regret the fact that I'm going earlier then I intended because part of me was screaming fuck god while the other was saying TAKE ME to him yelling SAVE ME to him
Praying that once my eyes close for good he'll be standing there and he'll tell me I'm okay and the pain is gone/that I'm OKAY and I will push on but...
I wake up
And I sit up
And I think to myself
If died today would it matter
If I died tomorrow would every ones lives shatter
If I keep breathing will that make a difference
Am I truly awake or are my eyes just open
Do I truly feel happiness or is my heart still closing
I don't know