Story: Masking Insecurities
Summary: Some people - and nations- aren't always as confident, happy, brave, and fearless as they always let on. Some people are just masters at masking their own insecurities.
No real pairings, but may hint at things that can be TAKEN as UkUs/UsUk, SpaMano, GerIta, RoChu, PruHun, (Possibly PruCan, though not sure yet), AusHun, FranAda, AmeriPan, GiriPan, and FrUk , or I guess ANY pairing for that matter :/ NOT IN ROMANTIC WAYS! Just PLATONICALLY, except for mentions of CANON mutual, or one-sided feelings, such as HRExItaly/ItalyxHRE, or LIETbel (One-sided), or BELrus (ALSO ONE-SIDED). If I'm not mistaken, Hidekaz Himaruya actually confirmed that England does like America, who is completely oblivious to the fact, and Sweeden actually does like Finland (meaning both England AND Sweeden are technically gay), and also any of you who have read or watched 'Buon San Valentino' now know for a fact that Germany does love Italy, but as far as what I've seen and have gathered it's supposedly only really one-sided (I guess one can dream though, right?), however, for the sake of fans who don't believe any of this or dislike the thought of it, I'm going to keep all of this stuff down to friendshipical feelings. (Not that I hate any of these pairings mentioned, of course... *cough* oh, wait, did I say that? *cough cough* Sorry, ANYWAY...)
Also, just a note, but It REALLY - excuse my French, but - Point. Blank. Pisses. Me. Off, ONE, when people will insist on bashing (in many ways, though NOT all!) fairly light-hearted characters, such as France, sometimes Prussia, and even England in some cases (JA! SI! YES! HAI! I've personally seen it myself!), or others, but will set there and completely adore Russia, or China, more than likely portraying Russia as 'innocent' or 'misunderstood'. No, I'm not saying I 'hate' Russia, NOR China, but seriously, since every country personification in Hetalia are based off of TRUE HISTORY of the land, wealth, and such, have any of you even LOOKED at the state of China, and some of their citizens? In some cases, the government of China is basically CAUSING them starvation, and don't even get me started on all the things going on in Russia right now. Anyway, sorry, but in 'mui' opinion, the true personification of France is just being France... He is NOT a fucking rapist, thank you! Same goes for ALL the characters. Truth be told we're ALL humans. We ALL make mistakes. We ALL - at some point or another - face/suffer from/try to push away our 'inner demons', and are PRONE to eventually hurt someone, whether it be others, or ourselves, accidentally, or intentionally. We all face regrets, though some hurt more than others, even though though they can put up a perfect facade where no one in the world could tell a difference. Everyone has weaknesses, and most of the time, regrets as well.
The point I guess I'm trying to get across is the fact that 'Nationalism really irritates me, and is pretty much BULL.' Cultural diffusion has really changed many countries For many good reasons, and for a lot of not-so-good reasons as well. However, truthfully, no country would be nearly as great as they are right now if I WEREN'T for SOME kind of influence coming from somewhere across seas, or in some other country. ALL COUNTRIES, and EVERY GROUP, has done 'bad' things at some point or another, and all have 'down sides'. Everywhere you go, there are always ALWAYS be uncaring, judgmental, perverted, unclean, racist, obnoxious, hate-filled, psychopathic, sociopathic, and at the same time, bullied, mistreated, misunderstood, forgotten, abandoned, misjudged, hurt, out-casted, and depressed people, and so called 'freaks'. In every war, there's ALWAYS two - or more - sides to everything. All sides have good points that the other sides do not, and all sides have equal bad points. There is NO complete 'enemy' NOR 'hero' in ANYTHING.
Oh...I was kind of rambling. Hehe, gomenesai... I will TRY, though to make this as Historically accurate as possible, but don't expect a large amount of descriptive historical events, as this story is pretty much coming from a History-illiterate... XD
Warnings for entire story: Cutting, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideations (maybe actions?), some bad language, slight drug abuse (though most likely nothing severe) anorexia, bullying, and possible touchy history topics. but NO CHARACTER DEATH! But, anyway, before I go any farthur, I'm just going to warn you guys, if you can't handle much talk of depression and suicidal themes, then I don't suggest that you read this...
And also, despite the angst and stuff, try not to worry too, as there will be at least some humor.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.
