AN: I'm not much of a writer and don't usually have the time for it - I've just been working on this off-and-on since the final season of RTTE was released…I know, that was ages ago. I REALLY don't have a ton of spare time.

*** There is conflict between Astrid and Hiccup in this fic, and certain issues from the films and show have been amplified or highlighted in order to better serve the storyline. Things may get (temporarily) a little OoC, so if you don't like that, don't read it. This is your warning.

Additionally, this story revolves around Hiccup and Astrid, so unfortunately Toothless won't be in it very much - I know! I'm sorry. Anyway, that's enough out of me for now, I hope those of you who read this little story will enjoy it!***

Astrid was stomping through the woods in a rage, any branch or tree that was unfortunate enough to find itself in the sheildmaiden's path was swiftly demolished with a few swings of her axe. She grimaced inwardly as she remembered how much Hiccup hated for her to go anywhere alone, but then her face twisted into an unattractive smirk as she stared behind her at the trail of destruction she had left in her wake - there's no way they couldn't follow that if they wanted to find her…

It's just, at that moment, she didn't want to be around any of them, especially Hiccup. And solitude had always brought her clarity, which was something she desperately needed at the moment.

"I've never felt further away from you…", her hurried words floated around her head, distracting her and making her chest ache.

It felt like days ago that she had lost her temper and tossed Hiccup's betrothal gift back to him, but it had been mere minutes. As soon as the words had left her lips, and the pendant her possession, she had wished she could go back in time and retrieve them both. But she couldn't, and Astrid Hofferson does not apologize, even when she was wrong. So instead of wallowing in shame and self-pity, she decided to fuel her anger, trying her hardest to find some way that she could justify all that she had done…

However, the more she searched her memory for examples of Hiccup's failures to feed the fire, she found only memories of his kindness and love. Sure he was a knucklehead sometimes, flighty and unobservant, but she knew deep down that he loved her with all of his heart. Some people claimed he worshiped her, even…And perhaps all this anger wasn't caused by his unworthiness of her - but by her own unworthiness of him.

Her mind drifted back through the years, back to a time when he had been Hiccup the Useless. She thought back to every cruel word, punch, or jab she had directed at Hiccup Haddock… and through all of it, she could never recall a time when he retaliated with anger or violence. He had always been meek and humble where she was hotheaded and arrogant. She came to realize, as her pace slowed from a determined march to a defeated trudge, that she had been projecting her own shortcomings onto Hiccup, amplifying his small failings in a way that brought him down to the level she currently found herself on.

It was true that she was the most beautiful woman on Berk, she knew she had outward beauty…but she had always secretly been dissatisfied with her personal character. She didn't want anyone to know that inside of the great Astrid Hofferson lived a self-conscious soul. She didn't mean to be mean and short-tempered, it was just a reflex, a defense mechanism…She hated that about herself.

Her pride was often bigger than her heart.

While she was lost in these thoughts and memories, her hand moved automatically up to her chest, fingers searching fruitlessly for her betrothal necklace. The full weight of its absence finally hitting her… It was gone. She had just chucked the symbol of their love away like it had meant nothing. And what if Hiccup didn't want to give it back to her now…What if that decision, made in a split second of anger, had destroyed her future with her best friend?

What had she done…

She finally came to a stop, clutching her hands to her chest around an imaginary pendant. The anger from earlier had completely dissipated, and in its place, a deep sadness and near-paralyzing fear crept in. The words directed at her by Ruff so many times echoed painfully in her head - why do you have to be so mean?

Shaking her head and blinking rapidly to ease the prickle of tears in her eyes, she turned on her heels and began jogging back the way she had come. She needed to find Hiccup and make things right. Her pride would not win today.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Hiccup had stood in silence for a moment after Astrid had departed. Snotlout and Dagur were frozen in place, having overheard the spat but not knowing how to approach the situation or their friend. They had both been taken aback by Astrid's sudden outburst, equally as caught off guard by her anger as Hiccup had been.

Neither of them knew what to do as Hiccup slowly started walking into the woods, all they could manage was to call his name in concern. But apparently he was deaf to their calls, because he gave no sign that he had heard them. The only thing he did before leaving was turn to his dragon to give his most loyal friend the command to sit there and stay. After that, he ambled off aimlessly, shoulders hunched in defeat, and vanished into the trees.

