Case of the Ex Chapter 1, an all saints fanfic

Case of the Ex

Chapter One

"I, uh, don't suppose you're doing anything tonight?" Gabrielle Jaeger, Nursing Unit Manager of the All Saints Emergency Department, found herself nervously asking her colleague and sort-of friend, Doctor Jack Quade. Sort-of friend because he had only recently been instated as a registrar in the department following his emotional breakdown and resignation from the surgical department just a few months previously. She had been reluctant to have him on board because of the way he had coldly seduced and then discarded one of her casual nurses, humiliating her with his indifference so deeply that she felt she had no option but to quit. It had been one of many examples that had characterised his destructive behaviour over the previous year, and she didn't want someone like that working on the ward. Especially since her ex, alcoholic and perennial womaniser himself, Steve Taylor, had walked out on her the previous week. She had definitely not been in the mood to deal with another arrogant doctor whose main hobbies consisted of womanising and boozing it up.

But she had found the returning Jack to be much more at ease than the one who had quit his surgical position, thoughtful, insightful, in touch with his patients. She had found herself able to confide in him what she couldn't confide in anyone else but ED Head of Department Frank Campion – that Steve was an alcoholic and, following his return after walking out on her, was a drain on her emotional reserves. Jack always seemed to be able to make her feel that little bit better. Maybe it was just the way he always seemed to be waiting especially for her when their shifts ended about the same time to walk her to her car. Or the way he smiled at her when she joined the group at Cougars for after-work drinks in a way that made her think he'd been looking forward to her company. Or maybe the way he'd brush his hand across her shoulders when she was stressed or frustrated, just a silly gesture of affection that she enjoyed.

She didn't know what it was exactly. But she did know that she needed company tonight, and she needed the company of someone who understood how close they had all come to losing their lives at the hands of a group of criminals who thought nothing of blowing up the pathology lab to create a diversion while they looted the pharmacy. Even now, she shivered to think about a gun being held at her face. She had no doubt the crazy woman would have shot her, had her boyfriend not come back.

"Hey." Jack noticed her shiver and reached out to rub his hand up and down her arm. "It's alright." But it wasn't, really, and her understood her need for company. He hadn't been part of the ED which had been held hostage by the trio, had spent the worst of it unconscious, but that in its own way reminded him of how easily things could have turned out differently. Only a few of the dozens of people who had been in the pathology lab at the time had survived. It could just as easily have been him.

"I don't mean to be an imposition," she found herself babbling. "But I really don't want to be alone and Steve's spending the evening with his sponsor and..." she trailed off, realising that she was making it out to sound like she didn't want him for himself, just a consolation prize for the one she really wanted. Which wasn't true. In fact, in all honesty, she would rather have Jack's company. She wasn't in the state of mind to deal with Steve's issues as an alcoholic on top of everything else today.

"That sounds good," Jack said. He didn't want to be alone either, and he didn't want to go home to Dan and Erica behaving like the disgustingly-in-love couple they were. He didn't blame them, but he didn't want to feel like he was unwelcome anywhere but his room, not tonight. "I just have some things to do first and I'll come over," he said.

"Seeing other women?" she couldn't help but tease.

"Yeah, tall, blond, aqua-grey eyes," he deadpanned, getting a small thrill out of seeing the look of disappointment on her face when he said that. "Kind of like mine. You've met Bec, she's the one Bart's terrified of after he made the mistake of not realising that everyone else knows who she is and lets her in."

Gabrielle laughed to hide her embarrassment over feeling a fission of jealousy when Jack mentioned seeing another woman. Yes, she had briefly met his sister. Twenty-one with all the confidence and arrogance that beauty, youth and intelligence could buy. She found herself looking into Jack's eyes to see that, yes, they really were aqua-grey, right now closer to green than anything else. "Are you guys close?" she asked.

"She always wanted a big brother and when she found out she had one... well, she's got quite an exuberant personality and once she had her heart set on it, there wasn't a lot I could do," Jack said ruefully in a tone that suggested he didn't mind in the slightest being co-opted into the relationship his sister wanted. "She'll hear about what's happened soon enough so I want to let her know I'm OK, then I'm all yours." He flashed her a smile that made her think she would enjoy being 'all his'.

