Somebody That I Used To Know
AN: Still got writer's block, so here's another oneshot I did to pass some time. Based on Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know". I hope this one comes out as well as my other musical oneshots have. Feedback is definitely appreciated.
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that, though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
...
I stare across the room at her, and instantly, I'm brought back to two years ago. No, not the night she left me. Ironically, that's not the memory seeing her now conjurs. Instead, I'm taken back to about a month before then, when we were at our greatest. When we were working perfectly together. When we were happy, truly happy. I remember how seeing her long, dark brown hair used to make my stomach flutter. It used to make my heart skip a beat. It made my breath catch. And all that was just for her hair. Her eyes got to me even more. And the way her body made me feel... Oh, God, the way her body could make me feel.
Beca opened up to me in ways that no one else had ever gotten close to her before. I loved her, and she loved me, and nothing could come between us. At least, that's what I thought. Then, one day, I realized the truth. She didn't love me. She just wanted someone to love her. And I was okay with that, because I needed someone to love, and I thought there was no one better to love than Beca Mitchell. But eventually, that illusion faded as well, and even when we made love I'd feel so lonely I'd always end up crying after she fell asleep. But still, I stayed with her. Because Beca needed me to love her, and I still needed someone to love. It made sense. It worked. Until it didn't.
We realized that we were only hurting each other by pretending to be happy together, so we broke it off. We stopped pretending, fully intending to just go back to being friends, and relief hit us like a tidal wave. Both of us were glad we didn't have to pretend anymore.
The night we ended things... The night we decided to just be friends again... That was the last night I ever saw or heard from Beca. She never even came by to pick up her stuff. She just sent Jesse and Stacie to get it all. Any time we ran into each other after that, she just said "hi" in passing, then went about her business, as if we were just two kids going to school together who met in the halls one day.
"Who's that, Chlo?" I turn to my girlfriend, Aubrey, who noticed me staring at Beca. I don't answer at first, I just take in the sight of Beca.
Time hasn't been kind to her. She looks paler than she used to, maybe even a little shorter and thinner. Her eyes have sunken in a bit, or maybe she's just wearing more eyeliner than she used to, but her hair is definitely duller, and she's cut it short. She keeps her eyes on the ground, and though I'm still mad at her for breaking off all contact with me, my heart still breaks seeing her now.
And that's why, when I do finally answer, it's the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"She's... She's just someone I used to know."
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that, though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
...
My eyes meet hers from across the room, and I wonder how long she's been staring at me. I know I'm definitely not easy on the eyes anymore, especially if you knew me back before my life fell apart. When I accepted the invitation to Jesse and Stacie's engagement party, I knew there was a chance I'd see Chloe here, but even though I definitely didn't want to see her, even though I didn't want her to see me like this, Jesse and Stacie are still my best friends, so I needed to come support them. So, I threw on my best clothes and did my makeup as best as I could, and here I am. I still look terrible, still recovering from the drug addiction that did this to me, but I don't look anywhere near as bad as I normally do these days.
But now, seeing her staring at me, equal part horror at seeing how terrible I look and amusement at knowing that it's all because I'm nothing without her, I know that coming here was a big mistake. I would have been able to make it up to Stace and Jess some other time if I hadn't come, especially if they knew it was because Chloe would be there. Chloe. I used to think she was bad for me, because we were doing nothing but pretending to be happy together, but now I know it was her that kept me from becoming... this. It was only Chloe that kept me from falling into the depression that got me where I am now. I just didn't realize how happy I really was with her until I didn't have her anymore. I was miserable every time I ran into her after that, and it made me push her away even more, because I just couldn't handle hearing how happy she was once it was over.
I resented her for looking so happy after we were over, and it made me focus on all the fights we had when we were together, and how she always blamed our problems on me. Sure, they were always minor problems, stuff that shouldn't matter, but I had to hold onto that little bit of anger, or I'd have ended up running back to her.
We said we'd still be friends, but seeing how happy she was without me, I cried myself to sleep every night after that. She promised we'd let it all go, but I could see it all coming back up inside her every time we saw each other. But now, seeing her staring at me, why does something tell me that she regrets breaking things off with me as much as I regret it?
And the worst part is, I only have myself to blame for my current misery, if I'm honest with myself. I was the first one to call attention to the fact that we were only pretending. I was the one who decided we should stop pretending. I was the one who cut all ties with her because I thought it was too painful. If only I knew then how painful it would be without her in my life at all. I was the one who thought I didn't need her, but really, it was her who didn't need me. I was the one who gave her the cold shoulder when we met in passing, treating her like a stranger. I was the one who stooped to doing drugs to rid myself of my misery for a time. It's all on me.
Which is why, when Stacie asks me if I'm gonna go talk to Chloe, I say, "No. It's too late now."
"Why?"
"Because... She's just somebody that I used to know, now."