Title: The Unwritten Sigh
Author: Kyatsuki Ora
Notes: I'm feeling depressed and am suffering a mild case of writers' block. And I have no clue as to how to solve one of the plaguing problems of life. So, I write. Italics are Tsuki's thoughts.
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The Unwritten Sigh
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This is ridiculous.
Tsuki glanced outside in the early morning, rubbing the sleeps from the eyes. The air in her room is unusually cold; the pattering of rain gave the world outside an eerie glow. Damn. Cold and wet. Not that I have a choice whether I want to go outside or not. School, what was once something she looked forward to sometimes, now seemed like a nightmare. When she envisions the walk from her warm house to the bus stop on the road, a uncontrollable shiver climbed her spine. Ah well, it's only one day. One really, really miserable day, for sure.
oooO.O.Oooo
What. The. Hell. The mistral whipped at her like a twig that will snap in any moment. Howling like an abandoned ghost in a graveyard, it mocked her futile attempt to keep dry with every droplet of water it blew in her face. Just you wait. When I get my own car, you won't be laughing then. The clattering of her teeth brought her back to the reality of her aching head. An unbidden image of her coach in her shorts and short-sleeved shirt jumped in her mind. And I bet a million dollars, if I had a million dollars, that it's exactly what she's wearing today. Of course, we have to suffer along by dressing out and running around the gym. Oh good God, why do you have to torment us today?!
It seemed an eternity when the bus finally arrived, allowing Tsuki to shelter herself from the wind. None of the books got wet though, causing her to sigh in relief. The speakers were blaring some kind of music that she despise, as usual, so she went inside and found her quiet place. It is a place she has frequented more and more often, as of late. Somehow, the exercise of taking her actions apart seemed a very enjoyable experience. It didn't help that there is a problem that she couldn't solve, no matter which way she circled it. For the past few days, it was easy to pretend the little thorn at her side never existed. But the underlying current of unease flowed under her calm, washing and clashing against her little island of chosen ignorance. Sooner or later, she'll have to swim in the muddy water and try to ebb its flow, although this time there is not even a single idea as to how.
oooO.O.Oooo
As Tsuki walked into the commons area, she mentally groaned. Of course they all huddled under the ledge and suffered in the cold instead of going inside a building. Even if they are addicted to the cold weather, no one would be so stupid as to freeze outside!... Well, maybe some. Spotting her friend's long raven tresses, Tsuki heaved a sigh before strolling there. The person was wearing two layers of dark clothing, black pants, and black converses. Slightly shorter than her, Tori was one of Tsuki's best friends among the six she has. Both has a fondness for writing and often traded plotlines and characters. "Trying to freeze yourself, are you?" Placing her bag down, Tsuki commented on the state of lack of jacket for Tori.
"Not intentionally, at least." Shrugging, Tori sat beside her friend and quickly launched into the topic of anime. This is what both of them crave for in their spare time, devoting hours to making and recording their pet project. It's nothing as good as the big league stars right now, but the rave reviews from Internet surfers gave them the confidence to keep going. Speaking of which… Tsuki glanced around the nearly empty grounds, trying to see if she could find a being with short brown hair. Pretty soon, she spotted the tall individual among a cluster of people and rose out of her seat.
"Be right back!" She shouted over the wind and ran toward the lanky, tanned-skin individual. Ryu, her other best friend in this part of the world, was the co-founder of their anime project and partner-in-pranks. They love music, from classical to pop and rock. People always found them together playing or singing a song they made up. "Ding! Soundtrack download complete!" Tsuki smiled at the shocked expression and the jumpiness of Ryu.
"You got it?" Ryu breathed, taking the CD that Tsuki's twirling on her second finger. "Awesome!" She laughed and grabbed the slightly shorter figure in a hug. "I've been waiting for the moment when I can listen this." Sliding the CD into the mini-player she always carried, the music began playing, causing a huge grin to appear on her face.
Snapping her finger at the sudden remembrance, Tsuki pulled out her iPod. 'Wait 'til you hear the new Nittle Grasper song. It's exceptional."
