A/N: Hi, I needed to take a shot break from real stories because everything I do turns to crap right now. So have some bad fanfiction based on a prompt I found on Tumblr.

Oh, by the way, I ship Pinescone (DipperxWirt) now. Hope you don't mind, everything is aged up two years (Dip and Mabel:14, Wirt:16, and Greg:10 (he is seven or eight shut up)). Anything else? No? Questions? Review! Like? Review! Hate? *points at door* I was messing around, it's not supposed to be good.

OH! My sister named this fic after only hearing 'Chihuahua' and 'Dipper'. Thank you, sis.

So, uh, enjoy your Dirt and I'll be back on track in like, a week, I just need to get myself feeling better, I hate emotions.

Disclaimer: (Sings like Wirt)WEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL!~ I only own the writing and the Potato/french fry story, so don't even think about it!

~Usachan!

~Enjoy!

Dipper rubbed his face with a weary hand, another day of school finally over. Why had he decided to take all those honors classes, he might never know, however, it did allow him to meet his best friend and crush: Wirt. Dang, that kid was a looker, like he was plucked straight from an old film, like from the nineties.

But, he'd never go for someone like Dipper, two whole grades behind and a tuba player? Ugh, he just screams geek. Not to mention that weird thing that happened two summers ago. He'd only told his sister about that, but even she didn't understand, how could Dipper ever expect someone to like him?

"Dipper?" Speak of the devil, Wirt came bounding down the hall just as Dipper started to think about him.

"Yes?"Dipper turned away from his open locker and looked up at the older boy.

"Hey, you still want to come over tonight?" Wirt smiled down at the boy, not even seeing the small blush creeping up on the boy's face.

"Uh, lemme check my calendar!" Dipper squeaked, spinning to look at his small locker calendar to check what was going on that particular night.

Full moon. Cheese and crackers.

"Uh, sorry, Mabel has a tea party tonight and you know her! Can't miss a tea party," Dipper laughed nervously as he slammed the locker closed, concealing the empty calendar entry from the sienna haired boy in front of him.

"Well, we could always hang out at your house, I could bring Greg and then the tea would really have a party!" Wirt did something that looked like it was supposed to be jazz hands, causing Dipper to start snickering.

"That is the first time I've ever heard you say something stupid," he laughed, rolling his eyes at the older boy before heading to the flagpole entrance of the school.

"Oh? Really? I'm pretty sure that was a classic, just like the french fry thing you said earlier. Hm,what was it that you said about your fries again? I don't seem to recall, could you remind me?" Wirt teased following the younger boy outside with a snicker.

"Don't you have a bus to catch?" Dipper muttered, ignoring the embarrassing blush he could feel creeping up into his cheeks.

"I have to get the the bus stop first, little Pine Tree," Wirt smiled, "so, you want me and Greg over later?"

Before Dipper could come up with a logical excuse not to invite the boy over, Mabel came bounding over with a dorky grin plastered on her face.

"Hey, bro-bro! And Wirt-dog!" She chirped, slinging her arm around her brother's neck and ruffling his hair.

"Hey, Dipper tells me you have a super cool tea party tonight and that's why he can't come over, so what if I bring Greg over and we join this amazing tea party," Wirt politely asked. Mabel looked a little confused though, she threw her brother a quick look in which his eyes begged for help and she gave a small nod in his direction.

"Sorry, Wirt, we're already at capacity, though, it's a two-parter, so why not call tomorrow and we'll see if Waddles wants you at his birthday bash tea party," Mabel informed him in a mock-business tone, throwing in an awkward grin. "Tell Greg I said 'hi'!" She threw over her shoulder as she turned and started dragging Dipper away.

"Okay, bye, I guess...?" Wirt called after them before turning and heading to the city bus stop.

"Dipper, if you're gonna tell a lie, tell a believable one! A tea party? Really? Those are more of a summer thing! Get your act together!" Mabel had been like that ever since Wirt told her about the tea party she'd never planned.

"Sorry, it's a full moon and I panicked," Dipper sighed dejectedly as he kicked a stray pebble out of his path.

"Oh, right, blue moon, right?" Mabel asked, hopping up in front of Dipper's path on the sidewalk. Dipper rolled his eyes but said nothing as sidestepped Mabel and continued leading the way home.

