Author Note: This was my first fanfic…but it has now been updated!
The paragraphs initalics are flashbacks…..just so you know, and don't get confused as to what is going on xD
Reviews are always welcome as I am looking to improve upon my writing skills
Disclaimer:The characters do not belong to me…I wish..They belong to JK….Only the plot is mine
Remus, James and Peter were on their way to the Herbology greenhouses for the first lesson of the afternoon, after summer term.
"Y'know," said Remus, as they were walking past the great hall, hearing a buzz of people talking. There was a dueling club starting this year, for the forth years. But as Remus, James, Peter and Sirius were now sixth years they could not compete. "You guys should have brought an umbrella, it's raining out there."
"The new weather man, are you now Moony?" said James.
"Why, yes, I suppose I am." replied Remus proudly, and they both laughed; Peter just joining in, glad to be involved with a joke.
"Does anybody know where Sirius is?" Peter asked suddenly, "He wasn't in the common room earlier, and he never misses a chance to hex Snape on the way to Herbology"
James was suddenly very quiet, "How would we know?" he snapped, "I'm sure he's probably there, giving Snivellus hell already"
Peter didn't notice James sudden discomfort in the conversation and just as he was about to retort back, Remus jumped in.
"Let's get to Herbology shall we? We don't want to be late" Remus walked up closer to James and whispered in his ear; "what was all that about?"
"Nothing" said James, "Nothing. Come on."
"Is everything okay?" Remus asked.
James nodded.
"Is Sirius okay?"
James looked away, "Something's bothering him. But it's not my place to say" he said quietly.
Remus, who decided not to press the matter any further, continued walking and didn't say anything else until the approached the doors that headed down to the grounds. A loud thundering could be heard outside and giant raindrops splashed on the door.
"What did I tell you, you should have – ", started Remus, wrapping his scarf around his neck.
"Oh, shut up, Moony" James said sarcastically and smiled at him. He turned to Peter. "Ready to run?"
Peter, wanting to be the centre of attention with James rather than Remus, followed him outside in the rain.
Remus didn't mind at all, he actually liked being alone, and what was more, he liked walking alone in the rain; it gave him time to think, without being interrupted by James or Sirius arguing about homework or girls; or even Peter complaining or whining about something.
He watched as Peter and James ran up to the Herbology greenhouse, with their cloaks over their heads, shielding them from the rain. He stepped outside and shivered against the cold, he wrapped one arm around himself to keep warm, while holding the umbrella with the other, small pitter-patter sounds dropped down on top of the umbrella and tiny drops fell off the end.
Remus didn't rush to get to Herbology, he never liked the lesson anyway, and he still had loads of time to get there without getting soaked like James and Peter. Plus the umbrella was keeping him dry, and he wanted time to think things over. Like wondering where Sirius was. He had only seen his friend briefly this morning and at lunch; but as soon as he had finished eating, Sirius had rushed out of the hall, probably wanting to be alone.
Remus was the only one that had noticed Sirius' odd behavior when coming back after the holidays. He was very quiet on the train, only answering questions with one or two word answers. Having asked what was wrong numerous times, Remus had finally given up, when all Sirius would say was "I'm fine"
Sitting in a compartment together, the Marauders were talking about how exciting sixth year should be. This year would be the first time that James, Peter and Sirius were to secretly accompany Remus to the Shrieking Shack for this transformation.
Remus noticed that Sirius was being uncharacteristically quiet. "Siri?" he poked him, and Sirius jumped at the sudden touch. "Are you okay? You seem very quiet"
"I'm fine" he replied, and continued to stare out of the window.
Remus started at him with concern and Sirius smiled back; trying to convince him that he was okay. Remus said nothing more and James continued to talk about the upcoming year.
"Should be another good year to hex Snivellus a lot more, hey? And….this year…I'm finally go to go out with Evans" said James excitedly, waving his arms gracefully for more effect.
"Like hell you are!" said Remus, trying to hold his laughter.
"Hey! Stop laughing, I will go out with Evans"
"You said that last year" Peter piped up.