"Would you stop being a walking advertisement for that band? They're popular enough as it is." Ryu grinned and was glad for the chance to needle her friend on one of her weaknesses. The legendary band that shook the world with their three (??) year fame, Nittle Grasper just regrouped and was about to launch their nation-wide tour. The lead singer, the eccentric Ryuichi Sakuma, was Tsuki's best friend and co-lyricist. As a result, she always made them listen to their songs.
"So? We earned it, and well you know it." Tsuki retorted, covering her ears when the bell rang, "They seriously need to lower the volume." Slowly removing her hands, Tsuki winced and saw Ryu do the same. Both had hearing abilities that could detect the humming of an electric wire, and the school bells sounds like a giant clapping its hands. "I'll see you guys at lunch." Waving a temporary good-bye, she raced back to where her bag was.
"Thanks for waiting," Tsuki panted, taking her bag from Tori's outstretched arm. They started walking toward their classes.
"Just remember to run faster next time," Tori smirked, and got a light punch in the shoulder as a reply. Walking in silence for a while, she suddenly asked, "Ah…Tsuki. Can I ask you something?"
Raising her eyebrow slightly, Tsuki nodded. Since when did Tori say 'ah…'? That's not even a word! Facing forward again, Tori voiced her question. "Do you think Ryu's mad at me?"
Tsuki stared at the light brown eyes, questioning. "I've been thinking about the same thing, but it couldn't be. We talk about the project often enough, and your name pops up with the usual frequency. But, I had to ask, are you mad at her? You two have been tearing each other's throats since three weeks ago." She paused and watched Tori's eyes widen.
Hmm. She's not mad at Ryu and she doesn't realize that they were arguing. How interesting.
Raising her hand, Tsuki stopped the burst of words that's bond to sail through. "No, I don't want to hear it." Tori was so surprised she stopped in her track. Smiling slightly, Tsuki continued, "I know. I usually am eager to solve any problems you have with your life. But it only deals with your life though. Well, I couldn't really say that about the whole 'Aizen Scenarios'" Tsuki winced at the memories. "That was more for my sanity and the well-being of others, but this is between you and Ryu."
Tori took the space for Tsuki to breathe to say "Well…"
Tsuki sighed, "I know, all the more reason to help, right? Wrong, in three instances. One: I have seen this for three weeks and I chose to sit out. Why? Because I realized that I don't always have all the answers. I don't know what is wrong this time. Believe me. I have thought about this for days. There are too many factors for me to factor and not enough time to learn them all. Two: I will not always be here to keep the peace, and it's time for you to get some practice. I can't live your life for you."
Tori walked slowly, thinking. What she said made sense. And she couldn't help but to grin when she heard the 'no answer' part. "And what is the third reason?"
"Hmm?" Tsuki jumped out of her thoughts, making Tori chuckle. "And you calls me absent-minded." She teased and repeated her question again. This time, Tsuki stopped and stared into the cloud-laden sky.
'I…I made a mistake." Tsuki said softly, so soft that Tori almost couldn't hear it. Before Tori could even think to ask her to clarify, she called "I'll see you later" and ran to her classroom.
oooO.O.Oooo
"Yo." Ryu sneaked behind Tsuki and made her jump into the air.
"It's about time you got here. My fingers are frozen." Tsuki growled, starting to walk toward the cafeteria doors. They dropped their bags in the seat and went to get food. "Did you get to listen to the rest of the CD?"
"Yup, I like the third track the best, and would you stop trying to fix the lettering on 6:32? It's fine, so stop fiddling with it." Sighing, Ryu pointed out the combo she wanted and waited.
"But it's still doesn't look right! The shadows are a bit odd, and I still don't like -"
Raising her hand in defeat, she said, amused. "One more day, then. After that, you need to stop worrying about it."
"I'll figure it out by then." Smiling confidently, Tsuki paid for her food and walked back. Talk turned to teachers, assignments, and the idiocy of those work. Tsuki was doodling as Ryu talked, not paying a lot of attention to what she's saying. When Ryu suddenly stopped, she said without raising her head, "I'm listening."
"How good are you at solving problems?"
