Just a scene I always wished was in the book. S.E. Hinton gets all the credit for The Outsiders.
"Ponyboy, get in here. Now." I could tell by the way Darry called me into the living room that he was going to ball me out about something. I searched my memory for a recent infraction but came up blank. Lucky me, I thought. Almost the whole gang is here at our house to witness this. They were used to Darry and would not dream of intervening. Only Soda wasn't too scared of Darry to stick up for me. Not that it always worked.
"What time is it?" Darry asked. I looked for a clock. "You don't know, do you?" Darry was close to yelling now. "I can answer that for you. It's 6:40. That means it's 40 minutes past the time you are to be home on school nights."
I tried to appear sincere, even though I didn't see what the big deal was. "I'm sorry. I lost track of time hanging out with Johnny." Instead of yelling at me as usual Darry interrupted. "You're grounded for a week. The only time you will leave this house is to go to school, and then you come straight home. Am I understood?" he followed in a hard voice.
Usually I just stood there and took what he dished out but outrage welled up in me immediately. I nodded, mutely. I did not trust myself to speak, I was so angry at the unfairness of it all. Then I suddenly remembered something. I tried to keep my voice even.
"Darry, what about Saturday night. The concert?" Johnny and I had been looking forward to this band for months.
"What about it?"
"I mean, you're not going to make me miss the concert, are you? We already bought tickets!"
"And?" Darry asked.
"I mean, come on Darry!" I could not help myself from shouting.
"You are grounded for the next 7 days. You won't be going to the concert."
"That's not fair!" I shouted. I took a breath to steady my voice. "Can't you just let me go to the concert and ground me for another day?" I asked. It sounded reasonable to me.
"No. There would be no point to punishing you if you weren't going to miss out on something" Darry said mildly.
Man, I was red hot. Why did he always have to act like such a big shot? I exploded.
"This is bullshit! You can't keep me from seeing the concert Because I. Was. Late. For. Dinner" I screamed.
Darry stood up, looming over me. "You're grounded because you were late for dinner tonight, and 2 nights ago, and last week and the week before that. You don't seem to mind the time so maybe this will help you concentrate. Do you wanna keep yelling? "Cause I can give you something to yell about" he said in a deadly calm voice. He paused to let his words sink in.
That stopped me cold. I lost track of how many times Darry threatened to skin my hide since he became my guardian but I managed to stay clear of his belt so far and I had no intention of changing that.
"No. Sorry." I capitulated, without sincerity.
"Ok. There's a plate for you on the stove and it's your turn to do the dishes. Then get started on your homework ASAP."
I walked into the kitchen fuming. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. I stormed into the bedroom I shared with Soda, slamming the door without intending to. "Ponyboy, that is your last warning!" I heard my oldest brother yell with commanding authority. I didn't see Soda put a restraining hand on him, urging Darry to give me a minute to blow off steam.
I paced the bedroom, trying to will myself to calm down. There was no way he was keeping me from that concert! I plotted how I would sneak out and instantly felt better.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I told Johnny my plans the next day.
"You sure?" he asked. We both knew I would catch hell if I got caught.
"I'm sure. Darry's not going to keep me from the concert. It's not like I'm sneaking out to go to Buck's or some other place he's forbidden me from. It's just a concert."
Saturday I was feeling rather cocky, feigning fatigue so that I would have an excuse to go to bed early. Soda was out with Steve and Darry was working until midnight - that gave me enough time to sneak out, see the concert, and get home before anyone got back.
The show was even better than anticipated. I tried to keep in the shadows to avoided being spotted by someone who might rat me out. Stealth-like, Johnny and I walked home while I congratulated myself on my cunning.
I said goodbye to Johnny and went to open the bedroom window from which I had exited a few hours ago. It was locked. It was then that I noticed Darry's truck in the driveway. Shit. He must have come home early. I forced my feet to carry me to the front door, cringing at the thought of facing Darry's wrath. The bedroom lights were out as I had left them and so were the rest of the lights of the house.
I sighed with relief. He must have gone to bed, assuming I was still sleeping in mine.
I made no noise coming through the front door and tiptoeing to my bedroom. Just as I thought I was in the clear, I heard a voice in the dark.
"Have a good time?"
Darry turned on the lamp by the couch where he was sitting, a belt draped cross his lap. His meaning was clear and my stomach lurched.
"Darry. I'm sorry!" I squeaked.
"Sorry? Were you sorry when you lied to me about going to bed early? Sorry while you were at the concert? Sorry when you were walking home? I doubt it. Make no mistake, you will be sorry by the time I get done with you." This was delivered in a terrible voice. I had not seen him this mad since the time I fell asleep in the lot.
"I didn't want to lie to you, Darry" I pleaded. "I just had to see that concert. I didn't want to have to disobey you."
"You had to stay home because you were grounded" he countered. "I don't care if you think you had a right to be grounded. If I say you are grounded, then your ass does not leave the house!" he was shouting by now. "If you won't mind my words, then you are begging for me to show you who calls the shots around here in a way that leaves an impression." This, he delivered while gesturing toward the bedroom.
