Lightening flashed across the sky, closely followed by the rumble of thunder. The rainfall got that little bit heavier. Regina ignored it all. She was focused on the gravestone in front of her. She stared down at it, completely numb. Heartbroken. The words blurred in front of her until she was staring without really seeing. After she'd poofed out of the clocktower she'd found herself standing before Robin's grave, and she'd lost track of how long she'd been there. She didn't feel the cold. Didn't feel the rain. She didn't feel anything. Her anger had even dimmed in the face of what she had lost. Dimmed but not entirely gone away. Her anger was still there. The Evil Queen's.

She'd known something was up when Emma had come tiptoeing in to the Diner, before wanting to talk to her about something "delicate". Then Killian had come rushing in after the rumbling of the magical energy and she had had to clamp down hard on the Evil Queen's instinct to rip his throat out in a blinding flash of rage at the unfairness of it all. It had only been seconds, it hadn't been long before the Evil Queen had faded back in to Regina and Regina had regained control and could only stare in disbelief. It was at that moment that she'd known no matter what she did, the Evil Queen's taint would follow her everywhere. Everyone else would get their way, get what they want, but she would not. She would have everything taken from her while others where given chance after chance after chance. It was also at that moment that she realised what Emma's "delicate" matter was, that she had wanted to discuss.

Killian was her one true friend, she was glad he was back, really she was…it was just…so unfair. She knew he'd want to talk to her. She had seen the expression on his face, how could she not when she'd been staring at him while her inner selves battled it out? He'd seemed guilty, and regretful that his return had been revealed to her in that way, and she knew he hadn't done it on purpose to hurt her. He would want to apologise, even though he had nothing to apologise for and share his condolences and be there for her, as he had always been since the Marian incident. He would understand what she had been feeling, the fight being waged inside her that had ramped up since Robin's death. He would have seen that fight in her eyes, known what it meant, the two of them had an understanding after all. Killian would want to be there for her, to help her. But as she had stared back him across the Diner, she found that she couldn't face him, not after what she'd thought about doing. She just couldn't. Not yet. She'd actually been glad for whatever it was that Rumple had been up to now, because it would provide a distraction, divert everyone away from her.

But then of course, after inspecting the clocktower, Emma had started stuttering on about how Regina should "sit this one out" because she wasn't in any condition to "think straight" and Regina had felt her anger start to rise up. After all when Emma had been devastated after what had happened to Killian, no-one questioned her, no-one told her to "sit this one out" while they went off to the Underworld, no they had all followed her there. Why? Because Emma was the saviour. It didn't matter that Emma had been The Dark One recently, oh no they all knew she could fight the darkness, she had been pulled back before it consumed her. But Regina? That was a different story. Emma understood nothing about Regina, how the darkness had consumed her, how she constantly fought against the Evil Queen lurking inside of her. How every day was a battle. It was then that she had realised that Emma, despite all they had endured together, despite Emma's sentiments about wanting to be her friend and be there for her….she still didn't trust Regina. Still didn't think Regina could be trusted to handle things that would upset her. Yes she'd a minor struggle when first laying eyes on Killian, but it was no different to every other day. Maybe it was a little bit stronger before, the Queen more forceful, but still she'd fought it back. Emma failed to understand that reverting back to the Evil Queen wouldn't be easy for Regina, Emma assumed Regina could just flip a switch and go full Evil Queen no problem.

