FLICKER VS. COUNT GEOFFREY
AN: This takes place after the final episode. All the characters are originally from the show except for one, and you'll be able to tell.
Not sure if you remember, but in Season 2, Flame's hair is blonde, Geoffrey' s hair is dark, he has a dragon skull helmet, and he's more evil, Galahot and Hotbreath are gone (this time their fate will be mentioned). I intend to make it the kind of fanfic that would fit in with the series (as opposed to my usual crossovers). Mild violence and language not worse than Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6. Characters break the fourth wall, but that's been done a lot by Flicker in Episode 6.
This is a revised draft of the original story. I rediscovered details I missed and made some changes from the original. Aside from Episode 3 Griddle has nothing against Flicker, Geoffrey's more evil and (in contrary to another fanfic I read here) has threatened dragons' lives before, and Loungelot isn't quite as wimpy as Hercule from Dragonball Z. I'd put this up as a separate entry if the guidelines did not forbid multiple entries of the same material.
Flicker walked into his room carrying a large trunk. He had just returned from the locksmith and had the lock on the trunk fixed.
Flicker set his chest down in his room, picked up a key, and unlocked the trunk. He opened it and gasped.
Inside was a dead dragon, bound and gagged. His hair was red and he had a shirt with the letter J on it. It was one of Camelhot's residents who had gone missing two weeks before since King Allfire had returned safely from the Slay the Dragon tent.
"Sir Loungelot!" yelled Flicker into the next room.
Sir Loungelot was sleeping. He opened his eyes and said "Quiet, Flicker! Don't bother me while I'm trying to sleep!" He closed his eyes and fell asleep again.
Flicker didn't bother calling him again. Sir Loungelot was a lazy fraud. Instead he ran to Princess Flame's room and knocked on the door. Flame opened it.
"Hello Flicker," she said.
"Princess Flame!" said Flicker. "Remember Jeremy, that dragon that went missing two weeks ago?"
"Yes," said Flame.
"Well, I found him!" said Flicker. "He's been lying dead in my trunk for two weeks."
"What?" said Flame. "Who would do such a thing?"
"My first thought is Count Geoffrey," said Flicker, "but if he was in Castle Camelhot to lock Jeremy in the trunk and break the lock, why wouldn't he try to take it over?"
"I don't know," said Flame.
At the exact same moment, Cinder and Clinker walked up to King Allfire. "Hear ye hear ye!" said Cinder. "Message for King Allfire," said Clinker.
King Allfire took the note and read it. "'King Allfire! I have found the missing dragon, Jeremy! He is hanging onto the edge of a cliff for his life and I have not the strength to save him! The cliff is four miles west of Camelhot!' Knights, this sounds like a quest!"
Sir Blaze and Sir Burnevere rushed into the room. Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath had retired sometime before Flame's hair changed color.
"Knights of the square table!" said King Allfire. "Today we rescue Jeremy from falling off a cliff!"
"But Your Majesty!" said Sir Burnevere. "Why is he disinclined to fly up there?"
"His wings are probably broken," said King Allfire. And he and his knights rushed out the door just as Princess Flame rushed into the room.
"Daddy! Wait!" she said. "What's going on?"
"King Allfire is going to rescue Jeremy from falling off a cliff," said Queen Griddle.
"It's a trap!" said Princess Flame. She ran out of the room and ran down the hall until she saw Flicker. "Flicker! Daddy and his knights are going out to rescue Jeremy, because he's been told Jeremy's falling off a cliff! Someone's leading them into a trap!"
"We'd better stop them," said Flicker. And Flicker and Flame rushed out the castle door in search of King Allfire and the knights.
No sooner had they gone, than three shadowy figures snuck into the castle.
About fifteen minutes later, Queen Griddle walked into a room in the castle to notice a big chocolate cake in the middle of the room. She looked around quickly to make sure no one was looking, and then grabbed the cake.
Immediately a cage came down around her. Three familiar knights came out from behind the curtains.
"We've got you!" said Evil Knight 1.
"It's those wretched evil knights!" said Griddle angrily.
Evil Knight 2 left a note at King Allfire's throne room. Then, all three evil knights – with difficulty – picked up Griddle in her cage and carried her off to Castle Threadbare.
King Allfire, Sir Blaze, and Sir Burnevere entered the castle.
"I'm going straight to the Chancellor and having him make it a rule in Camelhot not to do false alarms," he said. King Allfire walked into his throne room, and saw the note. He read it.
