Prologue
Lily sat at her bed, in her room, eyes closed, and breathing out. She tried to concentrate as much as she could. She had to do it. She felt her blood freezing in her hands, and mounting through her veins in her arms. Her breath tightened; her lungs crisped.
A strange breeze whistled through her brown hair. Her eyelids felt light. She opened them, revealing green pupils, and she smiled. She had succeeded. The chair had left the ground, and it was flying. Literary. And she has achieved this.
Her lips, though still smiling, quivered. It was a strange sentiment. She was happy … but scared. Or maybe relieved… She was proud.
She stared at the flying chair, and sighed, letting go. The chair fell, crashing on the floor.
Lily heard hurried footfalls nearing her room. Someone must have heard her. And she had a clear idea of who this "someone" might be.
Petunia threw the chamber's door open, crying:
"Lily! What are you doing?!" her eyes were wide, and made her neck look even longer than it was. And believe me, it was already way too long.
"Hey Pet'" Lily said, eyes half closed.
"How many times have I told you not to call me Pet'! I'm not your dog, Lilian!"
Lily burst out laughing, and flung herself on her bed. She lay on her long, brown hair.
"I didn't get the joke."
No answer.
The pillow behind Lily rose, and danced in the air, flying.
"OH! DON'T ! NO ! STOP!"
Lily's laughs pierced her ears. Petunia was terrified… Looked to be terrified. Her knees trembled, her hands shook, and her forehead sue. She watched the pillow with wide eyes, before switching to her sister, and yelling:
"LILY! WON'T YOU STOP! I'M GOING TO TELL MOM! YOU WITCH! I'M GOING TO-"
"Go out Pet', or I'll turn you into a frog."
"Oh! But I –"
"What insects would you prefer to eat, Mrs. Pet'?"
Petunia whirl around abruptly, crashed the door behind her, and sped to her room. She entered her room and rushed to the wall, laying against it. She hit her back against the wall, tears veiling her eyes.
How did Lily dare? What has she done to her? She was her sister after all. Her normal sister. Her MUGGLE sister. A scream died in her throat. She was weak. She had no powers. She wasn't this… She wasn't as wicked as Lily. But Lily was strong. Lily was intelligent. Lily had the best grades. Lily was going to study magic! And Petunia will stay here, waiting. Because she wasn't special. She was like everybody else. She couldn't make a pillow fly. She couldn't even make a plume fly.
Petunia kicked the ground, hurting her legs. The pain tinged through her boiling bones. She felt like melting in acid. And Lily was there, not far, in a tube of soft water, enjoying the fluently of the liquid, the softness of the temperature, the MAGIC of swimming.
And her parents were so proud of her! Their daughter was witch! What more could they ask! They should thank the Lord day and night for this miracle he had offered them!
Petunia's hate couldn't be bound. She hated Lily. This was not jealousy. This feeling has passed by jealousy long ago. This was hate, like in I-hate-studying-history-cause-it-sucks that students often said.
She swallowed, opening her eyes, and rising. She walked across her room, heading to the Library.
The shelves were full of rubbish. Old books, new books, bestsellers, wrostsellers, paperbacks, hardcovers, novels, … Not what she was searching for.
Petunia stood before the librarian's desk, asking:
"Good morning, Ma'am. Please, would you point me the emplacement of books about witchcraft?"
The lady looked strict. She wore a black dress, and big, thick glasses. Her graying hair was knocked tightly in a ribbon, and her visage was traced with wrinkles. She raised her head, looking at Petunia with no interest.
"There," she pointed, before pursuing her work.
"Thank you, ma'am."
The young girl examined each book. Most of them were thick, with yellowing pages. Some were full of dust, and it aroused her asthma, making her cough several times. But Petunia wouldn't surrender. Not yet. She was determined to find what she sought.
As she tore pages, too hurried to take care, she felt a hot sigh blowing against her neck. Her hair stood straight. She froze, her fingers trembling. She fought the urge to whirl around away. The sigh kept blowing.
She bit her lower lip, tearing the skin, and gulping it. She prayed. She promised God she'll be kind till the rest of her life. She promised she'll-
"You can't do it, Pet'. Don't fool yourself,"
The whisper was like a serpent that penetrated her stomach. She felt like her heart had left her chest long ago. It wasn't tumbling. It WASN'T there at all.
"Close this book. You know you're not able to do it."