Before any of you might ask anything about why I would write something like this, as - kind of - mentioned above, I'm just trying to get a the point across that EVERYONE has their own insecurities and bad 'habits'/'tendencies', meaning NOBODY is perfect. And with Hetalia characters being nations, my theory is that they feel not only their pain and suffering but all their citizens' as well. If any of you have suffered from depression or anything mentioned above, if you'd be willing to talk to me/, I'd really like to hear you story. Trust me, I've been through quite a lot, and I've done quite a few things that I'm rather ashamed of, and/or that I think people would judge me because of, so I have no right to judge you. Free free to PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting about this kind of stuff in a comment that God-knows-who could see. I'm wanting to raise awareness to this kind of stuff and all, and I thought that maybe by looking at different views and experiences on the matter, It could really help me add to this. If you can compare yourself to any of the characters of Hetalia, I'd really like you to tell me anything you're willing to/why and how you compare yourself to them, and how you've dealt with your problems up until now (and if you have). Or even if you have any close friends are going through, or ever gone through any of this stuff, tell me about that too, if you're willing. I won't use any names or anything, unless you want me to. Your secrets are safe with me, Promise! ;)
JSYK: I'm not sure how long this story will last, or if I'll ever manage to finish it, however, I need as much support as I can get. The characters I KNOW I'm going to be using quite a bit will be America, England, Romano, Italy, France, Prussia, probably China, MAYBE both Lithuania and Poland, and definitely some of Spain, and...a couple others. I may TRY to include Belarus, but most certainly not as much... I don't plan to really include many background characters, except for maybe brief mentions and dialogue here and there, so be prepared for slight exclusion of countries such as Sealand, Wy, Norway, Denmark, Scotland, Estonia, Whales, etc, and there won't be any genderbends OR 2Ps. There may be very BRIEF mentions of States (meaning OC's), but I pretty much doubt it, and if I did decide to include them, they wouldn't play much of a role, if any, for in this story, I'm really only wanting to use the nations. Sorry...
Also, because of some of the warnings, and touchy topics, some people MIGHT would CONSIDER this to be rated M, however, there won't be anything explicit, sexual, nor romantic mentioned, nor anything really graphic, which is why I'm keeping this as as a Teen Rating. I hope you guys will be able to handle this, and I don't want to offend anyone, because there's ALWAYS two sides to everything in good ways AND bad ways, at least in my opinion. and above all, I hope you will enjoy reading this.
Germany: *sighs* Anyway... without furthur delay, let's continue, ja?
North Italy: Okay~ *happily clings to Germany*
Russia: Da. *smiles innocently* ^J^
Japan: Hai. I agree.
America: Yeah! Let's get this show on the road, dudes! Right, Britian?! *Abruptly wraps arm around England.*
England: H-hey, get off me you bloody wanker! *tries to push him off, slightly flushing*
South Italy: Can't we just fucking begin?! I'm-a getting of tired of waiting!
Spain: ~Romano, I know how you feel, but try to calm down... *tries to hug Romano*
South Italy: Get off me, fucking bastardo! *pushes him off, irritably, but at the same time very light blushing*
China: ...Let's just begin... This is getting old, aru... *unamused*
Kumajiro: Who are you?
?: ...I'm Canada. *sighs*
Prussia: The awesome me has finally arrived! You guys should be grateful that I was willing to grace your performance with my super awesomeness! There's no way you guys could make it without my five me-OW! *gets hit in face by a certain frying pan.*
Hungary: Oh, I'm sorry, what were you about to say...? *glares down at the Albino, who's now trembling*
Prussia: O-oh, nothing of course! *rubs face in pain*
Hungary: Good. *smiles slightly darkly*
Austria: Quit your yapping! Can't we just all begin?!
America: Hey, guys, has anybody seen France ...?
ME: ...Uh...I don't have a lot of time... We really should begin... Germany, can you...?
Germany: Ja... EVERYONE! BE QUIET FOR ONCE!
...Silence...
Germany: *sighs* We can't be wasting any more time on this... Now let's begin, JA?!
Romano: Fucking THANK YOU, damn it!
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A wheat-blonde haired boy with blue eyes, wearing glasses who looked to be about nineteen, stood near the edge of the famous "White Cliffs of Dover", located in the United Kingdom. Believe it or not, however, despite how old he looked on the surface, truth was this 'young man' was actually the personification of America itself, or Alfred F. Jones to any humans he ever happened to interact with. Just as you would assume from knowing that, he was actually over three hundred years old. By being a 'nation personification', it meant he felt not only his pain and suffering, and happiness, but his people's as well.
He was actually supposed to be at a world conference right now, and didn't fully know what had really brought him here of all places. The other nations had planned for it to be located in England, but somehow or another, instead of going there, he'd found himself standing fatally close to the edge of this three hundred-fifty-something-foot-high cliff, taking a long, and slightly nauseating, gander down at the deep waters below.
Making an effort to swallow, he couldn't help but admit that it was actually kind of unnerving. According to what he'd heard, not one nation had ever 'died', per say, except for supposedly...was it the Holy Roman Empire? Where he'd even heard the name, he couldn't really remember. It'd been quite a while ago, but it was said that he was dissolved in 1806 and had...died, or maybe disappeared. Still though, what confused him was that Germany's older brother, Prussia, had also been supposedly dissolved, but if that was so, how was he still alive? And the once strongest empire in the world, Rome, had 'fell' after a large decline in wealth and other things, and had eventually disappeared, not to be seen since. But he couldn't help but wonder if it was somehow possible for a full fledged nation such as him to 'die'.