Emma was wrong. But she was also a little bit right, Regina couldn't deny how she'd felt, what her first instinct had been when seeing Killian. That's what made Regina angry. That Emma wasn't entirely wrong. If she reverted she would lose Henry, she would lose her friends and she would no longer be the woman Robin loved, and it made her angry that Emma seemed to think that Regina could give all that up so easily. Give up Henry that easily. After everything they'd been through Regina had thought that she and Emma where past all this, but evidently not. She didn't know why she was surprised, she should honestly know better by now. Emma accepted Killian easily enough, never worried that he'd lose his shit and gore everyone to death with his hook if the store in town ran out of eyeliner or whatever. He'd been a freaking dark one, had killed Merlin and yet Emma accepted him back with no problems. And it made her angry. Anger was bad. It was dangerous. It gave the Queen a foothold and made it harder to fight her. Made it harder to fight against drowning in her despair and anger, and letting it consumer her. Made it harder to argue with the Evil Queen about laying waste to the entire town so everyone else would feel as she did. Henry was what allowed her to fight back the most, how proud he was of her. How scared he had been of the Evil Queen. But it was harder now without Robin to help fight her. She could feel the anger welling up more and more, every single time Emma opened her mouth to stutter some more. When was she finally going to prove herself? What would it take? Perhaps saving the town from Gold, yet again. Fine. She'd do it herself. Without their help. Emma wanted her to sit at home wallowing in her grief, far away from any negative influences like Rumple. She refused to be sidelined because the Saviour was scared the Evil Queen would come out to play, because the freaking Saviour apparently still didn't know anything about Regina. She could feel the anger rising up more and more and before she did or said something she'd regret, she poofed herself away.

She'd appeared outside her vault and collapsed to her knees, fighting herself to remain in control, before letting out a scream full of every negative emotion that been building inside of her. When she couldn't scream anymore she'd knelt there, breathing hard, slowly calming herself down. She'd then found herself aimlessly wandering until she'd wound up in front of the grave. She just…couldn't believe it. She'd worked so hard for her happy ending, so hard. She'd finally been happy. They went through everything with the author and she had still had her happy ending ripped from her. She'd lost her true love and now her soul mate, what was there left for her now? Without Robin what did she have? Henry wasn't really hers, he was Emma's too, and she supposed she would always doubt which of the two he would choose, whose side he would take in things like this. She would never be able to forget how scared of her he had been when he had found out she was the Evil Queen and it haunted her. All she had left was the Evil Queen, lurking inside her, waiting for that one moment when Regina would finally lose everything and give in. Let her in. What did she have to do to get the happy ending everyone else had? She felt a tear slowly slide down her cheek, but made no move to wipe it away.

Her heart hurt. It ached. She found her breathing getting more difficult as her breaths came faster and faster. Hunching over she grabbed at her chest, clawing at the skin above her heart. "What am I doing?!" she gasped out, without further thought she reached her hand in to her chest and ripped her heart out. She stared at it. Black swirled with red. How is there still black? That's why Robin had to die…because my heart is still dark. It's….it's my fault. It's all my fault. The hand holding her heart started to shake. With the pain she was feeling, she was surprised it was in tact, she'd expected it to have cracks or something similar…not to just be…whole. Tears started to flow faster as she stared at the organ in her hand. She wanted to….wanted to…she didn't know what. She almost wanted to throw it, she supposed. Scream at it. She was so engrossed with her heart that she didn't notice the person coming up behind her. Not until the twig snapped.

Reginas head shot up. She tried to control her breathing. Killian had come back, who said Robin couldn't? After all, who else would come after her after such a display? Who else would care to find her? It couldn't be Henry, Emma wouldn't let him out of her sight right now, she was sure. Besides why was everyone so sure he couldn't? Why was she so sure? She couldn't remember. She hated herself. She had given up hope. The whole hope thing was new to her, but she had given up on Robin so easily. He was gone, that was that. She'd been making such a fuss, working herself up in to such a state and she hadn't ever stopped to consider that there might be away. Maybe….maybe something had happened while she'd been having her emotional breakdown. Maybe…maybe Robin had come back too? Henry kept telling her to have hope, so did Snow. Her first instinct was to assume she'd once again had her happiness taken away. That she deserved it. But surely she was a hero now? Henry said she was….she felt so stupid. How could she have reverted back even in to that tiny bit of pessimistic thinking? Another twig snapped.