They had both missed having someone's company over drinks. Between Dan's Hep-C and Steve's alcoholism, alcohol was pretty much a no-go and drinking alone was no fun. They talked for hours, starting off with light things about work and movies they'd seen and books they'd read, then onto childhood stories. Gabrielle found a sympathetic listener in Jack as she found herself telling him about Steve's infidelity. "To this day, I wonder if there wasn't something I could have done to make him stay. I get in my head that it was his choice and I did the best I could but there's always this part of me that wonders if there was something I did or didn't do. It gets lonely and then I wonder if I had something to do with it."

Mostly because of the alcohol but partly because he recognised in Gabrielle someone who had been deeply wounded, even permanently scarred by someone who had used their sexual inexperience as a toy – someone who should have been old enough and compassionate enough to know better – he found himself telling her about Patrick. Gabrielle listened to him with the silence he deserved, rattled but somehow not all that surprised. Travis must have meant something huge to him that Jack had taken his death so hard. Naturally, there had been rumours that the two men had been unnaturally close, especially for someone like Jack who everyone knew had a wide homophobic streak. You couldn't really blame the more catty of gossips to wonder if that homophobic streak was just a cover for homosexual tendencies.

She hadn't been inclined to believe it. The way Rachel had blathered on about him – Jack certainly wouldn't be the first man to be a competent lover in bed while hiding gay tendencies – but she struggled to believe someone could be as absolutely devastating in bed as Rachel claimed and be hiding gay tendencies. But then, what did she know, she was just a silly girl from the country. Now it made sense. His promiscuity stemmed from his desire to prove he was straight, not from a desire to hide his homosexuality. "I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"It's OK. I'm dealing with it. Frank makes me see a counsellor- it was one of the conditions of me coming back."

Suddenly it struck her how well he was keeping it together, given what he had to deal with. It made her see him in a whole new light and she found herself opening up to him in a way she hadn't thought possible.

The night went on and the drinks and conservation flowed."I'm glad you came," she admitted after several hours – and several drinks – when the alcohol was giving her a pleasant buzz. "I didn't want to be alone."

"Me neither." Rebecca had been as understanding as she could, but there was only so much someone who hadn't been there could appreciate. "What keeps coming back to me is that I could have died when I hit the ground – just never woken up and registered what happened. Still, I wouldn't have wanted to be you. I've had syringes pointed at my neck and that was bad enough. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a gun pointed at you."

His words managed to cut right through the bravado she had been trying to build up ever since James had bolted with his cache of drugs. She had tried telling herself over and over that Melissa wouldn't really have shot them – threatening to kill someone was a whole lot different than actually doing it – but now that bravado crumbled in the basic honesty of Jack's words and she found herself shaking. "Here, it's OK," he said, drawing her into his arms. "It's OK. Let it out." He ran his hands up and down her back, as much to keep his mind focused on something and not give into the panic that routinely threatened to overwhelm him. Now more than ever was he aware of how close he had come to dying today and it scared the crap out of him.

She was crying into his chest now, and she could feel the way his heart was racing against her cheek. It felt perversely good to know he was just as distressed as she was, for all that he was acting like the macho man who didn't get distressed. She tightened her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go, wanting to get as close to him as she humanly could – closer than was humanly possible – close to one of the few people who had been as scared out of their wits today as she was - and the only person who had bothered to find time to keep her company. "Jack," she cried his name. "Jack." She tightened her arms around his neck again, and he knew instinctively that was his cue to hold her tighter as well. "Don't let go."

"I've got you," he whispered huskily. In spite of the circumstances that had brought them together, she felt so good in his arms, like she belonged here, like things had been building up for some indeterminate period of time for them to be together like this. Far away in his mind he was aware that it was shock and a need for affirmation of their existence and survival that was causing them both to act like this, but he didn't care.

"Jack," she said again. Her fingers were digging into the back of his neck and he suddenly became very aware of how good she smelled – vanilla, he thought it was.

At the same time, she became suddenly aware of how strong his hold was, and how safe she felt in his arms. And that despite the beer on his breath, he smelt clean, like proper soap and not the disgusting dry antiseptic soap they used at the hospital. She lifted her head so she could look into his eyes and noticed they were closer to gray now. God, they were mesmerising. She wondered if he was one of those people who's eye colour changed the their mood and found herself thinking she wanted to stick around to see if they did.