"Yes, it's the freaking blue moon," he growled as they turned the corner.

"What's with the growling? I thought you knew better!" Mabel scolded, throwing him a worried glance.

"The blue moon is the worst change ever, it lasts from the beginning of sunset until, like an hour after sunrise."

"Well, at least it's the weekend," Mabel tried, stopping to stare at the sky, "uh, bro-bro?"

"Yeah?"

"When's the sun setting today?" Mabel asked, her eyes fixed on the sky.

"About four-thirty, why?" He turned to look at his sister in confusion.

"It's close to setting, we gotta get home!" Mabel shouted, shoving Dipper forward and running as fast as she could while pushing Dipper.

"Wait, what?" Dipper screamed, not really processing anything except for the young girl shoving him the rest of the way home.

"Dipper! It's four! We gotta get you home!" The twins didn't speak for the two minutes it took them to run home, an impressive time, considering it should've taken them at least ten more minutes.

As soon as they got in, Dipper ran up and locked himself inside his room, awaiting the horrible form he soon would take.

"Wirt!" Greg called cheerfully as he hopped off the bus and tackled his brother in a bear hug.

"Hey, Greg, how'd your day go?" The boy chuckled as the ten year old started to give Wirt a play-by-play of his amazing day at school.

"...and then Steve ATE it!" The boy finished by the time they reached their two-story house.

"Wow, Steve's a crazy kid, huh?" Wirt gave a small chuckle as he opened the door to let them inside.

"Wirt, where's Dipper?" Greg asked, glancing up at the older boy as they stopped to take off their boots.

"What do you mean?" Wirt sighed, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it up on the coat tree.

"Well, you said Dipper might come over, and whenever you say that, Dipper comes over! And sometimes Mabel! And then Mabel and I can play with Jason Funderburker and Jessica Paterson-Funderburker!" Greg giggled as he spoke of how he and Mabel always played with his two pet frogs. Wirt gave an amused giggle and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Mabel's having a super secret tea party, but she said we can hang out tomorrow with her and Waddles for his birthday," Wirt smiled. Greg slumped his shoulders as he wandered over to one of his frogs that had escaped it's home during the day.

"Don't worry, we'll see them tomorrow," Wirt called after his younger brother, both to make his brother feel better and himself. He really wanted to see Dipper that next day.

Mabel looked at her brother who had curled up underneath a blanket on the couch.

"Bro-bro?" She moved over to stand by the sleeping teen with a small smile. When he slept like this, you could almost forget the hardships he's been through.

She gently lifted the boy's head and sat down where it had been laying, resting the boy's head on her lap and running her fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

Why had this happened to her brother? She thought sadly as she pointed the remote at the tv and started up Dipper's favorite movie.

Dipper barely registered Mulan playing in the background as his body started buzzing, the transformation had started.

He curled in on himself as his spine tingled and a million pinpricks found their way around Dipper's body. The sensation continued as fur grew all over his body.

Dipper gave a sharp cry of pain as the rest of his body began changing, his hands and feet turning into paws, his head was shrinking and his ears began growing.

Mabel once took a video of what he looked like during the transformation, trying to prove it didn't look as bad as it felt, but it did. It was gruesome, to say the least.

Once the transformation was complete, he wouldn't be able to control himself, that's what Mabel did, she made sure he didn't destroy anything, or anyone.

Mabel told him that he wasn't nearly as dangerous as he said, but hey, she didn't really know what happened in his brain while he was... the monster. Mabel didn't understand, but she tried.

Dipper didn't realize his transformation was over until he heard Mabel squeal.

"Ah! Cute child!" The girl picked Dipper up and held him close, "I think this is the best one yet."

Dipper rolled his eyes at the girl before struggling to break free from her iron-like grip.

"Sorry, Dippingsauce! Do you want any food?" Mabel set the small dog down before running off into the kitchen.

Dipper's gut decided that, no he didn't want food, he wanted out. Dipper scurried off the couch and out the cat door and into the front yard, finding his way down the street.

Dipper's small legs were carrying him somewhere that was familiar, but he couldn't stop himself.