James ignored them, and turned to Sirius instead. "Hey, Sirius. Wanna plan a prank for Snivellus for when we arrive?"
"Yeah, sure" Sirius replied, not really listening to anything going on in the compartment.
Remus noticed this and spoke up again.
"Siri?" he said, "are you sure you're okay?"
Sirius closed his eyes. He didn't want to shout at any of them; knowing it wasn't their fault. He figured that they knew he was lying and knew he wasn't really okay. "Yes, I'm fine." He said calmly, trying to smile.
Not much changed on their first morning of lessons, Sirius still seemed very distant and quiet, not wanting to talk to anyone, only laughing every now and then when James or Peter did something stupid.
Remus was getting increasingly worried about his friend, but never found the chance to talk to him alone; Sirius usually came to Remus when he had a problem with something, he felt that he could talk to him, without Remus laughing or making silly remarks like James or Peter would have done.
Remus thought these things over as he listened to the sound of the rain make pitter-patter sounds on the top of his umbrella, like tiny fingers tapping on a window. Suddenly Remus noticed someone sitting by the lake. Their cloak was thrown over to the side; crumpled up and wet from the rain. Thick black hair fell down just past their shoulders, and Remus recognized them immediately as Sirius.
Sirius was under the tree and just staring out to the lake. His cloak was thrown over to the side and he didn't even sense the cold as rain poured down over his head falling into his face.
Sirius had run away from home during the summer holidays and took refuge in James's house just before the start of term. He felt very alone and wasn't really talking to any of his friends; he knew they would be happy to help him, but he didn't want their pity, he just wanted them to be friends.
Tears filled his eyes and he grabbed his arm, (which was already covered in bruises, from a former argument with his parents) and dug his nails hard into his forearm. The tears poured out and streamed down his face, mixing with the raindrops as he scratched even more fiercely at his arm. He scratched and dug so deeply that it actually drew blood. As he did this, Sirius didn't feel the pain he was inflicting on himself; but only to feel the pain that he felt in his chest the day he left home.
"You can't go!" Regulus screamed.
"Yes, I can. And I am" Sirius shouted back, throwing his things into the trunk.
"Please-" Regulus started, grabbing Sirius's arm "please, don't go" Sirius could feel his brother's body shaking slightly as he held onto his arm; he turned around to look at him, and saw that Regulus had tears in his eyes, they fell lightly down his face as he began to sob.
"I have to-" Sirius started, but Regulus cut him off.
"No you don't"
"I can't take this anymore. They don't want me here" Sirius always felt that he could talk to Regulus about how he feels about their parents. They had always loved him more than Sirius, but Regulus understood. Sirius looked away as he felt tears come to his own eyes, "Please Reg," he said softly, "Don't make this harder for me than it already is"
Regulus released his grip on Sirius's arm and hesitated for a minute. Then, without warning, he threw is arms around his older brother's waist. Sirius had never thought that Regulus would act the way he was, he thought that he didn't care, and would just watch him go; but obviously he was wrong. Sirius put his arms on Regulus's shoulders and hugged him; the younger boy crying into his brother's embrace.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said, his voice shaking.
"No, you're not!" Regulus stated harshly, "or you wouldn't be leaving. You'd stay!", he pulled away from the hug and pushed his brother so that he fell backwards, falling hard onto the wall behind.
Regulus turned away, walking over to Sirius's bed and sat on the edge.
Sirius felt his throat tighten at the sudden harshness in Regulus's voice and the tears finally came. He closed his eyes to prevent them from falling. After a couple of minutes he walked over to his brother and sat down on the bed beside him; leaning forwards and resting his arms on his knees, staring down at the carpet, and looking anywhere but Regulus's eyes.
"Regulus-" Sirius started, "I…I don't want to go"
"Then, why?" Reglus asked.
"I have to. I can't take it any longer"
Regulus didn't reply and after a moments silence Sirius looked around to find him crying again. He moved nearer to him and put his arm around Reglus's shoulders, he was still shaking. Sirius pulled him closer and squeezed him in a tight hug. "I'll always think about you." He said, stroking Regulus's hair softly to calm him. "Anyway, I'll see you at Hogwarts won't I?"