Neither of them were able to remember who kissed who, but in the next second they were kissing frantically, tongues in each other's mouths, hands all over each other's bodies. She had only ever been with Steve and she found the different feel of his body intoxicating. He was thinner, taller, more muscular, and the smell of soap, shampoo and deodorant clung to him in a way that Steve had never managed. She twisted his hair in her fingers and rubbed her cheek against his, thinking she could become addicted to the feel of being with someone clean-shaven.

For him, there had been many women in his life – almost too many to count – but this was something different altogether. He was aware of the situation enough to know that part of it was the pure thrill of survival but it was more than that. It was – it was – he shuddered when he felt her bring her hands up under his shirt and run them up his back. He pushed her down into the couch and started kissing her face and neck, thinking that he could become addicted to the smell of vanilla. His fingers felt clumsy as he attempted to undo the buttons on her shirt, kissing the bare flesh as he exposed it, opening her shirt up to her bra and smothering kisses across the swell of her breasts above the confining garment. She whimpered in pleasure and willed him to go further. "Jack!" she almost screamed when he dragged his mouth over the material. "Oh, God, please..."

She had never particularly liked sex and found herself struggling to wedge her hands between their bodies to get at the buttons on his shirt the way he seemed to be able to do with such ease. Finally she gave up and just yanked the shirt up. She dug her nails into his back and dragged them down. He didn't flinch. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he responded by thrusting his groin against her thigh so his state of arousal was unmissable. She brought her hands around and managed to wedge them between their bodies to the button on his jeans and struggled with it.

He raised his head slightly and asked raggedly, "Is this what you want?" He wasn't sure how exactly he was going to stop, only that he had to make sure it was what she wanted.

"Yes," she panted. She had never wanted anything more in her life, or been so sure of wanting something. She knew she was more than a little tipsy, knew they both were, knew they had been through a traumatic situation... which was precisely why they both needed this. She nudged his head with hers so she could kiss him again. God, but he was a good kisser. She whimpered in disappointment when he pulled away from her and got off the couch. He stood up and held his arms out for her. She scrambled into them and he swung her into his arms with ease.

"Where's your bedroom?" he asked.

"Through that door, turn left," she said breathlessly. Steve had never been able to lift her, let alone with such apparent ease. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her down on the bed with as much gentleness as he could manage, given the way she was panting and with her shirt half-undone like that meant he couldn't concentrate on much beyond wanting to finish the job. He climbed on top of her, balancing his weight on his knees, and finished off what he'd started with her shirt and tried to remain patient while she fumbled with the buttons on his. He was rewarded for his patience when he shrugged his shirt off and she ran her hands across his chest and back with abandon. He went back to kissing her, feeling like he could never get enough of her. He ran his hands along her body and reached around her to unclip her bra, freeing her breasts. He kissed them hungrily and felt as horny as he had been when he'd been sixteen. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this kind of heat with a woman.

"Gabrielle," he said huskily.

"Gabby," she directed him.

"Gabby." He tried the name out and found he liked it. "You're so sexy."

Sexy? She couldn't remember feeling so sexy. She started trembling when she felt Jack's hands move down her chest and abdomen to the waistband of her jeans. It didn't take much effort to unbutton them and pull them down her legs, tossing them onto the floor. He grabbed her hands from where they were roaming his back and brought them to the front of his own jeans. She moved one down to his groin and found herself surprised, excited and a little nervous at the strength of his erection. There was something so insanely masculine about him that Steve had never possessed that overwhelmed her almost as much as it excited her. She threaded the button through the hole and pulled down the zipper until he was as naked as she was, clad in only his boxers.

He went back to kissing her and moved his hands down her body again, pausing briefly at the top of her panties before sliding his fingers under them. He took his time moving down until she was whimpering in protest at the time he was taking. "Jack, please," she said giddily. God knew, Steve had never made her feel like this.

He slipped his fingers inside her and began touching her in a way that she had never been touched before. Within a few minutes she was bucking wildly against his touch, clawing at his back and planting kisses along his face and neck. "JACK!" she screamed as she climaxed with a hard shudder.