Whoa. How did she get so tense all of a sudden? And questions from her too? Coincidence? "Metaphorically or literally?"
"Exactly." Ryu chuckled; the atmosphere was gone as quickly as it appeared. "But, seriously, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Is Tori mad at me?"
"Pffff." Tsuki tried to contain the laughter, but the questioning glance from Ryu killed the control over it. It spilled out, lasting for a minute or so. "Hahahahaha… Tell me, dear acquaintance of mine, is this some conspiracy designed to be a conundrum for me?"
"Not funny," Taking a long sip, Ryu glared. "And no, I have no idea that there's a conspiracy involving you."
"Haha. Not funny." Taking a long breath, Tsuki then continued. "I'll let you in on a little secret. Tori asked me the same question regarding you." Ignoring her questions, Tsuki plowed on. "And the answer is: I don't know. She might, she mightn't. And I am going to tell you this as well: I'm not helping you finding that out either."
"I intend to find out myself, thank you very much." Ryu huffed, looked hurt.
"Of course you will. You hate to have anyone to help you at anything." Looking smug, Tsuki said, "Well, I know she's not mad at you, but why you are avoiding each other like plagues is a mystery to me, one that I don't feel like solving. Besides, I'm sure if you talk to each other, you'll be able to find out everything."
Swallowing, Ryu asked, "I understand why you won't help me. We're both like that. But why won't you help Tori?"
Tsuki pretended to chew her salad for a long time. "Well, that's for me to know and you to find out."
oooO.O.Oooo
The cursed rain began pouring once again when Tsuki started her trek toward home after a meeting. With any luck, I'll get home with only my shoes and my socks wet. She can't help but to snort at the thought. Yeah right, luck is never on my side. Treading slowly in the grassy area so she won't slip, her thoughts turned to the week's events. Odd, how they asked her at the same time. Maybe it's the rain. Who knows but them?
She was sure they had a conversation with each other. Well, maybe 95 sure. They're trying to talk to each other, and that's a huge improvement already. But it still feels like Tsuki always had to walk on barbed wires five thousand feet above ground: painful, intense, and horrifying. Hopefully, tomorrow they will have a good answer for each other and for her as well. Involuntary, she sighed. Maybe I can solve my problem in time too…
Walking slightly faster now, Tsuki was trying to break through the mire encircling her mind. It's like something is blocking her from reaching where she needs to be, the state of mind where she can write and think up the plotline and lyrics. It's like there's a mental block on her creativity or something. She still can write, but it's just not becoming the way she wants it. Shrugging to herself, a cloud of frozen crystal fanned in front of her, I'll think of something. Eventually.
Usually when she has no inspiration whatsoever, replaying her favorite songs mentally usually helps. Walking much slower now, she started singing the songs, causing several odd glances in her way. Oh well, I'm already considered a lunatic anyway. Singing them without pausing, she went through one song to another. Slowly, the quagmire cleared and the imagination is slowly flowing again, if a bit sluggishly. Quickly pulling out her little waterproof notebook, she started scribbling anything that came into her mind. The umbrella slipped out of the crook of her arm, but she didn't care. She's too immersed in her words to feel the rain that's slowly wetting her hair and clothes.
After twenty minutes of scribbling, a convincing plotline took place with a complete raw version of the lyrics. Muttering happily to herself, she snapped the pad close. Finally, something to work with. Smiling to herself, Tsuki carefully stowed the notebook away when she noticed that, while the sound of rain exists, there is no rain falling around her at all. And someone's holding her umbrella.
"Do you write in the rain all the time?" A wry voice questioned with a laughing lilt in the voice.
"Of course, underwater too. Don't you know, Tohma? Those are the most inspirational places on earth." Sarcasm dripped like the rain around her, she snatched her umbrella away from Tohma Seguchi, who had a slight condescending smile on his cherubic face. "Besides, what are you doing here? Sakano-san will kill me if he knew you disappeared from the company because of me."
"You seemed to forget something, Tsuki. What are we doing today?"
"Today? It's the seventeenth… oh." Tsuki smacked herself on the forehead. "The 'Turn of The Century' concert is today, but that doesn't involve me."