Regulus looked up smiling lightly, and nodded.
"Where are you gonna go?"
"I don't know"
Regulus stared at Sirius; those bright grey eyes piercing through him. Sirius couldn't stand the look of sadness Regulus was giving him and looked away. The bed rose slightly and Regulus got up and ran into the next room. He came back minutes later with a sheet of paper in his hands; he gave it to Sirius and sat back down next to him on the bed.
Sirius looked at the paper he handed him; it was a picture that they both drew together when they were younger; the corners were crumpled slightly, but other than that, it looked like it had been well looked after.
"Remember that?" Regulus said happily.
Sirius nodded. Of course, he remembered it. How could he forget; it was one of those rare times that they actually sat down and spent time together. The drawing was of both of them. The younger boy was holding the others hand, probably taking him somewhere nice, away from the world of their family. They always sat and drew together whenever Sirius felt sad about being punished by their parents. Drawing with Regulus always took him to another place. A place where he could be alone; where it was peaceful and calming.
A place full of warmth and love.
Sirius lost his train of thought as Regulus poked him.
"Take it with you," he said. "It can remind you of my wonderful art skills while you're away"
"Yeah. You were a genius at the age of six." Sirius smiled, it was the first time he had actually smiled in days, or months even; without feeling that he was forced to. Regulus seemed happy to have heard the comment and pushed his brother playfully. Sirius fell back on the bed, laughing softly; he reached out for his pillow and hit Regulus over the head with it.
Regulus just laughed grabbing the pillow and holding it close to his chest, as if keeping something of his brother close to him; not wanting him to leave.
They both sat in silence for a while and eventually Sirius got up and walked over to his trunk, continuing to pack. Regulus watched him quietly, without saying anything.
Sirius folded the drawing carefully and placed it into his pocket. He turned around to find Regulus still sitting on the bed.
"Well…" Sirius hesitated, his voice cracking, "I..I suppose-"
"Goodbye" Regulus interrupted quietly. He ran up to Sirius and fell into his arms again, squeezing him tightly. Sirius wished that he wasn't like this. They had never been really close as brothers, not since Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor anyway; Sirius shook his head slightly, as if trying to get rid of the thought.
"Goodbye then" he said, ruffling his brother's hair, "I'll see you at Hogwarts," he added quietly.
Regulus smiled again as Sirius turned to leave; he walked to the stairs and Regulus watched him with sad eyes from the door, he waved lightly and Sirius waked down. His trunk was banging loudly on the stairs and he dragged it behind. His Mother, Walgurba was waiting at the bottom of the stairs looking angry, holding her wand.
Sirius turned his head to look back, and saw that Regulus was still standing at the door, with the same look of sadness, mixed with a look of encouragement and pride for his older brother. Sirius smiled at him and then turned to stare at his mother.
"If you go. If you walk out of that door, right now, you will never be able to return!"
"I don't care", Sirius stated calmly.
"I'll burn you off that tapestry as soon as you set foot out that door!"
"Do it then"
Sirius walked passed her and opened the door. He slammed the door into her face, just before she aimed a curse at him. The wind outside was freezing and Sirius shivered. He heard a slight crackle of fire and saw a flash of light emit from the window. 'I don't care' he thought, wiping his eyes, 'No! I don't care!" he tried convincing himself.
Wrapping his arm around him to keep warm and pulling his trunk behind him with the other hand, he walked; just walked. He wasn't really going anywhere. He didn't know where to do either. Did he even have anywhere to go? Just letting his feet take him where they wanted to go, Sirius wasn't really taking any notice to where he was going. He eventually arrived at a bright blue door; and on further inspection he noticed that it was James's house. He was scared, and nearly walked back from the door. He sighed heavily and hesitated a little before raising his arm and knocking softly on the door.