Oh God…she must look awful, she couldn't let him see her like this. Regina went to raise her hand but remembered the sad little organ sitting in it. Hurriedly she placed the thing back in her chest, then used both hands to wipe under her eyes and try to smooth her hair. She wasn't sure why she bothered. She'd been standing the rain for who knew how long and probably looked like a drowned rat, but she wanted to look presentable for him. Regina's heart started to pound. Robin had seen her looking much worse. She hoped he wouldn't be upset that she had given up on him. He'd probably stand there shaking his head, with that half smile on his face, at the state she had gotten herself in to. Tell her how silly she had been. Regina took several deep breaths. Closed her eyes. "Robin" she breathed, as she turned around.

She opened her eyes. A smile started to form, but then her brain registered what her eyes where seeing. It was a man. But he was wearing all black, none of the earthy colours Robin preferred. He also had a hook for a hand. "Killian" she whispered. She felt her face fall and her shoulders slump. Of course, there was one other person who would make all the effort of coming to find her, who would want to make sure she was okay. Who would know exactly where she would have gone. Killian made his way over to Reginas side.

"And here I thought you'd be happy to see me. You wound me" Killian said, with a slight smile.

"I thought….I thought….thought you where…." Regina said in a shaky voice, trailing off before she could complete the sentence. See where hope gets you.

Killian immediately lost his smile, and dropped the jokey attitude he'd been hoping to use to cheer her up after what had happened earlier. He had thought some verbal sparring might help Regina after Emmas earlier blunders, but now he cursed himself for being so stupid.

"I'm sorry Regina, I should have thought…..what you might think…"he sighed, "I truly am an idiot" he said, gaze dropping to the ground. He couldn't keep looking her in the eye, he could see the hope in her eyes dying, the realisation that Robin wasn't coming back.

"It's okay. I just…." she stopped. Took a breath. "I seem to have worked myself in to quite the state" she tried a laugh. It didn't sound right.

"I can leave if you'd prefer, I just thought….thought that you might like to have a friend with you."

"I don't deserve to have you as my friend"

"Don't be ridiculous Regina, you-"

"NO. You don't understand. My first instinct when I saw you, was to rip your throat out because of how unfair it was that you could be back and he….he wasn't. I don't deserve to have your friendship"

Killian couldn't help himself, he rolled his eyes. "Regina, what's a little throat ripping between former villains and best friends eh? I know you didn't mean it, and most importantly, you didn't do it. Believe me, I've had that instinct more than once. I understand" they could both hear the unspoken "you silly woman".

Regina couldn't help it, she had to laugh. She was being silly, Killian understood her and her struggles better than anyone, he wouldn't hold it against her.

"I'm glad you're back. But if you try to apologise for your return or offer your condolences or whatever, I will rip your throat out. With your own hook." she attempted a snarl, but it wasn't quite there.

"Understood. Now, I hate to say it but you look like-"

"Don't even go there pirate"

"I was just going to say you looked a bit damp, and perhaps needed warming up" he said as he rummaged in his jacket, finding what he was looking for, and extending his hand to her, now holding his ever present flask.

"Oh God yes. All day, everyone saying they're sorry and offering condolences and looking at me with pity. I hate pity. No-one thought to offer me alcohol to take the edge off. I supposed heroes don't do booze" she finished as she took a sip. Then she frowned.

"Is this?"

"Rum? Yes. I didn't think you'd mind stooping to my..what did you call it? Unrefined level?" he smirked at her.

"So….it takes someone dying to get you in a rum sharing mood. If you're not blonde that is." she smirked back. Stopping Killian mid wince. Regina hadn't been ready to talk to him before, but now, when he was standing there sharing his rum with her, bantering back and forth as they usually do…now she was ready.

"I'm glad you're back, things have been…dull without you" Regina said.

"Aw, did you miss me?" his smirk nearly split his face.

"No…you….I….things are just boring here without you and our little talks"

"It's okay Regina, you can say it. You missed me. Three little words, come on"

"No"

"C'mon just say it" he pouted.

"Never" she growled. Killian sighed.

