Dublin, Ireland

"Twins," breathed Artemis. His mind could not fathom being gone for one mere day, only to return and learn that his mother and father were now the proud parents of three children. "How did that happen…?"

Butler wearily eyed his charge, patting him on the shoulder. "I believe you already know how that happened, Artemis. The important thing is for you to get some rest. We'll be landing within an hour."

Artemis checked his watch. "Forty-seven minutes," he murmured. Butler's lips twitched upward in a smile. He was happy to see that Artemis had not changed much in three years. Of course, to Artemis, it had been only been a day. That did not change the fact that Artemis would need to come up with a new story, and explain why one of his deep blue eyes suddenly became hazel.

"Butler, you know very well I cannot come up with a plan in my sleep. The brain ceases its learning functions all together when a person sleeps." Nevertheless, Artemis closed his eyes and leaned against the headrest. "What am I supposed to tell them?"

"Well," Butler began, "you could always tell them the truth. Or perhaps Holly could mesmerize them."

Artemis looked sternly at his bodyguard. "I can't do that. Foaly specifically stated that I could not tell them anything." He rubbed his temples, thinking hard. "All right. I have a plan."

"Always glad to hear those words, Artemis."

"I don't think you'll like them this time, old friend." Artemis glanced out the window, studying the clouds for a moment. "You are to tell my parents that you were overcome with grief, and that you were not yourself."

Butler slowly nodded, urging Artemis to continue. He did.

"I have no doubts that my parents will realize that I have not aged a day, but we will have to do our best to remedy that. I'll also need to get a new suit when we land. As for my mysterious disappearance, I fell."

"You fell?" repeated Butler.

Artemis nodded. "Yes. I fell into the ocean, and I drifted. There are plenty of uncharted islands out there, it's believable enough. We were taking a short cruise, and I demanded that I be left alone, as you know very well I often do." Pausing for a bit, he absently noted that it would rain soon, judging from the clouds.

Butler watched him silently, studying his charge.

"Honestly," continued Artemis, "there is not another believable excuse, other than revealing the whole bit about the time spell unraveling. And who in their right mind would believe that?" A saddened smile tugged on his lips.

"I suppose you're right, as usual."

"For the first time in my life, I wish that I wasn't"

The next forty-five minutes on the jet were silent. To Butler, it almost felt like old times. He and Artemis were simply returning from saving the world once again. Nothing too unbelievable. This time, his parents were at home, waiting. They knew that Artemis had been gone, and much longer than they had ever expected. Angeline and Artemis Senior watched the news for any information regarding 'a pale, raven haired boy.' Constantly reading newspapers, checking websites, anything they could think of...

Butler watched as Artemis, being the determined person he was, struggled to keep his eyes open until they landed. The boy was still trying to think of plans, still perfecting them and making them flawless. Pale fingers gripped the armrest to provide focus, occasionally moving to fix a fallen stray hair. "Conversation stimulates the mind, Artemis." Of course, he was sure Artemis already knew that, but the teenager really could be stubborn sometimes.

"I know," was the imminent reply. "I'm thinking and distraction lowers my focus."

To the bodyguard, it looked like Artemis was falling asleep in his chair. But it was best to let him be right. He didn't need any other confrontations at the moment. Still, Butler did not want him thinking of the past, or longing for the three years of his life he'd missed. It would only depress him further. So Butler pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number.

Artemis' eyes darted almost instantly to the phone. "Who are you calling?"

Butler looked at him plainly. "You're asking a lot of questions lately." Artemis remained silent and returned to his thoughts.

"Hello, this is Butler. I have wonderful news, Minerva."

If possible, Artemis would have fallen to the floor at the mention of that particular name. Instead, he apprehensively looked at his bodyguard with searching eyes. They both knew that Artemis did not want to talk to her at the moment. Talking to Minerva would involve using words and phrases, and Artemis was currently unable to think of witty thoughts.

"What is it?" Minerva's voice sounded faraway to Artemis, but he could hear a specific emotion in it. He couldn't quite tell which emotion it was, but he guessed it was something good.

"Artemis. We've found him."

Minerva was silent for a few moments, which made Artemis worried. But then she whispered, "Can I talk to him?"

Butler passed the phone to Artemis, who clumsily fumbled with it. "Hello, Minerva," he said as smoothly as he could.

"Oh, Artemis, you sound exactly the same! I've missed you so much, too! Do you have any idea how horrible it is to finally meet someone of equal intelligence, and then have him vanish for nearly three years?"