It was then that Snotlout began to move after Hiccup, but was caught by a firm hand around his upper arm, forcing him to stop. Turning in confusion to his comrade, he saw that Dagur was simply shaking his head with an apologetic look on his face. The Berserker chief let go and stared after Hiccup, mumbling something about "alone time" and "space", before walking away himself.

The young Jorgensen felt conflicted as he stared at the place in the treeline where Hiccup had disappeared. He supposed he could understand where Dagur was coming from, it was clear that Hiccup was hurting and needed time to think, but - even though this fight seemed like the most pressing issue at the moment - there was still the very real threat of dragon flyers lurking about as well as dangerously territorial wild dragons…

He had no idea whether he should be responsible, or just be idle and hope for the best. In the end, he decided to settle for making a fire and waiting for everyone to return, figuring they would all appreciate the warmth once they managed to cool down.

Keeping busy was one of Hiccup's tricks for combatting a bout of depression, so Snotlout ignored the slight chill he felt creeping into his being and busied himself with gathering dried logs. He was going to try to stay positive, for his friend's sake and for his own…even though the soft whine of a night fury did nothing to brighten the mood.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Hiccup never liked it when he missed things. His ability to notice details that others typically missed was something he prided himself on…So how had he not seen Astrid's necklace? Was he really taking her for granted? Was he starting to not care about her…?

Pffff! No. The sheer absurdity of that thought caused him to snort. He would always care for Astrid, he had before they were friends, and he would continue to care if…if they went back to not being friends.

The awfulness of that possibility smothered him for a moment, the light around him dimming. Life without Astrid? He didn't even know if he could survive without her. He wasn't sure he wanted to…

As he stumbled along, he began to feel a painfully familiar sense of self-loathing building up inside. He remembered the defense mechanisms he had adopted in his youth: the sarcasm and self-deprecation he had used as an armor to shield himself from the abuse of his tribe and peers.

Without Astrid, it was like he was doomed to be Hiccup the Useless again, and in that instant, he fell back into that hole he had lived in for the first 15 years of his life. That pit of awful, all-consuming depression. Feelings of hopelessness and uselessness had always been an issue for him, though no one really knew he felt that way. Many times as a young man he had found himself almost fearless in the face of danger because deep down, he didn't care whether he lived or died. Despite what most in the tribe thought, his carelessness had not been born of stupidity, but of a terrifying ambivalence toward his own existence.

It scared him now to feel those emotions stirring within himself, so he did his best to ignore them.

Change your focus, Hiccup! Think about something else…anything else…

He closed his eyes tightly and decided to latch onto the first emotion he felt. And that was anger. It started as a whisper that berated him with questions: How could you have been so careless? What if Astrid hates you now? What if everything goes back to the way it was before Toothless…

It was as he thought back to the way things used to be that he started to feel a little angry at Astrid, too.

After all, she had never really been kind to him when they were growing up. Sure, she hadn't exactly led the bullying, but she hadn't done anything to stop it either. In fact, she had basically ignored him for most of his life. It still hurt him to think that she used to feel that he was nothing.

Hiccup had always heard people talking about hatred like it was the worst thing one person could feel towards another person - but that wasn't the truth. From his own experience, he knew that the worst feeling a person could feel towards someone else is indifference. Hate at least requires some thought and effort.

Every time Astrid had walked by him and ignored his greetings, every time she had sneered at him when he opened his mouth to speak, every time she looked at him like his very existence was an inconvenience, every time she had made him feel invisible - it hurt worse than Snotlout's most powerful punches.

It bothered him that it was so easy to recall so many miserable memories from the first 15 years of his life where Astrid had been the antagonist. Even though he had always loved her, she had clearly not always felt favorably toward him…He sometimes wondered if she even truly liked him.

Flashes of Astrid's face from earlier that day made their way from the recesses of his mind to the forefront. He had seen the sideways glances and unsure grimaces she had made when watching Dagur and Mala making over each other in the clubhouse. Had she been thinking about how she never felt that way about Hiccup? The doubt had been plain on her face now that he thought about it…So perhaps deep down, she really didn't love him…

For Thor's sake, she hadn't even bothered to get him a betrothal gift after they had been together for half a year!

And that was it - the moment his fragile mental state began spiraling out of control. His mind now on a self-destructive rampage as he thought back to all of her insults and the way she shamed and bullied him when they were kids. She had never felt anything for him aside from disdain before he tamed Toothless.