The state and health of a nation personification depended on the state of it's land, citizens, and economy, but at the same time, the state of the land and nation could sometimes depend on his condition. So, in some ways, his entire body, like his Gravity-defying cowlick which represented Nantucket Island located in Massachusetts, pretty much represented America. Lifting his arm to study his trembling hand, he couldn't seem to push away the question running through his mind. Could he die? And if so, what would happen to his land? It's existence? His people?
His country was going through a lot right now, one of the biggest problems being his debt with China. He knew it wasn't fully Yao's fault, considering he too was a nation personification feeling the anger and suffering of a lot of his own people and government, and the depression of his people as well, but it still hurt hearing all the things that other countries kept saying about him, no matter who it was. He'd always wanted to be able to be somewhat important to the other nations, or least, not be be looked upon as plain-stupid, ignorant, obnoxious, lazy, fat, freeloading and so much more... To make matters worse, not only the other nations felt that way, but even a lot of his own citizens were constantly getting upset, depressed, and angry over the inevitable decline in the economy, and wealth, and the laws that were slowly - but surely - made up, and constantly being pushed on the citizens to simply follow.
A large majority of American children, single parents, homeless people, orphans, supposedly 'disabled' or Autistic, or 'specially educated students', unemployed families, and victims of bullying were now, in someways more than ever, so unhappy to the point it almost, tore him down from the inside out. Many people were dying, and 'lying', just as he'd often done to both himself and others, to be able to keep a grip his 'America pride', and denying that he needs any help, for one, and two, at the same time, despite him being a nation, there seemed to be semi-human side to him as well, which couldn't help but admit that even more than caring about his national pride, down deep, he'd wanted to be able to make a truly positive influence to the world, but what is a 'truly positive' influence...? Even with his 'young age', he'd still lived long enough to learn the answer to a question such as that. After the Pearl Harbor incident, the Civil War, and...needless-to-say, the Revolutionary War, and so many others had pretty much taught it to him the hard way. There is none.
For the third...well, he supposed it could actually counted as the fourth time, after finding himself deep in truly dark and terrifying thoughts, that down deep he really didn't want to feel, but was unable to stop himself, and be 'optimistic' as he usually was. If in the past, he started to become sad, or rather...depressed, he had always managed to dismiss the thoughts by telling himself something along the lines of, "I can't allow this depression to get the best of me! A hero doesn't live for himself. Rather, to help those around him who are in need, regardless of who they are, or what they've done. I'm here to live to help the world!"
However, at this moment, optimism just wasn't on his side... nothing seemed to help him feel any better. For the only thing he could 'feel' was the crushing weight of the nation and responsibilities of which seemed to be slowly pulling him down, and he was alone...
A large amount of negative emotions had suddenly filled his mind, his body, and even his soul.
Not to mention the way his government was taking away what was once every man and woman's supposed rights. What was 'freedom' nowadays, anyway? Was it even there, anymore...? If so, how long would it be there, before most, if not all of it would be taken away...? Would it...?
"Man, seriously, why am I suddenly getting so depressed all of a sudden?" he shook his head abruptly, managing to regain at least half of his original posture, even though he was still a bit shaken up. "I really need to start thinking a little more positively sometimes. Haha, I guess England has began to rub off on me... Speaking of which, I wonder what time it is?"
Pulling out his cell phone, he flipped on the screen, for it to read '4:02 PM'. "Ah, crap! I'm over a fricken half-hour late! Man, England and Germany are really agitated with me right now! I can't believe I've actually been here that long!"
"Well, It's not like they aren't always agitated, and talk about you behind your back, which proves just how much you're actually worth as a nation TO your supposed 'allies'! Hell, even your own younger brother probably hates your guts. No one hardly ever notices him and people are always hurting him because of you!"
He couldn't help but wince, as he briefly considered the words with a hurt look of realization.
"He probably can't stand you, and your obnoxious attitude, but he's far too nice and soft spoken to say so. Or rather, he can't say it. You're always so loud, and constantly talking over people. As much as you may try to deny it, all you care about is your fucking self!
"Damn it, I can't be thinking about this, even if it is true!" he told himself, blinking away any tears that had just began to form. He was already late, and yes, they probably did hate him, but he knew it was definitely a far better choice to do whatever he could to prevent if them from disliking him even more...
So, once again, he tried his very best to push the dark, and very...tempting thoughts away, taking a final, and rather eerie, gander down at the waters below the cliff, before finally, he ran off in a hurry, quickly making his way to where the conference was suppose to take place.
~ End of Chapter
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A/N: What do you think so far? Just as you could assume, this story WILL get better.
Any suggestions? Corrections? Questions? Comments? Critiques? Requests for this story? Feel free to say, or ask, anything, OR PM me if you want. Just make sure the subject/title of course is "Masking Insecurities"
~ Merci