Still freezing, Petunia persisted on praying. I promise not to do bad things again. I won't lie anymore! Okay, okay, I know, I've killed this bird last week but I didn't want to! And I-
"Pet'. Stand up, and leave."
I meant no harm! I won't slander anymore! I won't spy on my neighbors. Oh God, please! Please!
Two icy hands gapped Petunia shoulders. They moved across them and compressed her gorge. Her vocals were torn. Her breath tightened. Her eyes widened, and she fainted.
When Petunia woke, she was in a white room, and several nurses were watching over her. Her Mom sat in a chair ahead of her, and precipitated herself to her bed. She grabbed Petunia's, crying:
"Oh Petunia! Thanks God!"
The light in the room piercing her eyes, she managed to mumble:
"Lily… Where's Lily?"
"Pet', you're acting like a child." Lily said, sitting next to her sister. Petunia, still lying in her bed, terrorized, answered:
"I…? I? But… all this is so… fanatic!" she stared at the ceiling in bewilderment, "I'd never have believed that … Oh…" she shrugged.
"I know I know. But this is not a good reason for bringing yourself to this state. And I remind you that I'm going to submit to all this, not you. And I'm perfectly sane, and calm."
Hearing this announcement, Petunia recalled how much she'd want to be her sister; how much she'd sacrifice to be her sister.
"No more craziness? No more fainting? Promise?"
Petunia bent her head: "Promise."
Lily set out for Hogwarts a week afterwards. Her family stood in the garden, saying goodbye.
"Bye Mom. Bye Dad." She kissed her parents on the cheek, hugging both of them. "I'll miss you."
"We'll miss you too, darling."
"Take care of yourself, huh?"
"Yes, Dad. Don't worry." She said, blushing.
Lily sauntered to her sister, and grabbed her hand.
"Hope you'll be fine, Pet'"
"Me too, Lilian." They shook hands. Lily smiled, but Petunia didn't smile back.
The car responsible of driving Lily soon arrived, and Petunia watched it go. She lingered in the doorway. Silence reigned, broken by the song of few birds, and the far sound of the wheels.
She whirled around and marched to her room. She locked the door behind her, and checked it won't open without her permission twice. Then, she took a key of her pocket, inserted it in her closet, and turned it. Hidden under clothes, robes, and skirts was a thick hardcover book with a purple cover. Petunia's fingers ran across its golden hologram title: "Magick through ages."
Chapter 1
Hogwarts was as pleasant as it could be. Wizards and witches thronged the hall, some speaking, some coffering, some drinking, and some eating.
Among the numerous students seated at the Griffondor table, Lily Evans spoke with mirth with her classmates. It was her seventh day in Hogwarts, but it really felt like she's always belonged here. Severus Snape had left the Slytherin table to converse a bit with her.
"How was your first week here, Sev'?"
"Oh. Great. As good as I expected. What about you?"
"It's strange, it feels like I'm born here. Sometimes I stop in front of a portrait, and stared at it, as if it was my mother's. I feel some kind of nostalgia is built in each wall of this place." She smiled, picking a piece of meet.
Severu's image mirrored in the flames which danced at the head of the white candles. The food was deilicious. Lily tasted the piece of beef, enjoying its hotness and its savor. In an evanescent par of her mind, a question dwelt, and imposing herself. Lily, tired of restraining herself, asked:
"Sev'?"
"Huh?"
"Do you know anything about… muggles coming to Hogwarts?"
"Muggles at Hogwarts?" he laughed, "no, no. This just doesn't happen. It didn't happen, at least. You know, to come here, you've crossed a wall in the train station, remember?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think a muggle would've done it?" he curled his forked.
"Huh, yeah. I see what you mean." She answered.
After the dinner, Lily oriented herself to her room. She loved watching the stairs tying in order to make her climb them, she loved hearing the portraits calling out: "Password?", she even loved hearing Professor's Slouths yells. All this was so different from she'd lived in the past. Of course, she missed her parents, but Hogwarts was worth paying the price.
"Password?"
"One million."
The portrait moved, freeing the way. The room was dark, illuminated only by the light that poured through the windows. Beds were positioned the one next to the other, all in perfect order.
Lily knelt and deposed her weight on her pillow. She garbed her backpack, opened it, and took the Potions book out. She had to study from tomorrow's exam, although she felt she hadn't enough will to turn the pages.