"'Blah blah blah, missed a semicolon, blah blah blah, improper tense in the second verse, blah blah blah, cute twist in the wrap up though, blah blah. PS: We have kidnapped Queen Griddle. If you want us to release her, come to Castle Threadbare. Signed, Count Geoffrey Dubueon Opressor Par Excellence of the Poor and Weak.' Knights! To Castle Threadbare!"
King Allfire, Sir Blaze, and Sir Burnevere rushed off to Castle Threadbare. Flicker and Flame saw them in the distance, and knew which direction they were going, having been to the castle several times.
"So it was Count Geoffrey!" said Flicker. "He arranged the whole thing from killing Jeremy to making King Allfire walk into a trap!"
Sir Loungelot was still sleeping. Princess Flame walked up to him.
"WAKE UP, you idiot!" she said.
Sir Loungelot woke with a start. "Princess Flame!" he said.
"We need your help to save Daddy and his knights from Count Geoffrey!" said Flame.
"Why?" said Sir Loungelot. He was too lazy to do a quest that neither involved damsels in distress nor forced by Allfire, Griddle, or…
"Because if you don't, I'll tell everyone that you didn't slay Yugmort the Many-Fanged!" Only Flicker, Flame, Loungelot, and Merle the Wizard knew that Flicker had defeated the monster that Merle had tried to set on Queen Griddle a second time, as Sir Loungelot had taken the credit for it, adding it to a vast list of stuff Flicker did that he took the credit for.
"All right," he said. "I'll come, but make sure that only Flicker stands a chance of injury!"
As Flicker, Flame, and Loungelot made their way to Castle Threadbare, King Allfire, Sir Blaze, and Sir Burnevere marched into Count Geoffrey's throne room. It was empty, but Queen Griddle was in a cage. King Allfire and the knights rushed toward her, but the minute they ran onto a large metal spot in the middle of the room, a cage fell on top of them.
"What the hell?" said King Allfire.
Behind them, on either side of the doors, were Count Geoffrey and his evil knights.
"You fell right into our trap," said Count Geoffrey. "We kidnapped Jeremy and locked him in Flicker's trunk, the place no one would suspect. Once Flicker returned from the locksmith, we sent you the false alarm about Jeremy falling off a cliff. While you were gone, and while Flicker and Flame were out looking for you to tell you what really happened, we kidnapped Queen Griddle so you'd walk in here! Then, all we had to do was make sure you fell into our trap!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sir Blaze in his highest voice.
"Sir Loungelot will stop you!" said Queen Griddle.
"What's your plan?" said King Allfire. "Hold me for the ransom of Castle Camelhot?"
"No," said Count Geoffrey. "I have decided the best way to dispose of you all and then take over the castle."
"He's going to KILL us?" said Sir Blaze.
"This time I'll finally succeed!" said Geoffrey. "Evil Spy! Run and spy on Princess Flame so I know what she's doing!"
The evil spy ran, but as he was crossing the drawbridge, Flicker, Flame, and Loungelot ran by, bumping into the evil spy yet taking no notice of him. The evil spy fell into the moat. The crocodiles closed in on him, and in moments he had suffered the same fate as his predecessor.
The evil knights dragged the two cages containing Griddle, King Allfire, and the knights into a bigger room, with a large magic circle drawn on the floor. Merle the Wizard stood outside of it.
"Well well well," she said. "I've got the magic circle drawn, and I'll be casting the spell. I'll warn you one last time, this is magic at its darkest, and you might not be able to control…"
"Just say the words," said Geoffrey.
Merle raised her arms and said an incantation. The floor inside the magic circle collapsed, revealing a large, spinning, black, dark grey, dark purple, and dark blue vortex in what appeared to be an infinitely vast chamber below the circle.
"This is a vortex of doom and despair!" he said. "I have chosen this method of killing you because, after 26 episodes I haven't taken over Castle Camelhot, and my role seemed to diminish a lot even more than Princess Flame. I didn't even appear in some of the Season 2 episodes, and that was when I became even more evil. So, I chose the biggest possible way I could finally end this and take over Castle Camelhot! GAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Evil Knight 3! Lower them into the pit, slowly!"
"Uhhh, OK!" said Evil Knight 3 as he began slowly cranking a wheel so that the cages lowered about one millimeter per second.
"A bit faster than that," said Geoffrey, and Evil Knight 3 began lowering the cages slower.
"STOP!" came a voice. Flicker, Flame, and Loungelot entered the room. Loungelot looked down at the vortex in fear.