"Just come. I'll explain on the way there." Seguchi gestured toward the car and motioned for her to follow. Shaking her head, Tsuki went into the car. He's as mysterious as usual.
When the doors closed and the car was speeding along the road, Tsuki asked, "Well? Where's my explanation?"
"Single-minded, huh? Well, I can't speak above this volume, and there's absolutely no way that the concert schedule can be changed. So, I need another backup singer for Nittle Grasper."
"And that's where I come in, since you know that I've been imitating Ryuichi's and your voice for a long time." Tsuki nodded, drying her hair with a handkerchief. It made sense to her. She had helped the band record some of their songs when either Tohma or Noriko can't in the past, so it shouldn't be a big problem. In theory.
During the space of silence, Seguchi added, "And Sakuma-san asked for this as well."
"What?" Tsuki's neck cricked with the sudden force she used to turn her head. "Ryuichi asked you to let me sing in your place!? Why would he do that?"
"Do you even remember what concert starts with today?"
Why in the world is this the day that people have to remind me that I forgot something? She thought scathingly while combing her mind for the information. When she realized that she had read the program yet, she wanted to jump off the car. I wonder which one is worse, dying or being mercilessly teased by Tohma. Deciding that she wanted to hear how things between her friends turn out, Tsuki grudgingly said, "I haven't read the new schedule yet. So please tell me before I'm tempted to strangle you."
"Being deceptively calm, are we?" Tohma laughed, "Hmm. Tell me, Tsuki-chan, what is your most favorite song in the world?"
"Do you even need to ask that? It's -" The retort died in her throat. What came out afterwards was in a hoarse whisper. "We're singing 'Shining Collection' today?"
He nodded.
"But I just finish writing the lyrics a week ago!" She shouted, making Seguchi cringe. "And I need to make some adjustment to it too."
"Do it now, then." Tohma replied, calm despite the feeling of absolute fury behind him. "Noriko-chan and Sakuma-san liked it the way it is, but if you want to, just give them a call now."
Sulking, Tsuki sat back, shivering slightly from the wet clothes. "One: you need to stop backing me into a corner. Two: there better be a set of dry clothes when I get there. Three: do you have a cell phone? I need to make a call."
oooO.O.Oooo
Kimi wa kimi dake shika inai yo…
Miageta yozora no hoshitachi no hikari…
Tori and Ryu looked at each other, surprised. They're currently seated at the 'Turn of the Century' concert. The show hasn't even started yet, but the place is packed like sardines in a can. So far, no sign of Tsuki and a stranger is calling them. What else is going to happen today? Tori answered her phone first. "Hello?"
"Tell Ryu to answer too."
"It's Tsuki." Tori shouted over the din, causing Ryu to snap her cell open. "You're the one who made us go, and now you're not showing up?"
"No, I'm still coming. Just keep your eyes on the stage. After Bad Luck finishes singing, you'll find a surprise afterwards."
"What is it?"
"You'll see." And the line went dead.
oooO.O.Oooo
Predilection – noun, an established preference to something. Well, that sums up my feelings just about everything that has to do with Nittle Grasper. Tsuki sighed with increasing frequency as they get closer and closer to the concert hall. But that does not mean I am prepared to get on the stage and sing! I never sang before except in front of Tohma, Noriko, and Ryuichi. And that was because they needed someone to do it. And being in front of a crowd makes me jittery. And…! Tsuki shook her head, trying to stop psyching herself out. A little bit too late, don't you think? "Um, Tohma? I don't think -"
"We're here." Seguchi said tersely, slamming the door shut. Now that it's almost time to go, he's getting a little agitated as well. They quickly walked to the backstage and ducked into the area marked 'Band Members'. "Noriko-chan, please go and find a spare set of clothes for Tsuki-chan." With that he left to check on the equipment.
"Good thing I packed extra too. Now let me see…" Grinning, Noriko started digging through her bag when she heard Tsuki whispered: "Noriko? I can't do this."
"Yes, you can. You've been singing all of our songs since you first thought up the lyrics with Ryuichi!"
"No, I can't!!"
Noriko turned around to find Tsuki in a panicking state. Her voice has gotten a little teary and chocked.