She glanced at a note written on the first page: "Exam 14th of September, see page 27." She traversed the pages to this destination, but didn't find it. The pages were in this order : 23, 24, 25, 28, 29…"
26 and 27 were missing. Lily shook her head, and wore her glasses.
My myopia must be increasing, she thought.
She checked again. 25, 28, 29… No. There was no error this time. She examined her book thoroughly, not noticing that she caught her breath. On the right side of the book was residues of a torn page: small and irregular pieces of paper.
Lily closed the book and hided it in her bag. Someone had this book in his hands. Someone had searched in her things. She stared at the bed's cover and almost jumped. She had just seen her shadow. She felt her heart regaining its place in her chest.
Who could've done this? Who could've been interested in a first year's student book? It was surely one of her classmates who'd lost the book. Or someone who wanted to fool her.
Had she cut this page? Did she forget that she'd done it? When had she last used this book? Lily felt her neurons compressing in her brain. It was this feeling that abolished any kind of thought or reflection.
She put a hand at her throat and swallowed. Then she felt stupid. What was the big deal? Why was she so afraid? Why wasn't her blood running normally though her veins? A stolen page? And so? It wasn't a treasure, and the robber wasn't a criminal.
Who steels an egg, steals a cow.
Lily chased the thought away. Then she associated the egg to the paper, and herself to the cow. She laughed at her own thought.
She felt her pulse regulating, and she rose. She'd borrow the book from Sev' for the night; it wasn't this horrible.
Only a page, Lil'. Only a page. She was still repeating this sentence to herself when she met Snape again.
"Hi page!" she heard herself say. "UH! Hi Sev'"
Severus was leaning over a table in the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom. Several books and papers were lurking in front of him.
"Hi Lily." He said. "Why you so nervous? Anything going wrong?"
Evan's cheeks burned.
"No, no. Everything is all right."
"Then why are you hitting your neck with your neck with you hand?"
"I am – " She noticed what she was actually doing. She let go of her hand and chuckled, before saying:
"Why, this… Uh. I think it's a worm bite or something."
Snape nodded, though he didn't look convinced at all. He argued no more.
"Sev', I want to ask you a favor."
He leaned back against his chair, and sighed.
"Go on."
"Well, there's a missing page in my Potions book, and I have an exam tomorrow, so I wondered if you can lend me yours."
"Is this all?" he raised his eyebrows. "Of course, of course, Lil'." He hurried to find the adequate book and handed it to her, smiling.
"Thanks much."
"You're welcome."
Lily heard bitterness camouflaged behind the mirth in his voice. She knew Sev' had feelings for her since long way back, but she'd ignored them, and would persist ignoring. Breaking his heart was difficult, but wasn't it better than doing it later?
She turned around and walked to the door. Then, she stopped, and turned:
"I'll give it back to you tomorrow morning, at breakfast, okay?"
"No problem, okay."
Lily sat against the back of her bed, attempting to memorize her course. She really had to have a high grade if she wanted to succeed at Hogwarts. This success seemed to her like the treasure at the other side of the rainbow. She savored each second for she knew she'll be out of this palace for three months: summer vacation. When it was about leaving school for vacation, she hadn't complained. But Hogwarts was Hogwarts. Even seeing her parents again wasn't this tempting in comparison with living in the Wizarding World. Lily didn't want to go home. She was home.
Still wandering from thought to thought, Lily noticed she lost track of whatever she was reading.
Focus. Focus. She told herself.
Her eyes grasped the words, again. She persued her studying for an hour or so. Then, tired, she flung her book on a shelf and drained a bottle of water in gulp. She felt like she's just ran a marathon.
Dusk had killed every light, and the room was growing darker and darker. Lily took a candle from the reserve and lighted it.
She sat, staring at the flame, letting her mind get clouded. Darkness had a sleepy effect on her, and she soon fell asleep, still in robe.
This night, the little witch had a strange nightmare.
It was maybe a normal dream, but Lily didn't feel good about it.
Her eyelids closed, she had seen a rabbit jumping. The rabbit was white, and had long teeth. Rests of orange carrots that hanged on them. He sped across fields, passing by farms, vegetables, trees, etc… He kept heading forward. His eyes were veiled with obsession. He didn't saw ahead of him, he just focused on his goal.
The rabbit stopped before a long tree. He closed his eyes, and bounded. He gripped the wood and climbed. His little pats tinged. The pain surrounded his bones, boiling in his muscles.