Pleased at her response, he yanked her panties down and then discarded his own boxers. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it around his erection, confident that she would like what she got. "Ready?" he asked, suddenly feeling a little apprehensive himself. He hadn't intended to get involved with someone so soon, but with Gabrielle, it felt so right... She nodded. He positioned himself between her legs and penetrated her slowly, almost instinctively aware that he needed to take his time with her. He was surprised at how tight she was despite how ready she was for him. It excited him, and he restrained himself from going too fast with her. "Tell me if it hurts," he whispered. He felt her nod against his chest and, taking that as permission to continue, began moving in and out of her as slowly as he could stand until he felt her responding enthusiastically, rubbing her hands up and down his back, then becoming more frantic as he began touching her, digging her nails into his back, running her mouth against his face and neck, kissing, sucking, biting. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him as close to her as was humanly possible, willing him closer. She screamed his name as she climaxed again and went limp in his arms.

He finished soon after and climaxed with a drawn-out groan. He buried his face in her neck and felt like he could just come and come and come. He was shaking when he rolled off her and drew her into his arms. "Wow," was all he could say.

For a few minutes they lay entwined in silence. Then Gabrielle spoke up. "I've never done that before," she said. "I mean, I have, I just haven't – "

He kissed the top of her head. "I know what you meant."

"I've never – acted like that before."

"Gabs, I get it. It's natural. There's actually a psychological term for it. We were both confronted with our mortality, it's natural you want to defy that by going out and procreating." He laughed ruefully at that. The last thing he needed was to get another colleague pregnant. "Speaking of which –"

"You don't have to worry, Jack. I'm on the pill."

"Is there anything else I have to worry about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Like what?"

"Like, uh... HIV and hepatitis."

She stiffened in his arms. "You don't trust me to tell you something like that?"

"I trust you plenty. It's Steve I don't."

She had actually forgotten about Steve. "I didn't trust him either," she admitted. "We never did it without a condom."

"Must have been hard," he murmured. "Not trusting him, I mean."

His words reminded her that Jack himself didn't have the best of reputations when it came to women, and now that the initial rush was over it began to sink in what she had done. She had just slept with Jack Quade – a man who had seduced and then humiliated one of her temps into quitting. She understood now why he had done it, but that didn't take away the fact that he had done it. By his own admission, he wasn't fit to be in a relationship. So where did that leave them, where did that leave her? "Jack, what do you want from me?" she asked.

"How do you mean?"

"I mean... what happens tomorrow?" she asked. "I can't just quit like Rachel did." Technically, she hadn't even been staff to quit. As a temp, Rachel could just not come back. Gabrielle had no such option. And it wasn't one she wanted, either. She had been lucky to get a NUM's position at her age, and damned if she was giving it up. Damnit, what had she been thinking?

"I'm not asking you to."

Frustrated and hurt by Jack's seeming indifference, she pulled away from him and got out of bed, reaching for her dressing gown so she could cover herself as quickly as possible. "Hey," Jack said gently. "Look, I'm not good at this in the best of circumstances, OK? I wasn't rejecting you, I just didn't understand what you meant. I want to see you again, I just... don't know what I can give right now." Jack pulled himself up into a sitting position and his eyes got a distant look. "Sometimes after my counselling I'm a wreck and I'm not ready for you to see me like that. But I can give you my friendship and loyalty and fidelity, if that's enough for you right now."

It sounded good to her. "What about acknowledgement?" she asked.

"Is that what you want? 'Cos I can hold your hand tomorrow if you want but I figured it was best if we see where we stand with each other first."

She hadn't thought about that. Gossip was rife in the hospital, and having their 'relationship' – whatever it was exactly – scrutinised so soon made her anxious. She trusted Jack, but was well aware of his reputation, was well aware that people would talk – and talk viciously – about how she was just one in a long line of conquests. She was ready for that. "I understand," he said when she explained, a little relieved himself. He liked his privacy and wasn't ready to give that up for what so far was a one-night stand, albeit one with potential to be far more. "But listen, Frank needs to know."