"I'm going to mess up and make a fool out of Nittle Grasper in front of so many -"
Noriko shook Tsuki by the shoulders, snapping her out of the impending panic attack. "Look, you are as good as Tohma when it comes to singing. And you know it too. Besides, if Ryu or Tori was in your position, what would they do?"
Taking slow and deep breaths, Tsuki replied. "Don't you dare start manipulating me too, Noriko. Regardless, they would have sung, and so will I."
"That's much better. Here's the clothes and music. Have a party." With that parting shot, she quickly left the room before Tsuki could find something to throw at her.
Throwing up her hands in exasperation, Tsuki quickly changed into the dry clothes. The music helped too, calming and soothing her with the familiar beat.
"Are you done yet?"
Deciding that she had enough for one day, Tsuki flung the door open. "Yes, you have a problem with that?"
"Nope. Now that you're nice and sarcastic again, Tohma wants a briefing." Noriko led her to another room where the rest of Nittle Grasper has taken temporary refuge from the crowd.
"Excellent." That's the only thing Seguchi was able to say before the band's enthusiastic singer jumped out of the sofa.
"Yay! Tsuki's here too!" Sakuma ran and hugged his best friend. "Ready to sing?"
"He told you already? I was hoping that I get to." Tsuki couldn't help but to smile. Sakuma has that effect on most people.
"Do you still remember the guitar part?" Tohma asked.
"You mean the version you wrote on a whim?" Seeing the nod, Tsuki continued. "Yes, I do."
Without a word, Seguchi tossed her the guitar. Tsuki stared speechlessly at it. "Warm up. That's the part you're going to play."
oooO.O.Oooo
Tori likes Bad Luck's music. Well, she can tolerate it much better than Ryu is. Seeing her friend twitch for the umpteenth time, Tori gave her a comforting pat. It's not that the music is bad. It's just that the music is way too hyper and girlie. Just not fitting the image. If you close your eyes, then, over time, you can actually listen to it. Even though that's the case, you have to admit, as a newcomer, this Shuichi Shindou is on the right track.
Ryu, on the other hand, is suffering tremendously. She can't look at him and hear the music at the same time. It's driving her insane. If it wasn't for the surprise that was promised afterwards, she wouldn't even stayed here.
When they finally finished, the crowd went crazy. Some of them were trying to get on the stage and some even had tears on their faces. 'Touché, Shindou-san. You've got some new fans today.' Tori grinned, shaking her head. Ryu sighed audibly, making Tori smile wider. But things got edgy again when the power suddenly went out, leaving the entire room in darkness. As if the noise was connected to electricity, everyone became quiet as well, but not for long. Cell phone screens began to light up as everyone was wondering about the new event. Tori and Ryu found theirs and quickly turned them on.
"Maybe this is the surprise?" Ryu asked, squinting to see if she could make out any movements on the stage.
"Perhaps." It sounded like something Tsuki would do. Dramatic and unexpected.
Giving up, they both sat and waited for the eyes to adjust. And for the fun to begin,
oooO.O.Oooo
With her eyes closed, Tsuki strummed the strings aimlessly while listen to Bad Luck's performance. Shindou has definitely got better with song writing. Maybe they'll be an actual competitor with Nittle Grapser within a year or so. That would be so fun to watch. A dreamy smile appeared on her face as she listens to the roars of the audience. Maybe she'll get to –
And suddenly everything went quiet. Tsuki opened her eyes only to find darkness around her. Wow, Tohma even thought of how to make my appearance a surprise. A grim smile appeared. But he neglected to mention how she's going to get on stage! Growling, Tsuki stood up, careful to not trip the wires. A shaft of light beamed at her way, temporarily blinding her.
"Who -"
"Come on! It's singing time!" Ryu squealed, grabbed her hand, and led her onto the stage. "Tohma had them drawn the blinds temporarily so we can get on stage without anyone noticing."
"How thoughtful of him." That's all she said before starting to run. In a little while, they reached the microphones.
"Is everyone in place?" Tohma's voice floated from behind.
"Synthesizer's ready to go."
"Singer's here to rock."