He slowed down and put feet on a branch. He march across and reached its end. A nest lurked on it. The rabbit's eyes glimmered. The nest was reflected in them, a coin sparkling at the sunlight.
The rabbit sauntered to it, eyes wide open. He lied in it, among four eggs.
After resting a bit, he picked an egg up, and transported it out of the nest.
Lily woke up, panting. Cold air whistled through her hair. She managed to breath. But couldn't. Her lungs seemed locked. She shrugged, and sighed. A rabbit? A stolen egg? What was that all about?
She rose and closed the window, for she was almost freezing. Her hands quivered as she locked the shutter.
Chapter 2
Potions exam was the first of the year, and all the students fussed about it. Lily heard complaints all the way through the corridor.
She was just before the door of the classroom when she heard a voice calling out:
"Lily!"
She stopped and whirled around to see a young wizard. He looked to be a first year, for he couldn't be old. He had green eyes and black hair, and smiled at her.
Lily struggled to return the smile, and said:
"Hey. You are?"
"James Potter, nice to meet you."
He raised his hand, and she kept him hanging for ten seconds at least. She stared at his eyes and saw nothing else. Eventually noticing the hand, she shook it, her cheeks burning.
"Lily Evans. But it seems like you already know it. Nice to meet you too," she said.
"You're a first year, right?" she continued.
"Yeah. And you're too."
"Looks like you know a big deal about me? Can you tell me the source of the information you detained?" she said. She hadn't noticed it yet, but her smile had widened.
"Detective Potter knows everything. In case of murder, robbery, or any crime, don't hesitate to call me." He glanced around, like if making sure no one has heard.
Lily burst out laughing.
"Right, okay."
She had almost forgotten about the exam. She headed to the desk, prepared her pen, and waited.
A old man, hairless, with a scar that went along from his forehead to the bottom of his cheek. His name was Slouths, and he was the Potion professor. He stood at the middle of the classroom, before a wide green board, and smiled at his students.
"Good morning, everyone."
"Good morning, sir." The students answered together.
"I hope you'd all studied well for your test."
Lamentations mixed with laughs rose in the room, soon hushed by the teacher.
"Well, well. Silence now." He said, "begin in three, two, one."
Papers appeared on the students desks. Some were stunned, but this was not Lily's case. She held her pen tight, and felt the her hand couldn't write fast enough. The answers came too quickly through her nerves, and the message that had to be transmitted to words was too long.
It was partly because she'd studied the whole thing very well. She had no doubt about this. But wasn't also because she was writing unconsciously? Wasn't her mind absorbed by the handsome man she'd just seen in the corridor?
Noticing that her concentration was flying away, Lily bit her lip, and pursued her writing.
She had two more answers to complete. One and a half. One. A half. A quarter. Zero.
Lily put her pen down, and it clinked on the metallic desk. She waited till her eyes adjusted: taking the test demanded too much close looking, and this is didn't suit her myopia.
When her pupils settled, she remarked most of her classmates were still writing. She felt glad she'd studied, and borrowed Snape's book-
Sev', she thought.
She was supposed to return him the book this morning. She'd already been unfair with him.
He'll think I don't care about him enough to remember.
It's just a book.
It isn't about the book! It's about him. He'll think I don't give him any thought. And it isn't really false…
You're thinking about him right now, right?
At this very moment, Lily realized she was speaking to her own mind. She leaned back against her chair, and tried to relax. Soon enough, she heard:
"Pens down."
Whether they agreed or not, students had no choice, for the papers vanished in front of their eyes.
"I hope you all succeed. I'll correct your papers and pass you them by next week. Have a good day, all."
Some argued they weren't given enough time, others said the test was too long, others stated the exam was at second year level:
"My brother is a second year! He passed this test yesterday!"
"The paper barely appeared before vanishing again!"
Too tired to anticipate the rest of the day, Lily directed herself to the next class on her schedule: Defense Against Dark Arts.
By the doorway, two Slytherin folks lurked.
"I'm sorry, but I thought Griffondor's first years had a course year by now?"
"Mh. You're not mistaken." Responded the girl, "Slytherin and Griffondor share this course together exceptionally today."
"Ah! Right, then."
She passed them by, and found a seat at the farthest point of the chamber.
Sev', she thought. She was going to meet Sev'. What will she say?
"Sorry Sev'. But you see. I don't care about you, so I always forget when something is related with you."