"I'll let you off this once, but only because it's so incredibly obvious that you'd missed me terribly." She was going to punch that smirk right off his face. She really was. But after drinking his rum.

Killian watched Regina sipping from his flask. Fate is cruel where the exact words he'd said to Emma not too long ago. He'd known his return would be hard on Regina, knowing that Robin wouldn't be able to come back the same way he had. But Regina was his friend and Killian knew she wouldn't begrudge him this second chance he'd been given at life and he had been right. She may have been shocked and he hadn't exactly helped things by creeping up on her just now, he really should have known better but he'd wanted to make sure she was okay after Emma had come out of the clocktower without her and explained what had happened. Emma it would seem, didn't have the same faith in Regina as he did, and Killian had found himself having to remind Emma, again, that Regina had changed since the time so long ago when Daniel had died. She was not the same person, but Emma couldn't seem to see past it. Still distrusted her, it was disappointing for him to see Emma behaving in such a manner when what Regina really needed where friends and family around her. Killian had rushed in to the Diner without a second thought when he thought Emma may have been in danger, while he didn't agree with Emma entirely in how she had wanted to handle things, he hadn't wanted to completely blind side her in front of everyone, and he'd immediately regretted his rashness upon seeing Regina's face. His relief at seeing Emma unharmed had swiftly turned in to annoyance at seeing the way in which he was looking at Regina…like she was one of those ticking devices from the moving pictures, waiting to go off. He had been glad Regina had been so fixed on him and hadn't noticed Emma's expression. They would sort out whatever mess the crocodile had created in the morning, but for now…his friend needed him and if past experience and those shows Emma made him watch had taught him anything…there would be emotional outpouring not long after the alcohol consumption. He didn't have long to wait, as Regina finally decided to speak what had been bothering her for the past few minutes.

"He's…..he's not coming back,is he? He's really gone?" she whispered.

"Regina…I know what you're thinking, this is not your fault. This is all on Hades"

"No, it isn't. Before you got here, I was looking at my heart. There's still black all over it Killian. It's still there. Villain's have black in their heart, and villains don't get happy endings. Remember that? No matter what I do, what I change….my heart is too black. Too dark to be redeemed. The Evil Queen and her taint will never leave me. She'll always be there and I'll always be paying for her mistakes. Because of everything she….we have done…all the evil….no matter how much good I do it makes no difference. Noting removes the black and now Robin's dead. He's dead and it's all my fault because I'm too evil. Too much a villain to get a happy ending, and I always will be" her voice broke and she hastily gulped down some more rum.

Killian didn't know what to say. Didn't know what he could say. He was a villain yet he still had his happy ending, but Regina had just had hers taken from her again despite all the good she had been doing. There was absolutely nothing he could say that would make her feel the slightest bit better, and so, as she started to sob, he gently pulled Regina in to his arms and held her as she sobbed. He felt his eyes prickling as she kept repeating "he's not coming back" over and over again in between each sob. Not that he'd ever admit it. Come to think of it, if he started bawling his eyes out for her, that might actually cheer her up. But no, the only thing that would help Regina was having Robin back and he couldn't bring Robin back…..or could he? For all he knew somewhere in that library there would be a way…it would be harder without Belle there to help and point them in the right direction but….it was the hope Regina needed right now. Or the hope he thought she needed. Perhaps it would be cruel, to give her false hope, but he wanted his friend to be happy.

"I know you don't exactly want anything to do with hope Regina but if there is a way to bring Robin back, we will find it. I promise you"

Regina just cried harder.

Neither Regina nor Killian had any idea of the amount of time that passed. Eventually Regina's sobs turned to sniffles, and she had no more tears to cry.

When she spoke her voice was hoarse, but determined.