Two minutes he waited and then Mrs Potter answered the door, she was wearing a pink dressing gown and he noticed that it might have been quite late. Sirius couldn't find the words as she stood there watching him, his throat tightened and he closed his eyes, the tears coming before he could stop them. He didn't want to cry. He didn't care. Or that was what he kept telling himself. The thing that had hurt him the most was that no one came after him. Not even Regulus.
"Oh Sirius!" Mrs Potter exclaimed, "Whatever happened?"
Sirius wiped the tears from his face as several more fell; he was shaking against the cold and it began to rain lightly. "I…they-" he started, before he broke down, sobbing. Mrs Potter took him into her arms and hugged him tightly. She held him like a mother would; like he was her son. Sirius shook in her arms as she stoked his hair gently, "It's okay," she said softly, "Come inside, I'll make you a warm drink"
She led Sirius inside and motioned for him to sit on the sofa, "Sit down, I'll just go and get you some blankets too."
Mrs Potter came back a few minutes later her arms laden with blankets and a pillow, she set them down onto the floor and walked into the kitchen; she returned and handed me the mug of boiling cocoa.
"Hot chocolate" she said, "always helps me when I'm sad"
Sirius smiled lightly, "thanks"
"No problem" Mrs Potter smiled back, "Here, wrap yourself in these and get warm" she got up and handed Sirius the blankets, sitting back down beside him. He gratefully took them and pulled one of them around his shoulders.
They both sat in silence for a while until Mrs Potter spoke up. "What happened, Sirius?"
Sirius didn't want to answer. Not yet. He shook his head as he felt the tears begin to fall again and looked away. Mrs Potter put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently, "When you're ready" she said quietly. She sat and waited while Sirius struggled for words, just her presence was making him feel better.
"I..I", Sirius hesitated, "I had an agument…with my family…and-" Mrs Potter didn't pressure him to go on, she just put her arm around him and pulled him close, as he had started to cry and shake again. "..and…I..I ran away" he managed to choke out. "Can I stay here" he added in a quiet voice, closing his eyes.
"Oh, of course you can, Sirius. Take all the time you need"
She hugged him once more and Sirius felt the warmth of her affection run through him; he felt loved.
Sirius didn't stop until he heard someone come walking up behind him. He wiped the tears away quickly and covered his arm to his chest, the blood seeping through his shirt lightly. However, he still could not stop the tears from falling and he looked away distantly, so the person that was about to accompany him wouldn't see.
Remus walked over slowly and stopped behind him, quietly holding the umbrella over Sirius's head, covering him from the rain. Rain poured down over his own face, dripping off his hair and scarf, but he didn't care.
"I've already said!" Sirius shouted aggressively, his voice still shaking with tears, "I'm not telling you anything"
"I'm not asking you to," said Remus softy, sitting beside him, now keeping the umbrella above them both.
Sirius sat in silence staring over the lake, closing his eyes as the tears finally stopped. When he said nothing, Remus spoke.
"Why are you sitting out here in the rain without your cloak on, you'll catch a cold"
"Why do you care?" Sirius replied, a little too harshly "Besides; I like the rain, it helps me think"
Remus smiled slightly at the comment, "So do I" he said, "But getting wet just makes it worse doesn't it? Hence, why I have an umbrella"
Sirius looked around to face Remus and tried to smile at the comment, but didn't reply. Remus saw the tears in his eyes and as he desperately tried to hold them back again, obviously not wanting Remus to see him cry. Remus was actually surprised by this, as this was the first time he had seen Sirius even close to crying; Sirius had always been good at hiding his emotions under a happier, fun person.
Remus put a hand on his shoulder, "Everything will be okay" he said quietly, hoping for the best.
"No!" Sirius pushed Remus' hand away and stood up, "No. Everything won't be okay!" he shouted, shaking his head slightly as the rain still came pouring down. "You don't know anything! You don't know anything about them!" He sat back down again, this time his back to Remus, his breathing slightly heavier. He gripped his scratched arm and pressed it even closer to his chest, hiding the cuts away.
Remus wanted to go forward to him but hesitated, he had always associated the word 'them' with Sirius's family; he never spoke about it, only when he was complaining about them. Never anything nice though, words like, 'I hate them' or 'I never want to go back' Most of the time he spoke about them in a joking way, saying things and laughing, or being argumentative and shouting. Sirius' parents were always arguing, and he always got the blame for it, the bruises in his arms proved that.