"Sir Loungelot!" said Griddle. "Save me! Throw those vile scumbags into the void!"
"Um…" said Sir Loungelot. While he didn't always back away from a fight, he didn't like the idea of being outnumbered against four enemies who could throw him into a vortex of doom.
"This shouldn't be the slightest problem for the individual who did away with Yugmort the Many-Fanged," said Sir Burnevere.
Loungelot collapsed to the ground holding his knee. "It hurts!" he moaned. "A knee injury from fighting Yugmort! My knee popped right out of place!"
Count Geoffrey knew that Loungelot was faking. "Doctor!" he said. "I'm not one to take advantage of an injured opponent. Tend to his knee."
Loungelot jumped back up. "My knee popped back into place," he said. "But I'm hungry."
"FOR SHAME!" said Griddle. "You can eat AFTER you've beaten him!"
Sir Loungelot drew his sword. He and Geoffrey fought in a 1 on on swordfight. Everyone watched the battle. Geoffrey slowly forced Loungelot toward the void. Flicker rushed into the battle to help Loungelot. He punched Geoffrey in the face.
"Flicker!" said Loungelot. "Don't distract me! I was just about to defeat… AGH!"
Queen Griddle screamed in terror and fury as Geoffrey thrust his sword in! The blade pierced Loungelot's heart. He stumbled around in pain, and then collapsed to the ground and lay still.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Flicker. He ran at Count Geoffrey and started to duel him. Flame ran in to help him, but Evil Knight 3 held her back. At the moment, she forgot that she was strong enough to break free of him easily.
"And the squire runs into the fire!" said Count Geoffrey as he slowly forced Flicker toward the void. "Or should I say dark vortex of doom and despair!"
With a rage such as he had never felt, Flicker fought harder against Geoffrey, and then his sword came down and severed Count Geoffrey's hand. Geoffrey howled in pain before Flicker threw him over his shoulder. He smashed into one of the pillars in the room and fell with a cry of defeat into the vortex.
Evil Knight 3 didn't think twice. He released Princess Flame and leapt toward Flicker, but could not jump far enough to clear the dark hole, and fell.
Evil Knights 1 and 2 ran toward the gear to lower the cages into the void. Flame walked up to Evil Knight 1 and punched him in the gut as hard as she could. With a high-pitched shriek, the overweight knight went flying backward and smashed into Evil Knight 2, and both fell into the vortex.
"Flame!" said Flicker. "We have to lower the cages, and make it so they don't fall into the…"
Merle appeared. She raised her arms, and the vortex disappeared.
"Without Count Geoffrey to ask me to help take over Camelhot, I'll never have to deal with you idiots again," she said. "Get out. I never want to see you again."
Flicker and Flame lowered the cages. Flicker grabbed a set of keys from the throne room and unlocked the two cages. The minute Griddle was out, she opened her mouth in rage and blasted Merle with her fiery breath. Griddle rushed at Merle, and everyone watched in horror at the carnage that unfolded before them.
"What was that for?" said King Allfire. "She was going to leave us alone!"
"That was for Sir Loungelot!" said Griddle. "She was the only one left of Geoffrey's gang! Plus, she hypnotized me that one time."
"Well, it appears Flicker has saved us," said Allfire. "Sir Loungelot taught him well."
"If I may," said Flame, "Sir Loungelaot has been taking credit for everything Flicker did."
"I dub you Sir Flicker of the Square Table," said King Allfire. "You have defeated our greatest enemy and saved us all from doom and despair."
Two weeks later, Flicker and Princess Flame were married. As they walked by a path, the wandering minstrel, only able to have cameo appearances since he had been fired, walked by, playing his guitar.
"In a departure from the dark endings of Monty Python,
Count Geoffrey and his evil knights are gone.
Now the ending is light,
Flicker's finally a knight,
And he's married to Princess Flame."
An arrow narrowly missed the Wandering Minstrel. Blaze was shooting arrows randomly again.
THE END
Btw, there were four not-so-subtle references in this story… see if you can tell what they are, or atleast some of them. If you figure them out, post them in a review. And no, I'm not talking about the references to Blazing Dragons episodes.
Other changes I made included the Wandering Minstrel (I checked Wikipedia and it said he got fired), adding the fate of Galahot and Hotbreath, and I initially took Yugmort's name for "Yoldemort". And I corrected the spelling on Loungelot's name, in the original draft I spelled it "Loungealot" after the game.