A nasty voice in the back of his mind whispered that she was only with him for his dragon and station in the tribe - that he was stupid to ever think that she loved him. A dragon doesn't change its markings, as Fishleg's liked to say. He hadn't changed from the person he was before Toothless, and she had hated him then - so why would she change her feelings toward him all of a sudden? Could she?

Maybe she hadn't. It was with a pang that he remembered the face Astrid had made outside of the Great Hall, when he had asked her why she cared if people knew about them when they had shared a brief kiss. The answer was fairly obvious, though - she was embarrassed by him. This realization shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, he should be used to it, most of his life he had been called "Stoick's little embarrassment". It killed him to think that he was an embarrassment to Astrid as well…

The pain of betrayal settled into his heart as he started thinking about the time he had been official with Astrid. Had their relationship been perfect? Not always, of course…but to him, it had seemed wonderful. He loved Astrid so much, he had always been happy to overlook some of their issues. He had always been quick to forgive and forget, so why couldn't she afford him the same grace he had given her?

Astrid and the rest of the gang pretended like the bullying had never happened. She had never apologized to him - he had awoken from his coma, and suddenly everything had changed. At the time it was so wonderful he didn't dare question it, but it still hurt him that the issue was never addressed. Like a wound that had stopped bleeding but had never fully healed.

Alas, none of that mattered now. She didn't want him.

His heart constricted just thinking about his past - thinking about the possibility of Astrid abandoning him forever. His grip on Astrid's betrothal necklace tightened reflexively, and tears sprung to his eyes.

But even as he stood there, trying to harden his heart and think about all the horrible things she had done to him - all the mental and physical abuse - he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for her other than love. He couldn't help it. Despite his many flaws, Hiccup was one thing above all else: he was forgiving, and he could't change that. He wouldn't change that.

Such is the nature of love, he thought bitterly. It is both horrible and wonderful at the same time. She broke his heart, but she was also the air in his lungs, the wind beneath his wings. Nothing she could do to him could make him stop loving her. And even if she never truly loved him back, he would forgive her and go on loving her anyway. That's just the way it was for him. He would die for her without thinking twice.

He loved her… Maybe he should just swallow his pride and ask for forgiveness for whatever she felt him guilty of. Astrid was worth fighting for. And he would give a fight worthy of Astrid Hofferson herself if that's what it took to save them.

The words he had spoken to Astrid several months prior floated through his memory, there will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. He had been right, and he would live up to that promise. Holding Astrid's betrothal gift in one hand and a promise in his heart, he turned around and began heading back the way he had come. Back to Astrid.

Hiccup hadn't realized that the sun had set until he was snapped out of his reverie by a loud rustling in the bushes to his left. It was then that his eyes snapped into focus and his breathing grew heavy. Something was in the trees, and he was completely defenseless. In the back of his mind he noted ruefully that he had no idea where he was or how far away he was from their camp. He also knew no one else knew where he was, either.

The warm, determined thoughts of just a few moments ago chilled with the sudden adrenaline rush, and he was forced to assess the reality of his situation: He was lost, alone, had no weapon, no dragon, and was exhausted…But worst of all Astrid had broken up with him, and he might die before fixing things with her…Oh gods…

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The dragon flyer almost chuckled out loud as he watched the one-legged viking walking carelessly through the darkening woods. This was the dragon master who had put several of the archipelago's top hunters on the run? From where he was sitting - atop his singetail - this boy looked like nothing more than a scatterbrained child wandering through the forest like a fool. He almost felt guilty as he touched his dragon's neck, giving the animal the cue to line up a shot on the oblivious viking. The beast caused a rustle in the bushes as it adjusted its stance, and as the auburn haired boy paused and started to turn in their direction, the flyer quickly jabbed the singetail with the butt of his crop and the dragon fired.

It all happened so fast, he barely even had time to register it. One moment, he was pausing to listen for a rustle in the bushes, the next, his world had erupted into fire and pain.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A high-pitched ringing, that's all Hiccup could hear.

Weren't the bad guys always supposed to give you a chance to talk your way free or escape? Since when do they just attack like that?

What an asshole, Hiccup thought to himself as white lights danced in front of his eyes.

He laid there for a while, not moving. Flashes of awareness came and went like the tide. He coughed, and the sharp pain brought him back to reality, he decided to use the moment of clarity to mentally inventory his injuries. There was an overwhelming pain in his back and side, as well as the smell of burned flesh in the air that made him feel sick.

