"The Emperor Awakens!"
Chapter One
One day, Lugia, the great beast of the sea, realized that he did not want to be Lugia anymore.
He remembered a song from his youth: "When you wish upon a star, doesn't matter who you are, if you believe hard enough, your dreams will come true." Lugia construed this to mean that a star would be able to grant him freedom from himself.
The giant white and black Pokemon went to New Bark Town, the land where winds of new beginnings blow. He saw an eleven-year-old girl clutching a Poochyena, which he thought was strange because this was Johto and not the Ho'enn region.
Why did he come to New Bark Town? Instinct, it seemed, dictated him to come here. He was forced to endure the girl's piercing eyes, which could see right through him. Her name was Alice, Alice Tobaky. She was a student at the town's yeshiva, where Jewish children were taught that Pokemon were evil. If anybody caught her taking a stroll with the Poochyena she had got from a trade, she was sure to be chastised and punished. But she didn't care.
At first, Alice did not notice Lugia. But Poochyena did, and headbutted Alice to alert her. The little black dog was whimpering. It knew not to bark, because the girl had taught it that that would bring unneeded danger on their heels.
Look at her, Lugia thought. She's such a poor thing, probably worse off than me. Maybe I shouldn't make this wish. I mean, I'm Lugia, aren't I? Many creatures would give up their defining characteristics just to be me. It's probably just a selfish wish.
With these thoughts racing through his head, Lugia turned to leave. But he glanced skyward, and his gaze was transfixed, like someone driving past a train wreck. For, in the Heavens, the Coel—as Pokemon call it—a star with blinding light was scintillating and sparkling. It was Lugia's wish star, and it read his heart. So you don't want to be Lugia anymore? the star seemed to ask. Fine, then. You shall be Schum.
What's Scum? Lugia thought. But it was too late. His soul was being forcibly removed from his body. He wondered if he'd ever see himself again.
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"How about a Pokemon battle, Gilfried?" a young boy asked an older one, the last of whom wore a Furret-skinned cap.
"Sure, I'm up for one."
"Okay. I'll choose Magcargo. Go!" A giant slug appeared on the field, with a slow expression.
"Schum, I choose you!" Gilfried introduced his Pokemon.
Lugia looked down at his hands. They were blue. It was not a dream. He really had made a wish upon a star, and been transformed into some other Pokemon, though what it was he could not yet identify.
"Magcargo, Sludge Bomb!" The snail started making poison balls rain from the sky.
"Schum, use your Horn Drill!"
Lugia felt his forehead for a horn. He was surprised to find that he had one, ignoring the malodorous slop that was falling on his back. He stood stock-still.
"Now Magcargo, Fire Blast!" A giant X in the form of flames emerged from the snail's mouth.
"What's wrong with you, Schum? Dodge it!"
At this command, Lugia actually did try to dodge the blazing heat. But he attempted to do so in the way that Lugia would, and not whatever shameful Pokemon the star had turned him into. He was toasted.
"Gilfried, I would think you would know better than to use a Bug-Type against a Fire-Type."
"That Horn Drill would've been a one-hit knock out, as you very well know. Something must've happened to Schum. I'll take him to the Pokemon Center."
"Nurse Joy, I need help with my Schum. I got him in a trade with a little girl in New Bark Town, and I think his brains have been addled."
"Scum? What kind of name is that?"
"Look, I have no time to discuss nomenclature. It's just that he wouldn't obey me when I tried to use him in battle."
"You know that traded Pokemon sometimes disobey their new owners, don't you?" Nurse Joy asked.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Gilfried blushed.
"I can heal him for you, but if you want outright compliance, you had better earn some more badges."
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"Chansey!" said a portly, pink Pokemon in a wearing a nurse's apron. She brought Lugia his dinner, for he had to spend the night at the Center, since they had to treat a third-degree burn.
He looked at his reflection in his water. He saw the blank, beetle-like face of Heracross staring back at him. So that was what he had become. And his nickname was Schum, and he belonged to a Pokemon trainer named Gilfried, who had got him from a trade with a girl in New Bark Town.