Or maybe:
"You know you're my best friend, but you see, Potter is – "
James. James Potter. He'll be here too. Lily felt her heart pondering in her chest, and smiled, showing her snow-white teeth.
Young wizards crowded the class soon afterwards. The seat next to Lily remained empty, and she hoped Snape had found a place anywhere else.
The course began, and it was interesting enough to catch Lily's attention. This was the second time she attended it, and it seemed new – like everything in Hogwarts, but also had a supplementary touch. Something like…
Lily felt that this course would be useful in a long time. Not for all the wizards. Not for all the Griffondors. It would be useful for her. She handled this fact as a certitude. She knew not when she'll happen to use it, nor in what situation, but she saw herself about twenty years older, frightened, weeping, and endeavoring to apply what Proffesor G. had taught her.
"Can you hand me a pen, please?"
The sentence seemed to awaken her from a long, very long dream. She shook her head, turning it around to see a face she was waiting for.
This face had blue eyes and black hair, and it grinned at her. She couldn't help but to smile back, feeling like doors were opening in her; doors that led to unvisited chambers in her soul.
When she noticed she'd been smiling for two minutes or so, Lily struggled to say:
"Hey." Smiling.
"Are you all right?"
"Yeah, yeah." She coughed. "I'm just a bit… sick. I think I've caught a cold."
"Oh. Recover soon." He was still grinning.
"Thanks."
"Don't forget to take notes about Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, this will help you out in tomorrows exam."
Lily saw the Slytherin girl looking back at her, laughing. She kept her eyes half closed, and answered not. Something else controlled her mind.
When Lily returned to her dormitory, it was already 19:00. Her schedule was really charged today, and she wasn't in the right mood to study, not at all.
The dormitory was full of witches, but she felt tempted not to converse with them.
Staring at her books, she recalled she had to study for The Defense Against Dark Art's exam. She bent her head back, eyes closed, as if praying.
She threw the book open, and looked for her notes.
"Note for myself: Exam Tomorrow, see page 16."
She sighed, and opened the book to page 16. Studying felt like eating a rat with sugar. Sugar, because studying will keep her at Hogwarts. Rat because it was boring to death.
The evanescent visage of James kept mirroring in her head all the night, till her weighting eyelids closed. Her book was still in her hands, but she slept.
Chapter 3:
The same dream interrupted the calm of the night. She saw the same rabbit, the same nestle, the same egg, and woke up with the same impression of having escaped death a second ago.
At the moment she took notice of the book she was holding, Lily decided to revise her notes once again before the exam, just to check.
Book opened.
Page 16… Page 16?
Page 15. Page 17.
A page had been torn from this book.
Lily met Snape early in the morning, before attending the first class on her schedule.
"Thanks for lending it to me. And sorry for being late… But I was sick yesterday?"
"Sick? Why wasn't I told?:"
"Mh.. Dunno. Maybe cause I'd attented classes anyway."
"Ah." He responded, staring at the floor.
Lily glimpsed her watch. 7:30. She had very little time. Her course was in 5 minutes… COuldn't she tell Snape about tonight's incident? She felt a burning urge to speak, but the words died before reaching her vocals.
"I.. I gotta go." She said, "my course is strating soon. See you later, Sev'."
"See you later." He answered, packing his papers.
The exam went on well. Lily finished in time, and Proffessor G. addressed her a satisfied look. When he neared her desk, he whispered:
"I see you have other interest than Mr. Potter when you want to, Miss Evans."
She smiled, not answering, like if everything had already been said.
The exam ended, the students left the room. Lily lingered there for a while to gather her work tools: she had carried about 15 supplementary pens, just in case.
She had a free hour after this one. She oriented herself to the Howgarts' gardens, willing to breath a bit of pure air.
The doors before her opened on a vast green place. A bird flew over her head, and wizards ran, and played, and practiced, while she sauntered in the sunlight.
She sat in the shadow of big pine, and sang a Within Temptation song to herself.
She leaned her head back against the tree, and breathed out. Behind her, two persons spoke. The conversation aroused Lily's curiosity.
She forgot about tiresomeness, and exams, and even Potters, and listened. The paroles seemed like far shouts. She had to focus to overhear.
"I don't think we can already tell the students."
"We HAVE to warn them. They'll be in danger if we don't."
"But we're protecting them the best we can!"
"Not enough, not enough. Can't you understand?"
"Understand what?"