She groaned and buried her head in the pillow. The thought of Frank knowing something so initiate about her life made her even more anxious than the general population knowing. "Why?" she asked plaintively.

"Cos he took me back on the proviso that I don't bring my private life to work, and getting involved with his NUM is a pretty big deal. Plus, I've kind of screwed him over in the past doing that," he admitted, thinking about the upheaval he had caused, first with Nelson's jealousy over finding out about him and Terri and then with Deanna using him as a backer when she cried sexual harassment about Frank.

Gabrielle squirmed at that, both because she knew Jack was right – far better for Frank to find out on their own terms rather than being caught out or him finding out through the gossip vine – and because she didn't like to be reminded that Jack had such a chequered past. She actually found it easier to deal with the fact he had slept around in the past than to think about the fact he had been in love with two of her predecessors. It didn't help that Terri Sullivan was still considered something of a legend in the hospital. It was already a source of frustration for Gabrielle – the woman had been NUM in the ED for less than a year, and Gabrielle had taken the job a year after her departure (not to mention at least three NUMs later, four if you counted the fact that Nelson had done two stints), but people still referred to her as 'Terri Sullivan's replacement'. She groaned and buried her head further in the pillow.

"I'm sorry," Jack said when she explained the source of her frustration. "We don't – we can just forget about it, if you want."

"I don't want to forget about it, Jack, I just want people to stop referring to me as Terri Sullivan's replacement. That's only going to get worse. Now I'm her replacement in two ways."

"Hey, you are not her replacement, not in the job and not with me. We didn't – I didn't have a connection with her the way I do with you." He realised now that Terri had been right, at least more right than he had been. They hadn't been suited to being a couple. She had been too much older and despite their fondness for one another, they had been too different to work long-term. They made better friends than they had lovers. "Besides, you think it's going to be easy for me? My ex lives on the other side of the world. Yours I have to work with. You're not going to be reminded of my past relationships every single day."

"Rachel still temps, mostly in oncology," Gabrielle remembered. She had gotten along really well, both personally and professionally, with the younger woman and had given her a glowing recommendation when Rachel had left the ED. She still saw her every week or so for a drink or coffee or just about the hospital grounds.

Jack cringed at that. Then he thought of something. "Then she has to know, too," he said.

"What? No!" Gabrielle protested. She remembered how heartbroken Rachel had been when Jack had ignored her and continued to ignore her. The girl would be devastated to learn that Jack had moved on – with a woman she considered a friend.

"Gabs, how would you feel if you were in her position If Steve started dating someone you used to work with, who you're friendly with – say, Cate – and you found out about it through the gossip vine?"

Gabrielle processed that thought in silence. She wouldn't like it at all, especially if she found out so impersonally. It wasn't quite the same thing – she and Steve had dated for years, she wasn't just some casual conquest to him, but still, she would have expected better than that and knew Rachel deserved it too. "OK," she admitted reluctantly. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Jack laughed at that. It was sweet of her to offer, but entirely inappropriate. "How would you feel, in the same scenario, if Steve went to tell you, Cate in tow?" She asked. "It's my mess and not fair for either of you to drag it out like that."

He had a good point, and she was relieved to be off the hook when it came to telling Rachel something like that. She could barely imagine how the girl would feel when she found out – she had been in love with Jack, or at least deeply infatuated, everyone but Jack himself had known that at the time. "Thanks," she said.

They lay in silence for a few more minutes as the euphoria wore off. Jack flexed his shoulders back and realised just how deep she had dug her nails in. "Ow," he complained with a grin, "what did you do to me?"

He turned onto his side when Gabrielle instructed him to so she could inspect her handiwork. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"Remind me never to cross you if that's your idea of affection," he said, secretly liking the fact she had been so into it that she'd dug her nails in so deep. Weren't nurses supposed to keep their nails trimmed? But then, if you dug in deep enough, it didn't matter how sharp the object was. Blunt-force trauma, Jack thought, stifling the urge to giggle over it. "I'm going to take a shower," he said. "Care to join me?" he asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Jack! You cannot possibly be ready to go again," Gabrielle said disbelievingly.

He poked his tongue out at her. "You'll be surprised at just how much stamina I have," he said. "C'mon, up you get. The night is still young and I'm not finished yet."

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