Silence.
"Tsuki? Where are you?"
"Here, but refuse to sound cliché."
A sigh and a rustle of clothes. "Well, we're going live in three…"
oooO.O.Oooo
Hands shaking slightly, Tsuki quickly adjusted the microphone while squashing the doubts over her self. Closing her eyes, Tsuki moved her fingers to the beginning position. Let's go!
oooO.O.Oooo
"…two…"
oooO.O.Oooo
"Why is it taking so long?" Ryu voiced her question.
oooO.O.Oooo
"…one!"
The laser beams and lights accompanied by the music stung the crowd into silence, except only to come back with crazy shouting and cheering only a crowd of one hundred thousand could. Ryu quickly snapped out of the daze she was in and concentrated on the stage. Finally, all the beams pointed at the stage, illuminating its occupiers. She was so surprised by what she saw that she fell back into her seat.
Tori, who's still blinking the stars away, quickly asked, "What? What is it?"
Still taken aback, Ryu pointed at the stage. Shouting in surprise, Tori quickly stood up. "No way…" But her eyes told the truth, plain for all to see. Tsuki, with a guitar strapped on her shoulder, was standing to the right of Ryuichi, playing the notes so fast her fingers appeared blurred.
"She's way too tense!" Ryu shouted, also standing up. "Pretty soon she'll trip on a note, and we both know that she can't recover from that!"
oooO.O.Oooo
Almost dismissing it as fantasies, Tsuki thought she heard the voice of her two best friends over the noise. But, unbidden, she raised her head and scanned the crowd. It was as if she knew where to look. Tori and Ryu were among the crowd waving and cheering. Somehow, they knew that they had her attention, because they spoke three words that had an almost magical effect on Tsuki.
"GO FOR IT!!"
Biting back a secret smile, she nodded slightly, finally relaxing into her original state of mind. Seizing the mike, she and Ryuichi began to sing.
oooO.O.Oooo
It's as if the energy of the crowd won't let them go, helping them stand throughout the long song and shout themselves hoarse. They both knew Tsuki long enough to see that she relaxed and was performing like how she used to play. "You know: maybe this whole fight thing has helped us more that it has hurt us."
"Hmm, you're right, I suppose." Tori smiled, being swept up by the feeling of euphoria and the adrenaline in her veins. They stood there among the throng of people, reverently listening to the ending notes.
The unexpected surge of crowd carried the two unwillingly toward the stage with the force of a tidal wave. Noriko and Tohma were trying to calm the crowd without much success. Quickly, Ryuichi pulled them back so the crowd won't swamp to them. One of them, however, managed to escape through the security and ran at the band in top speed. Despite his heroic attempt, he was shot down by K and Shuichi, who flew off the backstage.
"Run! We'll cover you!" Shuichi yelled while joining the effort only to find the crowd has stopped attempting to cross the threshold.
Ryu was impressed by what Ryuichi did. "Wow. He's controlling the mass like a puppeteer."
Ryuichi took his finger off his lips and smiled. Quickly, he snapped back to his singer mode and stood among the band. "Welcome to the new century. We're Nittle Grasper."
oooO.O.Oooo
"Never. Never again am I doing this." Tsuki sank into the chair, gasping for air. The concert went well, the multitudes in the stadium are happy, so what else could she wish for? The release from this blasted feeling of nerves screwed so tight I can't even talk straight!
"Didn't you like singing?" Tohma took a sip from the water bottle Sakano's handing out.
Glaring at him, Tsuki replied. "Yes, preferably by myself without people shouting in my ears."
"You mean you don't like singing with me?" Ryuichi looked unhappy and his eyes a little watery.
Sensing danger, she quickly replied. "No, that's not true. I love singing with you, but I won't be able to withstand this crowd more than once."
"So, nothing good came out of this, huh?" Noriko sighed.
Smirking slightly, Tsuki stood up, noticing her friends at the edge of the backstage. "No, something did."
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I realized that I totally disregarded the OVAs and the manga by writing this, but who cares. Sorry for the grammar errors and reviews are always appreciated. I felt better!! YEAH! Maybe I can start my stories again…