Could it be the same girl he saw when he went there? But she was a Jew, and the only thing those people thought was more evil than Pokemon was trading with Gentiles. It was written in the Talmud or some other sacred text, that only in very dire situations were Jews aloud to trade with people outside their religion, and Pokemon bartering hardly counted as dire.
Lugia did not eat. He wondered if his wish had been foolish. Was he not the greatest Pokemon on Earth, the most coveted, in all seven regions, and the most free? Now he was both scum and Schum. If he could've chosen to be any Pokemon in the world, the only two things he would've desired less to be than Heracross were Magikarp and Feebas.
Nurse Joy came in, and was disappointed to see Lugia's untouched food. "Schum, you must eat!"
He shook his head.
"You've just suffered a very bad burn, and the quickest way to recover is to receive proper nourishment."
Lugia gave the same response.
"You're upset about your new trainer, aren't you? You miss the girl back in New Bark Town," Nurse Joy intuited. "You've got to move on. Us humans suffer separation, too. My cousin died last month, and I was so devastated that I couldn't work for a week. I thought it was the end. I'll never see her again, just as you'll never see your old trainer. But I got over it, and I'm back to my regular work schedule. You may never see her again. However, you have a new trainer now, and other new Pokemon friends to play with. So, why don't you eat?"
Lugia did not respond at all this time.
"I know what will cheer you up. Chansey, bring in patient #741."
The portly, pink Pokemon ran to grab a gurney from the next room, and returned a few minutes later with a Plusle who had suffered from a Body Slam by a Snorlax. Chansey placed this bed alongside Lugia's.
"Come along, Chansey, and let's leave the two together."
Plusle turned to Lugia, and began speaking in Pokegulese.
"How are you doing, Heracross? What's on your mind?"
Lugia attempted to speak, but no sound came out.
"Got traded recently, I hear? That's rather unfortunate. I myself have been through countless trades. First, Nerry from Cinnabar Island caught me in the wild, then traded me for a Weepingbell. My new owner really wanted a Numel, and the person I belonged to after that desired an Abra. My current trainer, Papau, screamed at me after I lost the battle against a Snorlax. He's threatened to trade me for a Granbull. So I know your pain."
"I'm not…Heracross," Lugia finally managed to choke out.
"Delusional, eh? If you're not a Heravross, you must be a Ditto, because you have all the distinguishing features of the blue, yellow-eyed Bug-Type."
"I was turned into a Heracross, by a wish of mine."
"I'm sorry, you must be dreaming. This is the real world, and in it, you are born one thing, and you remain that way for the rest of your life."
"I am the only Pokemon of my kind."
"Yes, and I do not have a PhD in Psychology, I'm afraid."
"You reckon that I'm lunatic? Well, if so, you have the first two letters right. I am really Lugia."
Plusle laughed, a deep chortle that felt as if they were scratching Lugia's insides. "Yeah right, you? The king of the sea? That's rich, really rich. Look, if you truly think you are Lugia, I recommend you take Zimmerin, which is guaranteed to cure any Pokemon of schizophrenia."
If Lugia had not been strapped to his bed, he would've lunged at Plusle in indignation at the Electric Pokemon's impudence.
"Look, kid, don't have a Miltank," Plusle said, noting Lugia's rage. "Your idea is preposterous. 'Murkrows don't breed Tailows,' as the saying goes. But you will have a load of trouble convincing anyone that you are Lugia."
"What if I told you a secret that only Lugia knows?"
"Like what?"
"Where the Key of the Emperor Pokemon is."
"I've never even heard of the Emperor Pokemon."
"That's because he's from a region far from here, though not Kanto, Johto, Ho'enn, or Shin'ou. He is in a perpetual slumber, and he will only awaken if a Fire-Type Pokemon swallows his key."
"This story sounds a little farfetched. Hah! Farfetch'd! Get it?" Plusle giggled obtrusively.