Wirt was sitting on the couch, watching as Greg tried, and failed, to beat whatever game he was playing on the GameCube.

"Greg, I think you need to collect th- or you could just keep running in circles," Wirt gave a laugh as Greg leaned over to the right, shouting at the character to listen to him.

"Wirt, I understand you think you're better at school, but I know I'm better at Bratz then you!" Greg didn't bother to look surprised as Jason Funderburker hopped into his lap and Jessica Paterson-Funderburker scrambled into his lab.

"Why do we even have that game?" Wirt laughed as he watched his brother's character run into a wall and fall over.

"Gram-gram didn't want it, so she gave it to us because she knew we still had a gamecube," Greg explained, walking his character away from the wall and into a club.

Wirt didn't have time to respond as a frantic scratching at the door sounded and Wirt peeled himself away from the couch to get it.

"Hello?" Wirt asked, no one was at the door.

"THAT'S SO OLD!" Wirt called out, shutting the door and hearing a squeak of surprise from under his feet.

"What the-!" Wirt looked down to see a tiny... chihuahua? No one in the neighborhood even owned a chihuahua, how had one ended up at his doorstep?

"Who was at the door?" Greg called from the living room, vaguely interested in what was happening around him.

"Uh, good question!" Wirt responded, scooping the small dog into his arms and carrying it back into the living room.

"I smell dog," Greg whispered, pausing his game and turning to look at Wirt. "OH MY FROG A DOG!"

"Uh, I guess...? Do you know where he came from?"

"No. I think this calls for an investigation!" Greg scrambled over to the couch, grabbing his frogs before they could fall off of him and get hurt.

Greg bent over and looked at the dog, trying to figure out where it had come from.

"BULLS-EYE!" HE shouted as he looked at the dog's collar. "'Dippingsauce, 555-1804. Call if found. Leave message of a quack'."

"Greg, be serious!" Wirt scolded, in no mood to play games with this strange dog in their house.

"I am!" Greg pouted, shoving Wirt's face in the dog's collar so he could read it himself.

"I can see that, sorry, Greg." Wirt pulled his face back and sighed, the dog was actually kind of cute and now he had to return it.

"I'll call!" Greg got up and bolted into the other room.

"Well, sorry about this, Dippingsauce... the shouting and your name," Wirt set the dog on the floor and sat down next to him.

Greg came running back a few minutes later, "so, I called!"

"That's fantastic, what'd the owner say?" Wirt smiled up and patted the floor next to him, allowing Greg to tell the rest of the story sitting down.

"Well! It was Mabel! She said that she couldn't leave the house at the moment and would get him in the morning. She also said, uh, she said that you shouldn't freak out in the morning. Oh! She also wants you to cuddle him, he likes cuddles!" Greg laughed as he hugged himself.

"Right, well, it is getting late, I guess he can sleep in my room tonight. Off to bed, candypants!" Wirt stood and grabbed the dog, bringing him up the stairs and into his room.

"Goodnight, captain!"

"Goodnight, candypants!" With that, both boys shut their doors in a mock seriousness and got ready for bed.

The brown spotted chihuahua that was pacing his floor. The dog had a beautiful coat, he had to admit, light brown with darker brown spots on his back, ears and tail. Upon his forehead, there was a strange pattern that reminded Wirt of the Big Dipper.

"I see why Mabel named you 'Dippingsauce', it looks like the Big Dipper on your forehead," Wirt chuckled as he threw off his sweater and made his way over to his dresser to pull out some pjs for the night.

"That's kinda like Dipper, I guess," Wirt was talking to himself more than the dog, but still, he heard the dog stop mid-pace and scurry over to Wirt.

"Oh? You like Dipper?" Wirt grinned down at the very curious dog and bent over to scratch behind his ears.

"Yeah, I do too." The dog tilted his head to the side, as if to ask how he liked Dipper and Wirt just shook his head, "well, it's complicated, Dippingsauce. Maybe when I finish changing."

It must have been Wirt's imagination, but the dog seemed to stiffen slightly at the idea of the boy changing.

"If it bothers you, go sit on the bed!" Wirt shooed the dog away and he tugged the hem of his t-shirt over his head and tossed it into the hamper.