"The responsible of all this isn't powerful. But he's hiding. He's among our young wizards. Our protection is useless."
Lily's spine was enveloped with ice.
"If we speak, it will provoke a scandal!"
"It will be worthwhile, believe me."
"But… Ahich jaio- -"
Lily heard no more. The speaking became indistinctive, no matter how hard she endeavored to listen. She still had difficulty believing what she had just heard. She stared at her hands, they quivered.
She sighed.
Don't be paranoiac, you must've imagined the whole thing.
But reason told another story.
The thought of her torn pages came back to the surface of her mind. Was these two people speaking about her rubber? And… who were these people?
Lily hadn't to wait long, for the answer showed it self a second afterwards. Professor G. And Professor Slouths wended their way out of the trees.
Scared they would remark her presence, she froze, and caught her breath. The two man went on walking, and vanished from her sight.
This was the moment when Lily decreed she'd begin the investigation.
In the following days, Lily tried to find out who-was-who in the conversation she'd overheard. She listened carefully in class, not to have good grades, but to see which voice would match with which one.
She leant of the desk as she listen to Professor G.
"Dark beings are hiding all around us, kids!" he said, "we have to be aware, we have to ready!"
Exclamation points? Lily took out her notebook, and noted it.
"I'm here to help you out! Learn, kids! Learn! Don't let the Darkness take over you!"
More exclamations. Repetitions Hmmm…Lily thought as she wrote it down.
Potions was next. Lily repeated the same process.
"Add this…. Well. Great. You've succeeded. … Pay attention please."
Clear, calm, direct.
In her break hour, she went back to the emplacement of the tree, sat there, and opened her notebook once again. She had written all the details she had noticed through the day, and had endeavored to remember each word said in the conversation.
It was easy to guess that professor G. was the one who wanted to the truth. She had distinguished his tone, and his speaking style. Professor Slouths had expressed himself directly, as he always did in class.
Lily's hand ran through her hair.
Why would G. desire to hide the truth? She thought. What was his interest? Avoiding a scandal? Was it really worth taking the risk?...
Her eyes widened; her heart raced.
No, no. This is impossible. She told herself. But she wasn't convinced.
What if G. actually had an interest in lying? What if wanted to protect an alibi?
As she climbed the stairs to her next class, Lily's attention was absorbed. James lingering there. He looked more beautiful than ever. She stared at him, not remarking she was acting with no discretion.
A boy flew in the air, and bounded against each of the stairs. He fell to the ground, hitting his head. Lily watched him in horror. The boy was Sev'.
Laugh echoed in her back as she rushed to him. She grabbed his hand, tears locked in her eyes.
"Sev! What happened?!" it was almost a cry.
He didn't answer. He shook his head.
"Bastards." He whispered, his teeth locked.
James neared him, grinning.
"Not bad, the little jump, huh?" he burst into laughter.
Lily couldn't believe it. Had James really done this?
"You are responsible of this?" she said, spreading her hands.
"Huh. Yeah. In some kind of way."
"In some kind of way?" she yelled. "Are you kidding? He could've died?"
He glanced at her in mockery. Despite her arising anger, she couldn't help but to notice that mockery suited his eyes.
"Easy, Evans, easy." He said, his smile slowly fading.
She whirled around, and sped out of the way. She sped to the bedroom, and stood ahead the portrait, wanting to tear it down.
"Passowrd?"
"One fuc*king million!" she shouted.
"Wrong password. Two more attempts remaining."
Merlin damn this thing! The thought was a scream, piercing each cavity of her brain.
"ONE MILLION."
The portrait freed the way. Lily threw herself on her bed. Tears poured on her cheeks, and posed themselves on her pillow. She couldn't control her anger or her sadness.
Why did he do this? How did he dared?
At this instant, she didn't notice that she was sad for herself, not for Snape. But it was still true.
She wept until her tears dried. She felt a knife in her stomach, maiming, and maiming. She felt the blood like acid in her guts, mounting along her throat, almost reaching her lips. She felt her thoughts surrounding her, they seemed to be far boundaries, boundaries she wouldn't cross.
Why? She asked herself.
The question remained unanswered, and it persisted in her mind for hours and hours, until seven o'clock.
At this precise hour, Emma Leches came to make her life harder to bear. Lily was still sitting on her bed, her head between her hands, her tears drying on her cheeks.