He had seen dragons with injuries from a singetail's blast before…some part of him knew the blow could very well be fatal.

By now he had vaguely registered that he was horizontal on the ground. Not that that was very surprising. His whole body hurt from being impacted by several things in a short amount of time - like a fireball, and then the trees and bushes he likely hit as he was thrown through the air, before finally coming to rest on the ground. He was glad it was dark and that he couldn't see his own injuries. He hated the sight of blood.

A sardonic smirk flitted across his face - now his body hurt as much as his heart did. Perfect.

The tears began to prickle in his eyes as he thought of Astrid. He would likely never see her again, never apologize for whatever he had done. He would never be able to forgive himself for wasting his last moments on this earth consumed in pointless angry thoughts at his dearest friend and lover…but a looming death brings a certain clarity, and he decided that anger and sorrow were not the last feelings he wanted to experience. So instead of thinking about his relationship with Astrid… he just thought about Astrid. He thought of the way she laughed when they sparred together and the way her eyes flashed when she lost. The way she smiled at Toothless, and the way her braid billowed in the wind when she rode Stormfly. He thought about the way she made him feel when her hand closed around his…And the way the stars reflected in her bright blue eyes…

He felt shock beginning to take effect; his heart rate dropped, the ringing in his ears grew louder and drowned out all the sounds of the world, the pain numbed, the world slowed, and his vision started to mercifully fade away. With the greatest of efforts, he opened his eyes to look into the sky one last time. Astrid…

Gods, those stars were beautiful.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Astrid felt fear creep into her heart. She had returned back to camp to find Dagur and Snotlout sitting by a fire looking concerned, but Hiccup was gone. The young men had informed her that after she had stormed off, Hiccup had walked into the woods himself and had yet to return. It had been hours since they had fought, the sun had already dropped below the horizon. Astrid was surprised to see a forlorn Toothless curled up by a tree on the edge of their clearing, it was rare that Hiccup went anywhere without his dragon.

And nothing good ever happened to him when the two were separated.

The girlfriend side of her nagged that Hiccup was vulnerable without his dragon and these woods were dangerous with the flyers slithering about. They needed to find him before it got too dark, or before he got himself into trouble.

It was a small comfort to have Toothless with them - at least that way they knew Hiccup couldn't have left the island. But as darkness fell, Astrid's irritation had morphed into worry, which had evolved into panic. She was now sitting on Toothless's back, gliding low over the tree tops. The three rider's had split up in the search for their friend and leader. She had been yelling Hiccup's name into the night for what seemed like hours, her throat raw and painful. Her voice had started to crack when Toothless warbled at her, offering to use his echolocation instead.

She had reached down to stroke the dragon's neck when a singular, small explosion lit up the trees a few miles to the Northwest. Toothless let out an alarmed yowl, automatically accelerating to his top speed in the direction of the disturbance. Astrid felt a horrible sense of foreboding squeeze her insides as the night fury turned and shot through the darkness to the source of the sound.

When they landed, it took a moment for Astrid's vision to adjust to the darkness beneath the canopy of trees. She blinked hard a few times and strained her eyes, glancing around the area for the site of the blast. It didn't take long for her to find it.

Small tendrils of smoke were still rising from a charred section of earth just a short distance away from where they had landed. Her eyes followed the smoke down and her gaze came to rest on the dark outline of a familiar skinny viking. Prone and unmoving.

Her heart nearly stopped and a gasp escaped her throat as she vaulted off of Toothless's back, the night fury had followed her gaze and was right beside her as she raced forward - both skidding to a stop beside the still body on the ground.

Astrid was operating on autopilot as she dropped to her knees by Hiccup. Her usually unerringly steady hands were trembling violently as she reached forward to touch his chest, looking for any signs of life. Initially, the stillness caused fresh tears to well in her eyes, but her heart leapt hopefully as she felt the weak flutter of a heartbeat beneath her palm. He was alive!

But they needed to get him to Berk - fast. She had to save him before he slipped away from her forever.

She was momentarily drowned by the thought that if he died, she would never be able to correct her mistakes. He would die thinking she didn't want him. No…She would not let that happen. He would make it, and she would fix him - then she would fix what she had said and done.

"Oh, Hiccup…please…", she whispered brokenly.

His eyes opened for the briefest of moments and locked onto hers, a terrifyingly calm smile ghosted across his lips as he sighed her name, and then his eyes slid closed. His face slack and horrifyingly peaceful.