I willed myself not to beg. Slowly, I walked to my bedroom on shaky legs. All the sudden, the concert sooooooo didn't seem worth it.
"Drop your jeans and bend over."
My body had a hard time complying. I was shaking by now with fear. Dad had spanked me before (with his hand) but I had a hunch this was going to be a lot worse.
After the first lick, I could tell I was right. Darry whaled at me with what seemed like all his strength. I yelped but refused to allow myself to cry out. By the 5th stroke of his belt, I wondered how I was going to survive. By the 10th, I was hollering loud enough to wake the entire block. The tears and snot flowed freely into the bed quilt and I had to compose myself several times after a particularly painful lick of the belt, rocking on my side to avoid more blows. Darry just waited for me to get back into position and resumed lighting my backside on fire.
"I hate you" I screamed in my head with each blow. It seemed to lessen the pain a fraction. Soon, I couldn't think straight. There was too much pain. I kept telling myself it would be over soon but Darry showed no signs of slowing down. The unfairness of this punishment outraged me.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it was over. I was sobbing and embarrassed and outraged at the injustice of it all. Darry didn't leave me to lick my wounds. I felt a hand on the back of my head.
"I'm sorry I had to do that, Pony"
Sorry? He wanted me to believe he was sorry? I exploded.
"You didn't have to! Don't pretend like you didn't enjoy it! I hate you! I HATE you! You should have died instead of mom and dad" I shouted at his retreating back. I didn't plan this outburst but man, it felt good.
Silence. Darry paused, and slumped as though I had just punched him. I tensed, but he just walked slowly out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. The feeling of revenge was fleeting, as I cried bitterly, for the pain I was in, the injustice of the punishment I had received over a minor crime, over losing our parents and being stuck with a hard, cold block of ice in their place. I cried myself into a fitful sleep.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning, the pain in my backside woke me up and it all came rushing back. I lay in bed, with renewed hatred of my big brother. I vowed not to speak to him. I would never forgive him for this.
Soda and Darry were eating breakfast. "Pony, you want eggs?" Darry asked as though everything was cool. I ignored him, pointedly. Soda, unaware of last night's events, assumed I hadn't heard him.
"Pony, Darry asked if you want eggs."
"Tell him no."
Soda looked perplexed. "Tell him yourself."
I stalked off into the bathroom, not willing to give Darry the satisfaction of seeing me try, unsuccessfully, to sit down for breakfast. Attempting to sit down just made me feel simultaneously like crying and punching Darry.
"What's up with Pony?"
Darry sighed. "He snuck out to the concert last night so I whipped him. I guess he's giving me the silent treatment."
"Don't feel bad." Soda reassured. "He'll get over it."
"I'm not sure about that. He told me he hated me and that I should have died instead of mom and dad."
Soda became uncharacteristically serious.
"What? He said what to you?"
Darry nodded, miserably. "Right after I took a strap to him."
"Darry, he didn't mean it. He was just mad and trying to hurt you back. Don't let him. Don't let him give you the silent treatment, either."
"What should I do, Soda? Ground him? Spank him? I can't make him talk to me."
Soda's face was stony. "Let me deal with him, ok Darry? He's convinced you hate him no matter how many times I tell him otherwise but he can't say those things to you."
Darry nodded, miserably.
Soda turned off my shower abruptly. "Get dressed. We're going for a walk"
His voice was stern. Good! Darry had told him what he did and Soda was rightly pissed off at him.
We got as far as the back of the house before Soda shocked me by taking me by the collar and asking in a hard voice; "Did you tell Darry you hated him and that he should be dead instead of our parents?"
"Y..ess" I stammered. Why wasn't Soda furious with Darry?
Before I had a chance to absorb this turn of events, Soda kicked me in the rear-end. Hard. This was followed by several more swift kicks.
"Hate me now? Wish I was dead?" he asked in a scary voice.
"No" I stammered.
"You don't EVER talk to Darry like that again or I will make sure you regret it. AM I CLEAR?"
I started crying, less from pain and more from shock. The fire in my backside was reignited but knowing my brother was furious with me left me speechless. Soda was hardly ever angry with me. He was almost unrecognizable.
"I'm sorry" I choked out miserably.
"You're sorry that I'm pissed off at you. You're not sorry for hurting Darry. You wouldn't give him the silent treatment if you were sorry."
He was right. I wasn't sorry for what I said. Darry was clearly in the wrong and I couldn't understand why Soda was so upset with me.
"Pony" he sighed. He wasn't yelling anymore. "Want to tell me your side?"
In a shaky voice, I told him. That it wasn't fair Darry grounded me in the first place, and it was grossly unfair for him to strap me just for sneaking out. How bad the whipping had been. That it felt like it lasted forever.
Soda listened. "Do you know why what you said to Darry is worse than him giving you a licking?" I shook my head, honestly bewildered.