"Oh..well.." Remus hesitated, "I'll…um…leave you to your own thoughts then-" he moved away to get up and stopped as Sirius grabbed his arm. His umbrella shook a little and the raindrops fell into his face, he ignored it and tried to walk away again.
"Remus…I'm sorry…" Sirius faltered, "Don't go. Stay…please?" He let go of Remus' arm and turned away. Remus stood there for a minute, watching Sirius; he was shaking from the cold and rain. Remus took his own cloak off, put it around Sirius' shoulders, and sat back down beside him, once more holding the umbrella above their heads.
Remus noticed that Sirius was still gripping his arm. "What happened to your arm?" he asked quietly, dreading the answer.
"Nothing" Sirius replied distantly, covering his arm closer to his chest, he could still feel the blood through his shirt and was surprised that Remus hadn't noticed it before.
Remus moved closer to Sirius and took hold of his arm gently. He cast his eyes over the scratches and deep cuts and started at Sirius with concern. Sirius's eyes were so full of hurt and pain, that his stare washed through him and he felt pity for his friend. But Sirius didn't want pity did he? Remus hated it when people pitied him, felt sympathy for him – just because of what he was.
"Siri, who did this?" he asked.
Sirius didn't answer and looked away, staring back over the lake.
"Did someone at home do this to you?"
Sirius shook his head.
Remus watched him for a while, and Sirius still didn't look at him, just kept staring at his point in the lake; as if hiding something.
"You did this?"
Still not looking at Remus, Sirius nodded very slightly.
"Oh my, Siri! Why?" Remus's voice was filled with sadness and he couldn't stop the escape of the soft hint of pity either.
"It helps," said Sirius.
"Helps with what?" Remus asked.
"It just helps," was all Sirius would say, "Helps with the pain"
"The pain?"
Sirius just nodded. He eventually turned to face Remus; then they came, the tears he had been hiding for long. They fell quickly down his face as he began to cry quietly. "I hate them"
Remus said nothing, only put his arms around his distressed friend once more and pulled him close into a tight hug. Sirius clutched Remus's shirt in his hands and buried his face to his chest, just letting the tears flow; Remus could feel them soaking his shirt as he rubbed Sirius's back in comforting circles, feeling him shake under his sobs. Remus continued to rub circles along his back and stroked his hair to calm him. Doing this, he still managed to keep the umbrella above them both. It took a while for Sirius to calm down and eventually his shaking body grew still.
"I ran away from home." Sirius said quietly.
Remus didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. What was there that he could say? He pulled Sirius closer and rested his head on his shoulder.
"I couldn't take it anymore. They don't care…No one-"
"Don't you dare say that!" Remus finally found the words. "I care. James cares. Peter cares. We will always be your friends. No matter what happens"
Sirius pulled away and turned his back on Remus again "Thank- thank you" he said quietly.
"No problem," Remus replied, putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder again, "Y'know you can tell me anything, I'll just listen…"
Sirius looked around, "Don't tell James or Peter will you…?"
Remus shook his head, "James knows though, doesn't he?
Sirius hesitated and then nodded, "I'm sorry I never told you before…I was just…I felt…alone, and- and scared."
"No need to be scared Siri," he said sympathetically, "We're here for you."
Sirius nodded again and smiled sadly. He stood up and Remus's cloak fell from his shoulders, he turned to pick it up and handed it back to its owner, but Remus only pushed it back.
"You'll catch a cold"
"But, so will you, you can have – "
"No, I'm fine" Remus picked up Sirius' muddy cloak, still dripping with water, from the thick wet grass and draped it over his arm. Taking his own cloak from Sirius' hands, he put it over his shoulders again. He then held the umbrella above them, "C'mon, well be late for Herbology"
They walked in silence together under the umbrella, keeping dry, but still both wet through; arriving to Herbology just in time to take their seats by the radiator and dry off slowly.