"No more tears. We have to find out what Rumple is up to and put a stop to it. Robin wouldn't want me to sit here crying while the town fell apart around me. He would say that they needed me. So….this is me pulling myself together" Regina took several deep breaths. "I won't give up fighting the Evil Queen. I will not let her back in. Robin wouldn't want that either, and Henry needs me, not the Evil Queen….me. I can't let him down either. I've not been the best mother today, arguing with Emma, I could see he was upset but I just….I'll fix things with him in the morning. Robin isn't the only one who believes in me. Henry does and so do you, I'm not going to let either of you down"

"Never doubted you for a second love."

"You haven't even been here to doubt me, you where too busy frolicking with the Once and Shady King and the God with the lightening obsession"

"I was not frolicking! We where on a quest."

"Sure you where, I feel replaced."

"Replaced? Never, you are my only BFF"

"Oh for the love of-I TOLD you to stop saying that" she scowled.

Killian smiled. "And there's the Regina I know and love, I've missed your snark"

Regina started to smile, before her face fell. "This feels wrong, joking…being…"

"Happy? Robin would want you to be happy, he'd want you to be with your friends"

"Don't you mean friend? I only have one remember"

"Yes, and Robin wouldn't want you to be by yourself, he wouldn't want you to wallow in your pain love"

"I know" She whispered, "Thank you".

By the time Killian had returned Regina to her house it was the early hours of the morning. As Regina was about to enter her house, Killian stopped her.

"Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself love?"

"I'm going straight to bed, unless you want to reach ultimate creeper status and watch me while I sleep…I don't need you to stay. Besides, I'm going to relish the time to myself"

"What do you mean?" he frowned in confusion.

Regina raised an eyebrow, and turned to face him fully.

"While finding and dealing with Rumple will be taking up a large part of their time, you and I both know the Evil Queen Watch Squad will be springing in to action to make sure I behave myself. One of them will come by and offer to "keep me company" but they'll be watching me like a hawk to make sure I'm not thinking about flaying some dwarves, or incinerating Granny's or whatever they're imagining. It's like Marian all over again!"

Killian winced but he had to agree with her.

"Much as I'd love to disagree with you, Emma is…."

"Please, do finish that sentence, it'll make my day" Killian winced.

"She just…she finds it hard to trust people, and right now while she is being unfair, she just…doesn't understand Regina"

"Well that didn't end as fun as I thought it was" Regina scowled.

"I do need a place to sleep you know"

"Emma asked you to move in?"

"Not exactly…I'm hoping she will and I'd rather not ruin my chances"

"So where exactly are you staying?"

"About that….."

Regina snorted, "You don't have anywhere to stay do you? That's what the whole big show of concern was all about wasn't it?"

"Regina, my concern is genuine, you know that. I just thought you might like someone to stay with you, seeing as Henry is with Emma and the ship is cold"

"It's cold? So get a thicker blanket" that excuse was bullshit and they both knew it.

"Regina-"

"No. You….you smell like Underworld"

"I smell like Underworld? And what pray tell does Underworld smell like"

"Death and despair…and…..and….orange"

"Orange? Like the sky there? Is that the best you can come up with, love?" Killian smirked.

"Shut up, I blame your crappy rum!"

"I'd have said it was more a mix of red and orange actually"

"Oh shut up. Or I'll make sure there's an eyeliner shortage in every store in this town. Just take the room next to Henry's"

"Knew you'd come around" he smirked as he strolled past her in to the house. She scowled at him but it was clear to both that she didn't really mean it.

"STAY OUT OF MY LIQUOR CABINET, I DO NOT WANT A REPEAT OF LAST TIME" Regina shouted as she saw the direction in which the pirate was heading. She tried to fight it but a smile spread across her face. She had never thought she'd be friends with a pirate, and yet here he was, making sure she didn't spend the night alone and miserable. They both knew he had no real excuse for staying at her house, but she couldn't just easily accept his offer to stay and help her through the night. That wasn't how their friendship worked, it was built on banter and alcohol. She'd just given in easier than usual because she didn't feel up to it, didn't feel her usual self, but the fact she'd managed to even do as much as she did? Something could be said, for having a friend.