"I have no time for pointless banter."
"Okay, okay, I'll keep a straight face. So tell me, where is this key?"
"It is where no Fire-Pokemon would dare go, for the Emperor Pokemon hopes to sleep for all eternity. It is hidden, in a whirlpool, off the Lapatian Sea, guarded by a Luvdisc, and two Dragonair. However, even if one were to get past them, before you could reach the key, you would have to enter the Podworld. In this place, you would have to battle Lucario. Get past him, and you can reach the key. But," Lugia said, adding a final warning, "the entire wrath of the sea will be on your heels if you do manage to do this, and it is unlikely you'd be able to survive."
Plusle listened in silence, still thinking it was a legend. "And if you manage to get a Fire-Type to swallow the key, what will happen?"
"Well, the Emperor Pokemon will awaken. And then every single Pokemon in the entire world will de-evolve. All Nidoking will become Nidorino, all Blissey Chansey, and all Pikachu Pichu. Baby Pokemon will be turned into eggs. And the Emperor will destroy every Fire-Type he comes across."
"How will humans be affected?"
Lugia shuddered. "They will lose their status as the masters of the universe. Humans will be forced to live as Pokemon once did, and serve their masters, which will be Pocket Monsters themselves. They will suffer such vicissitudes that will make them grovel on their knees and beg Providence to turn them into Pokemon. For, under the Emperor, Pokemon are superior to all creatures. Homo sapiens are his cattle; and therefore they will be the cattle of the rest of us if he is awakened."
"This story makes the one about Lugia turning into a Heracross sound credible," Plusle remarked.
"Fine, don't believe me. All I can do is tell you the truth."
Nurse Joy came in. "Now is Schum ready to eat?"
Chansey pushed Plusle's gurney out of the room, who was now guffawing at the nickname he had just heard.
Lugia obliged, because even though he had not solved his problem, he had at least told somebody, and his heart felt a little lighter.
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A few days later, Gilfried came back to get Schum.
Lugia looked very glum. Before returning the Heracross to its owner, Nurse Joy spoke directly to him. "You may be happy to hear that your friend Plusle was traded successfully and is now enjoying himself in Lavender Town in the Kanto region."
This did not really cheer Lugia up, for it was strange to even have a friend in the first place. And that Plusle did not seem very amiable, albeit garrulous and loquacious. As the saying goes, "Garrulousness killed the Meowth."
Gilfried returned Schum to his Pokeball, and they went to his home.
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"Twas
the night before Christmas St. Nicholas
called all his Stantler by name… And along came a Delibird
And all through the house
Not a
creature was stirring
Not even a Rattata…
On Conner, on Blixen
On
Dancer, on Vixen…
Who delivered
packages of coal cake
To naughty boys and girls
And unpleasant
sweets
Chocolate, candy cane, candy corn
Cheesecake, crumplets,
and apple strudel
To all the kind children
And that's how our Christmas tradition began."
It was December now, and Lugia had been in his shameful Heracross body for seven months. He often thought of Alice Tobaky, and whether he would've been happier with her, but he doubted it.
Gilfried had three other Pokemon: a Voltorb, an Abra, and a Swampert. They were not a very cordial bunch. Abra slept about sixteen hours a day, to preserve its Psychic powers. Every time you tried to talk to Voltorb, he exploded. Swampert was in love with an Azumarill he met while boarding at Professor Oak's laboratory in Pallet Town, and tried to compose poetry in Pokegulese. This was rather difficult, though, because iambic pentameter doesn't exactly work with the rules of the language.
Lugia was even beginning to miss Plusle. He had never had this feeling before; one of yearning for another's presence. He had always been solitary, the king of the sea, guardian of strange and wavery secrets. Now, as an odious Heracross, he required companionship.
Sometimes he pitied himself. He had made a selfish wish, but life was certainly better before his transformation. Could he turn back the clock, he would never go to New Bark Town. He thought nothing could get worse than this.