Artemis shook his head, and blinking, remembered she couldn't see him. "I've…I've really…" He cleared his throat. "I've missed you too." Butler elbowed him, urging him to say more. Artemis glared. It wasn't his idea to begin with. "How have you been?"

"Quite lonely, actually. But remember those two degrees in college I was working for? I have them now. I think we're finally even. I really can't wait to see you, Artemis. You must look so handsome as an eighteen year old."

"About that…" Artemis sighed heavily. He hated knowing chronologically, he was eighteen. But he still had a fourteen-year-old's body. At least he was a tall fourteen-year-old.

"Better hurry the conversation up, we're landing," offered Butler.

"Oh. Sorry, Minerva. The jet is landing, and I have to go pick up another suit. The one I have on is tattered."

Minerva giggled. "A boy talking about fashion."

"…At any rate, I'll be meeting my parents afterwards. And the twins."

"All right. I expect to be hearing from you as soon as possible."

"Agreed. I'm looking forward to having a conversation with you. I'll call you when I'm free." Artemis, vaguely smiling and wondering why Minerva kept saying his name, handed the phone to Butler who closed and pocketed it.

"You're very eloquent, Artemis."

"More jokes already?" Artemis shook his head and rubbed his temples again. Everyone seemed to be picking on him because of his puberty. He was beginning to wish it would end already. If his life ever became normal again, or at least relatively normal, he could foresee the doting his mother would do. The pestering by both of his parents to find out if their 'Little Arty' had found a girlfriend yet...

The jet landed and Artemis, exhausted, stumbled down the steps. He would have fell if Butler had not grabbed his shoulders to steady him. "Thank you. I'll be fine once today is over."

"I'll take your word for it."

The next hour was rather dull, considering it was something Artemis hated doing. So while Butler searched for a suit that would fit the young Artemis, the boy genius sat on the bench outside the store. Butler had argued that even though he was old, he was still Artemis' bodyguard, and a proper bodyguard did not leave his charge outside of a store, unattended. Butler had persisted until Artemis threatened to board the next plane and find a way to get into Haven.

"Mother," recited Artemis, "that eye is brown because the doctor needed to remove the blue eye. An animal in the sea bit me and the doctor needed to replace it." Artemis mulled the theory over in his head for a few moments. His mother would never believe that. "Well, you know," he continued, "eyes do change color sometimes. Heterochromia, you know?"

Artemis was nearly ready to give up, something he would have hated himself for, when the idea suddenly came. "Of course. Colored contacts. The lack of sleep is really making my mind slow."

Now that he had solved most of his problems, Artemis allowed himself to relax, only slightly, and watch the other mall-visitors walk around. None of them knew about The People. None of them knew about Haven. And none of them new that a hero was sitting on a bench outside of a men's suits store, right in front of them.

"Honestly," said Artemis, testing his humor, "I deserve a medal for all my hard work. Perhaps a Nobel Peace Prize for keeping Demons hidden and stopping what could have been a war."

"Mommy!" a child cried out, "That crazy boy said he saw a demon! Mommy, are demons real?" The child was ushered away by a concerned woman who cast a stern look at Artemis before dragging the child into a toy store.

Artemis glared. "It's such a pleasure to know that such ignorant people still walk the earth." Well, at least his sarcasm was working. "It's as if I've gone crazy."

"There is a fine line between genius and insanity, or so I've heard." Butler stepped out of the store and held up black suit for Artemis to change into.

"We're practicing clichés too?" said Artemis testily.

"Clichés?" questioned Butler. "Did I miss something?"

Artemis waved his hand, dismissing the matter. "Never mind." He didn't like the fact that he had three years of mental development to catch up on. It irked him that for three years, he had worried Butler and his family, had probably been pronounced dead, and had gotten absolutely no work done. As Artemis stood and took the suit, he realized that he had remembered his Butler and family first, his work last. He really was changing.

"Well then, shall we leave after you change?"

"We have one more stop to make before returning home." Artemis smiled, satisfied with his plan. "I'll be needing color contacts. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. Must be the lack of sleep, old friend."

"It's probably the puberty coming back with more troops."

Author's Note: Well, this is my very first fanfiction in the Artemis Fowl fandom. I hope it isn't too disappointing. At any rate, it starts off relatively from where the fifth book ends. So, since this is my first, constructive criticism is appreciated! The next chapter will be about Artemis reuniting with his parents and meeting the cute little squishes that are his younger twin siblings.