"Pony, that's Darry's way of showing you how much he loves you. I'm sure you scared him something awful when you disobeyed him. You know how much he tries to keep us safe and together as a family. He needs to know he can control you so that he feels like he can protect us. He was doing his job last night, even if you don't agree with his methods. His job is to keep us in line. Dad would have done the same thing Darry did. And you, you acted out of spite and hatefulness. You may not believe that Darry loves you fiercely, but you don't get to hurt him just because you can."
Soda wasn't finished. "I know you think Darry treats you like a little kid but that's exactly how you took your punishment. If I get docked pay at work for breaking a rule I think is stupid, I don't yell at my boss that I hate him and wish he were dead and go deaf when he speaks to me. I take my punishment like a man. What did you think was going to happen if Darry caught you sneaking out? You knew the risks. A man accepts the consequences."
"That's easy for you to say. Darry will never take his belt to you."
"That's not a theory I plan on testing, Pony. Darry scares me as much as he scares you and I don't plan on giving him reason to whale on me."
I absorbed what he was saying.
"Pony, you need to apologize. Take the day if you need to think on it, but you will apologize by tonight. And the silent treatment stops now. Understood?" I nodded. He hugged me next and I sighed audibly. Being a target of Soda's wrath was almost as bad as facing Darry's belt.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It took me a few hours to work up the courage, but eventually I knocked on Darry's door. He was bent over the desk, staring at a pile of bills.
"Darry, I'm real sorry for what I said last night. Soda told me that you were just doing your job, as our parent, you know. And I…I was just trying to get back at you. To hurt you like you hurt me." I continued; "I acted like a little kid and I should have accepted my punishment like a man. Oh - I'm sorry for the silent treatment too."
Darry's face softened. "I know you wish you weren't the youngest, Pony, but as the kid brother you can get away with saying stuff like that. Apology accepted." He added; "You know what? I wish I had Soda's way of reaching you. He really gets you. I don't have Soda's way with words. Or with you."
I grinned wryly. "Soda got a few licks in before he 'talked' to me. I've never seen him so mad at me."
Darry's eyes widened. "Soda? I never thought he'd lay a hand on you." He paused. "Do you honestly think I hate you?"
When I didn't answer he looked crushed. "Why, Ponyboy? Why would you think that? You're my kid brother. I love you."
I replied. "Can I be honest and not get in trouble?" Darry nodded. "Because you are always hollering at me over little stuff. If I get a 'B' it better be an 'A.' If I get all A's, you tell me they better stay A's. It's always, 'Do this or else you're grounded.' 'If I ever catch you doing that, I will skin you.' 'If you complain one more time about being grounded, you will be sorry' And…. I know it was wrong to sneak out last night and maybe I deserved a lickin' but I don't think I deserved to get the kind of whipping I'd expect if you just picked me up from the police station for robbing a liquor store." I finally took a breath. It took guts to say all that to my big brother and I was a little afraid of how he would react.
Without missing a beat, Darry replied; "I gave you a whipping hard and long enough to make sure I never pick you up from the police station. You need to me more scared of me than you are of the police."
"I am! Everybody's scared of you! And I would never rob anybody. I just wouldn't!" I said in my defense.
Darry tried again. "Pony. I know you think I'm too strict with you. Maybe I am. But if I'm too hard on you, the worst that can happen is you end up hating me. I can live with that. If I'm too easy, then I can lose you and Soda. To the state, to the streets, to jail. I can't live with that. Your backside will heal soon but if we lost you, Soda and I couldn't recover. Do you feel me?"
I guess I looked puzzled so he continued. "You know how your track coach is always on your case, pushing you? That's because you are better than most of the team. He's hard on you because he sees your talent, because he cares about you Pony. Not because he hates you. I'm like your coach, buddy. You got the brains to get out of here. You are better than a gas jockey or a roofer. If I can keep you outta trouble, make sure you get a scholarship and go to college, then all this (he gestured towards the bills) will be worth it."
I absorbed what he was saying. It was just a variation of what Soda, Two-bit, everybody had been telling me. And it was finally starting to sink in. Darry cared about me. That's why he was always on my back.
"Ponyboy. I know you think it was no big deal to sneak out to go the concert. But this is like the army. You gotta follow orders, or there will be hell to pay. I need you to obey me, even when you disagree. There's too much at stake for you to pick and choose which of my rules you want to follow. That's why I really let you have it last night."
I winced at the memory. Darry caught my expression and ruffled my hair.
"You may not believe me, but I really hated whipping you. I'd rather cut off my arm than hurt you. I wish I could go back to being your brother. But I can't. I gotta be the disciplinarian. Maybe once you go to college, we can go back to being buddies again, huh?"
Something softened inside me. "Sure, Darry. I dig."
"And Pony? Do you think you can try minding me better from here on? "Cause I would be real happy if I never have to take a strap to you ever again."
He looked so sad I surprised myself by hugging him. Hard. "Fine with me. I'd be real happy too if you don't ever strap me again. Ever."
Darry smiled broadly. "I know I don't tell you enough, but you are a good kid Pony. I just want you to stay that way, Ok? I love you something awful."
I didn't have to think. I just answered; "I love you too Darry. I don't hate you. I'm sorry." And I was. Darry just hugged me harder and I knew we were gonna be ok.