Emma was walking to her bed when she froze, and said, astonished:
"LILY! WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY YOU CRYING?"
"Couldn't you have said it a bit louder? Just so the Slytherin folks would hear?" Lily said, her head still inclined.
"Oh. Sorry." She whispered under her breath.
Emma sauntered and sat at the edge of Lily's bed, asking:
"So, what's going on?" this time, she took care to lower her volume.
Lily didn't answer.
"Wouldn't you tell me?"
"Should I?"
"Why, yes… I'd like to help you… if you tell me it'll be less painful."
"Well," she sighed. "Then here we go. In short, imagine yourself being stolen, and having your lover fight with your best friend, and knowing that something dangerous will happen to your mates. Can you imagine it?" she paused, then pursed, "This is my situation."
Emma's mouth dropped.
"So you… you have something stolen?
Oh…! And, … your lover?!
Who is it? Huh? Tell me!
And the friend… What friend?! …
What fight?... I heard nothing about it!!!
What danger? What do you mean? Are we in danger?"
She had ejaculated all this, and each word had walked into Lily's right ear, then left across the left one. She suddenly felt the urge to slam Leches.
"LILY! COMMON! SPEAK TO ME!" she seized her by the collar of her shirt.
Lily lifted her hand, but stopped herself.
"Leave me alone, Emma."
"But –"
"Now!"
"But I- "
"NOW!" Lily had rose, and her face was red. Her hands quivered, her eyes were wide, and her pupils went in every direction.
"Right, right, okay," she whispered, leaning backwards, almost falling on her back.
She stood up, and left.
Lily regained her lying position. Hate spread across each part of her body. It wasn't really like hating Potter or Snape or anybody else. It was like hating the whole world.
Sleepiness soon replaced hate, and she drowned into unconsciousness.
The following day, Lily was still in her bad mood. She felt she couldn't rise from bed, and she didn't want to, but eventually, you have to apply to your obligations.
She pushed the cover away, and stood up. She walked to the mirror. Her blue eyes were grayish, she started seeing wrinkles on her forehead, and her mouth skin looked dried.
She swallowed, her throat sore. She dressed clumsily, and sped to her calss. She had Dark Arts at the first period, and that didn't help her a lot.
She slept as the teacher explained, her hair spread on her desk, her head inclined.
The bell ringing awaken her at the end of the course. She opened her heavy eyelids to see that all her classmates were staring at her. Too tired to feel embarrassed, she packed her books, and went out.
She stood in the corridor, laying against the wall. Each wizard who left the room addressed her wondering glances.
"Do you want a picture of me?" she said to a Sytherin. The girl smiled and passed her by.
However, one glance was different from the others: it was joyful. Lily couldn't mistake this wide smile, those blue eyes, this brown hair. She had dreamed of each of them, chased each thought related to them, tried to kill each memory of them.
Tried.
She hadn't succeeded. The memory was way too vivid. She had observed each of these details for a very long time… They wouldn't quit her mind, whatever she'd do.
James Potter stopped before her.
"What do you want?" she asked, toneless.
"Hey, Lily. How's it going?"
"What do you want?"
"I want to speak to you," he answered.
"Go on."
"You're being rude, Evans."
"Am I?" she raised an eyebrow. "Look, I barely know you, and I'm not interested in-"
"Knowing me more." He continued. "I really doubt this, though.
"What makes you say this?" she tried to keep her normal tone, but she was troubled inside.
Did he beheld her feeling for him? How could he have? She wasn't even sure about her own feelings…
"Nothing, nothing. Let's not talk about this." He coughed.
"Yes, maybe we can tackle another subject. Maybe we can discuss the reason you almost killed Sev', for example?"
Jame's laugh rose.
"Sev'? You mean Snake Snape?" he couldn't stop laughing.
"I don't get the joke."
"You even gave him a nickname. This is cute."
"Not as cute as making him fly, anyway. If you please excuse me."
She left without waiting for his answer.
Lily decided to let go of her feelings, and focus on her investigation.
"Call detective James."
SHUT UP! She yelled at herself, in silence.
She had found a desk in a free classroom, and she leant over it. Her notebook was in front of her, and she was gazing at it, again. She had given no thought to the case since two days, and she felt her ideas weren't refreshed at all. Nothing made sense.
A knock on the door separated her from her studying. She rose her head. Emma stood in the doorway. The girl looked pale, and she was panting.
"What is it, Emma?"