The dog bolted from the scene and found it's way underneath Wirt's bed.

"Crazy dog," Wirt rolled his eyes and finished changing.

When Wirt was dressed in cozy pjs covered in clarinets and music notes, he went searching for the tiny dog.

"Common, Dippingsauce, I thought you wanted to hear some secrets!" He sang as he stooped down to look under the bed. The dog hurried out from underneath the bed and scrambled on top of it.

"Crazy dog," Wirt chuckled as he got under the covers and lay down, the small dog curling up in a ball next to him.

"Okay, secret time, and it doesn't count as telling a secret, because you're a dog and you can't talk." The dog rolled its eyes at that and got Wirt to laugh at that.

"Thanks," Wirt deadpanned, ruffling the dog's fur before continuing, "okay, so I guess I like Dipper, like, more than a friend. But I can't tell him because what if he's not gay? Or Bi? I mean, I'm bi so I never found the reason to tell him, but what if he's straight and I tell him and ruin our friendship?" Wirt hadn't told anyone this, save for Greg, but Greg didn't count, siblings don't count.

The dog seemed to sympathize with the young male, he crawled closer to Wirt and touched his nose gently to Wirt's forehead.

"Thanks, Dippingsauce," Wirt yawned, and closed his eyes, falling asleep with one hand atop of the dog's flank and a small smile on both faces.

When the alarm on Wirt's clock went off, he growled in frustration, why did he have to get up on a Saturday? Why did he have to get up when the sun rose. Why!?

Wirt smiled at the sleeping dog before rolling over and going back to sleep.

When Wirt woke up next however, he was fully awake thanks to Dipper Pines, who was curled up on his bed, whimpering in pain.

Wirt hollered out in surprise, scrambling back into the wall next to his bed.

The younger boy jolted awake and fell off the edge of the bed.

"Dipper?!"

"I can explain!" The brunette shouted, popping his messy hair up from the floor and revealing his beet red face.

Wirt had managed to wrap himself up in a burrito-like fashion and peek out at Dipper from a small hole near the top of the blanket heap.

"Well?!" Wirt demanded, his face also beet red.

"Well, uh you see, I, uh, I'mawerewolfbutIdidn'twanttotellyoubecauseIlooklikeachihuahuaohmygoshI'msorry!" The young boy blurted out, Wirt hearing none of it and being left utterly confused.

"Come again?"

"You know how I'm not allowed to leave town without Mabel or my parents? Well, two years ago I was staying with my Great Uncle Stan and we went camping. He and Mabel left the campsite one evening to look for more firewood, leaving me to watch the fire. Well, a dog came and attacked me, I almost died, but luckily Mabel and Stan got back in time and saved me, but I had bite marks and scratches all over. Well, turns out that dog was a werewolf. Turns out, I'm a werewolf too. But I look like a freaking chihuahua!"

Wirt blinked a couple of times before laughing uncontrollably. Dipper looked so flustered and upset and he just wanted to hug the child.

"What's so funny?!" Dipper squeaked, his face flushing even more.

"You're just too cute!" Wirt fell over, clutching his sides and trying to get a hold of himself.

"That's it, I'm leaving." Dipper stood and made for the door, only being stopped by Wirt's wheeze of "stop".

"What?"

"I'm sorry, it's just, I should've known, you were a little too curious as a dog!" Wirt wiped a tear away from his eye, finally able to breathe right.

"Thanks," Dipper huffed, reaching for the doorknob.

"I'm sorry! Just, can we talk about this?"

"Nope! I don't discuss my weird monthly habits with anyone but Mabel... that came out wrong," Dipper groaned as he covered his face with his hands, "kill me now, please!"

Wirt jumped out of bed and hugged the younger boy's head with a chuckle, "Dipper, it's okay. I don't think you did anything wrong, I was going to tell you, maybe... no, I, uh, I don't think I was going to tell you."

"Why not?" Dipper whined, looking up at the older boy.

"Because you're straight!" Wirt whined back with a sad smile.

Dipper had had enough talk and he stood on his tiptoes, planting a kiss on Wirt's lips, tasting the sweetness of his clarinet reed and his minty chapstick.

"Straight as a freaking circle."